Ok, so this chap I am not totally happy with but it does have bromance, light hearted and some serious with a dash of creative liberty. Hope you enjoy!
Chapter 7
They made camp again that night. Both were exhausted and Merlin's leg wasn't looking a whole lot better, his ankle still swollen and a motley shade of bruises standing out against the pale skin. Luckily it didn't appear to be infected, thanks to his own magic instinctually working or the healing paste.
They finished up the rest of the boar's meat plus some berries Arthur managed to forage and then sat shoulder to shoulder leaning up against a log in front of the fire with Merlin's leg propped as comfortably as possible.
The sky was clear, the air chilly, but not so much that the discomfort wasn't easily dispelled by the warmth of the fire.
There was a companionable togetherness, sitting side by side to the warlock, one Arthur found fit just right.
With a little regal (Merlin would call it prattish) prompting, Arthur was able to get Merlin to open up a little bit more about his past.
"It's hard to know really where to begin, Arthur."
"Just start at the beginning and we'll work our way through."
"You realize this could take a while?"
"I'm not going anywhere."
So Arthur listened as Merlin shared some of his early experiences using magic in Camelot, the first happening the very same day he arrived by saving Gauis from a near fatal fall from the balcony in the physician's chambers and later stopping the sorceress disguised as Lady Helen from killing Arthur, only to be "rewarded" for his efforts by Uther making him Arthur's manservant.
"Somehow the idea of washing your smelly socks didn't sound like much of a reward," Merlin scoffed.
"I'll have you know being the manservant to a member of the royal family is quite an honorable position."
"To some, maybe, but you forget, I actually met your former servant, and believe me, he was more than happy to give up the job. Even a bootlicker like George can only tolerate you for so long."
"I'm not that bad."
"Why do you think he tells brass jokes, Arthur?"
"I don't know." The King huffed. "Maybe because he's completely boring."
"It's his stress reduction mechanism. You make him uptight. Do you ever notice the little twitch in his left eye at the end of the day? It's very subtle," the warlock teased. "Of course I will admit you have mellowed a bit, Sire, since marrying Gwen. At least the kitchen staff isn't drawing straws anymore over who will have to serve you when I am unavailable."
Arthur crossed his arms. "You make me sound like a horrible beast, Merlin."
"No, that was your stepmother," the warlock snickered.
The King's scowled.
"What? I was only trying to point out that I did try to warn you and if you had only listened….Ow!" Merlin rubbed his arm where Arthur socked him.
"We agreed we weren't going to talk about that incident again," the King reminded him.
Merlin cleared his throat while trying to hide the smile. "Right. Sorry."
Merlin then told Arthur about discovering the snakes in Valiant's shield and learning one of his first spells to force them out during the tournament. The spell had been very difficult and he'd stayed up all night practicing it on the statue of a dog.
Unfortunately he'd never been able to figure out how to turn the dog back. The next few days had turned into an adventure that had cost Merlin his best shirt, a neckerchief, a pair of Gauis' slippers and Merlin's bed, not to mention the fact said dog had nearly destroyed Cook's kitchen and terrorized the staff.
Arthur vaguely remembered the beast. "That was your dog?"
"Well, technically, I suppose."
"That thing compromised my best pure bred blood hound!"
"In retrospect I probably should have practiced on something smaller," Merlin admitted.
Luckily they had found a local farmer in need of a good guard dog to keep foxes and thieves from stealing his chickens; much to Gauis' welcomed relief.
Merlin's tone then became a little quieter, a little more solemn as he went on to tell Arthur what had really happened in Ealdor when he, Morganna and Gwen went back to help free Merlin's village from the band of renegades terrorizing them. Arthur was already guessing what Merlin was about to say.
"It was you, wasn't it, Merlin, that created the windstorm? And your friend took the blame."
Merlin nodded.
"Will was a good friend. The first one I ever, truly had," Merlin confessed fondly with still a hint of deep sadness in his voice over Will's death. "As kids we used to get into so much trouble, especially after he discovered I had magic."
"Where there others, Merlin, besides Gauis who knew about your magic?"
"Well, the Druids, though they kept that knowledge hidden from everyone, and oh, Lancelot."
"Lancelot? You told Lancelot?"
Merlin shrugged a bit sheepish. "He sort of figured it out after overhearing me enchanting his lance to kill the griffin. It was one of the reasons he wouldn't accept the knighthood. He didn't think he had earned it, plus he didn't want to come between you and your father. He did keep in touch with me over the years after he left though, just to let me know where he was if I ever needed him."
