Soooo this is my very first Sherlock fic. I'm completely obsessed with the Johnlock fandom and felt that it deserved to be my first proper M rated fic with smut galore!
The title was inspired by the song Fear Not This Night by Jeremy Soule that was featured in Guild Wars 2.
This is unbeta'd so there may be a few mistakes. I did read though it a bunch of times.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own this blah blah blah – BBC owns this shit I'm just borrowing the characters for a while!
WARNING: This is hard Yaoi so if you don't like that sort of thing then please do not read.
I have also heard that fics are being deleted due to explicit content. I'm not too bothered if this happens to be honest. I'll just make a censored version and put up a link to the whole thing on another site.
Set some time after The Reichenbach Fall. Sherlock and John have been reunited; however, John is still recovering from PTSD caused by Sherlock's fake suicide. Established relationship.
Fear Not This Night
"Goodbye, John…"
The site of Sherlock falling from the hospital rooftop felt so real. He saw the coat rapidly billowing behind him, his arms and legs flailing against the wind. Those horrific moments as the man he had grown to care for beyond life itself plunged to his death.
"Sherlock…"
He heard the sickening thump of the body hitting the cold pavement.
John found himself struggling up out of bed, drenched in a cold sweat. The sheets rumpled and his hair dishevelled from his fitful sleep. He took a few wobbly steps towards the bedroom wall and braced himself against it. His breathing was hard; his chest rising falling rapidly and painfully. His eyes are wide and manic as he scanned the room quickly as if to remind himself of where he actually was.
As everything slowly settled, his memory came back to him. Sherlock is alive. Sherlock is alive.
He's alive.
He swallowed thickly; suddenly in need of a long drink of water. Taking a few steps forward, he blindly made his way through the darkness of the bedroom. As he opened the door and padded along the short hallway, he was welcomed into the dimly lit living room. Pacing about the room in a trance, still dressed in his suit was the man he still can't quite believe is actually still breathing. The site of Sherlock in such a deep thought in the middle of the night was a comforting site. It was oddly familiar and calming. Sherlock hardly ever slept.
John rested against the door frame and watched Sherlock as he traced his steps around the room multiples times. His eyes were unseeing and they darted around the room. His palms were held together under his chin; the main tell-tale sign that he was deep inside his own mind trying to figure something out. A small smile found its way to John's lips as Sherlock began to quietly mutter to himself.
John felt his heart rate slow down again into a relaxed rhythm; he noticed the tremor in his limps began to still and the adrenaline coursing through his body came back to normal.
Suddenly, Sherlock came to an abrupt stop, his head snapping up to look straight at John. He quickly deduced his night terror.
"Are you alright?" he asked, watching as John slowly made his way to sit on the couch. Sherlock noticed the slight tension still lingering.
"I…yeah I'm alright, I think"
Sherlock just stood and watched him for a few moments before pacing around the room again. This went on for a short while. John watched the whole time. He allowed himself the pleasure of just looking at Sherlock; really looking at him from head to toe. He wore his sleek black suit over his favourite purple shirt. The first few buttons were undone, revealing some of his collar bone and chest. His hair was slightly tousled.
When Sherlock finally came back to a stop, he turned and stared straight into John's blue eyes. He lowered his hands back down to his side.
"I'm sorry…if I disturbed you" John said quietly, tearing his eyes from him to stare at his feet.
"No, no don't apologise, you didn't disturb me…"
Sherlock hesitated for a few moments before making his way to sit beside him. His arm slowly and unsurely went round John's shoulders and pulled him in close. The doctor's body instantly melted as he laid his head over Sherlock's chest to hear the loud thumping of his heart. It took a little bit longer for Sherlock to relax fully in the hold. Showing such affection was still a slightly awkward affair for him.
"Same dream?"
"Yeah..."
Sherlock stiffened slightly and swallowed. He looked down at the bed of silvery light brown hair and felt utterly guilt ridden. He slowly brought a hand up to thread through the hair, massaging the scalp gently. In response, John sighed and snuggled tighter against him.
They stayed like that for a while, not needing to speak but simply enjoying each other's presence.
"This thing I'm going through will pass with time…I promise"
Sherlock simply nodded, wrapping both arms around his companion.
