Carly and Freddie met up with James at a restaurant in the centre of LA.

"Freddie this is my boyfriend James," She said as they sat down. "James this is...my best fr – this is Freddie."

"Nice to meet you." James's said.

"Same here."

They shook hands across the table and although Carly had promised herself she wouldn't compare them, she was struck at the differences between the two boys (men now). James's was the A-typical model his reputation advertised: Tall, dark haired and tanned with classic features – a chiselled jaw, full lips and striking blue eyes that contrasted with his hair perfectly.

Although not bad looking Freddie was bland in comparison, like a stick figure. Brown hair and brown eyes and brown freckled skin. When James's walked in he was literally a head above everyone else, you looked at him to see a whirl of black and blue and white-teeth flashes. Freddie just blended in with the landscape.

They ordered drinks.

"So, Freddie," James said pleasantly. "I haven't heard much about you. How do you know Carly?"

James reached for her hand as he spoke and Carly avoided Freddie's hurt gaze. She had mentioned Freddie to James but in the last year it had got too painful.

But she couldn't tell Freddie any of this, so she stayed silent.

"I used to live in the apartment next to hers." Freddie said to James. "We kind of grew up together."

James nodded slowly, one eyebrow raised. "Childhood friends, huh? Were you the boy next door? Did you share milkshakes? Carry her schoolbooks?"

"Something like that."

"He was also the technical producer on my web show," Carly added quickly. "Remember I showed you clips of ICarly? We worked together on that for a long time...and he was involved in some of the movies I was in."

"Involved? What were you: an errand boy? Stage hand? Extra in the crowd scene – that must have been pretty exciting."

"I was a producer."

For a moment she could see an expression of surprise flash across James's face at Freddie's terse answer. His eyebrows quirked, forming a questioning V.

"That Freddie?" He said incredulously. "Fredward Benson? The one who helped produce Falling Leaves?"

Freddie nodded silently and Carly breathed a sigh of relief: Falling Leaves had been the last movie Freddie had been involved with and the most successful with one sequel already out. Hopefully James would relax a bit now, and realize he wasn't hanging out with a complete nobody.

(Because, she told herself that was why he was so confrontational. This was Hollywood after all and connecting with the right people was important if you wanted to get anywhere. James was always careful about that).

Yeah right Carly.

"So, what happened?" James drawled, "Didn't someone say you ran away to find yourself or something? What was it? A retreat in the outback? I've heard they Australians are pretty into that stuff."

"I did a degree in Computer Science."

"Have fun?"

"Sure, due to start my post-grad at the end of summer."

"Well – good for you. It's nice to think there's some normality out there. Keeping it real."

"Right."

"I guess some people just aren't cut out for all this," James said seriously. "It's a pretty competitive world, you know?"

Freddie bent his head over his drink and to her surprise Carly found her usually peaceful hands curling into fists.

"I suppose so." He said uncomfortably.

"Not everyone can make it. You need real character. When I got my first big break the adjustment was pretty hard but I got there. I guess you – some people – just aren't tough enough."

"Uh huh"

Freddie nodded again and Carly's teeth were aching from clenching. Thankfully they were interrupted from saying anything by their meals arriving.

She jumped slightly as James settled an arm around her shoulders. This was such a surprising gesture that she scanned the restaurant for any Paparazzi: which were the normal cause for his attentions. No, zero camera's in sight: maybe he was really making an effort for her. (Liar. She told herself).

Swallowing, she tried to settle into his embrace – squirming as she did so. It felt awkward to be cuddling up to her boyfriend while Freddie sat opposite, watching her with worried eyes. She tried to ignore him.

Her boyfriend continued to warble on, leaving Freddie and Carly to eat in silence. James seemed to have exhausted insulting Freddie for now which Carly was devoutly grateful for. Of course he went on about it about his modelling/acting/fans/social connections but Carly had had enough practice to simply tune out by now.

...Until her name jerked her back.

"What was that?" She asked. "Sorry I must have zoned out."

"You're such a ditz." He said, rolling his eyes. "I was talking about the modelling opportunity I arranged for you...Although you've probably told Freddie all about that already."

Freddie frowned at her and Carly's stomach sunk. She couldn't deal with this confrontation now.

"Told me all about what?" Freddie asked her.

"Oh, just a job for this summer." She mumbled awkwardly, "Some modelling stuff I might do...I'm not sure though."

"Not sure?" James snorted, "Don't be stupid Carly: it's an amazing opportunity. You need to raise your profile more it. You don't want to get left behind do you?"

"No, of course not." She backtracked hastily. "I'm still thinking it out; I'm just not sure if the modelling thing is really me."

