A/N: hello again!

I think I said it before, but I will say it again. This story will develop slow. Simply 'cause in my story Olivia sees Alex as a friend, nothing more.

Sure, there is more to it, but she isn't aware of that yet.

So if you are hoping that Alex will be back and they'll be happy together within the next few chapters this story clearly isn't for you.

It isn't realistic, it is not Alex or Olivia alike either, and I for sure have my own plans for this story.

Reviews are appreciated, critics are too, but nobody is going to force me into changing my storyline 'cause they want a happily ever after right now.

If anybody doesn't want to write a public review, you can also message me. I don't bite.

thanks to everybody, who is taking the time to read this story and stick with me - I think it will be worth the wait and the patience.

much love,

raven

-CHAPTER 6-

When Maureen had handed her a small black box with her name on it in glittering letters Olivia had almost started to cry and once she had opened it to find a bell in it like the one the boy had gotten from Santa in the movie she had been watching with the Stabler kids not long ago the female detective had been rendered speechless.

"You have to believe in it, Auntie Olivia. With all your heart. And everything will be fine."

She had hugged the little girl for a long time, thankful that she had this great family in her life, who cared for her and didn't leave her to herself.
-

That evening, once the kids were asleep and his wife had went to take a hot bath, Elliot and Olivia where sitting on a bench on the porch in the backyard of the Stabler house, both a cup of tea in their hands talking about her partner's kids.

"You know, Maureen had me drive her to the mall 'cause she wanted to buy you a gift. And of course she knew exactly what she wanted. She didn't even let me pay for it. No, she had spent her pocket money on it", Elliot announced with pride swinging in his voice.

"Really? She's quite something, El."
Olivia smiled at her partner, showing how grateful she was and how much she appreciated the thoughtful gift of his daughter, but then she went silent again.

Elliot was sure that the conversation had just died, but his partner surprised him that night.

"I miss her so much, El. I miss Alex so much that it hurts."

He was a little startled for a moment, but then he squeezed her shoulder gently to reassure Olivia she didn't have to deal with the situation alone, "I miss her too."

"It's not the same though. You have your family to come home to every day. I have..."
She swallowed hard, trying to find the right words.

"Liv..."

"Elliot. I know you mean it well, but I have nothing. I have nobody to go home to. And I hardly have any friends. You know how hard it is for me to get over myself, over my past. To let somebody in. Don't get me wrong, El. I know I can always count on you. I know that you are my friend, my partner, but Alex is my friend too. And you can't replace a true friend with somebody else. She is a person I respect and trust. And they just took her away from me. Just like that. As if it was no big deal. But it is...it is for me."

Tears were running down her face now, but right that moment Olivia didn't care.

And it also was the moment Elliot Stabler realized why Alexandra Cabot's "death" was so much worse for his partner than for anyone else.
Everybody at the precinct had been devastated when they had heard the news of the A.D.A. been killed, but clearly nobody had lost as much as Olivia.

Looking at the bell she had been holding in her right hand the whole time as if her life would depend on it, as if it would contain all of his partner's hope, he said, completely serious, "Maureen is right, Liv. You have to believe in it. You have to believe that Alex will come back one day. 'Cause she will."
-

Lying on the couch in her own apartment about an hour later Olivia Benson was covered in the darkness of the night and her soul.
Moving the bell in her hand she drifted off to one of her most precious memories.

[flashback]

Alex had lost in court that day. It had been one of the rare occasions when luck definitely hadn't been on her side. And justice had failed as well. 'Cause the most important witness had disappeared in the last second and without him they didn't have enough proof to have found that pervert guilty.

The whole precinct had been fairly disappointed, but there had been nothing they could have done right that moment.
The witness couldn't be found although they had tried everything and so things had went out of control.

Elliot had headed home to his family the second his shift had ended, Munch and Fin still were out somewhere, so her and Alex had been the only one at the bar that night.

Olivia had been sure that she had hardly ever seen Alex Cabot that frustrated, but she was so disillusioned herself that she didn't know how to comfort the A.D.A. that night.

"Promise me that we'll get him one day", the tall blonde had said at some point, sounding so unbelievably sad.

Although Olivia hadn't been sure if she was doing the right thing she had grabbed Alex' hand, looking her friend straight in those blue eyes, "We'll put him behind bars. I'll do anything in my powers to catch him before he can hurt somebody else, Alex. I promise."

At those words the A.D.A. had squeezed her hand to reassure her trust in her and had given her a smile.
It's been just a small one, but it was better than nothing and it had made her feel better as well.

They had sat in the bar for a while, talking about work and some random stuff afterwards, trying to get some distraction and after a while she had succeeded in cheering the counselor up although Olivia never figured out how she had done it.

Alex had insisted to share a cab once they had left and when they had arrived at Olivia's apartment the detective had been brave for once and had offered her blonde friend to come up and have a coffee.
Simply cause she had sensed that Alex hadn't wanted to be alone and in that moment Olivia had overcome her fear and had let somebody in.

Well, not somebody, but Alex.

And so she had unlocked the door to her apartment and more than that to her life.

That night they had talked a lot about their families, their past and Olivia had revield how damaged she felt and probably really was.
To her surprise Alex hadn't judged her, hadn't talked to her as if she would have pity with her, but she had listened from the beginning to the end.

And the A.D.A. had confessed that her own childhood hadn't been as great as everybody would expect.
That the loneliness was the thing she remembered best from her childhood. That she had been left alone way too often, that everybody had expected nothing, but perfection from her, no matter how she felt.

Somewhere on the way of their conversation they had fallen asleep on Olivia's couch and when she woke up in the morning, Alex lying right next to her, she hadn't freaked - much to her own surprise.
'Cause Olivia wasn't good at being close to somebody, but that morning she had felt safe with another person for the first time in forever.

And that had been the moment when Olivia had decided that Alex was indeed worth her trust, that she had found a true friend in the smart blonde woman.

It never had influenced their professionalism at work 'cause then they were detective and counselor, but whenever they met in their free time they simply were Alex and Olivia.
Two women, who truly understood and respected each other.

[flashback ends]

A single tear found its way down her face and Olivia squeezed the bell in her hand.
If only she knew if Alex was okay...