Disclaimer: I do not own South Park or any of the characters or plots or anything relating to it. Legal stuff, gotta make sure that shit's covered. So yeah! Here is the first South Park fanfic I've written. Ever. I hope that the characters are at least moderately in character and that these scenes you're about to read are at least semi-believable. If you don't think so, please do point out how I can make it better.
Yeah, so this story is going to be a boy love kind of deal. If you don't like it, here is fair warning. Run, quickly. Run away and never return. [Now I want to include The Lion King in some chapter...] It is going to be K2. This is not a one shot. Umm... Yeah. So that is about all I can think to say. I hope you enjoy it! Or at least think it doesn't suck donkey balls.

Kenny's POV

"Hey Kenny! Kenny!" Cartman's voice boomed through the room. Kyle looked annoyed. Stan didn't seem to care one way or the other.

"What?"

"Did you hear?"

"Hear what?"

"You seriously don't know? This is ground breaking news for you, Kenny."

"Just spit it out already, fatass!" Kyle rolled his eyes and stuffed a fallen book into an over-crammed drawer.

"It's official. They made generic Pop Tarts. I was at the grocery store today and they were right there in front of me! In their white boxed glory. It must be like Christmas for you, huh Kenny?"

"Fuck you!" I flipped him off and scowled.

"Why are you mad? I am sincerely happy for you, Kenny! It will be like a feast every night for you. Damn Jews and their generic food companies."

"Shut up, Cartman!" It didn't take long before Kyle and Cartman were at each others throats. Somehow it escalated into some crazy conspiracy theory about Jews cheating the honest working men out of their money by creating generic products.

"What's all this fuss about?" At the sound of the familiar shrill voice, everyone went quiet. Sheila Broflovski had managed to throw open the door and step in without any of us noticing. Stan was too busy trying to pry Kyle's hands off Cartman's throat. Kyle and Cartman were too busy trying to kill each other.

"Oh uh, nothing, mom. We were just-"

"Rehearsing for our project for-" Stan fumbled for something that would make sense.

"Hamlet!" I concluded, earning a confused look from Stan and Cartman.

"Yeah. You see, I'm Hamlet and Cartman is Claudius." Kyle explained. We all nodded.

"Well that makes sense." Mrs. Broflovski uncrossed her arms. I saw Stan mouth out 'it does?' Cartman shrugged, detached himself from Kyle, and walked to the front of the room.

"What do you think about generic food, Mrs. Broflovski?" Cartman asked. Kyle glowered behind him.

"Well I think it is a fantastic idea!"

"Thank you, Mrs. Broflovski. That was all I needed to know."

"Cartman..." Kyle spoke with a threat clear on his voice.

"You boys need to keep it down. Your father is up to here with work and he can't have you four here being so noisy."

"We'll be quiet, promise, mom."

"Okay then. My little bubbe is such a hard worker! Friday night and he's working on his school work with his little friends." She continued to speak her commendation as she left the room.

"Good call on the project, dude." Stan applauded silently. Kyle nodded in agreement.

"God your mom's a bitch."

"Shut up, Cartman!"

"Come on, guys. Kyle's mom is right. What are we doing hanging out here? It's Friday. We should be out doing... something." Stan began listing off places we could go. He concluded with, "Bebe is throwing a party tonight."

"Let me guess, Wendy's gonna be there?" Kyle crossed his arms over his chest, visibly put-off by the idea.

"She might be." Stan averted his eyes.

"Might be? Her and Bebe are best friends. Dude, you just want to go so you can make sure Wendy isn't flirting with some other guy. You were the one to dump her this time. You-"

"That's not why I want to go!"

"Totally is, dude." Kyle spoke matter-of-factly.

"I'm over Wendy. Fuck Wendy!" Kyle rolled his eyes.

"You two are going to be back together by next week."

"No way! I'm done with her."

"Why'd you guys break up this time?" I asked. Stan shrugged and looked uncomfortable.

"Stan is jealous because he thinks Wendy is flirting with another guy." Kyle answered for him.

