Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
Lies I Told Myself
Key
S.S: Sick Shit (not suitable for the weak-minded or squeamish)
thinking
"talking"
thoughts progressing into speech"
'substitute for italics' (in certain places, like emphasizing something)
/telepathy/
:scene change: (more for my reference than anything else)
POV (automatically Naruto's if left unspecified)
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Summary: I was a cold, callous individual. I was sarcastic and witty, not a pleasant person to be around. I cut you down with biting words every chance I got and smiled so frighteningly that I made children cry. I was, simply put, an asshole. I never cared what you thought of me. And one day I got bored, so very bored, so I decided to snap.
A/N: School, college to be more exact, is starting. My updates may dwindle to once a month or every two months or not at all for a while. I don't know yet, just bear with me if you will. Also, yes, I do realize the last three chapters are proly still labeled "seven" in the chapter itself. I may or may not go back to change those, I'm sure none of you would've noticed had I not said anything. I do believe we're way overdue for that gore I've been promising, ne? I'm feeling a bit violent.
WARNINGS (possibly the next four or so chapters): Bloodshed, dismemberment, decapitation, very descriptive disembowelment, hostage situations, violent interrogations, and topping everything off is some lovely character death drizzled in sinister plot development.
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Dear
You Make
Me
Laugh
I Fear
You
Think
That You
Have
A Choice
Knaji
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Chapter Eleven: An Idle Mind is Naruto's Playground
:Konohagakure, Hokage's Office:
We'd finished reciting our reports to the letter and were currently waiting on Sarutobi to dismiss us. I was elated to see him, but that didn't make me any less antsy. I longed to return home and prepare my newest experiments. I hadn't the slightest clue what I would do with the lumps of gray matter once I'd extracted the information from them, but I was sure I'd come up with something.
Nevermind that I had a girl to break.
"Naruto?"
"Hai, Kakashi-sensei?"
"I would like for you to explain to Hokage-sama your hasty actions in killing the two Chunin Mist nukenin."
And now a cyclopian bastard to kill.
"I simply did what was best, Hokage-sama." I murmur placidly to a silent Sarutobi as my teammates look on. Momoiro was a strange shade of green and Karasu radiated what I assume was jealousy. "I interrogated them for information and when they yielded no more truths, I killed them as per protocol. Everything Ibiki-san and Anko-san taught me to do."
I smile inwardly as Sarutobi nods to me, giving his approval for my methods.
"Good job Naruto. However, in the future, please wait until Kakashi gives you the green light before killing your victims." he states in an authorative voice, though he and I both knew that I'd disobey that order given the first chance.
"Hai, Hokage-sama."
He nods once more, this time to all of us.
"Turn your written report in to Shimizu-san on your way out." he gestures towards the hall where his secretary is. "Team Seven dismissed."
We walk out of Sarutobi's office and give our reports to his blonde klutz of a secretary Yamanaka Shimizu, before heading outside. However, unfortunately or fortunately, depending on your bias, Kakashi pulls me aside and sends my teammates on their way.
Sigh.
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Sasuke
"Is your arm okay, Sasuke-kun?" Sakura asks as she follows behind me like always.
"Hn." I reply absently, not really listening to her words. I was too busy thinking about the look on Naruto's face before we left him with Kakashi, he looked...pleased.
And I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out why.
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Kakashi
"I don't like your attitude Uzumaki. I don't like it at all." I tell him as I lead him to one of the more isolated training grounds. It was time to bring this Genin, son of my late Sensei or not, back to reality. "So we're going to have a little sparring session to teach you your place. This will consist of purely Taijutsu and Kenjutsu, aside from that, anything goes until K.O or surrender. Understand?"
I watch as he nods, but doesn't bother to get into any stance. I idly wondered if my emphasis on 'anything' had anything to do with it until I watched him pick pebbles off the ground and throwing them around the clearing as if bored.
I had to fight the urge to belt him upside the head right then and there. I could see what Sasuke and Sakura meant now when they said he was irritating.
