It was strange, but so much could happen in three years. You could get married, have your book published, have a baby, move to a new place, find your dream job, eat countless amounts of ice cream; the possibilities were endless. It had been three years since the Doctor had left me; three birthdays. I felt old and I couldn't even bring myself to read my notebook of adventures, it lay forgotten in the back of my closet. Instead, I read other books and wrote when I could think of ideas. Though, deadlines were never my strong suit.
Really, the only book I read was one entitled "The Rose Garden" by Susanna Kearsley. It was worn and starting to fall apart. I had bought it years ago; the year I was graduating college. It helped me keep together. It was beautifully written and reminded me each time I read it why I wanted to be an author. It was just a bonus that it dealt vaguely with time travel.
After the Doctor left me, it seemed as if my world fell apart. I didn't know what to do with myself, but a year later, I had a job and everything seemed to be going alright; my illness hadn't even resurfaced. Still, every time I got a cold or let out a cough, Dorian looked at me and waited until I took another breath before breathing himself. Today, though, it was my birthday and it was a beautiful day. The afternoon of my birthday, actually, and I had just finished with a meeting and was sitting at home, reading the same book and waiting for Dorian so we could go out and celebrate my getting older.
When a knock sounded on the door, I looked over at it confused. Dorian had a key, he would just come in, and I wasn't expecting anyone else. My family was on a cruise to Alaska, they wouldn't be here. But the knock sounded again. Figuring it was a package or something like it, I got up to open the door. As the door opened, my eyes widened in shock and every word in my vocabulary vanished from my mind.
"Happy Birthday, Rachel Foster." The Doctor stood before me, arms outstretched, waiting for me to hug him. But my muscles were still paralyzed in shock. The Doctor put his arms down at his sides and looked at the floor. "Uh, how many years has it been?" Still, I could not reply to him. "Right, well, I should just be going then." I finally found some words stuck in my throat.
"You want a cup of tea?" I looked at the Doctor, my knuckles white and clinging to the door. "After all, three years is a while to catch up on." The Doctor looked up at me and I smiled a small smile at him. He entered and I closed the door behind him. He waited and I led him to the kitchen.
"You got a different flat since I last saw you, this one is bigger." The Doctor sat down at the table in the kitchen area, watching as I put the kettle on to heat up the water. I turned towards him and leaned on my counter, facing in his direction.
"A lot has changed since you last saw me." I smiled and started to play with the sleeve of my blazer. Standing here and talking with the Doctor wasn't supposed to be awkward, but it was. So I just awkwardly smiled and continued talking with him.
"Your style hasn't." The Doctor looked me up and down. Though I'm sure his eyes landed on my neck. "Nice bowtie." I smiled at him and absentmindedly played with it. He smiled over at me. "You look quite nice today."
"Yeah, well I was waiting for Dorian to get here to celebrate my birthday." I looked over at the pot, waiting for the water to boil. The Doctor's smile widened.
"Ah, so Dorian stayed with you then." The Doctor tried to catch my eye, but I tried to avoid it. I didn't know how the Doctor would take the news.
"Uh, we're married, actually." I looked over at him, trying to gage his reaction. When I met his eye, he looked incredibly happy. And I was confused for a second.
"So you're actually Rachel Foster now." The Doctor's smile brightened as I nodded my head in affirmation. "I told you, you would find him." I chuckled.
"You could have warned me, though," I replied. Hearing the shrieking of the kettle, I took the pot off and poured two cups, placing a tea packet in each. "I hope this is alright. It's all I have. But its Dorian's favorite." I smiled and set the cup in front of the Doctor. He didn't touch it. "But, uh, Dorian and I have been married a year and a half, almost. It'll actually be half in December." The Doctor just looked at me. He didn't say anything, just stared as I sipped at my tea. I couldn't take the silence, so I started to speak once more. "We were actually thinking of moving. I mean the flat is so small. But I can't seem to fathom the idea of moving away from the park."
"Where we first met," The Doctor's smile emanated the impression of nostalgia we both felt. I nodded and smiled over at the Doctor. He still hadn't touched his cup of tea. "So, you both want a bigger place." I nodded again. "You want enough space for the children I'm sure you want." The Doctor smiled, like he really knew what he was talking about. I tore my gaze from his.