After Lancelot had returned and helped Arthur rescue his father, Arthur had knighted him, along with Gwaine, Elyan and Percival. Four men, none of nobility, had become, along with Leon his most loyal and trusted inner circle of knights.
Yet, Arthur couldn't help have a sense of envy that Lancelot had known, had figured Merlin's secret out before him. In hindsight, it explained some things though.
First was Merlin's and Lancelot's unusually close friendship. Not that he wasn't close to the other knights, particularly Gwaine, it was just that Arthur had always sensed a certain protectiveness about the quiet knight towards Merlin like he was keeping an especially close eye on him for some reason.
Second, when they were on patrol, sometimes Lancelot and Merlin would drift away from group to talk quietly only for both to clam up immediately whenever Arthur or anyone else came near. Sometimes Arthur had even caught Lancelot throwing Merlin odd disapproving looks only to be met by sheepish glances. This, Arthur, realized, usually followed a skirmish with a large group of bandits in which the knights would be outnumbered but still managed to come out on top.
Arthur now guessed why.
After witnessing Merlin's use of magic on the last group of Saxons, Arthur had no doubt Merlin had done the same thing many times before with only Lancelot being "privvy" to his aid and Merlin had probably done something "stupid" that may have gotten himself caught.
As for Lancelot, Arthur still had mixed feelings towards the knight who had nobly sacrificed himself to seal the veil, but had nearly destroyed his relationship with Gwen when he made a miraculous return from the dead and seduced her.
Merlin could easily read the thoughts churning in Arthur's mind. It had been a turbulent, painful time in Arthur's life, and though he had long since forgiven Gwen, the King would truly never forget.
Merlin's face morphed into sadness and he felt compelled to at last lay to rest any final doubts Arthur harbored against Lancelot's or Gwen's good names.
"It wasn't really Lancelot's or Gwen's fault, Arthur, what happened back then. It wasn't Lancelot who really returned from the dead, Sire. At least not willingly." (*)
Arthur frowned deeply. "What do you mean?"
Merlin then went on to explain how Lancelot had been returned as a Shade, a slave of Dark Magic, forced to do the bidding of his master. Only a powerful sorcerer, such as a High Priestess, would have had the power to summon forth such a dark spell.
"Morgana." Arthur replied.
Merlin nodded. The Lancelot who had returned was just a shell of the noble knight, his spirit trapped and forced to obey.
"Why did you never tell me?"
"Would you really have believed me then, Sire? After all, it wasn't so much Lancelot's betrayal that hurt so deeply but Gwen's."
Sadly Arthur knew this was true. The hurt caused by Gwen's betrayal had left him so bitter, scared and angry he would not have listened to anyone.
"I also believe that whatever dark magic Morganna used to conjure Lancelot from the grave influenced Gwen too. She would have never betrayed you otherwise, Sire. She loves you too much."
"Thank you, Merlin, for telling me."
"Lancelot was a good friend and a loyal knight. Before I laid him to rest I was able to use my magic to free his spirit."
This left Arthur both amazed and gladdened for Lancelot even as he thought back to that dark time.
He remembered how truly, utterly remorseful and equally devastated Gwen had been when Arthur had banished her. After being reunited and she had helped reclaim Camelot, she had still offered to leave rather than to cause him more pain. But he couldn't accept that, not after he had seen the love in her eyes, a love that match the need in his own. He just couldn't lose her again.
It was what had made Guinevere's recent ordeal ten times worse in the guilt she suffered.
There had been many tear-filled nights when Arthur just held her and she clung to him desperately, like a soul drowning. It had been heartbreaking to watch Guinevere come to terms with all that she had done under Morganna's dark enchantment. Yet even as terrible as it was, somehow it made her and their love all the stronger in the end.
At his side she become a fierce and loyal Queen, more than any born into the role by nobility. Her eyes had glittered with a strength and a deviance like no other, and Arthur knew that if anything should ever happen to him, Guinevere would be the Queen Camelot needed.
"I never hated Morganna more than after she did that to Gwen. There was just nothing left of the old Morganna."
"I know, Arthur. And I have to take some of the blame for what she became."
"Merlin..."
"No, Arthur. It's true. I-I knew about Morganna's magic long before she turned to Morgause, yet did nothing to help her." He replied sadly.
Arthur just sat and listened.
"The nightmares she used to have, the ones Gauis tried to suppress with the sleeping draughts, were the first manifestations of her magic. She was a Seer, but didn't understand and the dreams frightened her."
"In the beginning she was just looking for someone to understand her, but I couldn't tell her about my me, about my magic because of my destiny to protect you, to keep my magic hidden from everyone. There were so many times I wanted to tell her, yet I didn't. Maybe if I had she wouldn't have turned to Morgause in the first place."