"They'll be expecting to hear from you by the end of the week." He said stiffly, "You can't expect the chance to just wait for you."

"I know – there's still time. I'm wondering if I should just focus on the acting."

James pulled away from her and she could practically see the storm cloud gathering inside his head. Inside her own head something crumpled: it was so hot in the restaurant and a headache was beginning to pound around her right temple. She just wanted to pay the bill, grab poor Freddie and get away from this relationship. (There she'd said it out loud. She wanted to get away. What kind of girl wanted to get away from her boyfriend?)

Instead James seemed to be gearing for a sparring match – which Carly knew from experience she never won.

"Carly." He began edgily. "I've talked to you about this. You can't keep holding yourself back: Hollywood is a competitive place and you need to put yourself out there."

"Ok, but –"

"No buts. You're my girlfriend Carly but we both know this won't work unless we're on the same page. Do we want what's best for each other or not?"

The headache had burst in with full force now and as the 'getting out' option was impossible Carly thought she'd find herself collapsing across the table.

"Of course I do," She agreed wearily.

"Right and that's all I'm trying to do here: I'm just trying to help you and I really think this modelling contract is the way to –"

"Hey!" Freddie snapped. "Give her a break; she can make her own decisions."

James turned on him and Carly flinched.

"No one asked for your involvement."

"You don't ask anyone for anything – including Carly." Freddie spat back. "If she doesn't want to do this modelling contract then leave her alone!"

They glared at each other across the table. James balled up his fists up so tightly Carly was surprised his knuckles didn't crack but Freddie looked just as angry which she found surprising for her normally good-natured friend. He so rarely got angry, why he was cracking now?

Hoping to cool the situation down Carly swallowed and laid a hesitant hand on her boyfriend's arm.

"James –"

He shook her off. "Stay out of this."

He turned back to Freddie and narrowed his eyes. "Now listen, Freddie:" He said harshly, "I don't care if you two 'grew up together' or how long you've known Carly. She is my girlfriend and some loser who didn't have the guts to make it around here isn't going to change that."

"James!" She looked at Freddie frantically. "I'm so sorry Freddie, please don't think that..."

Freddie just shook his head and laughed. James scowled.

"What?"

"I find it funny that you're so pathetic." Freddie said simply, standing up. "And that I don't have to listen to this."

"Where are you going?"

"Preferably somewhere with human size meals. Here:" He pulled out a couple of crumpled notes from his pocket and dropped them on the table. "That should cover me and Carly. I'll leave you to pay for your own."

James gazed at him blankly and Freddie smiled. "Thanks for the company, it was great. And Carly – I'll see you back at the apartment. Bye."

The two of them watched silently as he walked away, coolly strolling out of the doors and refusing to look back.

"Well," James shrugged after the doors closed. "Thank goodness he's gone."

She could tell he expected her to say nothing like usual but it was like her (former?) best friend had set off a spark in her and every word he said was feeding it flame. In just one night, Freddie had brought back all the thoughts she'd been suppressing for years. That she couldn't remember being happy since he left, and even then it had been over ten years since she'd really enjoyed life.

She'd thought she had to deal with this. She thought her personal life was worth sacrificing for Hollywood. She'd determinedly not thought about James, and how the hell she got into this relationship with him originally. And why she was with him now.

But she didn't have to put up with this.

"Shut up." She said quietly.

"What?"

"I said shut UP!" She hissed. "You didn't have to treat him like that! Were you annoyed or jealous or – or –"

"Jealous! Of him?" He laughed derisively. "He's a nobody Carly, forget him. You're bigger than that."

She stared at her boyfriend of nine months, his voice echoing in her head. Not everyone can be like ma and Carly, we need normal people...I guess some people aren't cut out for this...

Maybe he was right, it was difficult world – she couldn't afford to be weak.

...She can make her own decisions...

Freddie.

"You arsehole." She said, suddenly aware her voice was trembling. "You complete and utter arsehole." She stood up shaking. "I'm going home, to talk to Freddie and apologize for what you said. He was right – I don't have to listen to this."

As she reached to get her bag from the seat James grabbed her wrist. Carly gasped and tugged at him.

"Let go of me!"

He gripped her harder. "I'm warning you." He said. "If you go now – to run after him then we're over. I'm not having you treat me like this Carly. He's not worth it, not matter how 'friendly' you two are."

She stopped pulling and met his eyes: They glinted back at her – dark, furious and more attractive than ever.

You can't keep holding yourself back...we need to be on the same page...he's a nobody Carly...forget him...you're bigger than that...

"Fine!" She spat and wrenched her arm away. "We're over."

She stormed out of the restaurant, her blood rushing to her cheeks, heart riding some strange, giddy high and his final words ringing through her mind.

