Hi guys, here is the new chapter! Thank you all for reading the last one and a HUGE thanks goes out to everyone who took their sweet time to write me a few words in a review! :)
I really hope you will like this chapter too! It's mostly from Jane's POV but there is also a little Lisbon in it at the end! ;)

Disclaimer: I don't own this amazing show…

Chapter 9

The next morning Jane got out of his bed with a determined mind. He quickly got dressed and was out of his room before the clock struck 8.

He jogged to his car, feeling fresh, frisky and calm. Finally for the first time in weeks he knew exactly what he was going to do to reach his goal. Which was of course to win Lisbon's heart back. However, to get to that point in his plan he had some things to take care of first.

He got into his car and as his mind already worked on the next step he drove off, his movements automatic. He knew the way by heart and he allowed his thoughts to run free.
He knew that what he was about to do should have been done months ago. Probably years ago, but for a while it didn't even occur to him. To be absolutely honest with himself, he had to admit that he only started to figure it out a little after he broke up with Lisbon. But he wasn't ready to do it just yet. It was a too big step to take for him and he had to suffer from the feeling of losing her to realize that sooner or later he had to do it anyways. If he wanted to be able to live his life normally, he had to lock his past up and concentrate on living in the present and appreciating what he had now. What life gave him…

He parked his car on the side of the road and got out. The sun was shining brightly and as he crossed the street he shaded his eyes to see better.

The cemetery was empty apart from an old man strolling absent mindedly. Jane entered and took a right turn, his eyes fixed on the two graves he was heading to. His heart was thumping in his throat and he fisted his hand nervously in the pocket of his jacket.

When he got nearer he slowed his steps down and regarded how the sunshine seemed to glimmer on the white headstones. He stopped in front of them and watched them for a couple of moments wordlessly.

"Well, hello!" he murmured and glanced up to see where the old man was. Even though Jane guessed that the man usually talked to the grave he was visiting, he felt like a complete idiot talking to the stones. But he had to say the words out loud, he felt like saying them would make them more real. "I know I haven't been here for a while and I'm sorry. But what brought me here today is really important for me and I thought a lot about it before I came and decided that it was inevitable." He rubbed his palms together and stood from one foot to the other. "Angela, I…uh… I have something to tell you!" he said after another moment of silence. He took a huge breath and fought off any urge to flee before continuing. "When we got married we were young and we were fools. I've never regretted it, don't get me wrong… God, what I'm trying to say here that we never thought there would be a time when we had to get on without the other. Or at least I never thought. And still it was my own stupid arrogance that got us to this place. And I know that a part of me… a big part of me will always belong to you. No matter what I do or say, you and Charlotte will always have a special place in my heart and I know it sounds cheesy but that's the truth. But I realized that I have to be able to let you go. I have to accept that you are no longer here with me and that I'm alone. And that the best I can do is move on if I can and get on with my life because I know that's what you would want me to do… You know how I feel about Lisbon Angela! You know it because you know me. You know I fought it and you know it was useless from the beginning. Sometimes I have a feeling it was all you, that it was your intercession. That you wanted me to meet her because you knew she was the only one who could cope with me. That she was the one who would be able to kick my ass when it was needed and be there for me and support me when I was having a rough time. She could be strict and gentle at the same time and she always knew what's best for me. Hell, she knows it up to this day. I would gladly die for her, Angela! And I trust her. She's the first person since you that I trust… She had taken care of me and had my back… And I screwed it up." He laughed up ironically. He ran his fingers through his hair and looked up to the sky. "I was lucky enough to find the one who could save me from myself and I was lucky enough to be loved by her. And I love her, I really do. It's nothing like I felt for you, it's completely different but not one bit weaker or stronger. It's actually really strange, I can't explain what I feel for her but I know it's love. But I was crazy enough to let my troubles and shadows surround me and shut her brightness out. I couldn't look at her without thinking of you. I couldn't kiss her without thinking what you'd say… I felt empty because you weren't here anymore and I felt like I was cheating because I still felt like I belonged to you. You know, now that I think about it I can slightly understand how cheaters feel like. Well, not fully… but the part where you love somebody and know that you belong to them, but you can't help falling in love with another person. I know you would laugh at me right now! Like… really laugh, until your lovely tears fall…" he paused his little speech in a sigh. "I have to get it together, I know… So, the point is I wanted to tell you that I think I'm ready. And I wanted to make sure you know I love you both…" he turned to Charlotte's grave too and suddenly felt ridiculous. He was talking to graves. He couldn't make sure they knew anything, they were dead. He should have made sure when they were alive! But he shook his head and went on anyway. For Lisbon. "I know you would want me to be happy just as I would want you to be happy. And really, I'm not asking for permission I just wanted to say goodbye in a way. I mean I would still come and visit you, if all goes well I would be coming with her and I would still think about you a lot and love you from the depth of my heart. But I love her too and she deserves to be loved fully. She deserves all of me and the best I can give, not just this broken wreck that I am when I allow my past to take over me. I have to be able to love her without feeling guilty. I want to be able to do it…" he finished and looked at his shoe resignedly.

