A/N; Been a while, sorry I've been caught up in Christmas fever and the end of the world carry on but hey the world didn't end so yeah you get to see how this story ends! Oh and I got 2 Broke Girls on DVD as an early Christmas present so in my free time that's what I've been doing oh and greys anatomy hired from the DVD store haha I need a life.
Disclaimer; I do own Austin and Ally mwhahaha no I don't
Chapter 12 – I'm A Mom, I Know Things
-{Austin}-
Shock floods my veins as Ally fly's up the stairs tears flowing from her eyes. My mouth forms a perfect O, Melody squeals in the car seat that my hand is tightly griped onto like its part of my arm. I call after her but my voice mixes with the previously smiling party guests worry evident in all their eyes.
"Honey, let me talk to her" My mom took the car seat from my hand and pulled the crying the baby from the secure seat, and calmed her down.
"I have too" I begged using puppy dog eyes, making my way to the stairs. The guests are gossiping quietly in the living room behind the door. I have to be the one for her. Why is she so upset? I thought she would be happy. I don't understand, I just have to be there.
"No. This is a mother moment... Trust me." My mom kissed the now quiet baby and carefully passed her into my arms stroking my face softly like when I was a child. Her brown chocolatly eyes full of wisdom and concern. I nodded reluctantly cradling Melody close. My mom passed me kissing me on the temple. I forced a smile on my face and walked to the living room to take on the concerned guests and show off my daughter.
-{Mimi Moon}-
"Ally honey?" I peered open the door to Austin and Ally's bedroom. Ally was lying on her stomach her head buried in her pillow letting in gasps of air between sobs. Ally pulled herself up her eyes were red and swollen mascara smudged, she looked like Alice Cooper. Her cheeks were damp, but she forced a smile.
"I'm fine. Really" Ally forced a grin showing of her shiny white teeth, wiping her eyes smudging her mascara across her cheeks. Her eyes showed so much pain. There's so much I don't know about this girl, there is a so much being hidden behind her masked face but it's starting to show in her eyes. It kills me I love Ally like she were my own, and there is nothing worse than seeing your child upset.
"No you're not." I sat cautiously next to her and wrapped my arm around her "I saw you crying. And you have big black stains down you're cheeks" I chucked lightly hugging her tight.
Ally broke down wrapping her arms around me and cried heavily into my shoulder. I stoked her hair as my heart ached from the emotion pouring out of Ally in each lung emptying sob. I rocked her gently wishing she really was my daughter. I bat back tears of the pain Mike and I went through all those years ago went our baby girl was buried replaced with a bouquet. I was broken until Austin came along pulling me into reality taking me out of that dark place filling my heart with love, putting me back together, then after years of trying I got my Jessie and I am complete. Yet still the what ifs haunt me. I don't know what I would have done if Ally and Austin went through what I did, I might have been dragged back out of the light with them.
I couldn't comprehend what Ally was saying her sobs were louder. "I miss her" "I can't do this" "I love them" I hear between gasps for air the tears free falling from her eyes peeling herself from me. I'm afraid she's heading to that dark place.
"Ally" I held her chin gently in my aging hand forcing her to look into my eyes. She looked so innocent like a little girl who lost her favourite doll. "Tell me what's wrong, you know you can tell me anything" I said with concern and sincerity.
Ally breathed slowly, I wiped her damp eyes as her tears dried. Ally brushed her hand through her long dark hair. "I'm just... overwhelmed" she sighed in defeat, the last of her emotion fell from her body.
"That's ok" I smiled at her "Every mother goes though this, mothers of premmies like you especially. Everyone tells the regular baby stories, you go though the hard part of birth and then you go home with a baby and live happily ever after. But that is fiction, a fairy tale. No one ever tells the truth. Being a mother is great, yes but its hard work, it's not happily ever after, it's hard and overwhelming." Ally nodded staring vacantly at the soft carpet finger tracing her necklace. "Ally?"