"She is flirting with another guy! That new kid came in, complimented her coat, and now she's cooing over him every time they cross paths!"

"Dude, you need to stop worrying so much. You're a great guy. Any other guy is totally second-rate." Kyle clapped his hand on Stan's shoulder. I pulled the hood of my parka up, annoyed for some inexplicable reason.

"Wendy is a fucking slut, dude." I kicked my feet off the board of the bed and stood. I wanted this conversation to end. "So where are we going?"

"Wanna do video games at my place?" Stan pulled his gloves out of his pocket and looked around the room until he found his shoes. He seemed fine with letting the topic drop too. Kyle removed his hand from Stan's shoulder and turned his attention to looking for his own gloves.

"Lame!" Cartman bawled.

"It sounds good to me." Kyle spoke immediately after. I didn't know if he actually wanted to play video games or if he just wanted to be on the opposite side of Cartman.

"Me too." It was free. I didn't mind not having to spend my constantly diminishing cash supply. "I've got a controller at my place."

"What about the system?" Cartman asked, grinning from ear to ear knowing he was about to be set up with another 'Kenny is poor' joke.

"All right! Let's go." Kyle spoke before I could, sufficiently cutting off Cartman's opportunity for said joke.

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Before we'd opened the door to my place, I noticed something was off. It was totally quiet. My parents weren't screaming at each other. I didn't hear Kevin yelling. Karen was never loud, but I didn't hear her either. I was kind of freaked out when I walked in. Part of me expected to see that they had all finally killed each other or something.

"Hi Kenny!" Karen's voice greeted me on my entrance.

"Hey Karen. Where are mom and dad?"

"They went out."

"Out? Out where?" I asked. Karen shrugged. She was sitting on the couch reading. It probably wasn't often that she was able to find a quiet enough spot in this hell hole of a home to read. "Do you know when they'll be back?"

"Probably tomorrow."

"All right. Thanks, Karen."

"Are your friends going to stay over?"

"Huh? Oh, well-"

"No way in hell-" Before Cartman could say anything else, Kyle had elbowed him in the gut.

"Not this time. We're going to play video games at Stan's. Wanna come?" Kyle knew that Karen wasn't a video game player, so there was no harm in inviting her. She wouldn't say yes unless Kyle was asking her to go to the library or some museum. My sister is too smart for her own good. It was no wonder that she and Kyle got along so well.

"That's okay." Karen shook her head while speaking.

"All right. Maybe next time! So what are you reading now?" Kyle asked. I couldn't help but smile. Kyle was always nice to Karen. He was like that with kids. It was... refreshing.

"Umm," Karen turned her book over and held it up. It was something about talking mice.

"I used to read that same series when I was your age!" Kyle exclaimed.

"Really?" Karen leaned forward, genuinely intrigued. Kyle started talking and, from the sounds of it, it was clear that none of us were going anywhere for a while. Karen was hard to get talking, but when she got started on something she liked, she wouldn't stop. Within a minute, Stan was fidgeting impatiently by the door and Cartman looked like he wanted to die.

"I'm gonna go grab my controller." I motioned toward my room.

"I'll go with!" Stan volunteered, eager for something to do. Cartman followed, muttering insults to my house and things about poor people sucking. I waved to Kyle as I passed, gesturing that I'd be back in a minute. He nodded, clearly in no hurry.

"What're you doing here? Karen said you were going to be out." Kevin all about ran into me coming out of his room.

"Getting my controller, why?" Kevin huffed something under his breath.

"When are you leaving? I'm having my friends over and I don't want you four here. Karen's bad enough."

"If you mess up the fucking house-"

"That's possible?" Cartman interjected. "Look around, guys."

"Fat boy's got a point, Kenny." Kevin smirked and left while Cartman was still shouting returned insults.

"Come on, let's get going." Stan pulled open my door. I frowned when I saw how much the doorknob stuck. Stan didn't say anything. Fortunately Cartman was too busy yelling at Kevin to care. He'd bring it up later if he found something to say about it anyway.

"It should be somewhere in here." I pulled open my desk drawer.