X-X

Freddie was waiting for her when she got back.

"Hey!" He said, leaping up as she came through the door. "Are you ok?"

She shrugged and leaned wearily against the wall. "Yeah, I'm fine."

He stared at her.

"Are you sure? Things got pretty crazy back there. I was wondering if you want to talk –"

"I said I'm fine Freddie!" She snapped. "Now leave me alone!"

She tried to push past him but he stood his ground.

"You're not fine! Dammit Carly, have you looked at yourself recently?"

She flinched. "Freddie..."

"I've tried to keep quiet, honestly I have but this is crazy!"

"I..."

"None of it's you, can't you see that? The money, the pressure, your reputation, James – what's happened?"

"I was just – just –"

"Just what? You're in Hollywood. I get that. It's not easy being a celebrity and all of that crap, but what about you Carly? You used to love acting. You did it because it was fun, now you've turned into this robot that's just in it for the fame. What the hell's going on Carly?"

Freddie waited. She didn't say anything.

"Carly?"

"What do you want me to say? She exploded. "Don't you think I know all of that? I don't need you to tell me my life's a mess! I don't know what to do any more Freddie: Sam's so happy I don't want to ruin that for her, Spencer's in Seattle and there's James and all these directors and I haven't got anyone real left!"

She collapsed to the ground and covered her face with her hands. It was so déjà of the day he'd arrived that she would have laughed if she'd had any energy left in her.

"You've got me." He whispered, crouching down beside her.

"You!" She cried, suddenly furious. "You left! This was our dream: you, me and Sam – L.A, movies – this life! It's what we wanted. Only you've both abandoned it and part of me is angry at you for that but part of me is so jealous that you said no and I didn't."

"Carly –"

"And now I'm stuck in the middle again while you guys don't live the dream and I live it and don't at the same time because I don't know what to choose anymore. Sometimes I think I'm an idiot and I should just be happy here; but at others all I want to do is pack my bags and follow you and be me again! But it doesn't matter because neither of you need me and I can't admit that I need you because I'm meant to be the strong one!"

She was sobbing outright now, huddled against the wall with tears blotching her face. She was sure this was the most ugly she has looked in months – on or off the camera.

But this moment couldn't be caught by anyone (directors, scouts, paparazzi, James) – except Freddie. And instead of telling her to 'get over it' like they would, he wrapped his arms around her and let her cry into his chest instead.

"I was sure I never needed you." She mumbled into the dark fabric. "It was always the other way round: I was Carly Shay the one who had it all together. But then you left and I missed you so much that it ached and I realized that actually..." She trailed off so he tightened his arms and he didn't say anything for a long time. The minutes passed.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, when she could breathe again. "I shouldn't have put you through that."

"It's fine."

She rocked back on her haunches to look at him. Freddie's brown eyes were filled with nothing but concern but she suddenly felt self-conscious.

She quickly wiped her cheeks with her sleeve and pulled away. To her surprise he grabbed her wrists.

"Don't go." He said hoarsely.

Her stomach pooled with what felt like lead and she had to blink back more tears coming her way.

"What?" She asked wavering. "What are you going to say? You're twenty seven years old Carly and can take care of yourself? Don't blame me for making the wrong choices? Do it again so I can get a photo –"

"Come with me."

"What?"

"Come with me." He repeated. "To Europe. I'm flying out next week; we can book you a seat."

She gasped at him, the heavy substance vanishing to leave an open bottom.

"I can't." She insisted automatically. "The timings all wrong Freddie and –"

"The timings perfect Carly and you know it. I've got a few months before I'm due back at MIT, you haven't agreed to this modelling contract yet, you're not booked for any movies and it will give you space to think everything out. If you decide that this is the life you want to live you can come back anytime...and if not then you can register at some college and we'll go back to being normal again. "

Only Freddie could make running away to Europe together sound sensible and she was about to freak again because he's always been her rock to hang to, the only sane thing in her crazy world and if he started spinning to she doesn't know how she'll cope.

But he did sound so logical and calm and reasonable that she relaxed on reflex.

"Well..."

"Carly." He pleaded, kneeling in front of her. "I know you think this is crazy and insane and stupid but I've thought about, honestly I have. The whole time I've been here, seeing you again...Just think about."

She looked at him: his eyes shining with tears that mirrored her own, his lips trembling ever so slightly – and nodded.

"I'll think about it."

Freddie smiled and she must have forgotten just how bright his smile was because the whole apartment suddenly felt lighter despite the fact they were still sitting in a dark room with all the lights out.

"Thank you." He said quietly and released her hands to stand up.

"What time do you leave?" She asked.

"My flight isn't for a couple of days but I'm heading home to get my stuff – so about seven I guess."