"I know this can't be easy on you either. I may not be as quick and brilliant at deducing as you but even I can tell you feel guilty…"
Sherlock scoffed quietly
"Don't be ridiculous." He denied quickly before clearly his throat and shifting awkwardly.
John let a small out a small chuckle.
"I'm serious…" John continued "My therapist thinks that my experience in Afghanistan has left me vulnerable to PTSD, meaning that it can come back for any kind of reason"
Sherlock scoffed again, ready to unleash a torrent of insults about therapists.
"Now wait let me finish!" John quickly interjected. "What I'm trying to say is that this problem was just waiting under the surface, ready to spring back at the slightest provocation"
Sherlock let out a deep sigh, tightening his hold on the doctor. He pressed his face into John's hair and took in a slow breath.
"And Sherlock?"
"Hmm?"
John lifted his head to look at Sherlock in the eye.
"I love you, you know…"
They both looked at each other for a few moments. John sadly knew that Sherlock would never ever say it back. He had to remind himself that he was fortunate that he and Sherlock were even in a relationship in the first place. Sherlock brought both his hands around to cup John's face, his slender thumbs ghosting over his cheeks softly.
"I'm sorry…" he said before bringing their lips together.
Their eyes slid shut the moment their lips pressed together. It was soft at first, just enjoying the simple touch. They took their time, hands roaming over each other in soft caresses. Their lips moved against each other slowly, taking their time to purely just feel each other. After some time, the heat began to rise within them; Sherlock brought a hand across to the back of John's neck, pulling him closer as he pried the other's mouth open. As their tongues touched, a moan escaped from the back of John's throat. The sound seemed to spur something deep within Sherlock; a low hum rumbled in his chest. That was when they pulled away slowly, both slightly out of breath. Their faces remained close, lips only just barely apart.
"I…I want you" John whispered against Sherlock's lips, feeling the other's breath hitch slightly at the blunt request.
"You are sure?" Sherlock muttered under his breath. He brought his hand back to stroke down John's side to rest intimately on his hip.
"Yeah…" he replied. "I want you to prove to me just how alive you are. I want to feel everything you have to offer…and then some"
He heard Sherlock swallow heavily. He quickly gathered his wits and smashed their lips together. This time the kiss was hungry and desperate. They both groaned without restraint as their tongues duelled for dominance. John was allowed the upper hand as his tongue invaded Sherlock's mouth. The detective grabbed at the other and pulled so the doctor straddled his lap. His hands immediately found their way to his hips where he gripped them and pulled him closer. The friction between their groins caused them to break away from the kiss abruptly to moan aloud into each-others mouths. John sat up and began to pull open Sherlock's black suit jacket.
"Someone is certainly eager" the smugness in Sherlock's voice made the other frown.
"Off. Now"
Sherlock smirked as he removed the jacket from his shoulders and threw it across the room.
"I love it when you use your soldier voice. So assertive"
This was John's turn to smirk as he got to work on unbuttoning the purple shirt. As Sherlock's smooth pale skin was revealed inch by inch, he couldn't help but caress it with his mouth as each button came undone. When the shirt was finally open he stroked his way up Sherlock's chest, feeling the muscles quiver slightly. The shirt was finally tossed away in an unknown direction. John teeth found their way to Sherlock's neck where he nibbled and sucked at the flesh leaving behind an angry red blemish that would soon bruise beautifully.
"I find it quite unfair…" Sherlock growled as John kissed and licked at his jutting collar bone. "That you are still wearing too much clothing" he grabbed the hem of the other's grey night t-shirt pulled up to wrench away unceremoniously. He seized John's hips and grinded up against him who threw his head back with a particularly loud moan on his lips. Sherlock continued his assault by tugging down John's stripped pyjama bottoms to grasp his erection and began stroking in earnest. He felt the doctor's body tremble against him and let out a strained groan.
"Sherlock…please" John panted as he rested his forehead against Sherlock's.
"Tell me what you want"
"I…"
"I'm yours to command…soldier"
John groaned as he ravished the detective's mouth once more, pulling at his brown curls.
"To the bedroom…m-make love to me and fuck me senseless"
Sherlock grasped John's hips tightly as he suddenly got to his feet. The doctor instantly wrapped his legs around his naked waist as he allowed himself to be carried. They kissed fiercely and carelessly tried to find their way to the bedroom. Once there, John was surprisingly lowered to the bed gently. He looked up at Sherlock's soft expression as they moved together to the top of the bed.
