What did I love most in the world? What did I value most? To tell the truth, I wasn't very sure at all. I knew there were sacred things and things that meant the world to others, but I wasn't sure what it was for me. I knew I loved my life and the adventures I was having. But when that all ended, what was left for me?
"Oh, come on now, don't be so blegh-" The Doctor turned to me as I zoned out. I was supposed to be watching him fix the TARDIS, but really I wasn't. I was grabbing and snapping at the tights I was wearing and playing with the hem of my sunflower dress. "You said you wanted to watch me be clever. I'm being clever, so pay attention, or go away."
I got up and walked away. Sometimes I forgot how childish the thousand year old Time Lord could act. I threw off my blazer and it landed on the chair I so often sat at. I picked up my notebook that was sitting there and I grabbed my pen.
There had been countless times I had done this. Sitting near the console, just waiting for inspiration to strike, staring at the page before me, I just slapped my pen against the pages. There was nothing I could think of. I had all my stories from my imagination. Then there were all my adventures. Everything written down, some stories ended, some stories just left alone. It was the worst writer's block I had ever experienced. There were no plot bunnies and no inspiration and no words flowing from my brain to my pen.
"Rachel," The Doctor stormed up to me. "I'm supposed to be praised as I'm being clever." I formed a small smile and directed it towards him. The Doctor was in some sort of mood. After adventures and adventures with him, I knew so much about the Doctor's behavior. Right now, it was just best if I appease him, to make his mood better.
That was how I measured my time with the Doctor. In the amount of adventures we had. As of now we had been on about a dozen adventures together. I could list them all and all of them had been creatively worded in my notebook along with random installments of the quasi-fairytale I had started.
"So, Doctor, what are we to do today?" My small grin evolved into a regular smile as the Doctor walked in front of me and leaned on the controls.
"I don't know." No sooner had the Doctor said so, than the TARDIS jolted so violently that I fell off the chair to the floor. That never happened, no matter how jolty the TARDIS got. I assumed that something was wrong. The Doctor assumed so too, because he got right up and started grabbing and pulling and prodding things. "Rachel, are you alright?"
I could hardly respond; there was a bang on my head making it hard to speak. Feeling my head, there was no real bump, just a very painful spot. Finally, I found my voice.
"Doctor, what's going on here?" He wouldn't turn around and answer me. "Doctor?"
"I don't know!" The Doctor was just as freaked out as I was. "I think she's trying to take us somewhere." He placed his head close to the controls and stood there for a bit, as if listening. Of course I knew that the Doctor was trying to work something out. The Doctor was always trying to work something out.
Eventually, the TARDIS landed. The Doctor was still leaned over the controls. I stood up slowly, trying not to get a head rush. I walked towards the door. I wanted to see where we were, when we were. My hand reached up to clasp the door knob.
"Don't go out there," The Doctor was standing straight looking at the door. "I don't know where we are and I need to scan. So I repeat, do not go out there." I turned away from the door.
"I heard you the first time." I walked up behind him and took a look at the monitor. The Doctor turned around quickly.
"Did you just listen to me? No one listens to me, ever." The Doctor looked completely surprised, like it had never happened to him before.
"I listen because I don't want to die. Would you prefer me to not listen?" There was nothing on the monitor screen, so I walked back towards the door. Of course I was taunting and teasing him, but I really did want to go outside and perhaps look to see where we were. The Doctor didn't respond; he was looking at the screen.
"We're in your time. Around the time I picked you up. The time that you were living before me." The Doctor continued to stand there. He wasn't moving or anything, just staring at the screen.
"Oh, just a trip home then." I smiled and opened the door. But we weren't anywhere near where I lived. We were at a graveyard. There were tombstones everywhere and statues. There were four that stood out the most; four angels standing as pillars for a mausoleum. I started to walk towards them, but a hand yanked me back.
"I told you not to come out here. I thought you were listening to me." The Doctor yanked me back into the TARDIS. "There are dangerous things out there. Very dangerous. Don't go out there again without me and when you do, don't blink."
I had no idea what the Doctor was talking about. I ripped my arm from his hand. What was supposed to be the point staying in the TARDIS? If there was something dangerous, then the Doctor should go out there and fix it. That was what he always did. Seemingly reading my mind, the Doctor turned to me.
"There is no way I can defeat what's out there. The TARDIS wants me to, but I don't think I can. Not again." The Doctor actually looked a tiny bit frightened by the prospect. "But I have to, don't I?"
"What? Are there more Daleks?" I was terrified of Daleks, the way they completely had no emotion and just killed everyone. They nearly killed me last time I saw them. The Doctor walked up to me and embraced me.
