A little longer than most of my chapters, but I guess that's not a bad thing! I plan on continuing, because there's still quite a bit to this story to go (at least in my head) so keep reading and reviewing:)

Loosing patients had been one of those things that, despite having been a doctor for over thirty years, had never gotten any easier for Beverly Crusher.

It was rough, because people expected her to be a miracle worker and to have the magical fix, but many times she just didn't. Even with the latest and greatest medical equipment at her very fingertips, she still couldn't save everyone.

Loosing patients was also a kick in the butt, a reminded her that she wasn't some medical god, but just a mere mortal given the charge of trying to fend of the inevitability of death.

It really is inevitable. Everyone think they're going to live forever, that they have time…

She signed outwardly at the thought.

Beverly had learned long ago that you just never know how much time you. It was kind of an occupational hazard, unfortunately.

And she was taking Lieutenant Stanto's death harder than usual. It felt so personal for some reason.

Probably because he was the first patient she'd lost since taking her new post.

Mentally, she should have prepared herself for this outcome. Lt. James Stanto had had very slim odds when he arrived at her medical facility, but she had seen his wife and kids look so scared, but at the same time they looked so full of hope once she had entered the room. They looked at her as so many others had looked at her over the course of her career, as if she was the night-in-shining-armor come to save them from the dragon.

Dr. Crusher had told herself that she was going to send this man home to his family.

But he wouldn't be going home; his kids were now fatherless and his wife was now a widow.

Just like me.

Ugh! Stop this! You aren't a miracle worker, you did your best!

Beverly did realize that she needed to stop beating herself up and move on; at this point she was wallowing in her own undeserved self-pity. There was a full day of still-living patients in front of her, and none of them could afford to have their doctor focusing on something that was now out of her control.

She couldn't help but be relieved that she had a breakfast with Jean-Luc scheduled for this morning. He had a gift of reminding her that she's not a complete failure, and even though Beverly felt the death of every patient that had ever died under her care, Jean-Luc was always able to dull the pain and make the burden easier to bare.

What am I going to do when the repairs to the Enterprise are complete? Then we will really be a part…

Shaking away the thought, Beverly realized it was now nearly 0700, so she quickly made her way out of her office and started walking toward the café that she and Jean-Luc had been frequenting over the last few weeks.

There was brisk chill in the air, and the sun had yet to completely rise. Artificial light sources illuminated her path down the walk. Beverly shoved her now-cold hands into the over-sized pockets of the blue lab-coat that she had always favored. She was grateful she only had a short walk.

Arriving at the café, she smiled at the owner who was cleaning off some tables as she made her way to the usual table that she and Jean-Luc had come to usually sit at.

"Will the Captain be joining you this morning, Doctor?" the waiter asked.

"Yes, he will be, Jacob," answering the younger man's question and then adding, "and for the last time, please call me Beverly! All day, every day I hear people calling for and asking for 'Doctor Crusher'. If someone doesn't start using my actual name, I'm eventually just going to forget it! So please, like I said, do me a favor and call me Beverly."

"Okay okay, whatever you say Doc—I mean Beverly."

"Thank you, that's much better," she laughed.

She turned her head towards the door just as Jean-Luc Picard made his entrance.

She caught his eye and smiled a big genuine smile, which he returned.

Standing, Beverly greeted him with a hug, already feeling immensely better from this morning's challenges.

"Beverly. I've missed you."

"Jean-Luc, you know very well you just saw me three days ago," she tried her best to be stern, but her airy tone gave-way to giggles.

"I know, I know, but I'm used to having breakfast every morning with you."

For a split second she thought she heard the hurt return to his voice, but then he quickly changed the subject by asking how she'd been.

Though he didn't know it, that was not the right question to ask given the circumstances of her morning.

Beverly's face immediately fell.

"It was a rough night, actually. I…er…I spent the night in an emergency operation. Unfortunately, there was nothing I could do for…there was nothing I could do for him…the patient." the doctor's voice trailed off.

"Oh, wow, I'm so sorry, Bev, but don't convince yourself for a moment that you didn't do everything you could for the man."

"Yes, but I…"

"No buts! Beverly Crusher, I have watched you bring back people from the very brink of death and save lives that no one else would have even tried to save, but you are only human and you cannot expect yourself to work miracles. I won't try to imagine what you must feel when you do loose a patient, but no buts. You can't beat yourself up for things that are beyond even your control."

Jean-Luc reached across the table and grasped her hand, squeezing it gently.

Looking the man she loved directly in the eyes, she squeezed his hand back and whispered "thank you, I needed that."

"Don't give it another thought…well, at least try not to."

He released his grasp on her hand, but somehow Beverly couldn't help but wish he'd keep holding it. She longed for skin to skin contact, for him to embrace her.

I wish I could tell you just how much I love you.