I tried to wave away the smoke, but it wasn't doin' much good. That annoying Princess girl sure enjoys her cigarettes.
"Aren't you a little young to be a chain smoker?" I ask as I flip my deck of cards around.
She gives me a dirty look. "My daddy owns this stupid city, so I can do whatever I want, whenever I want!"
"Well if you want to dry up and look seventy when you hit thirty, then more power to ya." I respond. "But what I don't get is why you don't chew like Fuzzy here." I look over at…whatever the hell Fuzzy is, who's sitting to my left.
Princess lets out a little grunt with her smoke. "Because I have class, unlike stupid backwoods hicks."
Fuzzy gives her an angry look and spits out into his pot. "Hey little lady, ther' ain't nothin' wrong with a little chewin' tobacco. It a trait shared by all us Lumpkins."
"Yeah they all do it," I say with a chuckle, "and think about this, you could spit on all the lowly peasants as you strut down the street every morning."
"I can do that without the tobacco." She shoots back.
"Hey uh…aren't we gonna play some cards here?" One of the Amoeba Boys asks.
"Just hold up for a little longer." I say. "We're still missing the guest of honor."
God what a crew I've assembled here. These lame ass morons were the only villains I could find still living in Townsville. Princess wasn't kidding when she said crime took a nosedive. Buttercup better show up. Brick told me that she said she would come.
I put my feet up on the table, trying to get comfortable. "So tell me, what happened to everybody? This city used to be crawling with all kinds of weirdos."
"Well we want you to tell us what happened to Mojo and Him." Princess said, putting her feet up like mine.
"I told you already, I don't know where they are. My guess is they're trying to conquer some other world where they don't get beaten up constantly by little girls."
"Well I don't believe you. I think they're planning something and it's so lame that they won't include me in it!"
"Dat's right," Fuzzy chipped in, "we us'd ta be team, and we took them girls down all four of us, we did."
I did a facepalm. "Oh please, I don't need to hear about that again. But come on, tell me, where did everybody go?"
"Well they, uh left." Says one of the Amoebas. "After Blossom turned them all good."
"So her therapy stuff really does work, huh?" I ask.
"Doesn't work on us." Princess proudly states.
The amoebas all grin. "That's why we're the toughest and evilest of all the villains!"
"Of course you are." I say, rolling my eyes.
Fuzzy points a pink finger in my face. "We'll yur one ta talk. How come you and yur kin ain't out there fightin' those girls?"
"Because we've got bigger fish to fry." I say, pushing his hand away (hard enough to make the giant pincushion fall off his chair, heh heh).
"And I bet you're getting help from Him and Mojo, aren't you?" Princess asks.
"I told you-"
We all look over as the door opens. The light is dim, but I can make out her form. That messy black hair and that tiny frame. Oh and what's this? She's wearing a green shirt with cut off sleeves and jeans. Now that looks like the real Buttercup.
Princess puts her hands up and starts yelling. "What! You invited a Powerpuff to our game?"
"Relax, Princess." I say as Buttercup takes her seat across from me and eyes us up. "We're just havin' a friendly little poker game. No need to get your ugly face even uglier."
"Fine then." She says as she lights up another one. "I can put her in the gutter along with the rest of you fools."
"Yeah I'd love to see that." I say as I deal out the cards. I give Buttercup an amused smile. "I like the outfit. It's very you."
"Uhh, that's Buttercup?" The big amoeba asks. "But she ain't even wearin' a lab coat."
"I don't believe I ever did see her wearin' that kind o getup." Fuzzy adds.
"I don't really have a lot of clothes." Buttercup says, looking at her cards. She gives me a little smirk. Ok fine, she wins this round.
Princess puts in a bet. "You're not going to have any clothes after I crush you tonight."
I throw in some cash to meet the bet. "Hey I like the sound of that."
"Just deal, you freak." Princess says, letting out more smoke.
"Aww, how can we be out already?" The little amoeba whines.
"Because Slim bet all our dough on a pair of twos!" Answers the big one.
"Gee boss, I really thought we had it." The other one replies. I guess that one's Slim.
"Well the Amoeba Boys are out." I say, looking over my new hand.
"Who'd have thought." Buttercup mutters.
The two girls soon fold, leaving me and Fuzzy. I throw a fifty into the pile. "So what's it gonna be Fuzzy?"
The big pink lump slams a large bottle onto the table. "I's all in now!" He says excitedly.
The three of us make faces. Buttercup leans forward and takes a sniff. "Is that your moonshine?"
"Darn tootin' it is." Fuzzy says proudly.
"Actually it's mine now." I say as I flip my cards.
"A full house!?" Fuzzy yells. "Aw no, not me moonshine!"
The stupid hick is now cryin' all over the table. I roll my eyes and push the bottle back to him. He immediately lights up and starts hugging it. Buttercup is givin' me a funny look.
"It's probably got his piss in it or something." I say as I cross my arms.
Once Fuzzy and the Amoeba's decided to leave I wondered if I should risk trying to get some information. But Princess beat me to it.
"Before you got here, Puff, we were trying to get Butch to tell us where Mojo and Him are."
Buttercup looks up at me. "Been wondering that myself. Pretty odd that they would just let you guys go so easily."
"Is it really that odd?" I ask. "I mean how many villain team ups have lasted more than a couple hours?"
