xxx

He caught her on her way out, much to her own surprise. He had not spoken to her since that night, as amazing as it was. She was not surprised when she woke the next day to an empty bed. He had scrawled a note that he had been called on a case and didn't want to wake her.

She had accepted, and believed that, until that night when he had completely avoided her, and paired her with Warrick. In fact, all that week, the only time she had seen him was in the breakroom when he was handing out assignments, and even then, he refused to look at her. She had been paired with Warrick mostly, and sometimes Catherine, neither him or Nick. She thought that had something to do with their conversation last week.

She had gone by his office each night, but he either wasn't there, or he was on the phone, so she didn't disturb him.

She walked by his office on her way out, just out of habit at this stage, when he called her name. She looked up, like a rabbit caught in the headlights. She didn't like to admit how her heart started to beat a little faster in anticipation and excitement as she made her way into his office.

"Yes, Grissom?" She was rather proud her voice remained calm.

He stood from his desk, as he finished signing reports, he was already late for an autopsy, and was sure Catherine would be waiting for him.

"Uh, a case just came in, apparent suicide at WLVU. Nick is the only one available, so you're with him." He knew he was only making things worse for them now, but he didn't know what to do. He had made a colossal mistake when he took her to his townhouse that night.

Although he had wanted it more than anything, even now, he thought about her every night before he slept, but he could not shake the guilt. He felt dirty, he felt that it was wrong. He had just given her a job, and promoted her, and then he takes her home and makes love to her?

"Oh, Nick? Yeah, sure." She said, as she watched him pull his jacket on, still not looking at her. She sighed, deciding to bite the proverbial bullet. "What's happening, Grissom?" She dared not use his first name, not right now.

He nodded in the direction of the door, and she closed it, knowing this was a private conversation that the lab did not need to hear. She should have waited until after shift, until they were not in work, but God only knows how long it would have taken for her to track him down.

His eyes met hers, and he sighed, almost in defeat. He knew he couldn't have avoided this conversation forever. "Sara I... I am sorry. You know how I... How I feel." He paused, his mouth suddenly becoming dry, his palms sweaty. "But we can't do this... Or that. I'm your boss. That is all this can be. What happened was a long time ago, I think it's time we both move on, and just... Remain professional."

Wow. She had not expected that. "Why did you bring me here?" She asked, unable to stop the almost painful hammering of her heart. She felt dirty now, used and swept aside. She knew that was not the type of man Grissom was, but she felt like she had been used, he had gotten what he wanted, and now he was done.

"You know why, we needed someone on the team." He began, but she cut him off.

"No, that was why Grissom brought me here, for the lab, but you, why did Gil bring me here?" She had come to see them as two almost completely different people. Sometimes it was easier to see it that way.

"Sara, we can't do this." He said firmly, trying to make himself believe it.

"So, that meant nothing to you? You're happy you got what you want, a CSI for your precious lab, and someone to sleep with when you needed it, make you feel a little better?" Her voice was low, conveying her hurt. He knew she would have been much louder if they were not in his office. She was shocked by her own direct words, and she could see he was too. She seen him flinch, and the flicker of hurt and guilt in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Sara." And he was. There was nothing more that he could do. They couldn't continue this. It was unfair to her to keep a relationship going, in whatever capacity they could.

And he had his own fears and doubts. She knew a little about Julia, and he knew a little about Doug and ROss. His blood still boiled when he thought of that bastard. But everything was different. Surely she would fall for someone else, someone like Nick, or Greg, someone who adored her and would treat her right. Someone who could put her before their work, their own doubts and insecurities.

He couldn't even trust himself to look at her, because he knew the look those soulful eyes would be giving him. He couldn't guarantee that he would not pull her straight to him, apologise for what he had said and kiss her there and then, regardless of where they were. He had no control when it came to her, and that scared him, because he hated not being in control. He always had to have the upper hand.

"Fine." Sara muttered darkly, refusing to let the tears she felt burning, fall. Not here, not right now. "Have it your way, Grissom." She said forcefully, turned on her heel, opened the door and disappeared out into the hallway.

He felt he was drowning in guilt and anger, anger at himself for not being brave enough to do anything, but he had to make her understand what he was thinking, why they couldn't do anything.