They kissed once more, however this time was slow and passionate. Each deliberate caress of their lips was smooth and unhurried. Sherlock's mouth moved to John's neck where he placed delicate kisses and sucked gently on the most sensitive areas. He felt the doctor squirm slightly beneath him. He felt hands encircle his shoulders to pull closer.
"Sh-Sherlock…"
The detective made a trail of kisses down his neck and across to his scarred shoulder. He paused to look at the marred skin of a bullet wound from Afghanistan. He kissed the wound so lightly that John only just barely felt the lips against it. An odd sensation grew in John's stomach and he felt a sudden overwhelming need to cry. He swallowed and blinked back any tears that had gathered. His hands threaded through Sherlock's curls and encouraged him to look up. When their eyes met an unheard understanding was passed between them.
John smiled warmly at the passion burning in other's eyes. Sherlock's lips twitched into a small smile in return. The moment was gone as soon as it happened; Sherlock began to slowly kiss his way down John's chest, his thumbs rubbing circles across his nipples. John groaned and tightened his hold in Sherlock's hair, subconsciously pushing his head down to guide him further towards its destination. When he reached the top of his pyjama bottoms, he nuzzled the erection beneath and gave it a long slow lick through the material.
"Sherlock…" he heard John whimper under his breath. "Please…"
"Please what?" Sherlock challenged haughtily.
"You know damn well fine what!"
"Hmm…you may have to remind me…"
"Oh for god-"
He pushed himself into a sitting position and pulled Sherlock's hair to make him look up.
"Suck. Me. Off"
"Is that an order?"
John's eyes narrowed at the self-satisfied smirk. Then unexpectedly, Sherlock ripped away the pyjama bottoms and engulfed the hot erection in one go. John collapsed back against the bed and moaned loudly. His whole body tensed and writhed as Sherlock's warm mouth roughly sucked and bobbed around his cock.
"Jesus…Sherlock!"
He heard and felt the hum of approval from the detective as he deep throated in wild abandon. Sherlock's own erection was straining almost painfully against his trousers at the lewd sounds pouring from his lover's mouth. He took great pride in being able to undo him in a matter of seconds. A hand came down to stoke the base of the cock where his mouth could not reach. He pulled off to tease the head, swirling his tongue around the slit. John gripped the sheets below him in a tight grasp. He gently moved his hips up towards that godly mouth. Sherlock had to place a hand on him to keep him firmly in place. The sounds of pleasure that echoed in the room encouraged Sherlock greatly to keep going.
"Ah!" John practically yelled as Sherlock deep throated once again, humming loudly as he went.
"Oh…god...Sh-Sherlock…I'm…"
Sherlock looked up and drank in John's expression. His face was a deep red, his eyes screwed shut tightly and his mouth hanging agape that released strangled moans.
"I'm…shit, I'm going to…"
Sherlock quickly pulled away and watched with a smug smirk as John deflated against the sheets and groaned in frustration.
"All in good time…" Sherlock mumbled deeply as he crawled back over John to kiss him again.
John tasted himself and felt a torrent of shame and lust battle within him. Unable to cope, he pulled both arms over his eyes. Sherlock sat back to analyse and deduce the problem. He gently took both of John's wrists and pinned them easily above his head.
"Never." Sherlock said, intensely staring into John's eyes. "Ever feel ashamed of yourself around me."
John gave a nervous chuckle. Sherlock found he couldn't hold back and actually gave a full blown smile that stretched across his slender face. He pecked John's lips once before stretching over to the side drawer to take out the tube of lube.
"Wait, wait, wait!" John suddenly said, sitting up to take the lube from him to place on the bed.
"Trousers. Off." John folded his arms and grinned.
Sherlock gave a sly smile.
"Right away, sir"
John swallowed thickly and restrained a shiver of arousal. He watched as Sherlock stood up on the bed and began to unbutton his trousers. The fly came down teasingly slow. Sherlock enjoyed the look of pure lust on John's face. He shimmed the trousers down until they pooled at his ankles and kicked them off to the side. Before he could get to his briefs, John sat up and grabbed his hips.