"I'm listening" Ally curled a small smile.
I gently stroked the hair from her face looking into her eyes "It's ok to be sad, you have so much built up estrogen and emotions, you had a traumatic birth, it's ok" I smiled at her reassuringly.
Ally wiped her eyes "I'm ok now" Ally smiled hugging me. Ally looked down at her shirt and tears poured from her eyes once again "Oh god, I hate breast feeding" She laughed through sobbing tears, a defeated smile plastered on her face.
"It's ok" I smiled "Well get you cleaned up, if you don't want to go to the party, that's ok too"
"No," Ally's eyes were dry again but still puffy and red "thank you for organising this, I was gutted to miss my shower, I want to go see the guests" Ally smiled and hugged me close. "And thank you for talking to me"
"That's ok sweetie, you know I love you" I smiled "I love Austin too, please promise me you will talk to him he's so worried"
"I will" Ally nodded.
There's something she's hiding, something that's killing her inside, now's not the time to bring it up, I just hope it doesn't eat her up inside before anyone realises. Her mouth smiles widely but her eyes are terrifyingly familiar, deep in sadness, I hope she isn't dragged to the dark side.
Ally cleans' herself up, gets changed and fixes her makeup, she's a young beautiful girl she doesn't deserve this. I trail Ally down the stairs to the party. I watch as Ally swallows clench's her eyes shut and plants on a smile before pulling the living room door open and is welcomed with a tsunami of smiles and congratulations.
-{Austin}-
"Melodydydy" I coo at my beautiful tiny daughter since we brought her home five days ago baby talk has invaded my vocabulary, I now find myself embarrassingly referring to myself as daddy in the third person without realising it to everyone. Melody looks at me lying securely on my lap as I talk and sing to her waving her little arms in the air. She has stunning big blue eyes that catch the light and sparkle like gems. She's so beautiful, she must have got it all from Ally, there is no way I could have created something so cute, so innocent and so perfect.
Ally is sleeping upstairs, everything's so overwhelming to her at the moment and with Melody's 5 am feedings she doesn't sleep much. I try to pitch in as much as I can, I change diapers and sing her to sleep when she's awake at 3 am, bath her and play with her. Ally does the same, we have always been a good team a year ago we were a music machine now we're a parental machine, and we rely on each other. But there is something up with Ally she's so defeated she looks so drained the brightness still hasn't returned to her eyes. I want to help her but I don't know how.
My thoughts are interrupted by Melody's sudden screams her eyes crumpled shut her face burning red, squirming on my lap. I lift her up and hold her close to my bare chest rocking her gently in my arms. Our hearts touch beating a same rhythmic tune. She calms down and I can just hear slowing sobs in my ear.
"There we go butterfly, there's nothing to be sad about is there baby girl, everything's fine" I whispered to the baby "You're tired aren't you butterfly, daddy is too, so is mommy welcome to the club"
Melody was silenced. I carefully looked at Melody; she was sleeping soundly on my chest. I carefully holding her tightly in my hands and lay down on my back on the couch, luckily she didn't wake and I joined her in sleep.
-{Ally}-
I lay awake on the bed. It's only two in the afternoon but it feels like two in the morning. Why did no one warn me how hard this is? I can't do this, I'm only seventeen. I shake those thoughts from my head not allowing them to take control of my mind. I love Melody, and Austin is a fantastic father he's the perfect parent and Melody adores him, I can't be half the parent he is. A lump forms in my throat and I force back tears. I'm done crying.
Sleep eludes me. Lack of sleep is frustratingly familiar. The red curtains fail to block out the Miami sun. I look around the room, it's so small. A large brown wooden crib has invaded the room replacing Austin and I's dresser leaving our closet overflowing and two chests of drawers out in the hall for all three of our clothes. Everything was overtaken by baby things and toys all over the floor and bedside tables even our bed. I turn to my stomach fully dressed in jeans and a t shirt; it's too much effort to dress nice these days. I toss and turn, holding a pillow over my head blocking out the light.
