Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
Lies I Told Myself
Key
S.S: Sick Shit (not suitable for the weak-minded or squeamish)
thinking
"talking"
thoughts progressing into speech"
'substitute for italics' (in certain places, like emphasising something)
/telepathy/
:scene change: (more for my reference than anything else)
POV
Summary: I was a cold, callous individual. I was sarcastic and witty, not a pleasant person to be around. I cut you down with biting words every chance I got and smiled so frighteningly that I made children cry. I was, simply put, an asshole. I never cared what you thought of me. And one day I got bored, so very bored, so I decided to snap.
A/N: Next chapter is here, quickly, quickly, read my friends! Also, the story will switch between past and present tense frequently. If my idea goes the way I want it then the chapters will be switching as well. It shouldn't be too confusing. Also, in canon, Anko would've been 18 when Naruto was 6, not 16. And I'm aware that somehow he always ends up six in my fics, I don't know why, its just convenient.
Fear not fair maiden
I only want those
Of pure heart
Be calm my dear
Farewell fair maiden
I fear your heart is
Too pure for you
And not pure enough for me
Knaji
Chapter One: This Way To The Great Egress
:Numerous places:
My childhood was nothing to write home about. I never knew a mother's love or a father's tough love, never had any siblings, hell, I never even had friends to run with. No, instead, my earliest memory was waking up in a crib, cold, wet and hungry, but I didn't cry, no, not I. I simply observed. I watched as the caretaker came into the nusery, tending to every other child there before turning to leave. (She didn't know it at the time, but she would be first on my list.) I decided to make a bit of noise then, I didn't enjoy laying there in my own filth, mind you, no, not at all. The woman had sighed, turning to me and changing my diaper while managing to stay as far away as possible and touch me little. She placed me back in my crib none too gently with a blanket and a bottle. Mind you, I was only a few weeks old at this time, how she expected me to hold the bottle by myself was beyond my underdeveloped mind. However, thanks to my tenant, filled with righteous anger and power, I immediately gained the mental capacity to grasp onto and drink from the bottle at only four weeks old. That was one of the many milestones I reached before the other children.
This treatment continued until I was toilet trained and then I was left to my own devices. I decided to begin reading. I now know that I was influenced by my tenant, but that's not important now. I read everything I could get my hands on. Recipes, books, magazines, newspapers, it didn't matter. I'd get my hands on paper from the Office and sneak back to my room, writing on them with crayon. I started with simple words like 'cat' or 'dog', but within a month or two I could correctly spell and understand words as complicated as 'floccinaucinihilipilification'. I'll bet you don't even know what that means, do you? I didn't think so. Once I was finally kicked out of the orphanage (it was inevitable really), at six no less, the nerve! Sarutobi found me sleeping outside the Hokage Tower the next morning.
"Naruto-kun?" he had asked, tilting his oversized hat to shield his face from the light of the rising sun as he looked down at me inquisitively. "What are you doing lying out here? Did you get locked out again?"
I smiled and shook my head, effectively cutting off the tirade about the caretakers that would've followed.
"No, Sarutobi-sama, the caretakers decided that I was no longer in need of their care." I replied, my voice soft. "Mind you, I am quite glad. I was not enjoying learning colors and how to add zero to zero when I can name the entire wave spectrum and devise jutsu theory that defeat the purpose of hand signs and limit the over usage of chakra."
I'd decided long ago that I liked this elder, not only because he didn't begrudge me my existence, but mainly because he was kind. Kindness was rare among humans these days, my tenant told me, and I saw the truth in these words more and more each day. I strove to be as polite as possible when dealing with people, it would not due to anger someone with bad manners. I watch as Sarutobi sighs, massaging the bridge of his nose with his fingertips. He knew what I spoke was the truth, I could tell, maybe he'd finally let me bypass the academy like I'd asked him two years ago.
"Well, that is unfortunate Naruto-kun. I had hoped they would not be as pig-headed as everyone else, especially since you are an orphan as well, but I can see that is not the case." he leans down to ruffle my hair and I smile, he was the only person in this filthy village allowed to touch me. "Come along then Naruto-kun. I don't doubt your ability to care for yourself, but with the random attempts on your life it would put my mind at ease to know that you are in a home with a qualified ninja."
I nod as he takes my hand and we walk into the Tower and up to his office. I ended up falling asleep on the couch while he finished filing some paperwork, only waking up when someone nudged me. I jerk away violently by reflex, mentally restraining myself from lashing out. This was not Sarutobi's gentle touch.
"It's alright Naruto-kun." I calm as his deep voice washes over me. "I didn't know she would attempt to awaken you, I apologize."