Kyle's POV

Weekends were a lot easier in grade school. Half the excitement was the simple joy of not having class. Finding something to do was never hard. Video games, sledding, Texans vs Mexicans; you name it and we would jump on it. Most of the time we'd get too carried away, cause more trouble than the average kid could handle, then find a way to copy homework before classes began again on Monday.

In high school, more than half that stuff was too kiddish to mention. Any game involving pretending, anything to do with sledding or playing at the park, it wasn't even worth bringing up. In high school, people go to the movies. They go bowling or to parties. Most of the time, at least two of us would wind up staying home playing video games. Stan didn't have trouble adjusting. He liked the parties and was so schedule-choked with sports that it was hard to catch him with free time in the first place. Cartman... I don't know what the hell he does and I don't care.

This weekend was no different. School ended, we crashed at one of our places, then we tried to figure out something to do. Cartman seemed half-ready to bail. I couldn't read Stan one way or the other. I wouldn't be surprised if, within an hour or two, it was back to the usual Kenny and I playing video games for too long. I didn't mind. Up until high school, I spent more time with Stan than anyone. Kenny has always been my second best friend, but I hadn't hung out with him enough to know him that well. High school changed that. At times, I almost wondered if he was going to be competing with Stan for the position of super best friend.

"Generic food is a good idea, Cartman. It's practically one of the principles of the country! Ever hear of free trade? Monopolies?"

"Blah blah blah! Principle of America!" Cartman imitated me in a high pitched voice. When I lunged at him, Stan caught me and planted me solidly back on the ground. Cartman laughed his obnoxious laugh. He was lucky that Stan was standing between the two of us.

"Try paying attention in economics, fat ass!"

"That class is for greedy Jews." Stan had his hand on my shoulder, ready to pull me away from Cartman again. Lately, Cartman had been getting on my nerves more than I could stand. It was like Cartman on steroids. Jackass steroids.

"It's a good class, Cartman!" Stan spoke in my defense.

"Yeah!" All of us looked at Kenny when he chimed in. He muttered something incoherent into his parka. I had not expected Kenny of all people to agree. It's not that he was bad at school, he just didn't seem to... like it. Aside from the people and the big breasted girls, he expressed no interest in it. At least not up until that moment. Economics? All right. Kenny likes economics.

"Sucking up to economics isn't going to make you any richer, Kenny."

"Fuck you!" Kenny stepped in front of us to get to open the door. He paused before opening it. When he did, I heard his little sister's voice. Strangely enough, hers was the only voice I head from in there. According to Karen, Kenny's parents were out for the night. Fine by me. It was always uncomfortable to listen to their brawling. Instead, the only thing I noticed was the scent of brownies. A pleasant change!

Right off the bat, I noticed what book Karen was reading. It was the first of the Redwall series. That had been one of my favorites as a kid. Hearing her chirping off things about how great Matthias and Martin were brought back hundreds of hours worth of memories. I don't know how long we had been talking, but eventually, someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned, expecting it to be Stan. Instead, it was Kenny's brother, Kevin.

"What's up, dude?" I wasn't sure how to talk to Kevin, so I stuck with the most casual thing I could.

"I've got a few friends coming over tonight. I was wondering if you could do me a favor." That right there was more words Kevin spoke to me than he had in my nearly seventeen years of knowing him.

"Sure. What do you want?" I wasn't happy with how unsure my voice sounded. Kevin may have been known for being in the center of a lot of trouble, but I didn't want to treat him like some hoodlum. He didn't seem to notice.

"Well... Uh..." He frowned and looked intimidating for a moment. "Call it gay once and I'll stuff your face up your ass-"

"I won't say it's gay!" I threw up my hands immediately. I could take Cartman in a fight. That didn't worry me. Kevin? I wouldn't want to even try it out.

"Good. My friends and I made a bunch of crap. I got stuck making lame ass brownies." It wasn't until then that I noticed he had a brown... formless blob on his hand. It smelled like a brownie, but it sure didn't look like one. "Tell me what you think of it." Before I had a chance to say no, the formless blob was on my hand.

"Oh... uh..."

