"So wait, you don't know what's going on with him?"

"Not a clue. At first I thought it was something he had during the get-together but..." There was a troubled sigh, "I've never seen anything like it. It's as if he was a completely different person."

There was a silence, giving Alec a moment to gather his now returning thoughts. Am I still in the shower? Simon might have gotten me to the nurses... I hope they at least got a towel around before dragging me across the school though. I don't want the ladies to think that Simon and I were-

His eyes snapped open at the sudden return of his memory. All at once the images plowed into his mind; the kiss, the fall, the made-up freak he had been pinning...

"Aw... fuck..." He groaned, his hands clasping over his eyes. His head felt like it had gone under a pick and hammer, what he guessed was a hangover induced migraine splitting his skull while he tried to muddle through this mess.

Immediately he felt a long, bony hand gently clasp onto his arm. The male voice from before spoke. "Alec... dear... how are you feeling?"

"OH FUCK NO! NOT AGAIN." Scrambling against smooth sheets and a comforter that was way too fluffy to be acceptable, Alec ripped his arm away from the hand before any more of the gay could get on him. Eyes wide open in shock, Alec recognized his assailant from the night before leaning over him, hair just as horribly glitter-coated, but his face was thankfully not as whore-ishly made up as before. Choking back a gag at seeing the guy that had molested him, Alec looked away before he lost yesterday's protein shake all over the neon bedclothes.

"Oh dear. Looks like it hasn't quite worn off yet." The freakish man-woman-thing leaned away and crossed its arms, something like concern in its features. Alec was about to say something very cutting and hurtful, hopefully bad enough that the thing would let him go from this nightmare, but a new voice stopped him.

"By the Angel, what happened to him? I've never seen him like this. Are you sure there wasn't anything in his system?" Wait a minute... Alec had heard that voice before, but he didn't want to risk looking away from the man lest he try to shove his tongue down his throat again. Weighing the cons with the Fuck Nos, Alec dared a quick glance to the second speaker, but found a sight much more welcoming than he'd hoped.

"Clary!" Eyes raking up and down her hot bod, Alec didn't even care that she wasn't wearing her usual sexy cheerleading uniform. He could see the outline of her boobs and that was enough. Oh thank God, that freak didn't turn me somehow. "Oh Clary, baby, thank God you're here! I swear to Jesus fucking Christ that I had no fucking clue what was happening, babe. You gotta get me outta here before this fucking fag tries to ass-rape me again! I don't wanna die!"

In another situation Alec may have been ashamed of the higher register his voice had chosen, but there were more important things to worry about. You can't blame a guy for his voice getting a tad bit higher when he was scared for his fucking life. Things slip through the cracks when you're worried you're about to be molested.

But if he was looking for sympathy from his girlfriend, he wasn't getting any. Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped to a surprised "O". "Oh Angel... you weren't kidding."

"Kidding about what ba-" Just then the wind was knocked out of him by an invisible force. Aw fuck not again. Just as at the scene of his previous maltreatment, he no longer had access to his vocal chords.

The glittery freak sighed and nodded. "I swear, he's a completely different person."

Clary-wonderful, sexy as fuck Clary-sat down at the foot of the bed. She crossed her arms over her chest- Nononono I was looking at that -and stared at him as if he were some sort of specimen in a science experiment. As if Clary even knows how to spell "science"... come on uncross your arms girl. "When did you notice him acting... well, like this?"

"Well it was all fine until I gave him a hickey." Glitter Hair joined Clary in observing him, and Alec squirmed uncomfortably under his gaze, no longer able to express his discomfort vocally. "Do you think it was that? I admit, they're a little tacky, but he usually loves those..."

Alec gagged, scrambling away from the edge of the bed where the guy- Holy fuck are those cat eyes that he has? -and placing himself firmly behind Clary. If anyone wanted to accuse him for using his girlfriend as a faggot shield, he wouldn't deny it. Maybe her tits will make him think twice about trying to nail me. Quick Clary! Take your shirt off!

He took her shoulders and glared at the guy from behind her. At this point he would have moved his hands down and hoisted up the hem of her tragically loose T-shirt but his plans were quickly derailed when suddenly an elbow met with the center of his face, sending him sprawling back on the bed.

What in the name of Fuck!? Hand going to his nose reflexively, Alec blinked a few times before he stopped seeing red. Whoever hit him packed a hell of a punch. Alec stayed on the bed, letting the pain recede as he moaned silently.