"Before we begin, sensei..." he starts, the word 'sensei' coming from his lips like a particularly foul word. "Might we wager a bit?"
I raise an eyebrow, almost stunned at his arrogance, but allowing him to continue.
"If I were to...win, this spar, you would permit my team to take the upcoming Chunin Exams." he states, continuing quickly before I have the chance to interject. "However, should you win, I will follow your orders without question, for the rest of the time that I am your subordinate."
Oh, this was too good to pass up. Him, beat a seasoned ex-Konoha ANBU turned Jounin?
The very idea was laughable.
"Sure Uzumaki, you've got a deal."
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Author
The way that Naruto cut down Kakashi was nothing short of methodical and boring from his point of view. I'm certain Kakashi had a purely horrific time believing that he was being beaten by what he believed to be a mere slip of a Genin. However, if you know Naruto like you think you do, then you already know that he's never really been a Genin in either skill or mind.
"Katon: Ryuuka!" the copy-nin screams out, his throat raw and in pain from being hit with the butt of Naruto's sword hilt not once, but multiple times. The young blonde is engulfed in a dragon made of flames before appearing behind his sensei a mere second later, a disapproving look on his features.
"So terrible, sensei..." he murmurs softly as the Jounin turns, both eyes, Sharingan and normal, widened in shock and disbelief. "To break your own rules."
I didn't even sense him! How can he hide such massive chakra on a whim?! How can he be so fast?!
Kakashi, so lost in his thoughts, nearly misses dodging Naruto's sword swing to his unprotected back. He flips forward a few times to get out of the range of his katana but in doing so, he hits a few low power land mine seals that Naruto had inscribed onto some pebbles early on.
Needless to say, the results were not pretty.
"Of course, we 'are' shinobi, are we not, Kakashi-sensei? So what are we but gutless cheaters?" he tells the injured man with a malicious grin starting to make its way across his features. Kakashi attempts to stay calm but adrenaline is racing through his veins like that of a frightened rabbit, carefully locating his four blown off fingers in their respective pools of blood (two index, left ring and right thumb) and pocketing them for the iryounin to heal later, taking a clotting pill to stem the blood flow to his fingerless stumps. "Of course, what are a few fingers to someone like you, hm?"
Kakashi, bleeding from numerous shallow cuts, three non-fatal torso stab wounds, and fingerless, prepares to say something, but Naruto is immediately in his personal bubble with another attack heading for his shoulder, not giving him the chance to surrender.
No, no, sensei. There will be no surrendering for you, haha. It's time I taught 'you' a lesson.
Thankfully, for Naruto, Kakashi, the Hokage (through his cute little crystal ball thing), and the ANBU now watching the fight take place, remain oblivious to his thoughts. Else he would be a dead man right now.
The fight continues in this strain a while longer, Kakashi getting his ass kicked by his own student, all the while wondering exactly how it was possible. Naruto, cutting him down stoically, ecstatic at the chance to finally let go against the man that he never saw as a proper sensei in the first place. Of course, that was his own doing through the use of chakra.
He wouldn't have bothered to use it if his 'sensei' had followed his own rules. Not that the outcome would've been any different.
What Kakashi didn't know was that the tea Naruto had given him in Wave was not only a sedative, it was also a remote control to his entire body. It was quite possible to inscribe seals (that would disperse themselves into the water with the tea itself) into the crushed tea leaves, which is exactly what Naruto took the time and considerable effort to research and apply in earnest.
The seals acted as microparasites, attaching themselves to the inside of the body, working their way through the bloodstream, nervous system, and other bodily fluids where they could be activated all at once or in a nerve cluster. Naruto hadn't come up with a name for it yet, but he was quite content to see that they worked to no ill effect. He could trip up his sensei and mess with his mental acuity all at once thanks to the glucose and proteins being passed through the BBB. 1
Of course, if he could beat Zabuza to the point of death, then of course, Kakashi, with significantly less experience than the Kiri Jounin, would be no problem for the boy.
And that was without the tea.
