Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran High School Host Club nor do I make any profit from it. I do not own the Unnamed charater either, I just gave the poor girl a name. I do not own Gomenasai by T.A.T.U nor make profit from that.
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Gomenasai
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Gomenasai for everything
It was his fault. If he had just paid attention to him just for a second. Just for a minuet, maybe he wouldn't have chosen the path that he took. He came for him to help plenty of times, and how many times didn't he listen? He always looked out the window, thinking about Haruhi, then to think about his own pain. It stabbed him in the heart when he found out what he had done. It was his fault. It was. Everything he did, was wrong.
If he had just listened just once. Maybe he wouldn't have gotten Kaoru mad like he did. If he just listened to what warnings Kaoru was just trying to say, he wouldn't have walked out the door in frusteration. If he had just listened and tried to help his brother in pain, he wouldn't be here.
"Hikaru?" said a gentle voice. The same voice that made him feel warm, the same voice that made him feel cold. If had just listened and paid a little bit more attention on his brother then Haruhi, this wouldn't have happened.
"Its my fault." Hikaru whispered as he pressed his forehead to the glass. Kaoru refused to let them see him, refused to talk to them. Refused to even acknownledge them. Instead for company, there was a girl that looked to be about their age. Her hair was slick black and her eyes were hidden. Her skin was a pale snow color. That girl, was the only one Kaoru allowed in. Everyone else was denied.
"You can't blame him, he's still shaken." Haruhi said soothingly. She didn't understand what was going on. Maybe that was for the best.
Hikaru closed his eyes before the tears could fall.
Gomenasai I know I let you down
"You should forgive him," said Yuri as she leaned back in the chair to glance over to see the distraught older twin, just watching from the soundproof window. A girl was standing right next to him, a girl with bright innocent eyes that seemed to have no care in the world. Maybe she was just trying to help the older twin, but whatever she was saying, seemed to be worse.
Kaoru looked over at the window only for a split second and then said, "No. They have each other. They don't need me."
"You don't know that," Yuri said to him looking at Kaoru, "Isn't he your brother? Isn't she your friend? They need you more then you can ever know. That's why he's out there, still waiting. That's why she's still there. Even if he left, maybe she won't."
"She would." Kaoru said simply.
Yuri knew that the argument was over. He wasn't going to try. "At least...forgive him?"
"Forgive him for what? Not being there when I needed him the most? Yuri your an only child aren't you?" Kaoru looked at the girl with such force it made her wince.
Yuri nodded slowly, not understanding what the younger twin was trying to get at. She watched him, trying to make sense of what he was trying to tell her. Trying to say.
Kaoru leaned back, "Older siblings and younger siblings are suppose to be there when they can't trust their parents with their feelings. He's been there for me for so long that I just came to him...and lost him."
"What do you mean by 'lost him'?" Yuri asked soothingly trying not to be afraid.
Kaoru looked over at Yuri and then closed his eyes, "I tried to tell him that I wanted to spend a little bit more time with him, just a little bit more before he totally crossed the bridge. I was too late, wasn't I?" He chuckled weakly.
Yuri frowned at the younger twin. "Its never to late. That 'bridge' won't burn. Your still brothers if not by marriage then by blood. He'll still be there for you."
"Where was he when I needed him the most?" Kaoru asked Yuri
She held no answer
Gomenasai 'til the end
"Hikaru, just try to ask him." Haruhi said as she watched the older twin slowly push himself away from the glass. "I know he wants you, even if he doesn't show it."
Hikaru frowned, his eyes saddening. He could have paid attention and not have him be so reckless, "I wasn't there for him Haruhi. That's something he possibly won't ever forgive me for."
Kaoru was upset, and was down right crying, and Hikaru did nothing to tell his brother that he was still there for him. He was alone, he told him that. That was the only part of the conversation he remembered: "Even though you're standing right here and looking out the window, I'm still cold and alone because I don't have anyone. I never will anymore. Just spend a little bit more time with me, before you cross over Hikaru. Please?"
