Prologue.
He said he was sorry and that he didn't mean to do it, so I had to forgive him right? I forgave him for sleeping with that tramp who works in the copy room where he works, I also forgave him for sleeping with the other girls he had met at the pub, because he didn't mean to, at least that's what he said. On some occasions he had told me it was my fault, and I believed him because he only started to cheat when our little boy died.
We both blamed me for his death, even though the doctor said there was nothing we could have done to prevent it. But it was my god damn genetics that killed him. He was born with hemophilia, a disease of the blood that had been very mild for the first year of his life. But a week after his first birthday he had a seizure that was caused by a blood clot in his tiny, fragile brain and died the very next day in hospital.
Finn and I barely spoke to each other for the weeks that followed. That's when he started going to the pub every night and not long after that he stated sleeping around. As of now I'm not sure how many women he has slept with, but I do know that I'm not on that list. I haven't been for a while. We can't even look at each other anymore.
None of our friends know what is going on. We pretend that everything is picture perfect when out in public. I let him old my hand, kiss my cheek and actually look me in the eye but the moment we are alone he wants nothing to do with me. I know it shouldn't hurt this much, but it kills me every time he turns his back on our marriage.
"I am so sorry." It's hard to believe him as he wipes the blood from my split lip. His other large hand delicately caresses my cheek as I curl further into his arms, soaking his shirt in my blood and tears. This wasn't the first time he had hit me and I knew it definitely wasn't the last, but seeing the regret in his watery eyes always pushes me to forgive him.
I live my life in fear, never knowing when he will lose control again. But I can't leave him. Who will love me? Who would want to love a failure? I mean, I can't even have children without screwing up their lives, so what would anyone want with me?
I am nothing.