"No," I gripped my cup tightly in my hands. The cup was hot and I could feel the burning sensation as the heat of the cup transferring to my hands. But the temperature of the cup distracted me so I wouldn't let the tears fall. As I had, so many times before. "Uh, we had a pregnancy scare a while back and I got tested." The Doctor realized what I was going to say. "I can't have kids. I naturally don't work right." I wiped furiously at my eyes where tears had formed despite my adamant conviction not to cry. "We've talked about adoption, maybe later in life." I looked down at the liquid in the cup, trying not to see the look of sympathy on the Doctor's face. "Can we talk about something else?" The Doctor cleared his throat and in a muffled tone, searched for something else to say.
"How's your writing going?" The Doctor continued to stare at me. It was a bit unnerving, but I didn't want to read into his gaze. But he knew something that he wasn't telling me. I answered anyways.
"I'm being published." I smiled over at him, trying to lift my mood. It was actually a topic I was elated about. "I'm all set and ready to go. I just have to wait for the release date; it's sometime in October." My smile grew a bit brighter. "I mean, I've been published before; one or two short stories in different collections, a few hint fictions here and there. But this is my first real novel. It's all prepared for release; title, cover art, editing and all." The Doctor's look of concern made me pause. "It probably won't sell well. It is my first, but I have high hopes." I smiled over at the window. "You knew me as famous when we first met. I imagine something good will fall out of this. I mean, if not the first novel, maybe the next."
Before the Doctor could answer, I heard the familiar sound of keys in the door. I smiled and stood. Dorian walked into the kitchen, setting his keys down on the counter and walking over to me. His embrace was warm and familiar; his kisses welcome and fervent. Dorian hadn't realized, however, that we had company. I pulled away, leaning into him, and smiled.
"We got a visitor today." I gestured to the Doctor. Dorian nodded to him, but said nothing more. The Doctor was looking away. Looking into Dorian's eyes, I could tell he wasn't exactly pleased to see the Doctor sitting in our kitchen drinking tea. I stood awkwardly; I didn't know how to react. My husband had a problem with one of my best friends. But Dorian knew exactly how to react; he attacked the Doctor for his actions.
"You left her without so much as a backwards glance, she was devastated. You couldn't have been kinder?" Dorian's steely gaze and accusations hit the Doctor hard. I could tell that the Doctor felt horrid about what happened, but Dorian wasn't going to let him off the hook. "She secluded herself to her room for months after you left. She would barely come out. I knew what you planned to do, but I can't believe you didn't stay awhile or even visit before now." I nudged Dorian in the ribs, hoping it would prompt him to shut up. Dorian shut up, but his eyes were still steely, glaring at the Doctor.
"That's the past. I'm happy he came to visit." I grabbed my purse and Dorian's hand. The Doctor stood up. "Now, today is my birthday. And we three are going out to celebrate and everyone is going to be happy because I am sure as hell ecstatic that I am still alive to see this day." I looked at both of them. They were still staring at each other, but eventually, Dorian nodded and wrapped his arm tighter around my waist. The Doctor tried to smile.
We walked out of the flat and I locked the door behind us. I didn't know where we were heading. There was still some light in the sky, so we decided to walk through the park to get wherever we were going. The Doctor just followed along as Dorian kept his arm firmly around my waist. Though I could see Dorian's attitude becoming softer.
"How have your lives been, other than getting married and all that?" The Doctor walked beside me as we traveled through the park.
"Well, I'm working as in a museum, curetting and planning. It's nice work and it pays decent enough." Dorian looked over at the Doctor and down at me. "I assume you know Rachel is being published." I smiled over at the Doctor.
"But I'm also a secretary at a publishing company; a different one than the one that's publishing me." I chuckled a little. "There was a bit of an upset at the office when I told them the news, but they don't exactly publish the type of stories I write." The Doctor looked like he would question what I meant, but I continued before he could ask aloud. "They publish children's stories. And my novel is young adult, for teens."
We were near the Peter Pan statue when I felt I needed to sit down. It was always the statue. It was where I met the Doctor and where he left me; where I spent so many hours after work wondering if he would come back. I found the park bench I always went to and sat down. Dorian sat next to me while the Doctor continued to stand. There was concern on his face, but I knew it was nothing to be worried about.