"Okay, Magnus, you have five seconds to explain why Alec is suddenly all over my girlfriend!" Shooting up into a sitting position, his nose all but forgotten, Alec glared pure death at the guy who'd called that sweet piece of ass his girlfriend. Sizing him up, Alec knew he could take him. It was obvious that he was more the pretty-boy type than the kick-the-living-shit-out-of-you type. He was way too cocky, too. Alec knew from many years in front of a mirror just what cocky looked like and this guy was textbook.

But something about the kid was off. He was...familiar. Narrowing his eyes, Alec looked past the confident front and really saw the guy. No way. Upon recognizing the kid, Alec burst out in tragically silent laughter, tears forming in his eyes. There was no fucking way that the Pot Head was saying he had a girlfriend at all, let alone saying that the Clary fucking Fray was his.

"Jace, darling, I really don't think that this is Alec we're dealing with anymore." It was the walking gay bar talking now, and with such a degrading tone that Alec had to keep laughing. As if it was possible to degrade Wayland any more than he'd already done himself. Even without his baggy-ass jeans and Bob Marley T-shirt, Alec knew if he got close enough he would be able to smell the weed. Where's your trumpet, Wayland? Don't you use that as a bong or something? Weed uses bongs right...?

But...he was standing upright. And forming full sentences. And calling sex on legs redhead over there his girlfriend. In all the laughing about Wayland being an idiot, Alec had almost forgotten that he may be an idiot, but he was now claiming Clary's boobs as his own! This could not continue. Sitting upright and wiping the blood from under his nose, Alec continued his earlier tactic of glaring at Wayland and imagining tackling him to the ground.

Apparently, while he'd been busy laughing his head off like a pot head himself, Stoner, Sexy Chick and Dumblewhore had been talking.

"...haven't quite thought that far ahead yet. The possibilities are endless when it comes to what's happened to him. Whatever it was, it's stronger than some twigweed. That's for sure."

"Well, we need to fix him, whatever the hell is wrong. I can't guarantee I won't kick his ass if he keeps ogling my girlfriend, even if he is my brother." Alec's derisive snort was lost on them, blocked by whatever devious means through which they had stolen his voice. The fuck are you talking about brothers, Wayland? As if.

"Like I can't handle myself, Jace," Alec's personal entertainment system scowled, her arms still firmly crossed over the only things that would have made him feel any better in this situation.

"Based on how he didn't get you back for nearly breaking his nose, Jace, I'd say he's lost whatever fight instincts he had. I would be surprised if I couldn't have him in a solid pin in under twenty seconds in his current condition."

Yes, please.

"While that would be fun for the whole family to watch, I'm sure," Alec's fantasies were interrupted by Glitterbomb opening his mouth again. "We really should figure out what to do with him. I wonder if he's calmed down enough to speak without insulting someone every other word. What do you think, doll?" Once again the center of attention, Alec shifted his gaze between the three of them, doing his best to exude a don't-fuck-with-me vibe. You call me something that gay again and I swear on my latest Playboy I'll-

"Only one way to find out, I guess." Clary mused, standing and stepping behind Magnus with a suspicious glint in her eye. What the fuck, babe? Since when don't you want a piece of this ass? He wiggled his eyebrows at her, giving his most sultry smirk. A plan which swiftly backfired when his girlfriend burst out laughing. "Oh Angel... never mind."

The pothead was right along with her in the laughter. "Jesus... are you sure he hasn't gone back? I haven't seen him look gayer."

"Shut up Jace," Clary said, trying to hold back a laugh. The fuck, she was even laughing at his jokes? This needed to stop. "Alec, or whoever you are under the influence of whatever you took," Clary turned back to him, an authority in her voice that hadn't been there before. Like, actual authority. Alec couldn't help but pay attention. Well, some amount of attention. The rest was imagining that firm voice in an entirely different situation, taking care of something else that was growing rather firm on its own.

"Alec, if we let you speak again will you promise to say something of value rather than just a string of cuss words?" Hands on her curvaceous hips, Alec nodded automatically, too focused on how suddenly turned on he was by her strong stance. Oh babe, we are definitely exploring this new side of you later. I have no problems with taking you right here, but I think we'd explode their little gay minds with our heterosexual hotness. In fact, fuck it, these cocksuckers need a wake up call. We'd be doing them a public service if we showed them the benefits of-

Glitter-tipped fingers intruded into Alec's field of vision like a jarful of flaming fireflies, snapping his attention away from the possible ways in which he and Clary could educate the fags in their company and back to a reality where the Pride Parade was waving a hand in front of his face.

"Alec, stop drooling over Clary and focus! We need to figure out what the hell is wrong with you, and we can't do that if Jace has ripped out your spine." Alec scowled his best I'm thinking of the best way to kill you scowl at the atrociously dressed thing strutting around in front of him as if it was saying something of worth. But then again, Alec kind of liked where his spine was...and it would be nice to be able to talk again. Then he could tell that redhead tease exactly what he was thinking. Looking back to the only person worth looking at, Alec nodded again, more seriously this time. In the periphery Alec saw Jace skulking at Clary's side.