"Arghh" I groaned chucking my pillow across the room anger running through veins. I breathe like an angry bull, it's me against sleep. Too bad, if it doesn't want me, I don't want it! I pulled myself out of bed chucking the covers to the floor.
"Oh no" I cried as I seeped through my shirt. Tears broke down my anti tear barrier, I sobbed softly. I pulled myself out of bed and tore out a fresh shirt from my closet and pulled it onto my thin body.
My mind is blurred, that's not unusually as of recently. My body just flows through the motions my mind is vacant. Everything is mashed together a series of pictures flick through my brain like an old fashioned slideshow, but the photos are merged together. Nothing before my eyes makes any sense. I'm used to it. I float down the stairs like a bodiless spirit.
I float into the lounge and my vision pauses on Austin. He's a sleep soundly on the couch and Melody sleeps in only a nappy on his bare chest. The picture before me makes me smile my two favourite people looking so peaceful. Forbidden tears fall from my eyes, my stupid eyes are leaky faucets. Happiness floods my body, a feeling that has become unfamiliar.
Melody cries on Austin's chest jolting him to life. Austin smiles at me, peeling the tiny baby from his chest kissing her on the head. She continues to cry. Each sob stabs me like a knife.
"Hey Als" Austin kisses me on the lips with his soft ones, a surge of love shoots from his lips to mine like a lightning bolt. I take Melody into my arms, just feeling her touch shakes me to life.
"Aww you hungry butterfly? I think you are, yes you are" Baby talk has become my language of choice, talking to my butterfly distracts me from my mind and gives me the illusion of perfection. I sit on the couch next to Austin and go ready to feed Melody.
"Are you ok Als?" Austin asked wrapping his arm around me making me feel safe. His hazel eyes show genuine concern, but I don't want to scare him with my demons.
"Yeah, everything is just fine" I forced a grin.
"No you're not, your crying" Austin whispered wiping a tear from my eyes.
I sniffle as I feed Melody "Oh it's nothing, just hormones, I was furious at a pillow about ten minutes ago" I laughed denying my feelings.
-{Mimi Moon}-
"Off to the office babe" My husband announced as he entered the kitchen as I fussed over a bowl of pancake batter.
"Babe? You're a bit vacant this morning." Mike asked wrapping his arms around me from behind.
"Oh, sorry love. Have fun" I planted a kiss on Mikes lips a familiar spot for twenty years but I still feel the electricity.
"I'm going to work, I'm not going to have fun" Mike laughed leaving for the front door "Love you!"
"Love you too! Kisses!" I replied waving as he left the house.
Austin and Ally strolled down the stairs Ally held a baby monitor in her hand, Melody must be sleeping.
"Morning kids" I warmly welcomed them to the kitchen with a smile "Pancakes?"
"Waaaayyy ahead of you" Austin replied with a mouth full of pancake, butter and maple syrup. I laughed at my boy, he's grown up so much since the baby arrived but he's still a little kid at heart.
"PANCAKES" Jessie ran into the kitchen her eyes wide in her pink flannel pyjamas, she love pancakes almost as much as her big brother.
"Do you want some Ally?" I asked placing pancakes on a plastic plate for Jessie.
"No thanks, I'm not hungry" Ally smiled her hand tracing her treble clef necklace distracted.
"Has dad gone?" Austin asked his eyes wide in strangely worried.
"Yeasss" I answered curiously raising one eyebrow.
"Shit" Austin tore himself from the breakfast table "I'm late for work! Love you Als, love you Mom, love you Jess, love you Als" I waved as Austin ran out the door.
"Shit. Shit, shit, shit" Jessie sang spinning around the kitchen filling her mouth with pancakes.
"Jessie!" I shockingly told off my seven year old daughter "You're seven you should never, ever say that!"
"Austin did, annnnnd I'm nearly eight" Jessie replied cheekily trying to be as cute as possible. Ally moved to the couch flicking on Friends reruns.