"This always happens, you know, now." I tried to explain, but the concern stayed plastered on the Doctor's face. "It's just a little after effect of being so sick." I smiled over at the Doctor. "Really, I feel better than ever, and I haven't relapsed and it's been three years. Really, no need to worry, I'm just a bit tired." I smiled and grabbed Dorian's hands to play with his fingers.
But I knew the Doctor would be worried about my well-being. He had the right to be. I would love to be blasé and nonchalant about the whole thing, but every day at work I was scared I would just collapse and no one would know what happened to me. Or walking through the park and no one would know why I died. Either scenario could happen. And I knew there would be nothing to prevent it.
I closed my eyes and lay my head on Dorian's shoulder, enjoying the cool breeze and trying to regain my breath. Dorian and the Doctor started talking about what the Doctor had been up to and how Dorian was doing at work. I listened to them talking as I relaxed.
"I've been around, you know me, never in one place too long." The Doctor sounded gloomy, like he sometimes did when he spoke about being alone. "But I get by just fine." I opened my eyes to look at him.
"You have to promise me, you won't keep that way. I mean, you love having friends and company around you." I smiled as Dorian's thumb stroked the back of my hand. "Being lonely is worse than dying. Trust me." I looked over to the statue of Peter Pan.
But I wasn't expecting what I saw.
There, standing right in front of the statue, was Oodmund. He just stood there, not moving, but staring at me. For a moment I couldn't breathe. But the next, Oodmund reached for his communicator ball to speak to me. Everything seemed to melt away. Dorian was still stroking my hand and the Doctor was still standing in front of me. I guessed no one else could see the alien in front of the statue. But I paid attention to the ood standing a distance away as he started to speak.
"It is time, Rachel." The words that resonated in my head confused me. I didn't want to hear them.
"But it can't be." I replied audibly. I didn't know if Oodmund could hear me, but I said it anyway. "I've been so great. Getting better, not as tired." The Doctor looked back and forth from me to the direction I was looking. He was just as confused as I was, but about a different problem.
"Rachel, who are you talking to?" The Doctor knelt down in front of me and grabbed my hands from Dorian.
"I'm sorry, Rachel. There is nothing to be done. Be happy that you shall be with those who you care about and those that care about you." Oodmund replaced his communicator ball to his shirt and walked away; his form disappearing into the scenery. I kept looking for him; for some explanation more about what was happening. I felt the sobs pulling at my throat as the tears began to pool in my eyes. My hands ripped from the Doctor's grasp and went to wipe the tears from my eyes.
"I love you, Dorian." I leaned up to kiss him, as he looked down at me. Taking a deep breath, I spoke again. "But I've been told it's my time." As soon as the words escaped my lips, Dorian's arms encased me in their warmth. The Doctor took out his screwdriver and it buzzed as he tried to figure out what was wrong with me. I didn't even know what the matter with me was, but he gave me an answer a minute later.
"Your lungs aren't getting enough air to your brain. Each breath you take gives you less and less air. If you can't get the air you need, soon, you'll-" He didn't finish his thought. I could see the gears frantically turning in his mind. "We're going to see the ood again. They can postpone it more and you can keep on and be happy." The Doctor was about to rush away, but I stuck out a hand to grasp his as he almost stood up.
"I doubt the ood can do anything at this point." I smiled down at him. "I knew this day would come sometime, but I'm just happy you both are here so that I don't have to be alone." I snuggled into Dorian as the Doctor played with my fingers.
"I don't want you to go. We just started our lives together." Dorian whispered into my hair and kissed my forehead. "You can pull through this. I know you can do anything you set your mind to." My tears stained his shirt as I sat there. He made this so hard because I knew there was nothing to be done.
"I'm so sorry. You can leave if you must." I let go of the Doctor's hand and placed my hands in my lap. "I just wish you would stay until this is over."
I waited to watch the Doctor walk away. I knew Dorian would stay with me, but I knew this was hard for the Doctor. It was probably more difficult than watching someone just leave the TARDIS because he knew that in a small way, he caused this. I cursed whoever was listening in whatever afterlife existed that I would have to die from some alien illness.
In a moment, I contemplated what would happen when I finally did stop breathing. I guess I would finally know what afterlife really existed, what churches got it right, if any of them did. But as the Doctor once again grabbed my hand, I smiled a little smile at him and waited for the air I was taking in to stop being enough. It didn't come as fast as I thought it would.