Such is the power of our prodigy Jinchurikki.
Now doesn't that say something about the other Konoha shinobi?
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Well, that was fun. I have to admit, I thought Kakashi would be a bit more challenging. Still, it was a good experiment in restraint. I had many opportunities to relieve him of his head but I refrained. It amazes me what passes for shinobi in this pitiful excuse for a village.
Honestly, I was quite aware the toxins were invisible, but all shinobi should know to charge any drinks from an outside source with chakra to remove anything foreign, and that includes foreign chakra signatures. Had Kakashi done that, he wouldn't be in the hospital with a concussion, six broken ribs, four blown off fingers, torso wounds, a busted ear drum, a crushed larnyx, and a broken wrist and ankle.
In fact, that could have very well been me in his place.
He'd be fine, I made sure to request Kotimo and Aki for his medical detail, couldn't have my sensei incapacitated after all, now could I? I might have use for him later.
I'd finished explaining things to a slightly furious Sarutobi, making sure to stress Kakashi's rules before the fight even began. I was pleased to note that I was backed by the cat masked ANBU codenamed Senbei. 2
Sarutobi had sighed, I could sense his disappointment with me, and dismissed me. I would make it up to him later, I hated to see him like that when it concerned me.
I needed to get back home and check on Maki, I was certain Anko had scared the poor dear. Nevertheless, I was ecstatic.
After all...
I was going to the Chunin Exams.
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"Tadaima, Anko-san!" I call out as I enter the house, I don't get a chance to move out of the way before I am tackled by my exuberant...friend.
Yes, Anko was a friend wasn't she? I finally felt I could trust her after six years.
"Gaki!" she squeals as she hugs me tightly to her chest, I resist the urge to roll my eyes. "I actually missed you, gaki, you know that? And that evil thing you call a housecat has been attacking me while I slept, I swear she was channeling you."
I nod, not bothering or getting the option to return her embrace as she lets me go. I grace her with a light smile, holding up a scroll.
"I'll start dinner Anko-san, how does Hasenpfeffer mit Kartoffel sound?" 3
Anko gives me a blank look and I just grin in return.
"You'll love it, trust me."
Notes of the Footed Kind
1 . BBB - Blood/Brain Barrier: a separation of circulating blood and cerebrospinal fluid maintained by the choroid plexus in the central nervous system. Endothelial cells restrict the diffusion of microscopic objects (bacteria) and large or hydrophillic molecules into the cerebrospinal fluid, while allowing the diffusion of small hydrophobic molecules (O2, hormones, CO2). Cells of the barrier actively transport metabolic products such as glucose across the barrier with specific proteins.
Or, for you non-science folk: It separates yer brain from yer blood lest it fuck shit up. And only allows things through that help your metabolism (glucose, which is sugar), oxygen, hormones, and proteins that help your body do its thing. When you're bleeding into your own brain from head trauma, then you know the BBB has failed you. Brain damage is ny.
2. Senbei are japanese rice crackers that can be savory or sweet. They're normally eaten with green tea as a snack. Personally I think they taste weird but to each his own. My ANBU will either have animal or food names, mainly as a cute bit of originality to my fics.
3. Hasenpfeffer mit Kartoffel is a german dish which is basically stewed or fried rabbit with bacon and potatoes. It sounds pretty tasty if I do say so myself.
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Anaki: Thanks for all the reviews, especially you Starry. And as you all can no doubt tell, this is mostly a filler chapter for the violence that is to come. If you thought the spar between Kakashi and Naruto made Kakashi out to be the bad guy, then I'm glad, 'cause that's what I'm going for. If it seemed too unrealistic, I'm sorry, but you can see that I have tried to rationalize it a bit.
RC16: -yawn- Um...what she said.
Anaki: Oh, 16, you can go home dude, I know it's been a long fucking week.
RC16: Sweet. -disappears-
Anaki: Do your thing 17 then you can head off too. We gotta get ready for school next week!
RC17: 'Kay! Review everyone, and hope that our workload will be light enough for us to give you an update next month!