"You really think that?"
Merlin shrugged. "I don't know. Knowing one's Destiny is a double-edged sword. On the one side it gave me a purpose for my magic and has helped me protect you and Camelot. On the other it's often made me wonder if the choices I made because of my knowledge simply created the path Destiny took."
It was one of those paradoxes that he would always be troubled by. How much had Destiny really played in Morganna's downfall and how much had Merlin's actions and choices simply caused it?
Merlin bowed his head, for the next part was the hardest to reconcile with. "Poisoning Morganna didn't help."
"What?" Arthur was astonished.
Merlin stared at his hands, shamefaced. "I'm sorry, Arthur. I wish to God it was a choice I never had to make."
Again Arthur witnessed the utter despair and loathing pouring out of Merlin and the King suspected this was one of the "certain...things" the warlock had eluded to earlier.
"What happened, Merlin?" Arthur asked quietly. There was no accusation, no anger or blame in the question, just a need to understand and to allow the warlock to share a burden Arthur could clearly see weighed heavily on the young man's shoulders.
Slowly, haltingly Merlin opened up and told Arthur the truth about the spell Morgause had cast putting all of Camelot to sleep, while she and the knights of Medir rode in to kill Uther. The spell required an anchor though and Morgause had used Morganna.
"It was the reason Morganna was the only one awake. At first I thought it was because her magic was making her immune, but then I started getting sleepy too. And Morganna was acting strangely. I finally put it together, though in truth I doubt Morganna had fully realized what Morgause had done."
Arthur nodded, remembering the scared and confused look on Morganna's face, but even then, he too had felt she was hiding something.
"When a spell requires an anchor to maintain it, one way to break it is to destroy the vessel. I'm sorry, Arthur. I tried everything I knew but we were running out of time. I knew you couldn't fight the knights of Medir off alone and that my magic wouldn't be enough to stop them."
"So you poisoned Morganna to break the spell."
Merlin nodded.
No matter how much time past Merlin would never forget the look of betrayal and utter fear in Morganna's eyes as she realized just what he had done. It had broken his heart even as he tried to gather her up in his arms and comfort her. That day he really had felt like a monster.
"When Morgause had burst into the room, I forced her hand, told her I would only tell her what poison I had used if she released the spell first. She agreed then took Morganna with her and in doing so began the path of Morganna's transformation."
Arthur could see the deep regret in the young warlock's eyes. It, along with his guilt, seemed to make him look much older than his years. He hated to see Merlin look that way, for in truth, if the roles had been reversed and it had been Arthur's decision he was not so sure he wouldn't, God help him, make the same choice to save his father and his kingdom.
The King thought long and hard about Morganna and the truths that existed long before he found out she really was his sister.
"Morganna was always headstrong, Merlin, even before her father was killed and she came to live with us as my father's ward. She hated it initially and was always butting heads with me and especially my father. She seemed to revel in annoying him. She was always someone who knew what she wanted too and no one could tell her differently. To be honest, Merlin, telling her about your magic may not have made much of a difference in the end."
Merlin glanced up. "How do you mean?"
Arthur sighed. "As much as I loved those spirited qualities in Morganna that challenged my father, in many ways she was too much like him, stubborn and unyielding. No one really could have changed Morganna's direction unless she wanted to go there in the first place. Maybe knowing about your magic would have made a difference for a while, but Morgause was her sister and a High Preistess. Knowing how things stood with my father and his stance and hatred against magic, Morganna probably would have been drawn to her anyway."
"Perhaps."
"As much as it pains me to say, in the end, Morganna made her own choices, Merlin, and you can't carry the weight of that choice the rest of your life. I don't want you to. Neither of us can change the past. We can only move forward."
TBC...
Phew! Glad I finally was able to finish that chap. That one took a while to sort through and balance out. Hopefully it flowed okay.
AN: (*) I did write a one scene short some time ago that could be considered a companion piece to this story about Merlin freeing Lancelot's spirit if you are interested in reading it. It's called. "Farewell, Sir Lancelot."
And about Gwaine-just to keep the info to canon: Only Merlin knows he was born of nobility and neither is aware what happened to Gwaine yet (which is another bit I DIDN'T like in the final episode and has already got my plot bunnies tweaking (no promises)
And always, thanks so much for those that read the story and left a review. You know we all like to get them ;) It's our candy, lol.
I have one or two more chaps left to this fic and hopefully will finish this up so I can concentrate on a few other still left hanging and a third I've been plugging away at but haven't decided if I will post it yet...Thanks BSG