A/N Okay my lovelies! I just want to say thanks to everyone who s viewing this and reviewing, favoring or following! It really makes my day when I get an email from FanFiction saying someone added me or my one of my stories so thank you!
Did you all have a great Christmas or holiday? I got a new laptop! So hopefully I can write more because I wont have to share with my family! What y'all get? Anything exciting?
Mentions of Chris Young's song Tomorrow are in this chapter so all rights belong to him; I recommend you listen to the song so you can hear the emotion beyond the words and it's one of my favorite songs!
I hope you have some left over tissues from last chapter handy for this chapter! Mentions of suicide and drug use in this chapter so if this bothers you stop reading here.
On with chapter 3, enjoy and see you at the bottom! P.S. If anyone would like to make us a banner please message or review me! Any review gets a teaser of the next chapter!
Chapter 3
Gonna Do the Trick
Jasper's POV: Fuck, my head is pounding. What the fuck is that beeping? Someone make it stop. I didn't even realize someone was holding my hand until the warmth of it squeezed around it tighter. I feel amazingly safe right now and I don't understand; I'm only feeling hope in the room of where ever I am at. Not anger. Not sorrow. Not sadness. Not happiness. Just hope. Everything goes black again and when I open my eyes I'm in an alley. The dark brick walls surround me, secluding me from everything but I still feel it. I'm holding the syringe of heroin in my right hand. This will do the trick. This is strong enough to kill me and take me away from this hell. I can't live with this anymore. Every emotion anyone has ever felt comes straight to me.
It started when I was thirteen years old. I'd notice I was happy one second then the next angry and it all depended on who I was with. I learned to stay away from people to help ease the anger. Most the time I feel pain and anger. As I got older the emotions came in stronger and I when I was 15 I befriended James, he offered me my first joint. Every emotion blew straight out of my body and I didn't feel anything. For once in my life I felt nothing. More years went by and weed didn't cut it anymore so I turned to heroine. I've been snorting it for only a couple of months and it's just not doing the trick, it just seems I can't reach that high; I still feel everyone's emotions. I'm done, no more pain. I need to reach that high that you get the very first time you do it, that feeling of euphoria, it's all I think about anymore. I've been told that when snorting doesn't work anymore, you're supposed to go to the needle. The emotions are so strong anymore that I can't even move my body anymore. Nothing helps.
Edward is the only person I have ever told about this curse and my use of drugs. Although he tries to help, most of the time he just makes it worse because I can feel his fear and disappointment in me anytime he catches me with my pipe. Everyone will just be better off without me. I push the needle in my arm and inject the drug. Gonna do the trick, gonna get over it. The drug cuts through my veins like broken glass and then lights on fire, the feeling of the needle piercing my skin sets off a whole other notorious high adding a whole other addiction. I need more. When I'm on the high I've been desperately waiting for, every thought is gone and I feel myself getting week. Nothing is a beautiful thing. I can hear people walking down the street but the only thing I feel is my heart beats slowing down and I can hear my heart pounding in my ears. Finally almost over, I'm begging for sweet relief. I can't keep my eyelids open anymore; I give up the fight and close them, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel everything is over, no more pain, and no more anger. Nothing. Everything is black and I am in complete harmony and peace.
The beeping comes back and I hear muffled crying from afar. I think my Dad is here and is yelling at someone? Who he's talking to yells back. Edward? Where the fuck am I? I'm starting to panic, I'm feeling fear and anger all over in my body and I can't stop it. Beeping grows faster and impatient. The same person squeezes my hand and that overwhelming sensation of hope wraps around my heart. What the fuck is that? I try has hard as I can to squeeze the hand back but only a little squeeze is all I have to offer. The person shuffles to the edge of the chair and gives me another squeeze so I try again. The hope fills my heart so much that I'm so scared I could shit my pants. What is this?
My eyelids finally flutter open and I am greeted by Bella, I'm surprised that she's here with me, wherever it is that I am. Her brown eyes are soft and caring but red and puffy like she's been crying. The underneath of her eyes are black from the dripping mascara from her eyelashes. Why is she here and why is she so upset? This can't be because of me; we don't even know each other that well. I have the unbearable urge to grab her into this bed I am laying in to comfort her. I don't talk to her very often. Just the usual 'hey' or 'how's it going' but for some reason I'm feeling safe and secure with her eyes locked into mine. Why do her tears cut through me like a knife?
