Wind of Change

A silent World 200 AF

Part 2

It was clear to her that the days they spent in Oerba took their toll on Noel. For every day that passed, he seemed weaker than the one before. Something was bothering him, straining him, and there was nothing that she could do that would make it stop. Sometimes he seemed so lost inside his own world where nothing could reach him. If it went any further, she didn't know if she'd trust him in battle. His mood did even affect Mog, who'd started to linger in his bow-form even after their battles.

As the days passed by, she didn't shiver as she had when they'd first arrived, her body becoming accustomed with the rough climate that was Oerba. Instead it was Noel that kept trembling, each night worse than the day before. She could feel his agony, his pain and his despair; it was breaking her apart just as it so clearly broke him. They lay on each side of the fading fire, the dull glow from it casting shadows around them, playing with her imagination. Before they came to Oerba, Noel always used to face her when sleeping, as if to make sure that she was still there and safe asleep. But now, he had his back turned to her, shutting her out. From the distance, she couldn't tell if he was sleeping or not, and it didn't really matter, his body would tremble either way. She lay on her side, studying the man opposite her, waiting for the shakes to take over his body as she knew that they would. And when they did come, she had to turn her back to him, knowing that she couldn't bear to watch it once again. She pressed her eyes shut tight as if it would help her erase the image of him. Even with all her strength, she knew that it would be futile. Instead, she wrapped her arms around herself, trying to shut everything else out. But it was impossible. For even though she couldn't hear it, she could feel how he was breaking, just a few meters away.

She didn't remember deciding. In fact, she didn't even remember forming the words in her mind. But somehow, she'd gotten to her feet, crossing the few meters that separated them. As she stood there, looking down at him, her heart began to race, doubt slowly rising deep inside her. What was she doing? She should turn back, she should let him ride this out on his own. But before she knew it, she'd huddled up behind the trembling body, putting her arm around him and held him as close as she could. She could feel him go tense and for a moment she regretted her act, but then slowly, she could feel his body relaxing, even the shakes seemed to ease.

"Serah?" He breathed, his voice steadier than she'd thought it would be.

"Yes?"

"Finally." She could make out a smile, spreading across his face and she laughed as she punched his arm lightly.

After that night it became a habit to spend their nights close together. It helped against Noel's shakes as much as for the cold. They helped each other, in a way and even though Serah knew that this couldn't last, she deeply wanted it too. During most of the nights, Noel would sometimes wake, panicking until he felt her, close to him. When it happened, she would press her arm around him more tightly, until he relaxed and his breathe would be back to normal again. She imagined that it was the thought of being alone again that frightened him and all she could do was to reassure him that she was there, right beside him. That he wasn't alone. The contact with another body did frighten her a little. She had promised herself to Snow and she wouldn't break that promise, even though she felt a different kind of closeness to Noel than she did to Snow. She told herself that it was only for comfort, that they saved each other, over and over again. What they had was nothing more than a deep friendship. At least, that was what she had to believe. But still, she felt something stir, deep inside of her and she had to use almost all of her strength to suffocate it. She knew that without Noel, she'd be lost. Lost in an uncertain future where she so easily could lose her grip. Noel was her reality; Noel was the one that kept her sane. Right now, that was all that mattered. She couldn't say what would happen when everything was over, but she did know, even at the beginning of their journey, that she'd changed. She'd learned to take care of herself, to trust her instincts and she'd learned to fight for herself. But most importantly, she'd learned how it was to trust another person again. Noel wouldn't leave her, she was certain of it. He was one of those persons who always needed someone by his side, as close as possible, and for him, for his sake, she would be that person. She should worry about tomorrow. She should picture Snow before her. She should feel a different kind of longing in her heart. She should. Instead, she pushed herself closer to Noel, closer to his warmth. And as his hand closed around hers, she didn't pull away. She could worry another night. For this one, was already perfect.