"What? You have a problem with it?"

"No! No problems here!" But there were problems. The first was that he had been holding that thing in his bare hands. The dirt and grime under his nails said he hadn't washed them in a long time. I sincerely doubted that any dish washing had taken place and part of me was concerned that the ingredients used would not be expired.

"Then-"

"What are you doing?" Kenny cut Kevin off before he could say anything. I was relieved. With the distraction Kenny, Stan, and Cartman's presence provided, I was sure I would be able to hide the brownie somewhere and claim it to be a great tasting thing. Like hell if I was going to eat that thing. I'd had food poisoning once and once was enough.

"Nothing. Fuck off." Kevin stormed out of the room but was not out of sight. I pocketed the brownie. I would feel too awkward to throw it away when there was a chance he was watching.

"Ready to go?" Stan and Cartman were already at the door by the time Kenny asked.

"Uh yeah. Sure." I stood up. Karen had resumed reading already. "Let me know what you think of the ending."

"Okay!" She chirped and kicked her feet back up on the couch.

"What the fuck did Kevin want?" The minute we were out the door, Kenny seemed to be up in arms. The relationship he and Kevin had was so opposite the one he and Karen had. It was a shame his older brother wasn't more of an older brother figure.

"Nothing really." I decided against telling him about Kevin baking brownies. God knew Cartman didn't need anything else in his arsenal. And something told me that if Cartman said anything about the brownies, I'd be the one getting murdered.

"Good." The rest of the walk to Stan's house was filled with Stan and Kenny's conversation about how hot the economics teacher was. Suddenly, Kenny's interest in economics made sense. I rolled my eyes and laughed to myself. Part of me was disappointed, though. Oh well. Kenny was women-crazed. That's how he'd been since I knew him. He had more experience with women than any of us. Except for Ike. I couldn't help but make a face at the thought.

"You don't think so?" It took me a minute to realize that Stan's question was directed toward me.

"Huh?" I honestly had no clue what he was talking about.

"Your face! You made a face." Stan insisted.

"What?" I looked toward Kenny who had burst into laughter. "What are you laughing about?" I demanded.

"You're getting distracted thinking about Ms. Andrews' tits!" Kenny laughed. Stan covered his mouth with his hand, but it was still clear that he was laughing too.

"I am not!" Sure, I had been distracted, but I wasn't thinking about Ms. Andrews.

"Then what are you thinking about? The part about me?" Kenny grinned and slung an arm around my shoulder. "I never knew you felt that way, Kyle!"

"What?" I jumped out of arm's reach and waved my hands in front of me. "I have no idea what you are talking about!" Stan and Kenny just laughed. I shouted my defense, but it got me no where. So I just stomped alongside them, thoroughly embarrassed. I should've known by then. Never tune out of a conversation led by Kenny.

Kenny's POV

Video games hadn't happened yet. Instead of playing video games, we got to sit around and wait for Shelley to move away from the TV. She had a friend over and they were planted in front of the TV eating.

"Come on, Shelley! You've had the TV all day!" Stan whined.

"Shut up, turd! I'm watching TV!"

"Cut Shelley-"

"I said shut up! You and your stupid turd friends had better shut up! And if any of you even think about touching the crap Emily got from the bakery, I'll break your arms!" Apparently, Shelley's friend had bought about twenty dollars worth of cake and other pastry shit.

"Fine. Come on, guys." Stan sulked toward his room. Cartman didn't start complaining until after we had the door shut behind us. It seemed like even Cartman was afraid of Stan's sister. I couldn't blame him. Kyle cut off Cartman's complaints about not being able to eat anything.

"You need to stand up to you sister, dude. You're sixteen. I doubt she could seriously still beat you up." Kyle slumped onto the desk chair.

"I'm not afraid of Shelley!" Stan protested.

"Then go grab a cookie." Kyle suggested and grinned.

"No way!" Stan nearly shouted. Kyle started laughing.

"Come on, Stan!" Cartman had joined in. "We deserve it! We had to walk all the way over here and-"

"Shut up, Cartman!" Stan looked annoyed. He crossed his arms over his chest.