He followed after her, hoping to catch her before she rolled out on this case with Nick. She had just slipped into the locker room as he made it to the door, he sighed when he heard Nick and Warrick's voices drifting out. "Dammit." He muttered.

He leaned against the doorway, taking a moment to calm himself down before he went to autopsy with Catherine. The last thing he needed was her asking him questions.

He couldn't help but hear Sara's voice as she walked into the locker room. "Fine suit." She offered, and he could see the smile that would be on her face already, lighting up those dark eyes of hers. "And well, just fine." She finished, in a light flirtatious tone that he knew all too well.

"This is harassment." Came Nick's easy reply.

Grissom quickly glanced into the room to see Nick shirtless, just pulling one over his admittedly well toned chest.

He quickly turned on his heel and stormed down the hallway, his cheeks puffed out. She knew he was there, she had to have known he was following her. His heart was hammering in his chest almost painfully. What did he expect, really. He all but told her to go and jump into bed with some other guy instead of him. Sara was smart, more intelligent than people gave her credit for, when she was easily the most intelligent on the team. She knew him, she knew how he worked.

This was her attempt at payback, for the hurt he had just caused her. Well, it was working. But, he couldn't be mad at her. It was what he had told her to do. He told her they couldn't be together, so, he had no right to say anything else. He would just sit back, and see what happens, and hope that she does move on, and that she is happy.

It was all he really wanted, was for her to be happy, because he did love her, despite his earlier actions. It was because he loved her so much, he knew they couldn't be together, she deserved better than him. If she could forget about him, and move on, Nick could make her happy, and she could have the life that she deserved.

He sighed heavily as he turned into the corridor leading to the morgue, flexing his fingers as he walked. It was time to focus on the case, and forget about Sara Sidle. Easier said than done, he thought to himself.

xxx

The double shift had come to an end, all cases solved. Grissom had returned to his office, well, more like retreated. His head was throbbing, a sharp pain right over his left eye. He knew what that meant. He reached into his drawer, and pulled out his prescription migraine tablets, the ones he kept in order to prevent an attack like this, but he had ignored the signs earlier. He quickly took a tablet, and swallowed it dry. There was no ignoring them now, they demanded to be felt. Catherine's words from earlier had struck a chord with him, and he couldn't exactly face going home right now.

"You're right, you know, I should be just like you. Alone in my hermetically sealed condo, watching Discovery on the big screen, working genius-level crossword puzzles... But no relationships."

She was wrong, he didn't want anyone to be like him. He knew he had his faults, he would be the first to admit he had many faults.

He was an introvert; by nature he didn't like social situations. It wasn't that he didn't have good social skills, he seemed to do alright for himself, anywhere he did have to go, there was always some woman or another who would approach him, and he could talk to them. He just preferred to keep to himself, in his own mind, unraveling his own thoughts. He often preferred to be alone than to be with others. It was never that he had a problem speaking to people, he just often preferred to not have to speak to anyone, and remain in his own thoughts.

It was the world he had grown up in. After his Father died, living with his deaf, grieving Mother, conversation was not a major part of their daily lives. That aspect of his life seemed to stay with him as he grew up, and he was finding it difficult to break habits. He had always felt comfortable in the way he was in life, until he met Sara, then he was thrown off balance.

That was another one of his many flaws. He liked to be in control. When Sara was around, that aspect of him was torn away. He couldn't control himself with her, he couldn't be in control. One look, one touch, and he became undone, and lost all sense of what was right, and what was wrong. It scared him to think that someone had this much power over him, he wasn't sure if he liked it or not.

He couldn't express his feelings very well at all. He never really had been able to, and it just got more complicated when he was in a relationship. He found it hard to communicate his thoughts and feelings, so usually, he didn't, it was easier not to. He tried, but his track record showed him that it wasn't enough, nobody seemed to understand what he did, or what he didn't do.

He had his own fears to deal with too. His last relationship had crashed and burned. It had taken him a long time to get over that. He had thought she was the one, and she had come very close to being Mrs. Grissom, but when he found Julia in bed with a co-worker, that had crushed him, and he had withdrawn even further into himself. That was the first time he had really let someone else past the barriers he had built around himself since his father had died, and it only hurt more in the end. He couldn't go through that again.