"Let me…"
Sherlock gave a quick nod. John reached up and palmed the covered erection earning a hiss from above. He smirked, feeling proud; he slowly pulled the briefs down and watched as the engorged cock sprang free. Sherlock let out a sigh of relief. He looked down at John who, at that moment, licked his lips. The detective growled lowly at the site.
John picked up the lube again and squirted some into his right palm. He chanced a glance up at Sherlock and was nearly floored at how hungry and almost predatory he looked. Wasting no more time he took hold of the erection and started at a slow pace. He watched as Sherlock's eyes rolled into the back of his head and let out a long deep rooted moan. He gradually stroked faster fuelled by Sherlock's unrestrained noises of desire. He swiped a thumb over the head and was rewarded by the slight buckle of the other's knees. He reached up and began to toy Sherlock's balls with his tongue. The detectives hands fisted in John's short hair.
"John…oh good god!"
John chuckled as he kept up the ministrations. He then got to his knees in order to reach higher. He kissed around Sherlock's lower abdomen and picked up his pace to rapid stroking.
"Hnng…John…I-I would…a-advise you to…"
But John kept going, suddenly lost in the moment. With a strangled growl, Sherlock wrenched John's hands away and pushed him back down onto the bed, breathing hard. John blinked a few times and glanced up at Sherlock; he was red faced and barely still in control. Before he could come out with a witty comment, Sherlock beat him to it.
"I pride myself in having pristine control over every aspect of my emotions. But you unravel me with alarming ease…"
John gave a satisfied smirk and brought his hands up to Sherlock's hair to pull him down in for a deep kiss. Sherlock placed himself between John's legs and grinded down against him. John grabbed onto his shoulders and threw his head back to cry out loudly. They rutted against each other roughly, enjoying the complete touch of their naked bodies. Sherlock buried his face against John's neck and bit down rather harshly.
"Ah! Bloody hell Sherlock!"
He felt the vibration of Sherlock's mischievous chuckle against his skin. He couldn't wait any longer. Sherlock sat up and grabbed the lube. He poured a generous amount onto his fingers. He kept his focus on John's eyes as he opened up his legs further to get better access. A cold slick finger came to John's entrance and began to massage the now clenching muscle. John bit his lip and barely managed to hold in a whimper of pure need.
"You are beautiful" he heard Sherlock mutter as he bent down to kiss his hip bone.
The finger finally breached and slipped inside. John immediately tensed but willed himself to relax. Sherlock had a lot of patience when he wanted to. He pulled out the finger to the last knuckle before pushing back in with a slight curve in the wrist.
"Uggh…hurry" John moaned out breathlessly as he gripped the pillows by his head.
Sherlock pushed in another finger and gently began to scissor, coaxing him gradually to open up. His long slender fingers had no trouble finding that bundle of nerves. As they brushed against it, John suddenly arched up out of the bed with a surprised sharp cry. Sherlock smirked and did it again, fully enjoying his partner's unashamed show of pleasure.
"Fuck!" John growled "Sherlock…please, hurry!"
He quickly added a third, making haste now to prepare him. He too had gotten to the end of his control and patience. The room was filled with the graphic squelching of his fingers and John's scarcely contained moans. As much as he needed to fuck John right this very second, he knew he had to make sure he was prepared properly. Hurting him was not an option.
"Okay…" John heaved through his moans "I think I'm ready for you…please Sherlock I can't take this anymore!"
"But-"
"No...I need you now!"
His fingers were removed with a lewd wet pop. He grabbed the lube again and put more onto his cock. He quickly arranged himself so one of John's legs was up over his shoulder. He positioned himself at the entrance. He looked at John in silent request. The doctor smiled slightly and nodded.
He pushed in slowly, keeping his eyes on John for any sign of pain. The doctor bit his lip as a sharp burn shot up his spine. Sherlock was about to pull out when John reached out to his hips to keep him there.
"K-keep going…"
Sherlock swallowed thickly. He braced himself on either side of John's head and slowly pushed in further. He closed his eyes at the tightness and growled out loudly at the searing heat slowly enveloping his cock. Once fully sheathed inside he let out a long breath and waited for John to relax and adjust to the intrusion.