Princess slams her fists on the table. "The Beat-Alls, that's who! We took the Puffs down every time they tried to fight us. That's more than you and your brothers ever accomplished."
"Oh please." Buttercup says.
"Shut up! I know you're going to say that you would have eventually found a way to stop us, but you didn't. Maybe you never would have, maybe the four of us would be ruling the whole world right now, if Mojo hadn't gotten involved with that other stinking monkey."
"Well who do think introduced him to that other monkey?" Buttercup says while she laughs.
Princess gets a priceless look of horror on her face. I start to laugh too. "Guess Mojo forgot to mention that to you guys, haha!" I say.
"If we tried again, I know we'd win." Princess mumbles to herself.
"Yeah but that's not happenin'." I say. "I don't think Mojo or Him like stupid gingers. I'm pretty sure they got rid of us because of Brick."
"You've got plenty of excuses, don't you?" Buttercup mutters.
"Are we playing or what?" Princess yells back to me.
"Alright, alright." I say, dealing out a new hand. "Speaking of soulless monsters, how's Bubbles doing?"
Buttercup gives me a dirty look. "She's with me in thinking that you're here to cause trouble. Specifically for our family."
"Aww, I'm crushed Buttercup. Can't you be more like Blossom?"
"No, I can't."
"But really, I'm dying to know what made her become a freaking goth."
"Boomer wanted to know too. He even came to my house to find out."
I raise an eyebrow. Boomer hadn't mentioned that. I fix my facial expression and look at Buttercup. "Well that's sweet. See, we're not here to cause trouble, we're here to make peace."
"He also said that he used to be friends with Bubbles before you guys left."
I roll my eyes. Leave it to Boomer to come up with the most unbelievable excuse ever. "Oh don't mind him making up crap, he's always trying to-"
"Bubbles said it's true."
I stop talking and stare at my cards. My mouth is hanging open but I don't even notice. I look over at Princess. She's lookin' at me with the same "What the Hell" look on her face. I look over at Buttercup, she's giving me that suspicious look again. I must say, the silence is very uncomfortable. "Bubbles…said they were friends…when they were kids?" I finally ask.
"That's what she said. So I'm guessing you-"
"Let's just…play some cards now." I say.
Damn, I was not expecting that!
We play for a while longer. As I thought, Buttercup isn't doing too bad. I've only got a little more money than she does, and Princess is down to her last buck.
Princess reaches into her purse and pulls out a wad of hundreds. She puts on a wicked grin as she puts them in the pile. "You want to finish this round, you two are gonna have to go all in."
"I'm pretty sure you can't do that." I say nonchalantly.
"I already told you, I can do whatever I want, so what's it going to be?"
Buttercup lets out an annoyed little sigh and tosses her cards away. They both look over at me.
"Ok, you wanna play, then we'll play." I say, putting the rest of my money in the pile.
I turn my attention to my counterpart across from me. "You're not doing too bad, Buttercup. You play much?"
"Couple of times." She says in a bored voice.
I turn over my cards. Princess lets out a screech and storms out the door. I just laugh. "That's what she gets for bluffing so much." I say.
Buttercup yawns. "Well it's just us now. I'm guessing this is what you wanted to happen?"
"Well I knew you'd be the only one who can play around with percentages." I say, trying to sort out my winnings. I hear her chair move and look up. Why is she getting up? "If you want a bathroom you're better off waiting." I say.
She starts putting her money away in her pockets. "I'm sick of this, I'm out of here." She says.
"You can't leave now! The game's just about to really start."
She glares at me. "I'm not playing your games Butch."
I grit my teeth. This isn't supposed to be happening. "You quit, then you have to give up all your cash you know."
She pulls her money out of her pockets. Piles of bills fall to the floor. She heads out the door, slamming it closed, leaving me alone in the room with the smell of smoke.
What the hell was that? I quickly head out the door. She hasn't taken off yet, so I grab onto her from behind. "You're not leaving until we settle this." I say.
"Settle what?" She asks, not moving.
"Our fight!" I yell as I spin her around. "You know, our rivalry, our death match, we're mortal enemies here, and we were born to see whose better!"
Ah damn, I sound like Mojo.
"Our rivalry?" She asks, lowering her eyes.
"Yes, I know it's been a while but-"
"WE DON'T HAVE A RIVALRY!" She screams, hovering over my head. I take step back in surprise. "We never had anything! You were just some stupid, annoying kid who used to always cause problems for me and my sisters! We were never mortal enemies either! All you are is a stain on my past and I'd love nothing more than to forget you ever existed!"
I try to say something but she keeps on going.
"And I don't know why you came back here, but if it's just because you wanted to have some kind of fight with me, then that is truly pathetic! I have a life now, a life I love that doesn't involve you in any way! And from what I can tell, you're still stuck in the past. Did you not do anything in the last seven years?"
"I-"
"Of course you didn't! Why else would you be trying to finish a stupid fight from seven years ago when we were just a bunch of stupid kids! A fight that only existed in your stupid head!"
I'm trying to think of something to say. Every second of silence feels worse and worse.
She points her finger at me. "You have nothing in your sad little life, and I don't care if some deranged monkey created you to kill me, because I want nothing to do with you." With that, she flies off into the night sky.
I don't believe I've ever been spoken to like that.
A/N: My free time is now scarce, so updates will take longer. Not to worry though, I will get the story done. Once something like this gets stuck in my head it refuses to leave.