Disclaimer: Don't own Degrassi. 'Nuff said.
Author's Note: Quick update!
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Sand Castles
Memories
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"I think it's time to take the next step."
Jake stopped kissing her neck and withdrew from her, giving her a disbelieving look. "Seriously?"
Clare nodded. "Yeah."
Her room was dark. The curtains were drawn and the only source of light came from the scented candles she'd lit earlier, right before they started making out. Her mother and Glen were out for the evening; they'd gone to dinner with some friends of theirs and wouldn't be back for at least another two ours. It was rare that she and Jake had the house to themselves and Clare wanted to use it to her advantage.
Placing her hands on his chest, Clare forced Jake down so that he was lying back against her pillows, and moved to straddle his lap. Jake swallowed hard, his adam's apple bobbing nervously as she slowly unbuttoned his plaid shirt, pushing it open and off his shoulders.
"Are you sure about this?" He asked.
"Positive." Clare confirmed. "I've given it a lot of thought and… I'm ready. I know I am."
Leaning over, she reached into her bedside table, rummaging through it before pulling out a box of condoms.
Jake arched a brow, looking both surprised and impressed. "You come prepared."
"Can't take any chances, now can we?" Clare said with a small smirk as she unzipped the front of her blouse.
Jake smirked back before pulling her down into a heated kiss, which Clare returned with equal fervor.
.
.
.
Clare awoke with a start, wide-eyed and drenched in cold sweat. Her heart pounded rapidly against her chest as vivid images from that night bombarded her mind, overwhelming her. She could still smell the vanilla aroma wafting through the room, mixing with their sweat and Jake's cologne as he moved above her. She clenched her legs together and squeezed her eyes shut, trying desperately to bury the memory but to no avail.
A sudden wave of nausea washed over her and she threw herself out of bed, making a mad dash to the washroom. She fell to her knees in front of the toilet and retched violently, emptying the contents of her stomach until there was nothing left. Her throat was burning by the time she was done, and as she flushed the toilet, she let out a small sob, resting her cheek against the cool porcelain. Her eyes stung as she forced her tears back, not wanting to wake up the rest of her family.
The hallway light flickered on and suddenly her mother was standing in the doorway, wearing a bathrobe and looking slightly disoriented.
"Clare? What are you doing up so early? It's four in the morning." She said, before taking in the sight before her. Realization hit. "Honey, are you okay?"
"I'm… I'm fine." Clare sniffled weakly, wiping her eyes and standing up shakily. "Last night's dinner just didn't settle with me."
"But Glen had the same thing and he's fine. Are you sure it's not a fever? You look a little pale, sweetie." Helen said softly, feeling her daughter's forehead. "Do you want to stay home today? I can call your principal and let him know you won't be -"
"It's fine, Mom. I feel better now." Clare lied. "I probably just ate a bad piece of chicken."
Helen sighed, conceding defeat. "If you're sure. But if you get sick again, just call me and I'll have Glen pick you up from school."
"Okay." Clare said softly, before brushing past her mother and heading back to her room.
oOo
"You look like you've seen better days, Edwards." Eli remarked as he took a seat beside her.
Clare glanced up from her textbook.
"That's an understatement. I threw up this morning — and no, I'm not contagious." Clare added when he began to lean away. "It's just another side effect of being… well, you know."
Eli gave her a sad smile. "How long does it last?"
Clare shrugged.
"I don't know. I read somewhere that it only lasts for a couple of weeks, maybe the first few months, but some women have it throughout the entire pregnancy." She said, lowering her voice in case anyone was eavesdropping. "I hope it stops soon. My mom is going to start getting suspicious. She saw me today, but she thought it was just a fever. I told her it was probably food poisoning, but I don't know how long she's going to buy that."
She groaned, slumping forward.
"I wish I never even had sex. Nothing good ever comes from it." She muttered.
"I'd disagree with you, but -" Eli started, but stopped as soon as Clare shot him a warning glare. He gave her a sheepish smile. "I won't. But just so you know… it's not always so bad."
"It's just my luck though, huh? Me, Saint Clare… pregnant at sixteen. How ironic is that?" Clare said bitterly. Her gaze fell to her left hand, where her purity ring glinted mockingly, and she held it up to show him. "This is a lie, you know. All of it. Everything. I'm a fake, Eli. A phoney. A hypocrite -!"
"Clare, stop." Eli cut her off, grabbing her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. "You're not. You're not any of those things. Stop telling yourself otherwise."
Clare stared down at their joined hands.
"Why are you doing this?" She murmured. "After everything I did to you… I hurt you, Eli. I broke your heart and I left you when you needed me more than ever."
Eli sighed, running his free hand through his hair.
"Because… I care about you." He said. "And… I honestly don't blame you for leaving. I was a mess. I needed help — professional help. You leaving was for the best. If you hadn't… I don't think I would've realized how sick I was, or gotten the necessary help to fix it." He laced their fingers together, and Clare held her breath. Her first instinct was to pull back, but it was such a familiar and comforting feeling that she simply couldn't bring herself to do it. "I was mad at first. I tried to convince myself that I hated you but that wasn't true. I hurt a lot of people in the process… you, Jake, Imogen, Fiona… my parents…" He took a deep breath. "But all that's in the past, and I'm better now."
"Eli…" Clare said quietly, her voice barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be. It's not your fault." Eli assured her. "My therapist says I've probably been Bipolar all my life but just didn't realize it."
Clare's gaze flickered between their intertwined fingers and his solemn expression. Giving him a weak smile, she squeezed his hand gently. Eli's eyes locked on hers and try as she might, she couldn't look away. Suddenly she was thrown back in time, to when they'd skipped class and she had him backed into a pole, their close proximities making her breath hitch and her heart flutter. She remembered wanting him to kiss her right then and there.
"Eli…" She started, only to be interrupted by a familiar voice.
"Do my eyes deceive me or are you two actually hanging out?"
"Adam…" She heard Eli groan, his hand releasing hers as the teen in question wandered over to them.
"Oh, don't stop on my account." Adam teased with a smirk as he pulled up a chair across from them. "So… when did this development happen?"
"I don't know what you're talking about." Eli said simply.
"What development?" Clare asked at the same time.
Adam rolled his eyes.
"And so it begins… again." He said.
"You don't know what you're talking about." Eli told him.
"Yeah, yeah. Give it a month or two and you guys'll be back to swapping spit." Adam countered.
As Eli and Adam bickered, Clare sat quietly, staring down at her lap and losing herself in her thoughts.
oOo
Going home early was starting to sound like a good idea to Clare as she emerged from the bathroom stall. After washing her hands, she popped a stick of mint gum into her mouth to mask the fact that she'd just spent the last two minutes throwing up. She'd made the mistake of eating the "Casserole Surprise" for lunch and neither her body or the life growing inside it had had agreed with it.
She fixed her hair and makeup, and was about to leave when someone else entered the washroom, blocking her path. She froze when she saw that it was Alli, accompanied by Jenna. At first, Alli looked pleasantly surprised to see her, but that vanished in an instant as memories of the cabin trip returned, and she narrowed her eyes.
"Clare." She greeted coldly.
"Alli." Clare responded.
Alli furrowed her brow.
"You look different." She said.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Clare snapped.
Alli glared at her.
"Nothing. I'm just saying that you look different. No need to bite my head off." She spat. "Why do you have to overreact about everything?"
"Oh, you're one to talk -!"
"Alli, let's just go." Jenna interjected, tugging on Alli's arm.
"No need. Bathroom's all yours." Clare said, elbowing Alli aside before exiting the washroom.
As soon as she was in the hallway, a familiar sense of guilt began to fester in the pit of her stomach. The only reason she and Alli weren't friends anymore was because of Jake, and now that she and Jake were done, there was no reason for her to still be mad at Alli. Was there? No. There was. Alli had betrayed her. She had kissed Jake, knowing full well that Clare still had feelings for him, and that hurt more than anything.
Pushing those thoughts aside, Clare made her way back to the cafeteria.
"What happened to you?" Bianca asked when she returned. "You flew out of here like a bat out of Hell."
"The casserole didn't sit well." Clare informed her.
"Ew."
oOo
"So… good news." Eli announced as he walked up to her after school. "You'll be happy to know that Little Miss Steaks is, in fact, hiring right now."
"How do you know?" Clare asked as she knelt on the floor, stuffing her books into her bag.
"I… might have overheard Marisol talking to Katie about it." He replied simply.
"Overheard or eavesdropped?" Clare teased, standing up and closing her locker.
"Same difference. The point is… I acquired this knowledge on your behalf." Eli said, smirking at her.
Clare rolled her eyes playfully.
"Well, thank you." She said, before her expression softened. "Really. I appreciate everything you're doing to help me, Eli."
Eli nodded. "Any time."
Clare smiled warmly at him. "Walk me to my bus?"
"Sure thing. Just let me get my stuff first." Eli said, before turning around and disappearing down the hall.
Clare let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding, falling back against her locker and closing her eyes.
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