"No, Jessie never say that word go to your room, but put your plate in the dishwasher first!" I ordered trying to look scary; I'm not the best disciplinarian.
"But moooooom" Jessie whined pouting turning her big hazel eyes into sad puppy dog eyes.
I refused to fall for the cute look and pointed to the stairs "Go Jessie, no excuse for that kind of language"
"B-but" Jessie moaned I narrowed my eyebrows at her and she ran to her bedroom long blond hair flying behind her.
I fought guilt; discipline is the hardest part about being a parent. Sadness panged my heart looking over to Ally in the living room mindlessly flicking through TV channels. Her eyes aren't bright anymore, her hair is lifeless and she wears jeans and t-shirts, not presenting herself the way she once did. I lifted her legs and sat on the end of the couch and placed her legs on my lap.
"Whatcha watching?" I asked
"I don't know" Ally sighed "Greys Anatomy or something" she shrugged dropping the remote to the floor.
"Ally, I would ask you if you are ok but you are going to lie." I said to her my eyes on the TV.
"What?" Ally looked shocked looking me in the eye "W-what?"
"Ally" I narrowed my eyes "You're not ok are you?"
Ally shuffled in her spot pulling herself up and sitting upright "What do you mean? Oh course I'm fine" Ally denied her hand cupping her necklace.
"Ally. You may be able to fool everyone else with your mask of happiness, but your eyes are different and you can't fool a person that has had that same look in their eyes." I stoked the hair from her face and her eyes became watery.
"Did I ever tell you about Austin's older sister?" I asked her, she shook her head slowly. "Well she was born before Austin but she, was never older than him" Ally looked at me confused "Molly was stillborn" I said with a lump in my throat, I can't cry in front of Ally she's too fragile, I don't want to break her. Ally cried anyway.
"Ally, Ally, Als" I pulled her head up by her chin trying to calm her down "It's ok, it was a long time ago."
"I'm sorry" Ally looked up and wiped her tear blinking back anymore that threatens to come out "It's. Just. The. Thought of Melody. Being. You know" Ally sobbed. I hugged her close, shushing her softly.
Ally stopped crying her sobs were silenced. "When, I found out Molly didn't make it, I was only twenty-two, I couldn't handle it. My whole sole felt torn from my body, I was in a dark place, nothing else existed except for my intense sadness." Ally nodded her eyes not meeting mine. "I was broken after the birth of Molly, when I found out I was expecting Austin I felt whole again, I felt like I was me again. It wasn't me vs. the world again, I felt like I had people on my side again, although they had been there the whole time. When Austin was born I fell back into the trap, I was brought back into the dark side of depression" I looked deeply into Ally's brown eyes "Ally do you feel like you're on your own?"
Ally dropped my glance staring at her feet swinging, denying my claims.
"Ally? So you feel like you are just a floating spirit? That everything is moving a thousand miles an hour and you don't know what'd going on and you're not controlling your movements?" I asked as tears steamed from her eyes.
"Y-yes" Ally sobbed trembling in her seat. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders.
"Have you had any scary thoughts? When Austin was tiny like Melody, I had terrifying thoughts of him dying and was even tempted to through him out the window it was horrific" I asked soothingly.
"Sometimes." Ally broke down "I. Try. To. Bl-bl-block them. Out. But they just. Invade my thoughts" Ally blubbered in my arms. It broke my heart.
"Ally." I whispered "Looks like you have post partum depression" I kissed her temple she shook her head aggressively.
"N-no" Ally refused.
"Yes, Ally, you need to get some help" I held her close rocking her softly.
Ally sighed defeated. "How did you know?" She asked.
"I'm a mom, I know things" I whispered
A/N; Here you go updated! I kinda like Mimi point of view she's a very sweet character who I think makes an impact
Thanks for reading please review and tell me what you think
Merry merry merry Christmas xoxo