Changing the View
By Kaemon
November 2nd
I did something absolutely stupid today. I think its one of the worst things I have ever said in my entire life, and that's a lot of things considering how I tend not to think of things before I say them.
It really was just a normal slightly boring day for most of the day. I actually went out and tried to find out more about dogs and the stuff they need since Yuki was still following me around most of the time. I actually took her out to the backyard and washed her off since who knows what she might have been exposed to while she stayed in the park. I actually let her stay in my room without cleaning her off first. I do need to clean my room out sometime soon just to be careful. I found out some useful things about taking care of a dog but nothing really major. It's not like I wouldn't have figured the stuff out on my own.
I got back home around noon and ate lunch. I was once again amazed that Ryoga was still around. It has been almost two weeks and yet he has still managed to attach himself to the Tendous. Though he doesn't go out alone or anything like that. He usually has me take him places he has to go and that's only if he really has to go places. Since pops left he has been the one I've been practicing with in the morning and I think its a lot more effective then the old man has been in the pat few years.
Mom decided that it would be a good idea for both of us to go to some new clothing store that had opened. We had all gone to the shopping areas yesterday but it's not like we got much of anything, and we didn't even go to clothing stores really. So later in the day we were both in the store, Akane had decided not to come, going around and trying things out. I don't quite get what's so exciting about clothing shopping but Mom seems to enjoy it so I just kind of go along with it. I think it all leads back to the fact that she wants to be at least like a parent to someone since 'Ranma' isn't around. I really shouldn't complain about it because she does pay for everything and it's not like I have to wear it all that often. They do come in handy if I ever have to dress up as a girl for whatever reason. Everything was going fine really until as I was changing into something that Mom thought would be good a thought crossed my mind. Mom really seemed to enjoy these types of activities and liked to do what I would consider 'girl' things with me. Was there even the slightest chance that Mom would have preferred a daughter over a son? I really didn't know why I would think such a question. It really didn't make much sense at all. After all, I had only seen her when I was a girl I had no clue how she would act if I had returned home just as normal Ranma, but as usual I always say things before I think and I asked her right there in the changing area 'Would you have had a daughter instead of a son?' It really was a stupid question to ask, and I could tell that immediately after I said it. She immediately got really quiet and kind of just froze where she was standing. I didn't get an answer though. She stayed quiet for maybe a minute or two and then snapped back into her normal attitude and just seemed to ignore the question I asked her. In the end after all the shopping was done, which really wasn't much though. It's not like when I go shopping with anyone I just buy random things.
The rest of the day passed by with nothing happening at all, not even something weird happening at dinner. Ryoga did look like he was planning something and he kept looking over at Soun like he had something to tell him but in the end he never did anything interesting.
Later I was up in my room once again just staring at the ceiling thinking about random things, most of them unimportant. After about an hour Mom came in and seemed to be doing exactly what I was doing; just staring up at the ceiling thinking about random things. It was odd because normally she acts more formal than that. I don't think I'd ever seen her just lie down and think before. It was actually kind of uncomfortable to me to just sit there without saying anything. It was silent for almost another whole hour before I decided I was going to say something since it was getting very awkward for both of us to be sitting there in silence, but before I could say anything she started to speak to me. It was the answer to the question I had asked her earlier today. She explained to me that she wasn't exactly sure if she would have preferred a daughter over a son, but that should have liked a daughter as well. She continued and told me that if 'Ranma' had been born a girl then the old man never would have had an excuse to go on the training trip and she would still know her child and husband. Really it made me feel like I was at fault for her feeling so lonely. Though in reality it still is the old mans fault because he made the stupid contract, he took me and got me cursed. The entire conversation continued for a while and generally I felt that she really does want 'Ranma' back but at the same time she wishes she had a daughter. She said that with all the time I've been with her and how I'm always the one around her when she comes over I'm like a daughter to her. It was almost hilariously sad how true that comment almost is. The whole conversation also made me feel worse about continuing my selfish hiding from her; I doubt that she would go through with the contract even if she knew about my curse.
I'm glad that she said she wasn't exactly sure if she would have liked a daughter over a son. I don't know how I could or would react if she had said that she would have preferred 'me' over 'me'. I'm still very confused about how to react to everything.
She of course wants a daughter but I can't exactly give her that. I mean, I could, but I don't think I actually could do it.
It was so stupid to ask that question. Such a stupid thing.
Well, sorry about this being so late today, I woke up really late and just was busy today. Hehe.
I hope this chapter seems kind of confusing to read, because Ranma is supposed to be stressed and confused about this and when writing about it she should be coming off as confused and not quite in touch with what exactly was said, mostly thinking about the things said as she interpreted them.
Hmm, anyway, this is fun to write.