"Screw you, Stan!"

"So what do we do now?" Kyle asked.

"We could always go to Bebe's party. She lives right over there." Stan suggested, though it was clear that it was more of a plea to go than a suggestion for entertainment.

"I'm not going to Bebe's party." Kyle was set on that. Once he had decided on something, there was no way to change his mind. Shelley's voice cut off Stan's response.

"I am going to get a movie. Remember what I said! If one thing, one thing is gone, you're dead!" The door's slamming resonated through the house.

"Like hell am I sticking around here all night." Cartman walked toward the door. "I'm going home." Stan bade him farewell. After a longer time than I had thought necessary, the second sound of a door shutting sounded through the house.

"It's about time." Kyle let out a breath and reclined in the chair.

"Seriously. Man! What's up with that guy?" Stan sat and leaned against the chair Kyle was seated in. "Hey, why do you smell like chocolate?" That question caught me off guard. Why was Stan smelling Kyle? And what the hell kind of question was that? My phone buzzed, but I ignored it.

"Oh." Kyle pulled a brown blob out of his pocket.

"Dude..." Stan looked terrified. My jaw dropped.

"Fuck, dude!" I pointed at the blob, speechless. Kyle had never struck me as the type to flirt with death. Stealing a brownie from Shelley seemed like pure suicide.

"No no no! This isn't Shelley's. I got it from Kenny's house." Stan looked relieved.

"My house?" I pointed to myself. "We don't make fucking brownies."

"Uh, well..." Kyle rubbed the back of his head.

"Dude, if you stole something from Shelley, just go put it back."

"I didn't!" Kyle affirmed, flustered.

"Then where did you get it?" Stan asked.

"Kevin gave it to me."

"Kevin?" I asked. "Why did Kevin give you a brownie?"

"I don't know!" Kyle sat the thing on the desk. "I don't plan on eating it!"

"You swear it isn't-"

"Stan, God damn it! I didn't take anything from Shelley! You were standing next to me the whole time. If you just stood up to your damn sister then you wouldn't-"

"That's got nothing to do with this!" While the two bickered, I pulled out my phone. It was a message from Karen.

'Tell Kyle not to eat the brownie.' I rose an eyebrow and wrote back.

'Why?' I waited on a response. Meanwhile, the front door opened beneath us. Shelley and Emily talked for a while, their conversation was not audible until Shelley shouted at the top of her lungs.

"I'm going to kill you!" The three of us froze.

"I... sure hope she's talking to her friend." Kyle choked.

"I told you not to touch anything! And you ate it! You ate all of it!"

"Oh shit, dude! Cartman... Oh shit! He must have.. That bastard!" Stan stammered and looked around the room.

"God damn it." Kyle shut his eyes and sighed.

"Dude, you need to eat that now." Stan motioned toward the brownie. The sound of Shelley's footsteps were getting louder. My phone buzzed again.

"No way!" Stan all but rammed the thing down Kyle's throat. Kyle gagged. I thought he was going to throw up for a minute there, but all evidence of the brownie was gone before Shelley burst into the room. Kyle had managed to find a piece of gum in the few seconds he had.

"Which one of you wants to die first?" Shelley asked.

"It wasn't us! I swear, Shelley. It must have been Cartman!" Stan shouted. Shelley walked up to him. Stan looked ready to shit himself.

"How do I know you're not lying?"

"Who else could eat that much in under ten minutes?" Kyle asked. Shelley turned her attention to him.

"Three teenage boys." Shelley answered.

"There's no way it could've been us, Shelley. There aren't any wrappers or crumbs or-"

"Shut up, turd! I can see!" After more yelling and threatening to hunt Cartman down, Shelley left. It took a while before any of us spoke.

"Close call." Stan sighed a breath of relief. I laughed and checked my phone.

'Kevin put something weird in it.'

'What was it?' I glanced to Kyle, hoping I'd be able to tell by looking at him. I couldn't tell any difference.

"I can't believe I had to eat that." Kyle muttered. "Fucking sick, dude."

"What was wrong with it?" I asked. The question was inconspicuous enough.