Suddenly he felt worn out, he wanted to run away from all his problems, he wanted to run and never look back. He wanted to forget his past and be free of it all. But at the same time he knew he couldn't live without it. Without the sweet memory of Angela's laughter and Charlotte's baby scent. As painful as his memories were, he wouldn't trade them for anything. It's what made him the person he was and without his past he would have never met Lisbon.

He let out a deep breath. Lisbon. It all came back to her. It was all about her, and being the man she deserved. Being the best he could be.

And as he thought of her his heart filled with warmness and longing. He loved her so much that it almost hurt and he denied it so long. He felt better now that he let it all out and in that moment he knew that it was a good idea to come to the cemetery. It was almost as if he talked to Angela. Almost. The same ease spread in his body that he always felt when he could hear her comforting words. He could almost see her soft, caring and approving smile. Hear the melody of her voice as she told him to be happy and let himself love again. The only thing he missed was the touch of her fingers on his arm as she squeezed it reassuringly. The feel of her lips on his cheek as she kissed him as a reward for being mature and responsible and for making the right choice.

He sank down to the ground and sat facing the graves. He reached out and traced the edge of both stones with his index finger and a memory came to his mind as he thought about Lisbon. It was when he brought her here to see the graves.

She was quiet the whole ride and he glanced at her from the corner of his eyes. She was looking out the window with a curious expression on her face, watching where they went but never asking anything. He watched as the sunlight made her pale skin glow and her hair fell around her face in glorious waves. He wished he could reach out and trace the sharp edge of her jaw but he didn't want to disturb her thoughts. So he just drove without saying anything.

When he stopped the car Jane waited for a minute to let her realize where they were. She looked at him first, her eyes puzzled until she saw the cemetery through the window on his side. Jane only smiled gently at her and moved to get out of the car.

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get out fast enough to open her door for her. She was already standing next to the car by the time he rounded the vehicle. He rolled his eyes affectionately and reached for her hand. As he laced their fingers together she finally met his eyes and he shot her a reassuring look.

"Jane..." she started tentatively but he squeezed her hand to make her stop.

"Come on darling, I have someone I'd like you to meet!" he smiled and tugged her towards the entrance made of big white stone.

They strolled between the graves without hurry and Jane felt her nervous eyes on him. He drew comforting circles on her palm with his thumb until they got to their destination.

"You have to know, I'm not really a fan of talking to stones like they were people but sometimes I have to in order to feel just a little bit connected to them. I mean, I'm always connected to them in my heart, but it's easier to tell them things out loud if I talk to their graves..." he told Lisbon as they stood before the headstones.

"I understand." she said but her voice was distracted. He turned his eyes to her and saw that her stare was on the sign at Angela's grave. 'Beloved wife' it read and Jane let Lisbon's hand go to slide his hands around her back and hug her to him.

"It's all right!" he murmured into her hair and rubbed her shoulder lovingly.

"I'm just... I'm so sorry Patrick!" she said softly, her voice cracking as she pondered about his loss. She knew how it was to lose someone she cared about but when she lost her mother then her father she had her brothers. He had nobody when his family was murdered.

"I know you are, but we are not here to be sad right now!" he smiled at her then turned his head to the graves. "Angela, Charlotte! We all know that Teresa doesn't need to be introduced to you. I've been telling you about her so much that I'm pretty sure you know her as good as I do. I've been angry at her and worried about her and crazy about her and depressed by her and simply amazed by her. I'm sure if you would be still with us, you both would love her as much as I do. Though the whole structure of our relationship would be completely different then… Anyway, I just wanted her to know how important she is to me. I wanted her to be able to talk to you, if she had anything to say. I felt that another step to knowing me was bringing her here. So now here we are and I really hope she won't freak out because I brought her to a cemetery on such a beautiful day. I guess I'm not the best boyfriend ever. Other guys take their girlfriend to the park or to the ocean and I take mine to a cemetery to see the graves of my late wife and child. But I suppose that is how our relationship has always been. Me the weirdo and she the angel who handles it all and puts up with me…" he said and as he finished he heard Lisbon's chuckle beside him. He turned his face to her with a serious expression and she beamed up at him.