"I'm sorry, Rachel." The Doctor had tears in his eyes. I knew he wouldn't cry in front of me. I knew he might bottle it up for ages until, all in one stressful moment, he let it rip out of him in a rage storm of fury. Or he might wallow away in a heart-wrenching depression, sinking lower and lower into an abyss until he could no longer go on. I shook my head. I didn't want either scenario to happen. He should just let it out or forget about me entirely. But I didn't want that to happen either. "This is entirely my fault. I'm so sorry." I shook my head again.
"Don't be, it happened and there's nothing you can do about it now," I sighed as the Doctor lifted his head, a sad excuse for an idea popping into his mind. I continued, "Unless you want to do something like rip a hole in the space time continuum." The Doctor's head drooped. He knew I was right. "Just let it be." My eyes started to close, but I wasn't ready just then. I forced myself to stay awake; to keep bringing air into my lungs, to keep myself alive.
I sighed. The sun was dropping behind the horizon as we sat at the park bench. The air blew a little colder as the silence kept suffocating the words I wanted to say. I knew that I couldn't keep this up in the silence.
"Someone want to tell me a story?" I smiled as Dorian pulled me closer. He smiled into my hair as he kissed it and started with a story.
"Once upon a time, there was a man. He was known by many names, but most knew him as the Doctor." Dorian looked over at the Doctor, still kneeling in front of me. I smiled over at Dorian as he continued. "He ran. He ran far and fast. He ran even when nothing was chasing him. He ran to things and from things. And once upon a time, there was a girl. She wasn't significant or special, but this Doctor thought she was. She didn't have anywhere to go. When the Doctor found her, she ran. Oh, how fast she ran. She followed the Doctor to nowhere in particular because he asked her to go."
"And oh, the adventures they had." The Doctor finished smiling up at me. "And that's just the beginning of it." I smiled.
"That's my story." I chuckled. "Isn't that plagiarism?" A tired feeling washed over me. I knew that was a signal that I truly wasn't getting enough air in my lungs to feed my brain anymore. I looked over at the Doctor. "You won't forget me, will you?" A tear fell from my eye.
"You? Never." The Doctor smiled up at me, but I noticed the way his cheeks glistened because he was crying too. He didn't show it, but he had let some of his tears fall.
"Good." I squeezed his hand in mine and turned to Dorian. "How are you going to be?"
"I don't know," Dorian's eyes held so much grief; I couldn't help the sob that escaped my lips. "I don't think I can do this without you." My hand reached up and found its way to stroke his face. He had let a beard start to grow, his cheeks becoming scruffy with the stubble. He was also growing out his hair as well; the ends just barely brushing his collar. "I'm so happy I met you." A thought crossed my mind as I looked into Dorian's eyes. I hesitantly turned away from him.
"Doctor, why am I so famous? You knew of me before we even met. You called me The Rachel Foster. Why?" The Doctor looked up at me as I asked my question.
"Because everyone who read your book wanted more, but you weren't around to write anything else." The Doctor looked away from me. "And now I know it was completely my fault." I sighed, agitated.
"Stop it, Doctor; it isn't your fault, now just stop." A cough heaved my body forward. But Dorian still held me. The Doctor had no protests for me after that. Dorian leaned in to whisper in my ear.
"Please, don't leave me." His words blew a warm breath on my ear. I turned to kiss him. My body tried to meld with his; tried to make us one person.
"I don't want to, but I happen to know something." I leaned in to whisper in his ear as he had with me. "There is a girl in the forests of Camelot waiting to meet you and be unexpectedly swept off her feet."
I kissed Dorian's cheek and kept warm in his arms as I continued to become more and more tired. We sat in silence; all waiting to see when I would close my eyes for the last time and never open them again.
Eventually, I could no longer fight the exhaustion and closed my eyes, feeling as though I would wake up after a short nap. I turned to Dorian and grabbed the Doctor's hand.
"I'm just going to rest my eyes for a moment. I'll wake up again in a few minutes, ok?" I looked into Dorian's eyes. There were tears in them, but he smiled for me. Both of them, even I, knew that this was it. But I closed my eyes and drifted off into the abyss, never to wake again.