Chapter Five

The Hardest Thing To Say Is Goodbye

Once I got inside the hospital, I headed to check on my dad and felt my spirit sink lower. He looked paler than the last time I'd seen him with dark circles around his eyes. I closed my eyes and took steadying breaths. Time was short and I knew that. He was dying and there was only one thing I could do. That one thing was to stop whoever it was and have them reverse the process. I opened my eyes, my resolve strengthened by what I knew I had to do.

I turned to head out of the hospital room and stopped. I heard a familiar voice.

"Lisa," I heard the voice I've heard all my life say, calling out for me.

Turning around, I saw him look tiredly at me. If souls were fragile and one could hear their soul break, I would be hearing mine break at that very moment. And all I did was see him laying in that bed, looking weak and tired. At that very moment, there was nothing I wanted more than to run away. I knew what was coming and I didn't want it. I didn't want this moment to happen.

This moment had been in my nightmares since I was seven. This moment was what I had been doing my best to avoid. This moment was why I had done everything in my power to avoid. This moment was why I had constantly badgered my dad to take his medication. This moment was why I had withdrawn from the world for the longest time. But this moment, and those like it, was a fact of life. This moment and those like it defined life itself. Defined what living was. Defined what it meant to care for others. Defined who I was. And I was scared.

The one thing I'd always feared was this moment.

Because this moment was when things were going to be said. Things about life. Things about family. Things about relatives that are no longer alive. Things about death. And I knew how it was going to end. The way it was going to end was exactly what I was scared of. The way it was going to end was what I had been avoiding and running from for almost my whole life. It was going to end with two sentences shared between us. One sentence was going to be said aloud, spoken to each other. The other was going to remain unsaid even if we both were thinking it at the same time.

I tried to swallow in an attempt to moisten my parched mouth as my stomach flip-flopped like a pancake. My legs wobbled, almost like I was losing the ability to support my own weight. I fought the tears that threatened to rise in my eyes. My jaw was having trouble staying motionless as inside of my own soul, I was torn between running as far as I can as fast as I can and sitting down on that chair that was at my dad's bedside.

I took a step towards the chair, feeling as though my body was now on autopilot. I felt my right foot meet the floor, my knee uncertain if it could even allow me to remain upright or if it was going to have me crumple onto the floor. I knew that if I fell to the floor, I wasn't going to be able to keep my own emotions inside. They were all going to come bubbling out and I was going to be an emotional wreck.

But I remained standing.

My mind dredged up glimpses of my past as I struggled to get somewhere fast. The time that my training wheels on my bike broke and my dad had replaced them with lawnmower wheels, which had been far too big. The time my bike got caught between the sidewalk and the lawn, causing me to fall off at a high enough speed that my entire right palm was skinned. The times I'd play card games with my dad, sharing jokes and funny stories. The time my dad and I had spend a sleepless night playing a single hand of cards until the dawn came. The mornings in High School when he'd have his morning cigarette and I'd have my morning coffee outside and we'd talk about nothing in particular before I'd go to the bus stop to catch the city bus to get to school.

It all came crashing down around me. All at once. Every memory of my dad that I held dear and cherished. Every memory which I'd pull up to cheer myself up when I was sad. Every memory I'd think of and chuckle. Now, they did nothing but accentuate what was going to happen. The memories which had been happy and had cheered me up became memories which were now sad and bittersweet.

All because of this moment which I never wanted to face. The moment which made me wish I could hop on board the Doctor's TARDIS and go somewhere else. All just so I would never have to experience this moment.

But it was happening.

And no matter how much I wished, it was not going to change.

I was there and my father was dying. My father, the man who held me tightly as we both wept after mom walked out on both of us. My father, the one who had always been there for me. My father, who had done everything he could to defend me from my mother's painful words. My father, who had stopped my mother from pulling my hair by pulling hers. My father, who had always understood me even before I was able to speak.

I felt hot tears fall down my cheek as I lifted my left foot to make the next step forward. Time seemed to move slowly, as if someone had hit the big old slow-mo button of the universe. I knew that almost no time had past since my father called for me, but it felt like a lifetime to me. That in this one moment, I could live out my whole life. But it was just a trick of my perception. Time was in fact, moving at it's normal pace.