"Thank you!" she said and she went on her tiptoes to press a kiss at his lips. "My silly weirdo…" she murmured and hugged him tightly. Then she let go of him and knelt down in front of the graves. She shot him a look over her shoulder that told him she wanted a little privacy but the best Jane could do was take one single step backwards. She pressed her lips together to resist smiling at him and just turned back to the stones. "Angela… I..uh… I just want you to know that I'm here for him. You don't have to worry about him being swallowed by his monsters and shadows. I'm here and I won't go anywhere…" she breathed and Jane had to inch closer to hear the rest of her words. "I'm really sorry you can't be here with him and I know you are too because we both hate to see how he beats himself for things that aren't his fault and I will keep telling him that, day after day and I know you'd want me to do that. Please don't worry that I'm trying to take your place because I know that would be impossible. You both have a very special place in his heart and I wouldn't even think of taking that. I know he cares about me and I know he might not be able to express it as everybody else sometimes, but I can feel it. And I love him. I think I was lost the first time he appeared in the office with his tousled hair and creasy shirt. From that day I was trying to help him and in the process we became best friends and I hope to say something more… I think he was just what I needed and just when I needed it. I know he thinks I'm the one who saved him, but believe me he saved me just the same way. I was going down, maybe I wasn't showing it but deep down I was spiraling down into the deep darkness of depression and loneliness and lack of happiness and adventure in my life even though I am an agent. I needed his saving, I needed him to annoy me and to cause me trouble and make me laugh and make me a fool in front of my bosses. I needed him to shake up my life… And he did just that, and I am so thankful to have him. As a best friend and as somebody more…So I wanted to say thank you Angela! For making him the man he is. For loving him and supporting him and for saving him from his father… Thank you for all you've done! And I hope you know, you can rest in peace because all your love and all your endeavor isn't going to be wasted…!" she finished and by the time she said the last word he was right behind her, standing almost on her heel. When he heard her sharp intake of breath that suggested that she was done talking he wildly wrapped his arms around her in a warm hug and pressed her small body into his tightly. He felt her clutch his shirt and he rocked them back and forth slowly.

"I love you… Oh, how I love you!" he whispered into her hair and felt her snuggling even closer to him. He felt wetness on his chest and when he pushed her a little away from himself to see her face he saw a narrow line of tears on her cheek. He wiped it away tenderly with his thumb and tugged her back into his arms.

They stood like that for long minutes until Lisbon moved away from him. She turned back to the graves then started walking, tugging at his hand to make him go with her.

Jane didn't protest or say anything, he just silently followed her out of the cemetery, only casting one last look back at the shining white headstones before they exited. They got into his car and he turned towards her.

"You okay?" he asked, his tone full of concern. He was worried it wasn't his best idea to bring her here but he hoped she understood the thoughts behind his actions. Just like she always did...

"I'm fine." she said softly, a hint of a smile forming on her lips. "Thank you for bringing me here. It was unexpected but I know how much this means to you... How much they mean to you and the fact that you wanted me here is overwhelming. Knowing that you trusted me enough with this is the best I could have ever hoped for." she told him then leaned in to press a sweet kiss on his lips.

Jane didn't know how much time have passed as he sat on the ground with memories swirling inside his head, pulling him back to the images of his past. By the time he had the strength in him to stand up it was almost saw some people around, flowers in their hands or tears on their cheeks. He looked at the graves one more time before he headed for his car to continue with his plan.

Lisbon managed to sleep in the next day and she only got out of her bed when the sun was shining on her face, blinding her with its bright rays. She planned to spend the whole day with Derek and he was supposed to come over around lunchtime. She still had a couple of hours to herself so after she showered and washed her hair she went to her kitchen to make a proper breakfast. During the week she barely had enough time to eat at all and even less time in the mornings. Most of the time she didn't eat anything till noon and she knew how unhealthy it was.

The sun still shone beautifully and she smiled happily as she eyed her kitchen. The whole scene was just so picturesque like it was taken out of a movie and she stood in her living room, staring at it amazedly. Her mind wandered back to last night and Jane's wild eyes as he punched the drunken man in the face to save her but she quickly shooed the thoughts to the back of her mind. She got bacon and eggs out of the fridge then made herself some coffee before she started preparing the food. As she cooked in her sunlit kitchen she felt carefree and peaceful. It was one of those rare moments when she forgot about all the troubles in her life and just let herself enjoy the way the sun reflected on the plates and the smell of fresh coffee and the sound of the eggs in the pan…

She sat at the table with her breakfast and took her time to eat it. She had a book open in front of her and she was grateful for her day off.

Later she decided to get some housework done since her laundry had been piling up for weeks. She put her iPod on the dock and started a play list. She put her clothes into the washing machine then she started to do the dishes while humming softly along the song. