Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

Lies I Told Myself

Key

S.S: Sick Shit (not suitable for the weak-minded or squeamish)

thinking

"talking"

thoughts progressing into speech"

'substitute for italics' (in certain places, like emphasizing something)

/telepathy/

:scene change: (more for my reference than anything else)

POV (automatically Naruto's if left unspecified)

Summary: I was a cold, callous individual. I was sarcastic and witty, not a pleasant person to be around. I cut you down with biting words every chance I got and smiled so frighteningly that I made children cry. I was, simply put, an asshole. I never cared what you thought of me. And one day I got bored, so very bored, so I decided to snap.

A/N: Okay, first off Happy New Year, V-day, whatever. It's January at the start of my typing this, but knowing me (and the way that this Naruto thinks) y'all won't get the actual finished product until May lmao. Bear with me, real life gets in the way and getting into the mindset of my psychotic sociopathic Naruto can be difficult at the best of times. As for Naruto's goals? All I can say is he has some,

much like Canon Naruto, but significantly darker and selfish much like he is. And the poems at the beginning of the chapter aren't just for kicks.

Damned Child

I Will

Possess

You

I

Will

Devour

You

Knaji

:::

Chapter Seventeen: Skin of a Serpent: Stage Three

::Forest of Death::

It was quickly approaching nightfall, mind you I was not the least bit tired, the excess Living Chakra coursing through my veins provided me with the energy of a small sun. Of course, add the chakra of my tenant to that mix and you have a being able to function at their peak for days or even years on end with no need for rest.

I watch Momoiro stumble once, twice, and finally a third time with no small amount of amusement. I would have to keep an eye on her, the mind destroying technique I used has a potential to go awry.

And, as foolish and almost completely detrimental to my continued mental health as she is, I've no use for her as an actual vegetable.

Well...perhaps I could make her into a particularly deadly puppet...

Or even another body for Dai...

No, he's too simple to know what to do with the powers that Momoiro currently has.

Perhaps...

Ah, I just had an epiphany. And the work involved would see one of my problems solved completely.

I need notes, detailed notes, where are my blank scrolls?

Sakura

I hear Naruto snicker from his position behind me and Sasuke before he begins to mutter to himself.

"...tongue...replace...salamander properties...drill...poison..."

I shiver, why did we have to get the crazy, mentally unstable teammate?

"Mental instability is the sign of a weak, infirm, and uninitiated mind, which I can most decidedly assure you, Momoiro-san, that my mind is neither of the three." states an amused monotone from my left.

Crap I must've spoken aloud.

"That you did, are you feeling quite alright Momoiro-san? Shall I examine you for poisons or delirium?" He speaks again, and I feel a freezing hand on my forehead that rests there for all of five seconds before I pull away violently.

He was colder than a corpse.

"Don't touch me!"

I glower at him as he shrugs with a mild look of annoyance passing over his features before settling back into indifference, going back to his writing and murmuring.

I shiver again.

I really wasn't feeling too well. My head ached something fierce and I felt like I was going to pass out at any moment.

But he didn't need to know that, only Sasuke-kun mattered to me.

:::

Karasu hustled Momoiro into a shaded area thick with large tree root cover and made her a bed out of moss to lie on. A few hours had passed since my first assertion of her illness, which more than likely was due to the jutsu I had used to suppress and rebuild her memories, and he had begun to motherhen over her since then. A part of me wondered if he was beginning to see what a danger I could be to him, seeing as he had begun to pay more attention to the girl (perhaps in effort to rally her against me when he felt the time was right), and the other part decided that it simply did not care.

I crouch down over Momoiro's prone form, feeling for fever, but finding none. However, her muscles were tense enough to have begun to feel strain, and I had a remedy for that. Ignoring Karasu's glare, I extract a syringe from one of my scrolls, injecting the relaxant into several of her muscles to reduce the tension before standing up once more and stretching.

"I assume, Karasu-san, that you would remain here with Momoiro-san, while I obtain supplies and set traps?"

Karasu continues to glare, but nods warily.