My left foot landed on the floor and my knees felt like it was buckling under my weight. Was I going to crumple on the floor? I took a deep breath and steadied myself. I couldn't freak out. This was a moment where I would learn how I was going to react to a situation where I was going to say good-bye to someone who I cared about.

I wiped the tears away before I finally sat down on the chair after one more stride thanks to my having long legs due to being pretty tall compared to the rest of my family. I looked over to him, seeing the kind face that I had always had in my life. His eyes still had the same kindness they always had as tiredness and sadness covered his features. For seven years, that sadness had been in his face.

He gave me a smile that didn't reach his eyes as he laid in bed, too weak to sit up.

"I wanted to talk to you before you left again," he stated, his speech slurred, but still clear.

"I'm here, dad," I replied with a smile, "I'm sorry you wanted to talk to me earlier."

"I know that it was the first time you've gone outside of the hospital since I got here," he stated, "you needed a good night's sleep and actual food."

"Yeah," I said, agreeing with him.

Silence stretched on between us. I didn't want to control the conversation and I didn't really want this to happen while he was probably considering how to phrase his half of the conversation.

"I'm sorry," he stated quietly.

"For what? There's nothing to be sorry for," I stated with a smile, "you were always there for me."

"It's just that... I feel that I didn't do as good of a job raising you than I'd wanted. You deserved a better childhood," he stated apologetically.

"You had no control over mom and the others," I stated gently, wanting to console him.

How long had this bothered him? How long had he felt guilt over the rough childhood I had? I never would know.

"My father was the same way," he stated quietly, shattering the silence again, getting me to look at him with a confused expression before he continued, "He would give and give. Everyone would take advantage of his kindness. I got that from him."

I recognized that trait in a hot second. I knew that was a trait I also had. I liked helping people. I liked giving over receiving. It didn't matter if they were friends or family. If they meant anything to me, I would give them the world on a golden platter or die trying.

"Like I got that from you," I stated, seeing the pattern as I nodded at him.

"Just don't fall into the same traps and make the same mistakes. Don't let anyone take advantage of you like what happened to me," he stated with a smile, making it sound like a request.

"I'll work on it. Ya know how I'm like."

"Exactly. You need me to tell you that or you'll never avoid those traps. I know you're smart enough to know. I wasn't."

"I'll do my best, dad," I stated, trying hard not to cry.

"You should leave before it gets too late. There's a storm coming. I don't want you to get snowed in," he stated.

"I'll make sure to leave before the storm hits," I stated.

"I love you, Lisa," he stated with a smile.

"Love you too, Dad," I replied as I watched him fall back asleep.

Once I knew he was asleep, I got up from the chair as tears ran down my cheeks. I couldn't stop the hot tears from flowing as I walked out of the room. I kept my sobs silent as the tears flowed and I realized that I didn't know where exactly to go to get caught by whoever was advanced enough to alter human DNA remotely and to target specific people while they were at it.

But I had an idea. If the Doctor hid the TARDIS in the same location, I could see if I could use its sensors to figure out what to do or where to go. Hopefully without turning up somewhere else at a completely different time. That would be bad and I knew it.

I entered the elevator alone, selecting the basement floor. A few moments later, the door opened and I left the elevator. I tried to recall where the TARDIS had been parked the previous day when I had seen it for the first time when I caught myself from falling flat on my rear due to a cylindrical object which was under my right foot. I lifted said foot and saw something. I didn't know what it was but it looked like it was beyond anything that the modern day was capable of creating. What was it?

I pocketed it just in case and continued to poke around. It was then that I saw a wall ripple like it was a pool of water. Now, I may not know much about advanced technology outside of science fiction, but I did know a thing or two about walls. One of the things I did know about walls was that they weren't supposed to have qualities of water and ripple like that. Which led to my belief that it might not be a wall.

So what do you expect an overly curious girl do when she is trying to get to the one responsible for everything and sees something that should be scientifically impossible?

I stood in front of the wall and poked it. The wall rippled from the contact as my hand went through, obviously telling me that the wall didn't exist. I grinned as I sneaked through the fake wall, doing my best to keep my footfalls silent. I found myself in a dark corridor. Perfect.

What wasn't perfect was the fact that, once I passed the first intersection, I felt a weapon press into my back.