I've known this for a long time, since I was at school,
but I need to write it somewhere.
When I read my own words, it helps me understand, to order my thoughts and feelings.
I have what I call flesh envy.
In other words, even though I have a perfect cybernetic body, ideal for my job,
with control of sensitivity, and ability to dive in water, or from the highest buildings,
I want the experiences of a flesh and blood biological body.
Sometimes, I want to be vulnerable.
Cyborgs feel pain, just as we feel pleasure. Also fear.
But it is not the same.
I run probes on the net, looking at illegal upgrade options.
There is not much. Nothing like the subskin fats or network of blood vessels I want.
I do not know when I became fascinated with blood.
Probably at some time in the SDF.
The colour.
The way it runs, when it escapes it vessels.
The contrast of it on pale skin.
The patterns it makes.
I can not explain in the same detail about the sub skin fat biological humans have.
It's just ... something about it.