"How are you feeling, cowboy?" she whispers so low I can barely hear her. Her lips pull at the corners just a little bit and then I realize she's the one who has been holding my hand this whole time. It feels so perfect locked into mine. Her warmth reminds me just how cold I am.
"Cold," I don't even recognize my own voice. It comes out scratchy and low. She flies out of the chair she was sitting in and grabs the blanket behind the chair. She's wearing yoga pants with a pink band and an Evanescence t-shirt. Bella's brown hair has been pulled up high on the top of her head into a bun. Strands of hair pool out of the bun to surround her face.
Movement in the corner of my eye catches and Esme walks towards me with a blanket of her own. I try to reach out towards her but my hand ways a million pounds.
"Don't move, honey." She cries noticing my struggles. Her eyes are puffy and red too.
"Here you go," Bella lays the blanket over me and a tear escapes from her eye. I lift my arm, despite how much it hurts, to her face and wipe the tear from her cheek with the pad of my thumb. The painful pulling in my arm from the IV that someone stuck into it still doesn't stop me from reaching up to her. I need to comfort her.
"Don't cry." The imposter voices scratches out.
The door opens and Edward and Carlisle walk in. Both of them whipping tears out of their eyes as well. The fear and anger from my dad seep into my heart and the anxiety starts to race, but Bella grabs my hand again and the hope returns. How does she do that?
"Ed...w...ar...d" my voice stammers. He runs towards me and falls to his knees to break down sobbing in front of me and I can't stop him.
"My fault…my fault…" He mutters at the side of my bed.
"Can we have a few minutes?" I ask my voice shaky and week. Carlisle nods while grabbing Esme's hand to pull out of the room. Bella gets up and starts walking towards the door I squeeze her hand pulling her back to me, "No, you stay." I command. She stops dead in her tracks and locks her comforting brown eyes to mine again.
"Edward?" I ask his name carefully.
"Why, Jasper, why, just why?" He cries. "I told you I can't fucking lose you! Do you fucking know how close I came today to loosing you, Jazz? Do you fucking know? Do you!" He screams throwing his head in his hands and I feel every ounce of fear and disappointment pour out of him and the cracks in my heart deepen further. I fear for the day it just completely breaks in half.
"I don't know what to do." I whisper. "I can't turn it off, Edward, it's my only option. I want to die. That was my plan for tonight." I confess.
"No!" Edward and Bella both cry together. She breaks down and falls to the ground on her knees.
"No, Jazz, no you're all I've got. Dad is going to help you!" he speaks through his sobs.
"I'm so sick of this Edward; I'm not even me anymore! I only feel what everyone else is feeling. At least in the after world I can be me again!" I start to feel my own tears boil to the surface.
"Let me help you!" He pleads.
"Me too! I get we don't know each other well, but I can't leave you! I found you in that alley Jasper, I couldn't let you go! Let us help you, please! Please!" She whips tears off of her checks as she speaks, but she can't keep up they are all falling just too fast.
"Don't cry," I plead. I know I am the cause of the pain she is experiencing. I can't leave her either. I need to make her stop, her tears edge my heart to the danger zone of breaking and I don't understand how she can sway these feelings so much.
"Edward," I reach out and place my hand on his shoulder, trying to sooth the pain I caused but his anger and depression only seeps through to me stronger than possible.
"What?" He shakily asks looking at me. His eyes puffier than I've ever seen them and bright red; he has tears stained all the way down his cheeks and fresh ones spilling over his eyes. I've only seen him cry once, when Grandpa died, that's it. I'm not used to this, he's the big brother he soothes me and I'm not used to being on this side of the problem.
"I'm sorry," I squeeze his shoulder. If only the drugs would have taken me away I wouldn't have to face him now. I can't even promise him I won't shoot up again because I can't make that promise; I can't keep it and I wish I could because I hate doing this to him.
"Jazz, we may have friends surrounding us but you're all I fucking have your all I've ever had. Remember that time when mom and dad we're separated for those couple of months and we hid out in our tree house that entire time? We ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for every meal and rode our bikes to school together. We slept up there and never went in the house. We got through that together because we were so afraid if mom and dad could break their bond so could we. If you're gone who am I going to do that with?" He cries and I didn't even notice Bella had crawled over to him and placed her small hand on his thigh, trying to comfort him.