I open my eyes, looking in the direction of his voice to meet his eyes and nodding. The sun was up fully now, judging by the position it was a little past nine in the morning, glancing around the room I notice a young woman with purple hair and brown eyes, possibly sixteen or so, standing a little ways from the couch I lay on.
"Naruto, this is Mitarashi Anko, she will be your new caretaker. Is that alright with you?"
I stand up, immediately bowing to the young woman.
"A pleasure to meet you, Mitarashi-san. I hope that we can be civil towards one another." I murmur, taking her hand in mine and kissing it lightly.
Anko smiles, chuckling a bit as she looks down at me.
"Alright, Anko?" Sarutobi asks her, holding out a file and she takes it with a firm nod.
"Hai, Hokage-sama. I'll be back to deliver my final report later today."
Sarutobi nods, his gaze following us as we walk out the door.
I follow behind her warily as we step out into the streets, memorizing the twists and turns we take in case I ever feel the need to run away...or have to. We soon arrive at a old building, not decrepit enough to abandon but not truly nice enough to have to live in either, at least from the outside.
"Alright kid, here's a key." she hands me a small metal key and continues. "I live on the fifth floor, number twenty-five. Hokage-sama informed me that I might be taking you in close to a week ago so everything is in order, your room, clothes and everything is set up. I'm getting a monthly stipend to take care of you so if you feel there's anything you need tell me. I'll be back later, there's food in the fridge, don't touch anything with a red dot on it."
I nodded, bowing as politely as I could and made my way inside the building. I heard Anko murmur 'weird kid' before she 'poofed' out.
Whatever, weird is good. I thought, making my way up the stairs. I glanced around the stairwell as I climbed, the inside looked a bit better than the outside I supposed, everything could use a fresh coat of paint, preferably something other than this detestable shade of pastel green. I finally hit the fifth floor and stepped out into the hall, shaking my head at the lack of light as I look for number twenty-five.
Ah, here it is.
I open the door and slip inside, looking for the light switch and clicking it on. I slip off my boots (yet another birthday gift from Sarutobi, dark green of course) and step into the living room, looking around, I take note of the things with red dots on them and roll my eyes.
Weapons.
Everything from kunai to kusarigama to katana. Of course, she thought I was a foolish child. I'd have to show her how mistaken she was. All in due time, but for now, I was quite hungry. I made my way towards the refrigerator.
:Five minutes later:
Ugh, what in the nine levels of Dante's Hell is this excrement?
It was almost as disgusting as the caretakers cooking. These...ah what are they called again? Ah, yes, ramen noodles. It seems I would have to cook for myself, lest I starve. Luckily there was fresh fish and seaweed in the refrigerator. Upon further exploration I managed to find rice in the cupboard, some pickled daikon radish in the fridge and some miso soup stock as well. I cursed my short stature as I pulled the step stool over to the stove, stepped up and rolled up my sleeves, getting to work.
"Tadaima!" I hear Anko call as she comes into the house.
"Okaerinasai! I am in the kitchen Mitarashi-san." I call out in reply, continuing to set the table and lay out food as she comes in, I look up to see the shock on her face and smile. "I didn't like the noodles, ramen tastes bad to me, so I made lunch. Please, sit down and enjoy yourself."
"How...how? Y-you can...?"
"Cook? Of course Mitarashi-san, I read numerous recipes while I was at the orphanage, it was a very natural thing to apply it once I was around the proper food. Please...sit." I tell her quietly as I pour the tea, waiting until she has seated herself and begins putting food on her plate before taking my own seat.
"Itadakimasu." I murmur and she replies in turn, picking up her chopsticks and taking a tentative bite. I watch as delight spreads across her face and she begins to eat in earnest. "I am glad you like it Mitarashi-san."
Anko nods in appreciation as I take a few bits of food from the spread and eat my fill, soon finishing and going to put my dishes in the sink.
"Mitarashi-san?" I ask, the woman looking up. "Since I cooked, is it not fair to say that you will wash the dishes?"
She nods, continuing to eat.
"Arigatou, now, if you will excuse me, I must go and visit Hokage-sama."
I slip quietly out the door, locking it behind me and heading down the stairs and out of the building.
Anaki: We forgot to do a commentary in the ridiculously short prologue which some reviewer actually said was 'too long', pfft.
RC16: But you did learn you're being mocked on ED.
Anaki: Yep, and it's as funny as hell, I love having ten dicks! Whoo! They wave in anger! Lmao.
RC16: Well, ppl, you've seen it, I am officially the only sane one here.
RC17: HEY! What about me?
RC16: I think the fact that you just blew out one of my ear drums proves me correct, dear sister. Ow...
RC17: Oops, I'm sorry! -throws him a roll of bandages- Review ppl, we know ya'll prefer Story Alert to typing, but we'd love to see some feedback!