"No, there are no Daleks here." He put at arm's length away and stared into my eyes. "Out there, there is something much worse than Daleks, but I know that you are brave enough to handle it." The Doctor clasped my face in his hands. "Out there are Weeping Angels. I've seen these four before. I thought I had finished them off. They should have been taken care of, but someone must have moved them." I nodded and the Doctor continued. "These Angels are scavengers. They just need one touch and you get thrown back in time. They kill you by letting you live. They consume the energy of the days that could have been. They stick you in some other place in some other time."
"So it really isn't that bad with the whole TARDIS." I placed my hand on the nearest thing. However, the Doctor didn't look comforted with what I had said. "Isn't it?"
"Last time I saw them, they got the TARDIS and sent me to 1969 or some time period around there. I expect they will want to do that again this time." I nodded, barely following along to what the Doctor was saying. "I don't know if I can stop them this time. And if you go back in time, I don't know if I can find you. When you see them, just stare and don't blink. They can't move if you stare at them."
"What do you mean?" I was completely ignoring his last statement, focusing on his claim that he couldn't find me. Of course the Doctor could find me, he had the technology. He could do whatever he wanted. He was the Doctor and I believed in him. The Doctor walked away and over to caress the controls.
"I know I'm supposed to have the technology, but my timey-wimey detector broke. And I don't have the supplies to make another one. And the TARDIS can't get us out of here. Right now, the TARDIS is, well, the TARDIS is broken." I looked at the TARDIS. There wasn't supposed to be a way to break it.
"But, the TARDIS can't be broken." I rushed up to the control panel, pulling and pushing and switching things. "The TARDIS is never broken." I was more scared now than ever. With the TARDIS broken, there was nothing we could do.
"It gets broken more than you think. It's not really broken, just protecting itself against the Weeping Angels." The Doctor stilled my hands and wiped a tear from my cheek. I hadn't realized I had been crying at all. "But we'll get out of this."
I took a deep breath to calm myself. "Of course we will." I looked around at the control room. "Any weapons we can use against it?" The Doctor shook his head. "Alright. We have to face these intensely scary creatures with nothing but your mind and my clumsiness."
We stood in front of the door to the TARDIS, waiting for one of us to reach out to open the door. I looked at the Doctor and he looked at me. He held out his hand and I took it. He opened the door and we walked out into the graveyard.
The first thing I noticed was the lack of angel statues surrounding the mausoleum. And I knew in that instant that they were what we were looking for. The Weeping Angels were close, probably closer than we thought. We stood outside the TARDIS not moving for a few moments.
"We had better find them. If we don't move, they'll find us first." The Doctor kept holding my hand as we crept forward.
For a moment, I lost grip of the Doctor's hand. And in that moment, I knew something bad was going to happen. I took a step and the ground seemed to fall out from under me. Really, I just fell into an open grave that had no coffin in it yet. I screamed as I fell and the Doctor looked over the edge of the grave.
"Rachel," The Doctor looked worried. "Don't move, don't make a sound, and if you get out of there, please, whatever you do, don't blink."
"How would I possibly get out of here?" I looked for something to grab onto, something that could help me get out. I looked up and the Doctor was gone. Tiny spaces and I never got along. I looked around the grave in front of me and backed against the side. My back ran into something that I rejoiced in feeling. There was a ladder that I hadn't noticed in my state of duress. The Doctor hadn't noticed it either. "Thank you, whoever is up there and wants me to survive." I quickly and carefully climbed the ladder out of the grave. "Doctor, I'm alright now, I've got out of-" I looked around the graveyard. There was no one there.
No one, except four statues of angels weeping into their hands, stood right in front of me. I stood still, staring. At least all four were right in front of me in my line of sight. But there was no way that I could stay like this. I had to blink sometime. My eyes were straining as it was.
"Doctor?" I tried winking one eye at a time. There was some relief in it. "Doctor!?" He wasn't responding. "DOCTOR!" I thought I heard the Doctor running or the shouting of my name, but then it was probably my imagination. "Doctor, please." I decided to address the Weeping Angels then. "Look, I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm gonna say this anyway." I took a deep breath, winking one eye at a time. "You can touch me and do whatever it is you do. I do have one request. Make me go somewhere nice. Somewhere I might like." There were tears forming in my eyes. The Doctor most likely wasn't going to save me. I was gonna be sent back in time and there was nothing to stop it. I took one last deep shaky breath.
I closed my eyes and then I felt it. It was like I was being stretched and thrown about. Before I knew what was happening, I was thrown against a hard surface and my breath was knocked out of my lungs. There was no way for me to know where or when I was, just that I was no longer in the graveyard. The Doctor wasn't going to come to save me. The truth sank in my gut like a boulder. He had said there wasn't a way for him to find me. I was alone.
"What's this then?" Suddenly there was a figure in front of me, blocking the sun from my view. "Are you alright?" It was a woman with a parasol. "What are you wearing?" I looked down at my dress and then looked up at hers. She was wearing a full length dress and looked like she was from the 1920s or something.