"Wonderful!" I exclaim, a blatant mockery of a smile gracing my lips. "And you need not worry; I have no cause to harm you or our female teammate."

:::

I watch as the Suna Jinchurikki slaughters one of the Ame teams with little remorse, no finesse to his style at all. Nothing at all but crushed bones and a rain of blood, not one bit of technique or effort. Sigh. Efficient yes, but torridly messy.

Hm…it would be significantly easier to catch him here than later where I would be observed. His teammates do not look very imposing at all.

It's settled then.

I unseal Noriko from her scroll, pulsing a bit of Living Chakra through my new shrunken head pendant and feeling it turn necrotic.

I handle this new Dead Chakra carefully, not wanting to overwhelm my system with it for risk of turning myself into kyonshi, and push it into the mask on her face. 1

The seals light up and Noriko begins to move on her own once more.

The salvaged brain tissue from the two Ame-nin and her own remaining tissue come together to form what was now an undead minion completely at my beck and call.

Excellent.

:::

I send Noriko forward into the den of wolves, watching as she exploits the numerous modifications made to her form with only the slightest thought from myself or my tenant. She twists around the efforts of the puppet user Suna-nin, obliterates the fan of the wind user, and-

Curses.

She is all but crushed by the jinchurikki's sand. It appears I will have need of modifying her further. I make a hand-seal, activating her failsafe and returning her into my scroll lab. She would be fixed later, and I would see to the Suna boy's capture later, I had no desire to engage him in combat now.

Loathe as I was to admit it, I know that I would die again if I engaged him at this point. It was too soon for me to use another of my mimeograph holders. While he lacked finesse, he made up for in having a field advantage. I would need him near a water or easily superheated fire source.

:::

I return to the camp a few hours later, the traps are set, and I have a few dead rabbits with me for nourishment. I sit on a log that Karasu has so thoughtfully placed in front of the fire, and begin to skin them. I set aside the innards in a small clay gourd, covering it, and setting it in the outermost coals of the fire to cook. I would give them to Maki once we vacated this forest.

I finish with the rabbits, staking them over the fire and going to dispose of the subpar furs. Upon my return I duck underneath the large tree roots hiding my teammates and take in the scene before me with mirth.

Momoiro has all but trapped Karasu in her arms in her delirium, using him as a living pillow, and he looks decidedly unhappy about it.

"Well is that not adorable? I suppose I will just leave you two alone, do call me if her fever gets worse will you?" I whisper to him after checking her now stable temperature and breathing, letting a smirk cross my face. "Have a good night, Karasu-san."

I feel his glare follow me out of the enclosure and I am grinning at his reluctance to speak for fear of waking the girl curled against his body.

So amusing.

:::

Tenant?

I believe we have visitors.

No, not the pleasant kind. When are our visitors ever pleasant?

…No they don't count, they were assassins.

Well…I guess I had fun with them, they didn't make very good experiments though. Too weak.

Yes I'm aware that we are about to be attacked by a troupe of Ame-nin and that there are more.

Sigh…No tenant, they are not worthy of becoming any more than a myriad of bloodstains on the end of my sword.

I scoff in derision at its next comment.

Now tenant, I am many things, but I will never become a cannibal. How uncouth.

Notes of The Footed Kind

1. Kyonshi-living dead or reanimated dead, living dead in this case. Dead Chakra overwhelms Living Chakra and regular chakra, taints it, if allowed to do so. Thus, Naruto would be in a constant state of decay.

2. Void

A/N:Yes, I've lost my two muses unfortunately, but it's alright because I still survive. I know it's short. Just enjoy this one, I don't know when I'll be updating this story again. Also, I've had a lot of you ask exactly what the point of this fic is and that it doesn't seem t be progressing. It is, just keep in mind that you are reading from the narration of Naruto, not me. Were it me, we'd probably be almost done by now, but since it's him things will go slower. Think about how the average person (yourself) thinks, you go over little details in your mind that don't mean shit to anyone else. Well, that's what Naruto is doing. Thanks to those of you that stick with me.

Happy Valentine's Day!