Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran High School Host Club nor do I own Perfect by Simple Plan, I don't make profit out of either one.

Perfect

'Coz we lost it all

This is the first night, the very first night that Hikaru didn't have Kaoru to sleep with. He felt more cold and lonely then he did before. He knew that it was his fault for not listening to him, his fault for watching him walk out the door when he could have grabbed his wrist and pleaded him to stay...his fault for loving someone that was an Outsider.

Yet, he knew that he couldn't change that. He knew that his love for Haruhi was only going to grow stronger, not weaker. But he promised himself, that when Kaoru could be rational again, he could ask for forgiveness. Surely, Kaoru would accept it right?

Wishful thinking. Tommorrow, Kaoru would only demand that he should go spend more time with Haruhi. Hikaru bit his lip. Why did Kaoru think he would put Haruhi before Kaoru when it was times like these? Why did Kaoru think that he would just walk and date Haruhi when his brother was in serious shit like he was at the moment? He growled under his breath as he lied down.

It felt weird to feel how cold the bed was without Kaoru. It felt like it was just air. He knew that it was just wishful thinking that once he got out everything would be the same. Yet Hikaru somehow got this feeling that even if it did, the cold feeling would still be there. To torture him and mock him, teasing him that he was let off too early.

He deserved every insult Kaoru could throw at him. As long as he didn't say he hated him, then he knew that he deserved it...even the hating.

He couldn't deny it. He failed Kaoru. He failed him, and was asked to leave the sanctuary they built together. Just the two of them. Did Kaoru really thought that it was that simple? To walk away from something that the two of them had done together? There was a reason why they built that world.

Hikaru knew though.

It was HIS fault for tearing down and held out his hand for Haruhi to take. He thought, that Kaoru would accept her into the world. But instead of accepting her, he was throwing him out their world and told him to live in hers.

She wouldn't object.

But she would ask questions that Hikaru didn't find good. She would ask, why was Kaoru acting the way he was. There was no answer unless Kaoru was asked himself. Hell, even Hikaru didn't know what was going on in his mind.

Nothing lasts forever

What is going on Kaoru? Hikaru thought as he stared up blankly at the ceiling above him. Staring at the plain whiteness of it. Just like in the hospital room. It was just to white. Hikaru remembered that the two of them hated white unless it was in style or it was underwear, other wise, they wouldn't wear it. He laughed to himself, yet the pain was still there. Mocking him, telling him that he shouldn't laugh when Kaoru wasn't around.

This is too much. Are you telling me that your done with the burdens, Kaoru? That you just want to stop the pain? Why can't you just tell me instead of throwing me out of the world me and you created. Where's the point? Something wet dripped down his eyes, stinging them with salt or dust, he didn't care. It slid down his cheeks. It was a warm wetness, but the pain just only made it worse. Hikaru turned over to his side and curled himself a little, he wasn't going to stop the tears, but he wasn't going to sob hysterically like some people would.

Hikaru just didn't understand. He was trying to be there for Kaoru, and he was being pushed away. He only tried to help his brother, and tried to apologize. He tried to be sincere, but Kaoru was cold and harsh in his apology. He only wanted to see his brother get out of the room, and out of his life.

Life.

Out of his life.

That only made the tears come faster.

I'm sorry I can't be perfect

"Hikaru?"

"Yeah mom?" Hikaru muffled his answer into the pillow acting like he had been asleep.

"Kaoru's on the phone...he wants to talk with you."

"I'll be there." Talk to him? Kaoru? He nearly jumped off the bed and hastily wiped his tears away from his cheeks as he walked to the door at a brisk walk. He walked down the stairs to the phone and picked it up. "Kaoru?"

"I know what I said was harsh," Kaoru's voice flowed smoothly through the phone, giving Hikaru some hope that he was just calling to apologize and accept him back into their world. "It was the wrong time for me to suggest it."

Suggest? "Wh-what do you mean?" Hikaru asked, his heart beating faster and wilder at every second and word he spoke and had to wait. What was his brother trying to say?

Kaoru seemed to either hesitate or was lost for words. "Hikaru...you're always with Haruhi..."

"I know, but when you get back. I'll try to spend some more time with you." Hikaru hastily said. "I promise."

"Its a promise you can't keep." Kaoru said trying not to sound rough. Yet Hikaru could hear an edge in his voice. "Listen to me Hikaru. It was the wrong time for me to suggest it, and it was the wrong time for me to burden you with it. But, we do need to talk this out. I know I was being a jerk earlier and was rash, but..."

Now it's just too late, and we can't go back

"A promise I can't keep?" Hikaru couldn't stand the fact that Kaoru thought he couldn't keep his word. Then again, how many promises did he break by holding Haruhi's hand and whispered sweet sinful things in her ear? How many promises did he break when they were told apart when he told Kaoru that they were never going to be told apart?

"Exactly. You love her, Hikaru...this Outsider's world suits you far more then it does me. You know this." Kaoru was going to really do this? "Just stop waiting for me to cross the damn bridge, stop waiting for me when your halfway there. Just stop." He sounded as if he was crying. Yet, Hikaru couldn't be for certain. "You have to keep going, move forward. It wasn't your fault. This accident wasn't your fault. Stop blaming yourself. See me once in a while, and have some fun. You're with Haruhi. What more could you want?"

"WHAT MORE COULD I WANT?" Hikaru lost it. That whole speech sounded more like a good bye then it did an apology. "Damn it KAORU I WANT YOU TO COME BACK IN MY LIFE, STOP BEING SELFISH."

Kaoru was either stunned by his outburst or he was momentarily waiting for him to calm down. Either way, it gave Hikaru some comfort that his brother was taking this seriously and wasn't laughing at him. His heart was breaking, Kaoru didn't know it. He was loosing.

"Selfish?" was the silent soft spoken answer on the other line. "That's true isn't it?"

Was he finally going to see what he was doing?

Nope. "After all, nothing can stay. I'll leave our world like you did. Find a girl, love her dearly, like you and Haruhi. She's not going to be Haruhi of coarse, all girls are unique. But, I'm going to stay in it for a while longer. To drink in what I have left."

"Do you realize that every minuet your saying this, I'm starting worry that your about to kill yourself?" Hikaru told him trying to lighten up the mood.

Kaoru's laugh was a little forced, but willing. "Do you think I would stoop that low?"

"Uh...point taken. How long can you be on the phone for?" Hikaru finally asked.

"Shit, I went overtime by three minuets." Kaoru groaned. "Gotta go now. And remember damn it. Go cross the bridge before I tell someone to get you to cross it. I will get Haruhi to get you to."

"You would not." Hikaru was stunned.

Kaoru's smug yet uncertain voice answered, "Watch me." Before the line went dead.

I'm sorry, I can't be perfect

Hikaru gently set the phone down, drinking in the conversation. He was frightened and scared. Why was Kaoru doing this to him? They were always the twins, now they were going to be the told apart twins. Everyone would know which was Hikaru since he was with Haruhi and everyone would know which was Kaoru since he was not just going to be alone...but was also was going to have a girl on his arm. Just not at the moment.

Why did Kaoru tell him to cross without him? To drink in what was left? What did he mean? Did he really lose his brother so badly that he couldn't turn around to just grasp it again?

The thoughts wouldn't stop stirring, even after Hikaru walked up to his bedroom to sleep.