If he had a relationship with Sara, if he let her in like he had with Julia, and she got tired or bored, or fed up with his faults, just like Julia had, and left him, he didn't think he could survive that. Sara wasn't the type of woman to cheat, he knew that, but he had also trusted Julia. What if he drove Sara to do that? What if it was Nick, or Greg, or some other young man that he pushed her to? Maybe it was his fault Julia had gone seeking love from another, and he couldn't leave himself open to that possibility with Sara. It scared him, and he felt stabs of pain at the thought of it. He couldn't do it.

A soft laugh from the hallway made him raise his head, and he sighed. Of course. She always had impeccable timing. His eyes were trained on her, as she laughed, and talked easily with Nick, as they walked side-by-side towards the locker room, coming towards his office. He assumed they had gone home already, but they must have been finishing up on paperwork.

She seemed to be fitting in well here. He knew there was still a bit of tension between her and Warrick, and even Catherine, but everyone else loved her, and he couldn't blame them. She had that impression on people. All it took was one glance across a seminar room, one look at that Sidle smile she was now wearing for Nick as he joked, and he knew he was done for. Everyone else seemed to fall under that spell too.

"Hey, Sar?"

Sar? He had already given her a nickname?

"Wanna go get something to eat? I don't know about you, but I'm starving after that double."

Sara looked up, and just caught Grissom's eye. He didn't look away, he was already caught, there was no use in pretending. He remembered his words from earlier on, and without thinking, he gave her a slight nod, which made the ache in his head slightly sharper.

Sara quickly looked back to Nick, who hadn't noticed. "Well, as long as there is no raw liver, I'm in."

Nick laughed, shaking his head. After their case where a teenager had choked to death on raw liver that had been force fed to him, neither of them would touch any for a long, long time. "There's this great diner not too far from here, Frank's diner. They do great chilaquiles."

Sara smiled again as they walked past Grissom's office, not taking another look back to him.

He quickly scrambled to his feet, the room spinning slightly and closed the door to his office, and then the blinds. He shut out all the sounds of the lab, and hoped he could shut out his thoughts and feelings for Sara too.

He groaned as he leaned against the door, resting his head against the cool surface. He could feel signs getting worse, the dull throbbing on the left side of his head had become a sharp, almost burning pain, the ringing in his ears, and the upset stomach that was beginning to stir.

He should have known this migraine was coming. After the day he had, he would have been surprised if he hadn't had one. He quickly switched off the lights in his office, knowing how sensitive he became to light when he got a migraine.

The tablets were beginning to kick in, he could feel himself becoming sleepy, his lids heavy. It was the only way to counteract the pain, was to sleep it off, in the darkest room he could find.

He kicked off his shoes, and his jacket, rolling it up and putting it under his head as he stretched out across the sofa. He lay back, closing his eyes, and he crossed his arm over his eyes, so not even the light that filtered in through the blinds could affect him.

He could have gone home, and go back to his usual routine after he woke, which, he hated to admit now, involved the Discovery channel, crossword puzzles, forensic journals and his experiments. Right now, he could face none of that.

He welcomed the pain, it was a distraction from everything, from his own thoughts. Even he needed to escape his own thought every now and then.

He started to drift off after a few moments, and the last thing he could remember, unsure whether he was imagining it or if it was real, was the soft scent of vanilla, and a warm touch against his cheek.

He was too close to sleep, the migraine had fully taken over, and the pills were doing their job. He mumbled something, as he felt a warm blanket being laid over him, another touch to his cheek, and he drifted off, all thoughts of a vanilla scented presence lost.

xxx

A/N: Sorry this was late guys, had a lot going on with work, and friends, and learning to drive, and oh THAT FORGET ME NOT PROMO AND THE FACT JORJA IS DOING A LIVE CHAT ON WEDNESDAY.

Woah, sorry. Okay, a little emotional this week!

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, and favorited, and followed, and pm'd, and messaged me on tumblr, I appreciate your support as always!

Hope you enjoyed! Was Grissom imagining her presence, or was she really there?

Send me a review, let me know what you think! Might update again tomorrow, if you guys review!

Stay strong, we can survive Forget Me Not!