Hikaru didn't know what the 'cross over' term meant, but now he did. He didn't want to lose his older brother and without even realizing it, he had lost him to the most obvious thing. Their lives were locked away by a gate, it was always them and not us. Now that Haruhi had broke that gate, and that he was officially dating her as a couple and not as a friend, he was crossing over to the Outside...and left the gate hinged and broken to let the younger twin do whatever he pleased. It was the harshest punishment he could ever done to his brother. He could cross back and forth, but Kaoru wouldn't be the same...and neither would he.
How long ago was it when they would try to do anything to make sure no one figured them out? How long ago was that? A few months? A half a year? How long? Hikaru felt that memory slip away as he saw his brother lying in the hospital bed.
I should have listened, Hikaru thought as he backed up away from the glass. If he had listened, Kaoru wouldn't have walked out the mansion and refused to take a limo, if he had just listened, Kaoru wouldn't have left to go across the street. If he hadn't left, he would still be in the mansion telling Hikaru what was wrong, and Hikaru would be giving his support like he did in the past.
I never needed a friend
Kaoru closed his eyes, his brother was officially an Outsider. Someone that Kaoru didn't want to be. Yet he wasn't going to have much choice anymore. Hikaru was working hard to take down the gate,and Kaoru was doing everything to repair it as fast as he could. It irritated Hikaru and he took down the fences, if it wasn't a real life fight in reality, in their own minds and emotions, they were in a turmoil.
"Forgive him," Yuri said softly. She had been there to call out to Kaoru. He moved out of the way only slightly, but not enough not to take a full hit. His ribs were cracked, broken, and brused and his right leg and left arm were broken. He was just glad that the driver managed not to break his neck. He got hurt bad enough to go into surgury and now that he's been out for twenty four hours, he was allowed visitors. But he only allowed Yuri to walk through the door and say hello. Not his older brother, not his brother's girlfriend, no one.
She supposed it was to make her feel that it wasn't her fault, but it was obvious that the faults were deep. She knew that Kaoru blamed Hikaru for pushing him away, and it was certain that Hikaru blamed himself that he couldn't be there more often for his brother. Yuri bit her lip as she closed her eyes, "Bring Hikaru in, and just hear him out." She stood up. "I'll get him." She walked off, she had enough of the tension. The brothers needed to hear themselves out.
Yuri walked through the door and it left Kaoru numb with cold. He only used her to make sure that his brother and Haurhi wouldn't come in. But now that she was inviting them in, just to 'hear them out'. It was terrible.
Hikaru nodded to something the stranger said and walked through the door. Haruhi was still watching through the window. Hoping that the brothers would come through for another...they would...wouldn't they?
Kaoru and Hikaru looked at each other, their eyes locked only for a minuet.
I never needed a friend...like I do now
"Gomenasai." They choursed together at the same time. One with full of serenity and one of harshness in his voice. One wanted to repair the gate and was going to push the other out, and the other was trying to keep the gate unlocked to make sure that he could come back in.
It was obvious that Kaoru was sorry that he was going to be saying goodbye, while Hikaru just wanted to say sorry for not being there. It was to late after all. The bridge was finally crossed, Kaoru viewed him as an outsider, and Hikaru still viewed him to be a mirrior of himself.
Twins were suppose to stick together. Hikaru supposed after hearing the hardness of his brother's tone after saying sorry, that his mother was right. Even twins take their seperate ways. They can't always bring the other around. "I'll be there more often for you Kaoru." Hikaru told him softly as he stepped back to the door.
"Your not here for me now," Kaoru said as he saw his brother step back, "and you weren't here for me then. Your never going to be there for me anymore. Stop prolonging yourself. Just cross over already. Haurhi's waiting damnit. Just go."
Gomenasai for everything
Gomenasai I know I let you down
Gomenasai 'till the end
I never needed a friend
Hikaru nodded as he stepped back again and opened the door, shut it softly and then ran off, Haurhi following him. Kaoru watched the emptiness of the hallways before feeling tears slide down his cheeks.
Like I do now