Changing the View

By Kaemon

October 25th

School was canceled today. Apparently the storm last night caused a tree to fall into the building which happened to set off a chain reaction of destruction. So basically the damage is quite severe and school will be out for at least two weeks. Lucky me. Though the power is still out at the house and it's been that way for the entire day. They say that the power will be back up by tomorrow or the next day, but they all look rather lazy to me.

Yesterday I wrote that I would tell you of how I came to the realization that my curse and life could be far worse then it is now, so I suppose I'll do that now.

About three weeks ago at the start of October I was having what one would call a bad day. I had been late to school and attacked by the principle, and then attacked by the teachers when I got to class. Akane got really angry at me at lunch and right after that I was attacked by Mousse and knocked into the school pool. The fight continued for a couple hours before Mousse finally gave up his pointless chase. This normally would be just an annoying day, but for some reason the past week had been following this pattern. Late to school, attacked at school, spend all day being chased, and then back to the dojo to get yelled at. I'd like to think after a week of this anyone would begin to get angry.

So I was sitting in the park, female, watching as the people moved by trying to think of how things could get worse. Surprisingly enough that's extremely easy to do. Death is pretty high on the list of things that could make it worse. As I watched the people I noticed a familiar figure walking right in front of me, it was Ryoga. I called out to him to say hello but before I could get past his name I noticed his eyes. They were dark and more depressed looking then I had ever seen him in the past which was quite a frightening thing considering his history for being depressed. As soon as he noticed me though his eyes and overall expression seemed to snap back into his normal look and he put a small wry grin on his face. "Hey Ranma, how's it going?" He asked in a perfectly normal tone of voice. He then walked over and sat down on the bench next to me. "Umm, not too good, but you looked horrible there. Did something happen?" I asked him as he looked down at me.

He laughed at me, "No, I was just deep in thought. Nothing important." was all he said. Both of us sat there for a few quiet moments before he spoke up again, "It's not like you to just sit in the park female, or male for that matter, and just watch people go by. Something happen to you?"

I decided I would explain to him how my life sucked at the time, "Well," I started, "for the past week I've been stuck in the same looping pattern! I wake up, fight, get to school, fight, eat lunch, fight, fight, run, and get yelled at! It never ends! My life sucks to be blunt! Its worse then anyone else's life I know!" If I could have been able to predict the future at that time I would have known then would be a good time to shut up. "I have this stupid curse which causes me more problems then anything else. I can't live at my home nor can I see my mother." Yep, that really would have been a good time to shut up, but no, I continued. "Oh, and the rare chances I get to see my mother I have to live a lie in order not to get killed! I have three fiancés that I really don't want, and the only one who I could possibly in time get to know is always beating me up. She's not insane like Shampoo, or obsessed like Ukyo, she's just violent! My life is in ruins!" Right as I was about to continue I heard a cracking noise next to me, I then looked over at Ryoga and noticed that he had just broken the handle of the bench in his hands. "Is there something wrong?" I asked him.

Ryoga then started to go on his own rant. "Oh yeah! There is something wrong! You're a spoiled little kid! You may say that your life is in ruins, but you at least have a life! Some of us can't manage to grasp onto one because it just keeps slipping through our fingers. You say you have girl problems? It's not a problem! It's your own laziness! You just sit there and watch it go by instead of trying to resolve the problem with Ukyo, or try to get rid of the amazons! You're afraid to hurt anyone's feelings and in turn you ruin their lives! And at least you have people who care for you like that. When was the last time someone went out of their way to make me happy? Or when did you go out of your way to make Akane happy?" I remember watching him as his eyes turned darker as he continued his rant. "You think you're mother is a problem? At least you can see your mother even if you have to live a lie."

At that point I had tried to argue back, "Hey! You don't know how painful it is to practically lose your mother!"

"My mothers dead!" He shot back at me. "She died last week!" After he yelled that things became clear to me, his darkened eyes, his abnormal amount of depression, and the fact he hadn't attacked me the second he saw me. My ranting about my life seemed to have pushed him over the edge. Obviously he hasn't wanted to tell me or anyone else in Nerima for that matter that his mother had died. Ryoga always came off as the type who didn't want others pity no matter what happened to him. I tried to apologize to him but he cut me off, but in a quieter voice, and not yelling this time. "You think your curse is bad, but you should ask anyone else who has a Jusenkyo curse. I guarantee you that they would all want yours. You're human. You're always human. We on the other hand lose our humanity and become animals. You complain about your curse, but how many times have you used it to your advantage. How many times have you tricked people with it? Think about it for a minute, your problems would be here curse or not." Ryoga then stood up and had started to walk away, but then he had stopped and turned around to face me. "Think about it Saotome Ranma, you're life isn't as bad as you make it out to be. You have so much freedom. Shampoos life has to circle around you now, due to her laws. Ukyo has spent years with you as her goal, doing nothing but preparing for revenge and now trying to marry you. Akane, you live with her, and you affect everything in her life. She has the constant reminder that she is to be married to you and has virtually no choice in the matter. Oh, and me, I'm a slave to my curses. I'm forced to wander without knowing where to go and am considered a meal when my other curse is active, and now have lost the last of my family." He then adjusted his pack and simply walked away from me.

I leaned back in the bench and started to think. Obviously what he said were his opinions and not exactly how things were, but he made too many points that struck me as true. I now realize what might have set him over the edge was complaining about my mother.

That night I laid on my bed, still female, and stared up at the ceiling thinking about what Ryoga had said earlier that day. He was right overall. My life wasn't too bad. For hours I sat there thinking about what he said about how I was still human while the others lost that. He was right. When I change people still treat me mostly the same. Some guys might act a little differently, but overall it's the same, but when Mousse, Shampoo, Ryoga, or even the old man change people treat them differently.

Lost in thought the hours had passed and the next thing I knew the sun was rising and coming into the room though the windows. Even though I hadn't slept at all and spent all night thinking I was actually happy. I had decided that my curse actually isn't that bad, and I could learn to live with it. I had also come to the realization that I couldn't let things stay as they were. I had to solve the fiancé problem somehow. I couldn't continue to have three peoples lives center around mine; it is unfair to me, but most of all unfair to them.

About a week later I saw Ryoga again and thanked him. He gave me a confused look like he didn't know what I was talking about. Of course it seems like then Ryoga remembered the whole reason for coming to Nerima again and began his attack on me, but that's nothing abnormal.

I still don't have a solution to the fiancé problem, but I now recognize it as a much bigger problem then I used to think of it as. I'll figure out a solution sooner or later.

Anyway, aside from that story I don't have too much to write here today. I did go to the park today and see that stray dog again, and I once again tried to pet it. I'm starting to think that dog isn't a normal dog. I'm moving as fast as I can and yet I can't pet the thing. Akane says I frighten the dog, but I think it know what its doing and is actually mocking me. Ryoga is still here, he doesn't leave the house as far as I can tell, but that's a good thing considering the second he stepped out he would somehow be in some other country.

Today is a day I would consider good. No surprise attacks or anything of the sort. If life could be a peaceful as today then I would be happy.

I'm once again writing this by the light of the small battery powered light. Everyone else in the house seems to be sleeping peacefully, so I think I'll join them. Going to bed as a girl again due to the power outages.

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Hmmm, how fun. So, everyone who sees this, PLEASE review. I'd like to know opinions of what I write.

I don't really have much else to say here, I will be posting one update a day, of course, makes sense right? If its a journal then it would be a one a day thing?

I suppose sometimes I'll put up two at a time if there are two short ones in a row, so you don't get some small 500 word rant for the entire day.. Hah. Or something like that.