Sorry for update it took so long , School is starting again tomorrow I already have three chapters done that I will be posting thanks everyone who read and reviewed, and thank you Alizee foe the advice I'm going to Include that in this chapter:)

Sonny POV

I was thinking about the date I've been thinking about it for so long. All afternoon Wednesday and all day Thursday.

When I told my mom about the date she told me she was happy for me, and she doesn't want my heart broke so remember he left you once he can leave you again.

My mom was always good at giving advice.

I grab my phone to text Chad to call off our date.

Sunshine: hey

Bluebear: Hey Sonny (:

Sunshine: Um, Can you come over? We need to talk.

My hand hovered the send button. I was so nervous to call off this date.

Send.

Bluebear: sure be over in 5.

I was nervous, beyond nervous.

Just then the doorbell rings I drag my feet dreading telling him the news, seeing the disappointment on his face, but he needs to know how I really feel, I cant let him go this easily.

"Hey Chad" I fake a smile.

"Hey Sonny, what's wrong you look upset?" he says.

"Come in come up to my room." I state and we both jog upstairs.

"We um.. We need to talk. " I say sitting down motioning for him to sit also.

"About?" he questions, sitting next to me.

"Chad, I'm not going on that date with you Friday." I blurt out.

Disappointment is all over his face he doesn't even try to cover it up.

"Why?"

"I feel like I've just forgiven you to easy, you don't know how you made me feel what I went through. Nobody to talk to. Nobody's shoulder to lean on, nobody to stick up for me and tell people to stop picking on me. Yeah being bullied was bad, but losing my best friend the same boy who agreed that with were going to be prince and princess and live in a big castle, when we got older, that was worse. We grew up together; I always thought you were somebody to count on. But you weren't your rather be popular than help somebody who was suppose to be your best friend. Saying it out loud now to you I realize how fucked up you treated me. That one-year for me caused years of damage until this day, I have no confidence, I don't trust anybody, and I hate myself. To think this could have all been avoided if you stayed my friend, if you did your job and stuck up for me."

I say crying looking over to Chad his mouth wide open, seeing he was at a loss for words and his eyes tearing up. I took it as a chance to continue.

"My dad tried his hardest to move so I wouldn't have to go through that. I had to go to counseling, I was forced to eat because I would starve myself, and when I ate I threw it up. I cut myself, because I was so stuck on the idea that I was worthless, nobody wanted me. I tried to kill myself 5 times Chad! Why am I telling you this I don't know, but I want you to know what you did not being there for me did, for you neglecting me, for you choosing popularity over a friend did, I'm not blaming you for everything, but things could have been so much different, if you were there even to just give me a shoulder to cry on. Things were bad at home my mom and dad always fought over everything this almost broke up my family twice. I want you to know that through everything what hurt most was losing you, I know I said it before but I meant it. I don't completely forgive you, but I'm starting to not a lot but I do, why? I don't know but I do."

I tell him at this point him and I were both crying.

"So.. Sonny, I'm sorry." he chokes out.

Chad POV

When I got a text from Sonny I was nervous, what was wrong what happened getting to her house and hearing she called off the date devastated me.

Then she started talking about her being bullied, my mouth fell open. Wow that's how she felt? That's what she went through? I could have helped I could've prevented it. When she stopped talking and looked at me she was crying I knew I was going to cry my eyes began tearing up.

I couldn't form my words, there was so much running through my mind. She took my silence as a cue to continue.

Why didn't I help? Why did I never step up? How am I going to get her to forgive me? I put her through that, I made her life hell. I promised to be there and I wasn't I ruined her life. She tried to kill herself; I should hate myself right now with all I put her through. Her home life was messed up, and to think everything would have been better if I would've helped her. She stops I'm at a loss for words and I'm crying, the only thing I can manage to choke out is

"So..Sonny, I'm sorry." She just looks at me.

"Sonny I truly am sorry. I was young and I was so stupid, if I could travel back and take it all back I would but I can't I fucked up, and I fucked up bad. I beat myself up about it everyday. There was so much going on at the time for me my parents where getting a divorce. The only good thing I had was school, and I always told my self I didn't need the drama. Yeah, that was an asshole thing to say, but that's what I felt at the time. I missed you I still miss you. I missed so much of your life and if I would have just said something and stood up for you I wouldn't have. I'm not going to ask you to forgive me, because I don't even forgive myself. I want to earn your forgiveness. Maybe I was jumping into fast into things. I just automatically thought things were better. From now on I'm going to be there to stick up for you, to make up for everything the best I can. I want to be what I should have been years ago."

I tell her. She is still crying, and then she starts to smile.

"Th..Thanks Chad that meant a lot."

"I mean it. I'm going to be here." I sat wiping away her tears with my thumb.

Then she hugs me, I feel so comfortable with her and I'm going to fight for her whatever it takes.

Sonny I'm sorry. I say to myself

I'm so sorry.

"Sonny! Come down stairs sweetie." Her mom calls her out of her room.

"Coming!" She yells. She leaves I take this change to look around her room.

I look at an open journal near her bed.

I know I shouldn't have read it but I couldn't help myself. I was shocked. Really shocked, my eyes couldn't tare away from he notebook.

I couldn't help, but cry. I feel like my manhood is getting took away, all this crying I've been doing.

I keep reading and reading the diary.

A/N:

I know this chapter was pretty bad, you guys might think Sonny is over reacting but. we are gonna get more into what she really went through later. Sooo, what did the diary say :0 I tried to build suspense, but it wasn't working out.-. Did you guys like it? I hope you did this chapter took me forever chapter 7coming soon(: review please.