"What about me? I need my history partner, too." She tries to smile but instead another tear trickles down her check. There's something about her, something different. She smiles and my whole world lights up, she smiles and nothing else matters. I feel only her. But when she cries, it's the strongest emotion I've ever felt. It seeps through my soul and into my heart so strong it just puts me down, I just can't fucking deal with her tears.
"Edward, she's different," I start. He looks up to me, his eyes still red and puffy. "She's here and I barley feel you. It's all her." Bella looks at me then Edward than back to me with confusion in her eyes. I grab her hand and I feel safe. "See? Just like that everything goes away." I think out loud. "I don't get it."
"Maybe your just in shock? I'm sure it's nothing." Edward says while looking down avoiding my eye contact; I'm sure he doesn't want me to see him break down. I drop her hand and Edward's fear and sadness seeps through the barrier.
"No," I insist. "She smiles and it over comes everything; she cries and somebody might as well of ripped my heart through my chest." I feel the anxiety taking over my body and I grab her hand again and everything is gone. No fear, no anger just hope. "It's stronger when we're touching though."
"What's going on?" Bella cries. I have no idea why but I don't want to tell her how fucked up I am because I fear I'll lose her, and I just can't fucking loose her and that scares the shit out of me. But I want her to know, she can help me.
"I can feel everyone's emotions; yours are the strongest I don't understand. I've never felt anything but anger and fear. You're different I feel hope when you're around," I spill all in one breath, my eyes locked into her comforting brown eyes. She says nothing and just nods so I continue. "Any emotion anyone has ever had it goes straight to me and tonight I was just done dealing with it. I need to make it stop. I want to be me again. You make that happen."
"Why me?"
"I don't know but it scares the shit out of me," I state.
"Look, I'm just going to lay my cards out here. I like you, like a lot and for a really long time, Jasper," She admits, looking down to hide the fact her blood has run to her checks. "I almost lost you today and that scares the shit out of me."
"I don't want you to leave," I confess.
"I don't want to go," she states locking her eyes back to mine.
"Um, I'm going to get mom and dad, I'm sure they're pounding at the doors." Edward reminds me before leaving the room. But he sounded muffled and everything blurred away. I realize I am still holding her hand and she's rubbing the top of my hand with her thumb so I copy her motions to her. I'm completely surrounded by hope and I'm scared that when she leaves I'll be in that dark hole again.
"Help me," I close my eyes and whisper. "I want to be a strong man; I want to be the man a mirror likes to see. God, I'm asking you to change me into the man I want to be." I plead. She opens her mouth to say something but Carlisle, Esme and Edward walk in.
"Sweetie, its way past one in the morning, maybe you should go home and get some rest. I'm sure your dad is starting to worry about you." Esme spoke to Bella while sitting in the chair by my bed and grabbing my other hand.
"Okay Mrs. Cullen," she agrees. Bella pulls herself up of the ground and pulls Edward into a tight hug. "He's okay, don't beat yourself up." She whispered into his ear trying to comfort him. I really hate myself for putting him through this. She walks over to me grabbing my hand again. "Don't you dare fucking think about leaving me," she sternly voices. She leans down and crushes her lips to mine. I kiss her back with so much passion that I don't even understand this new feeling of euphoria that I couldn't even reach with the drugs. Even the strongest brand of heroine can't save me like she can. What is this feeling and why do I feel like I just met God?
A/N My poor Jasper and my poor heart broken Edward! Will they ever be the same? Jasper's really crazed by this whole hope thing and for some reason he trusts Bella with everything he is. Could this be love? Possibly! Haha! More to come from Bella next chapter witch should be up sometime next week! In the mean time if your looking for something else to read, check out my other story, Remind Me here's the summery!
Remind Me
Jasper has had it with Edward and despite how much he loves Carlisle and Esme as his parents he runs away to the Whitlock ranch to live with his baby brother Peter and his girl Charolett. Everyone is living in peace except Bella who his raising Edward's child alone because the whole family left because of Edward's sudden need to visit Italy. For three years none of the Cullen's know about Bella and the baby until Char relieves the past and sees them. Jasper angrily goes back to Forks to change Bella into a vampire to save her from the Volturi but he got more than he ever expected: the love of a singer. M for language and lemons. JXB EXR CXE All vampires! Romance/Supernatural/ tiny bit of angst