"Thank the Angel, maybe we'll get some real answers," he huffed. That's not the only thing you're huffing, dude. Alec stiffled a snicker as Fagsplosion stood in front of him, leveling him with a cold stare, those freakish yellow eyes making Alec's skin crawl. He snapped his fingers.

"Clary I wanna fuck you upside down."

Silence, a resounding crack, and Alec was holding his nose once again, blood gushing through his fingers. Voices drifted in and out of Alec's awareness through the pain.

"Holy Hell, Clary, you beat me to it!"

"Jesus, his face is hard."

"While on any other occasion I would promptly turn you into a ferret for punching my boyfriend, I find that right now I'm feeling no such inclination...though I do rather prefer his nose unbroken."

"It'll heal. For now he can suffer."

"By the Angel, Clary, when did you become such a hardass?"

"Roundabouts when your parabatai started coming onto me, Jace."

"...Fair point."

"As much as I love listening to you two banter, I think it's just about time we get some real answers, don't you? Come along, Alexander."

A large hand on his shoulder hauled Alec back into a sitting position, still clutching at his bleeding nose. Before he could shake the hand away in disgust, another firmly took hold of his chin, forcing him to look into fiery gold eyes. Is that the color of Wayland's eyes? The thought flitted through Alec's mind, I never noticed through all the sunglasses and blood-shotiness...that's totally a word.

"Now you listen to me, and you listen well, Alec," he spat the name like one would a piece of phlegm, his face a heavy set grimace. "Whatever the hell has happened, you need to snap out of it and give me back my brother, or your nose won't be the only thing broken." Alec would have laughed at the notion, but the pain in his head and the steel grip on his chin proved that no matter what Alec wanted to think about being able to take this drug-free version of Wayland in a fight, he stood no chance if it came to throwing punches. "And if you say one more vulgar thing to Clary, to any of us, I will string you from the rafters of the Institute by your-"

"Insbituth?!" The exclamation, clotted blood making the word into a lisping gasp, was no less exuberant for the hinderence. "You're all legibimately crathy! I knewb it!"

More hands shot forth to restrain him as Alec tried to stand in a futile attempt to escape.

"Wait a minute-you don't even remember the Institute? Alec," Clary's comfortingly sexy voice calmed him somewhat, but it was mostly the fact that she had come to stand in front of him, bending slightly to be on eye-level with him. There you go, now just stay there so I can keep my view. Alec's enjoyment of his new view down Clary's shirt was interrupted, however, by the return of the demanding tone of voice from before. "Do you remember what you are? What you do? Who we all are?"

"I'm Alec fucking Lightwood, quarterback for the Westwood Woodchucks, King of the School, and all around Badass Motherfucker who certainly doesn't deal with fucking peasants like you," he pointed towards Jace. "You are a loser pothead with your head firmly planted up your ass; you," turning to Magnus, "are a faggy pervert vomit ball that I have never before seen in my life before you tried to rape me, and you" he face Clary again, breathing a sigh of relief. "You are my sexy redhead upstart cheerleading captain girlfriend that I am gonna bone the shit out of tonight after we win the fuck out of the play-off game and kick some Bethound Beaver ass!"

Alec, breathing a little heavily after putting so many words together into a semi-coherent statement, could only faintly hear what must have been a cat or other small animal scratching at something. "So," Alec started as he decided a sum up was in order, "You've got your fucking answers, now give me mine. Who the fuck do you think I am, and why the fuck was it the Ugly Fuckling that was trying to get into my pants earlier instead of the Sexy Swan? And, most importantly, why the fuck-"

Someone coughed. Aw, hell no, bitches. I've been molested, silenced, laughed at, denied my tits, and I'm sure a whole bunch of other shitty things. You listen to me now, Ass-butts. Alec glared at his captors one by one, searching their faces for signs of guilt, but only found increasing irritation. "Okay, who coughed? No one interrupts Alec fucking Lightwood with such a fucking gay-" the cough came again, stronger, and from none of the three in front of him.

"I did." Alec stood from the neon bed, no one moving to stop him as they whirled to face the wall, to the large vanity that was completely covered in bright cosmetics and scattered application tools. However, it wasn't the expansive table that was drawing their attention, though it most certainly deserved attention. It was more the pissed off, blue-eyed boy staring back at them from the large mirror.

"I coughed, and I would like to know exactly how in the name of Raziel you hijacked my body and shoved me into this cracked-out universe of yours."