She nodded again; it was so little time to think: a few hours at the most. He helped her up and pulled her into a tight hug. Carly gripped her arms around his shoulder blades and buried her face in his chest, fighting back more tears.

They stood there for a long moment, rocking backwards and forwards. Eventually Freddie coughed and pulled.

"Anyway I'd better head to bed. I'll say goodbye in the morning, when you...decide. Goodnight."

"Night Freddie."

As he turned to walk down the hall Carly was caught by a desperation to say something, anything to understand what was going through his head.

"Freddie!" She called,

He turned around. "Yeah?"

"Why are you doingthis?" (Coming back, offering to run away, saving me).

Freddie looked at her and in the dark passage she couldn't make out his expression anymore. That thought scared her because the one person she could always understand was him. Then he walked back to stand in front of her and the shadows fell away.

"Because I've given up giving up on you." He said so quietly, it was barely breath on her cheek,

"What?"

He smiled wanly. "I tried you know: moving away, going to College, dating other girls. But it never worked."

She stared at him, at his nose which was only inches from hers and wondered if this was real.

"It sucks you know: the whole unrequited thing. When you left for Italy, and we kissed. I thought that might be the beginning of something. Finally. But then when you came back we got so swept up in the movie stuff, all our stuff was forgotten again. Then I realized how much I hated this place and the only reason I was in it was because of you and that was just pathetic. So I left. And now I've built a life for myself with friends and a future career that I will go back to but..."

He stuttered mid sentence and stopped, flushing a beet red which made her want to scream with frustration. Romantic heroes weren't meant to clam up during their monologue: Romeo never would have done it.

"But what?"

"But I've realized that I'm never going to let go of you." He said. "It's you, it's always been you and whether you accept it or not, I love you and that's always going to be part of me."

He swallowed and a part of Carly's mind watched his Adams apple bob up and down as proof of how nervous he was.

"I didn't come to tell you that." He promised seriously. "I don't expect you to love me back or fall into my arms or anything dumb like that. But I wanted to make sure you were ok and the Carly I knew was still in there somewhere because..." He paused for a final time.

"Because...?"

"Because I can deal with you not loving me." He said, "...but I can't deal with not having a you to love. Does that make sense?"

She's stands there dumbly.

"Carly?"

"I thought you were over me." She said numbly. "Ages ago. Since...Sam."

He smiled sadly. "I know. I wanted you to think that. I was sick of being pathetic. I wanted to move on. Sam was part of that. But..." He hesitated.

"But what?'

"Look it sounds corny but...but it's just part of me you know? Like Sam's love of meat, or Spencer's creativeness or your way of drawing everyone in. Loving you is part of who I am. It just is."

She blinked and felt tears pricking at her eyelids. Freddie gave a soft, heartbreaking smile and on impulse leaned forward to kiss her on the cheek. His lips were gentle and light, barely brushing the skin and then –

"Goodbye Carly."

He walked along to his room and closed the door.

Carly sat alone.

X-X

Freddie loved her. Still.

She's not sure how to feel about this: It's mad and crazy and just a bit wonderful.

He's never been her Prince Charming or her glamorous boyfriend. She hasn't thought about (tried not to think about) him in that way for years. He is just Freddie.

And besides she'd pushed him away too many times for there to be any hope of a 'them' anymore.

Apparently not.

But does she want a 'them'? That's the question.

She got up and got ready for bed, lying in the dark with her head buzzing.

Freddie said the decision shouldn't be about him. She can go without any obligation.

But Carly knows for her, the choice is about Freddie. He didn't expect to be loved back. But then he didn't know she's been fighting the truth for years. (And why should he? She never told him).

To stay or to go?

She thinks about her life in Hollywood: the parties spent puking and the constant hounding from the paparazzi, but also the thrill of walking along the catwalk and seeing your face splashed across papers. Being someone.

Then she thinks about leaving. Not doing anything drastic, just going College like she'd planned before and studying something totally mundane like Geography or Education. Not that she was amazing at those subjects or anything, but it would be nice to work at something different again.

But still was it worth giving this up? And for Freddie?

She thinks of food fights and private move nights, secret dances and whispered conversations across the hall.

And Carly knows what to do.

X-X

When Freddie came out of his room the next morning, the house was silent. He sighed and grabbed his bag, casting a glance behind him.

He comes into the passage to find Carly is standing outside, a single backpack slung over her shoulder.

He looked at her. She smiled.

"Are you ready?"

She locks the door behind them and doesn't look back. But as they walk away, she reaches out to grab his hand. He squeezes back, and a wave of happiness rushes through her.

Yes. He's just Freddie.

And really, that's all she's ever needed.