John's breaths were coming out deep but slightly uneven, in through the nose and out the mouth. He brought his hands to cup Sherlock's face and pulled him in for a passionate kiss. Their tongues swirled and duelled against each other and explored one another's mouth in turn. John tested himself by rolling his pelvis against Sherlock's. They both groaned loudly into the kiss, feeling the vibration pass between them. Sherlock then began to move slowly. He pulled out gently, almost all the way before pushing back in. the motion cause John to let out a sharp cry.
"Oh god…" John breathed unevenly "Don't hold back…I can take it"
Sherlock hummed lowly as he shifted into a more comfortable position. He started up a slow but even rhythm, his cock sliding in and out smoothly. John brought his leg down and wrapped both around Sherlock's waist, encouraging him to trust in deeper.
"John…" Sherlock grunted. "You are perfection…"
"Please…" the other pleaded. "I'm not made out of china…Don't. Hold. Back"
Sherlock groaned loudly as he picked up his pace. The sound of skin slapping against skin was increasingly getting louder. With a sudden change of angle, Sherlock's cock finally hit John's prostate square on. The cry that emitted from the doctor's throat was at least an octave higher than usual.
"There!" he shouted. "Oh god there!"
John's uncontrolled show of pleasure filled the room. He moaned and writhed shamelessly, trying to angle his hips up in time with Sherlock's thrusting. A thin sheen of sweat glistened from the small traces of moonlight peaking in from the opening in the curtains.
Sherlock's long lean fingers trailed down John's chest to grasp his hips firmly to pull him into each trust. His hold was strong, the possibility of bruises were high. He buried his head into John's neck, biting and grunting against the skin. The pleasure coursing through Sherlock was something he thought he would never ever need in life. Since meeting this man below him, he cannot imagine his life without him.
"Sh-Sherlock…Hnnng!"
John had suddenly become almost incoherent; he encircled his arms around Sherlock and clung onto his back desperately. Sherlock growled possessively and started pounding into him in delirious abandon.
"Oh…good god…f-fuck" Sherlock grounded out as he felt himself nearing the edge.
He sat up suddenly, pulling a slightly startled John up with him. Sherlock lay down, holding his torso up with his long arms. John felt a wave of dizziness as he was pulled into Sherlock lap. He instantly picked up the lost momentum, riding his cock with all he had. He clawed at Sherlock's shoulders to help anchor himself better.
"Fuck…" Sherlock growled "You feel…hnnngh…so amazing"
"I'm close…so close….so close" John whimpered.
Sherlock moved a hand to take hold of John's weeping cock that was red and swollen. He tugged fiercely and thrust his hips up in time with John.
"G-god…I…I'm…"
"Together…John"
John tumbled off the edge, his orgasm tearing him asunder. He trembled and howled out Sherlock's name as his come spurted up onto his chest in sharp bursts. Every nerve ending screamed and sang in pure bliss as his rectum rhythmically spasmed and clenched around Sherlock's cock. Sherlock groaned, the feeling too much to handle. He suddenly convulsed and dove off the edge growling out John's name. His whole body resonated and trembled as he released inside John, filling him with his hot essence.
They sat in the stillness as the intense euphoria gradually began to level off. The room once bursting with wild cries and moans was now filled with struggling rapid breaths. They opened their eyes and took in the state of each other. John was the first to let out a breathy chuckle followed by Sherlock. The detective pulled the doctor against his chest, not caring about the sticky mess. John lay limp against him and concentrated on his breathing and the feel of Sherlock's own heaving chest.
"John…"
"Hmmm…?"
John weakly lifted his head to look back at Sherlock.
"I…I love you"
John's eyes widened. He never thought he would actually hear those words. He swallowed and shakily cupped Sherlock's face, tears finally cascading down his cheeks. He kissed him softly and tiredly.
"I love you too" he whispered back.
Later that night, Sherlock awoke from his deep post-sex slumber to see John's back pressed up against him. His arms were circled around the doctor's chest, feeling it rise and fall evenly. Obviously in a peaceful sleep. For the first time in what felt like forever that his mind felt completely content and at ease. He kissed John's exposed neck and felt him snuggle in closer. This made Sherlock grin and feel a strange fluttering sensation.
Yes. All was well in 221B Baker Street.