"My dress shrunk." There was nothing else I could say to explain it. The woman looked like she didn't believe me. "Where am I? No, that's not important. When am I?"
"When? This is the beginning of February 1913. How did you not know that?" I shook my head.
"Long story. You probably wouldn't believe it anyway." She smiled at me.
"Does it involve your dress getting shrunk?" She laughed at herself. "As for where you are, you are in Yorkshire, on the property of my parents, the Earl and Countess Bingham. I'm Elizabeth Bingham. Who are you?" I decided a lie was best.
"My name is Rachel, but I don't remember much else." I placed my hand on my head, as if I could convey I had some sort of head injury.
"Oh, dear. We must get you back to our estate, Drawling Abbey. We can call for a doctor and see if you remember anything." I shook my head.
"I don't want to impose." It was her turn to shake her head.
"I'm the only daughter of my parents and I have no one to talk to, save the servants, but they have jobs to do and my parents don't like me to talk to the servants." She smiled and helped me up. "You can meet them. They're all quite friendly and you can meet my fiancé, Wesley." She put my hand in her arm and walked so that I wouldn't fall. "Oh, and we can get you out of those clothes and into something more fitting for a lady."
I smiled and we walked from where I fell to the great big huge estate. I couldn't help but gawk at the sheer size of the whole thing. I had never seen a house this big before. The only thing I had seen on this scale was a castle.
"It is sort of big, isn't it?" She looked over at me, staring up at the huge building and laughed. I closed my mouth from gaping.
"Come on, then."
That first day, she helped me by giving me a dress for supper. The maids did my hair and I dined with her family. That first day, they sort of adopted me. I became like their family, a cousin that was visiting for an undetermined amount of time. They accepted me. They knew I didn't have a back story, but they still tried to make me happy.
Weeks passed. Time continued in a linear way, a way that I wasn't used to. But I had to adapt to it. The family introduced me to the heir of the estate and the title, a cousin. His name was William. I didn't really like him. He was a bit of a snob. He didn't like me because I was 'unknown'. He didn't want me stealing his money from the family or using the money for myself when it should be tucked away for when he inherited. I wasn't going to, but he was unconvinced.
The Earl and Countess were very hospitable. The Countess almost took on the role of a mother figure. She was concerned about my livelihood. She tried to set me up with gentlemen that she thought I would like. Each one was very nice and each had some very good qualities, but I didn't fall in love with any of them. The Countess said that was what she wanted and she didn't seem peeved when I refused to marry any of the presented gentlemen.
It had been three months since I had been living at Drawling. I was comfortable and happy and I accepted it as my temporary home. I didn't want to stay there forever, though; didn't want to wear out my welcome.
William was in the town at the Dower House for a few weeks stay in order to speak to the Earl and get more acclimated towards being the head of the estate. One night, Elizabeth and her parents were dining with Wesley and his family. I was left alone to dine by myself. It was by choice, of course, I didn't want to invite myself or get in the way of any wedding planning that was going on. I had dined with them before; there was no need for me to do it this time.
I was just going to dine with the servants in regular clothes, but they wouldn't allow it. They made me sit at the great big table all alone. They also made me dress up. I told them there was no need, but as soon as the butler escorted William in, I understood all the fussing. Apparently, William hadn't been informed that the Bingham's were dining out this evening. He was escorted into the main hall and I had to break the news to him. I inwardly groaned.
"I'm sorry to inform you that the Bingham's are dining out this evening." I stood up and walked out of the library toward the man standing in the front of the hall. "You are welcome to join me. The cook has made plenty of food and I am dining alone."
William looked as if he would snuff me, but instead nodded and followed me into the dining room. We sat closer to each other, instead of across the long table. The food was brought out and served. I had to stop myself from sighing with discontent. I hated this formality sometimes. And I didn't particularly want to dine with William, especially since it was just supposed to be me, alone.
"Are you enjoying the weather?" I made the first move at conversation because goodness knew that he wouldn't.
"Must we really talk about the weather?" I shrugged at his question. "Can we talk about how you like the estate or how you are enjoying your life here?" He seemed almost snide in his comments.
"I'm not trying to use their generosity for my own gain, if that is what you are thinking." He placed his fork down. He squared his gaze at me and I did the same to him.
"Are you not?"
"No, I am not. I did not ask for this. I did not plan this. When Elizabeth is married or maybe before, I will leave Drawling faster than a deer fleeing a hunter. This isn't a permanent residence. I'll leave some time or another." I took a sip of the wine that was in my goblet. "I was actually thinking of leaving quite soon."
"I wish you wouldn't." I looked up at him. For the first time, the full force of his attractiveness ambushed me. Of course, he was handsome, but he had been so prick-ish to me, I hadn't much noticed. "It's quite a relief to have you around here." He smiled and it was one of the more beautiful things I had seen. We ate dinner and the relationship bloomed from there.