"Well, nothing was wrong with it. I just-"

"I wouldn't eat anything Kevin touched." Stan cut in. I agreed with him there, but it didn't tell me what Kevin did to the brownie. My phone buzzed again. I was about to find out.

"I'm going to get something to drink." Kyle stood and left. I waited until he did to check my phone.

'Marijuana.' I stared wide-eyed at the phone.

"What's up, dude?" Stan asked. "You look like you-"

"Look." I put the phone in his hands. In a matter of seconds, his expression mirrored my own.

"Oh shit, dude."

"Fucking shit! Fucking Kevin!"

"How do we even... Do we tell Kyle?" Stan asked.

"He'd flip!"

"Yeah." Stan pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers. "God damn it."

"What's wrong?" Kyle was back with a few cans of Dr. Pepper. "You guys want one?" He tossed us a can before we could answer. "What's going on?"

"Uh..." Stan looked to me.

"Nothing." I shook my head. Kyle stared at us for a while, unconvinced.

"All right, then. If you're sure it's nothing." He sat back in the chair and looked through the things on Stan's desk.

"So uh.. What do you guys want to do?" Stan asked. Kyle shrugged. Stan continued looking at Kyle. I realized a bit too late that I was doing the same thing.

"What are you guys looking at?" Kyle demanded. "You're freaking me out."

"Oh, oh nothing!" Stan stammered. "Hey Kyle! Would you mind grabbing another can of pop?"

"Why? You haven't even opened that one."

"Uh, this one is cold."

"That's how you drink pop, Stan." Kyle made a face.

"I um... have a toothache. Cold stuff makes my tooth hurt."

"Huh." Kyle rose to his feet and grabbed the unopened can of pop from Stan. "All right. You have any cans in the pantry?"

"I think so. Or it could be in the laundry room. All the way in the basement."

"Why would you keep pop there?"

"My mom, dude. I don't know." Stan answered.

"All right." Kyle left and Stan turned to me.

"What do we do?" I shook my head. I didn't know. "How do you stop people from getting high?"

"I don't know, dude. No one at my place has ever wanted to not be fucking high."

"Should we make him throw up?" Stan asked and looked around the room. I didn't know what for. I didn't want to know what for.

"Hey Kyle, you're looking a bit plump. Why don't you go puke a few times?" I rolled my eyes. "I'm sure that would go over well."

"We don't have to tell him to go throw up! We can just... make him throw up."

"How?"

"I don't know! What grosses Kyle out?"

"Cartman."

"We have to hurry and come up with a plan. He's going to figure out soon that there isn't any pop in the basement. Maybe he just... maybe it won't make him act different. Maybe he won't even notice. Maybe it won't have any effect on him."

"Maybe." I glanced toward the door. Stan shot off a few more ridiculous suggestions on how to make Kyle throw up before Kyle returned with a glass of water.

"You don't have any pop. I brought you warm water." Stan did not seem too enthusiastic to take it.

"Oh, thanks. How... thoughtful." The three of us sat in silence for a while. Nearly ten minutes had passed and none of us had spoken. Kyle had opened Stan's laptop and was messing with something or the other. Stan and I watched. We didn't have anything else to do. Well, Stan still seemed to want to make Kyle puke. Every so often, he'd look at Kyle's stomach and his expression would turn thoughtful.

"Awh man." Kyle ran his fingers through his hair and leaned back.

"What?" Stan asked too quickly. Kyle didn't seem to notice.

"I'm hungry." Kyle pressed his lips together and made a face. It was a bit out of character and it made me want to laugh.

"You just ate." Stan referred to our convenient last period lunch.

"Hmm." Kyle was unconvinced. "Do you have any chips?" He turned back to the computer and starting jabbing at keys in no particular order.

I glanced toward Stan. His expression said it perfectly. 'So much for it not having any effect on him.'

That was the start of one of the most memorable nights of my high school life.

A/N: All right! So chapter one is done. Any thoughts? I am not overly thrilled with the chapter, but I hope that it is at least panning out to be a good start. I hope you agree!