More time passed. William came to visit the family and we would spend time together and sometimes take walks together. We became closer to each other and more and more in a romantic way.
Elizabeth's wedding was beautiful. She married Wesley, a very nice, rich man. It was the perfect match for her and her parents. She loved him and he loved her. I heard that didn't happen often where I was, or when I was. She looked gorgeous in her gown and I couldn't help but cry at the ceremony. The reception was after the ceremony. It was outside and the sun was setting. The mood and scenery was brilliant.
The best part was that I was finally getting used to the whole society of the time. I even knew some of the dances. I was adjusting and I was almost happy. William, of course, was in attendance and we danced a few songs together. It was perfect.
The week after, he proposed. During a garden party, he pulled me aside and asked for my hand in marriage. Having fallen in love with him, I graciously and quickly accepted. We would be happy together and it didn't matter that he was inheriting the estate or anything. I was just happy to have found love.
Then everything changed when the engines sounded.
I was sitting under a tree, reading a novel when I heard them. William was just walking in my direction when it showed up. The TARDIS in its full bright blue glory appeared out of thin air. Luckily, it wasn't in William's line of sight. He couldn't see it behind the tree I was under. William just saw me staring at something he couldn't see.
The Doctor popped his head out from inside the TARDIS. His face lit up in a huge smile as soon as he saw me.
"Ah, Rachel, there you are." He didn't look like he could be happier. "Come along, then." I glanced at William then at the Doctor. William had stopped walking. I didn't know why. "How long have you been here?"
"A little more than a year and a half." The Doctor understood.
"I'm sorry, Rachel, but we have to go now. I defeated the Weeping Angels. They won't bother us ever again." Tears started to brim my eyes. I knew at once what I had to do.
"Just give me a moment, Doctor." I brushed out my skirt and blinked back any tears that were in my eyes and walked towards William.
"Rachel, what is going on over there?" I took his face in my hand. I was determined not to cry.
"William, no matter what happens; I love you deeper than I have loved anyone else in the world." William grabbed my hand, pressing it harder into his cheek, trying to keep me there. I pressed the book I was reading into his free hand. "Goodbye."
I ripped my hand from William's and ran towards the TARDIS behind the tree. I heard William's footsteps as he ran after me. But I was in the TARDIS and we were flying, probably before he could even see what was disappearing. All he saw was empty space.
I sat in my regular chair in the TARDIS and found my notebook. I was trying not to cry and succeeding. I picked up my book, ready to write after such a long time.
The girl never expected what she got and she never expected things to happen the way they did. She had to leave everything behind so that she could travel. She made hard decisions and she tried not to cry. She wanted to be brave for the Doctor. The Doctor quickly became her best and only friend.
The Doctor showed her that all monsters exist. All nightmares could become a reality. And every time she faced these new threats, she got more and more scared. She wanted to be brave, but somehow, she couldn't always be fearless. She started to develop new fears. The Doctor tried to defeat every one for the girl, his friend. But the girl realized something. Sometimes fears come in more forms than the monsters who want you dead. Sometimes nightmares come in the form of something you can't see and they fester inside your soul. Those are the deadliest.
Because you can't escape them.
I couldn't take it anymore. I rushed out of the control room, past the Doctor and the console, notebook clutched to my chest. I didn't stop running until I reached my room. Slamming the door shut, I sank to the floor and crawled to my bed. Wracking sobs seized my body as I thought of what could have been with William. I could have been so happy.
I looked at the engagement ring William had picked out for me. It wasn't extravagant or excessive. It was beautiful and everything I could want in a ring. And he was everything I could want, and never have again, in a man. William would have to move on and find someone else to marry and live with and love. I made my decision, the Doctor. Because I knew I didn't really belong in the world of World War I. It wasn't my time. I would have to move on, though it would pain my heart to do so.
I slipped the ring from my finger and found a long necklace chain. I slipped the ring on the chain and clasped the chain around my neck. The ring made an imprint on my hand, almost cutting into my palm. I hadn't stopped crying the whole time. My tears were all used, but I couldn't stop the sobs. I didn't realize until later that the Doctor was standing outside my door, listening to every noise I made.
But nothing mattered at the moment. I had found something that I loved and valued most in the world. It was William, but I would never have him. I had ruined his life enough by disappearing into thin air; I couldn't go back to him. I would have to make do with the ring and the memories of my time with the first man I fell in love with.
I composed myself and changed my clothes, putting them away so I wouldn't see them. I walked out of the room, wiping my eyes. There were things to do now. I had no choice but to continue on with the Doctor. Regretting my decision was out of the question. I walked into the control room and smiled as the Doctor looked up and smiled at me. There were pangs in my heart, but I would do this and the Doctor would never be the wiser.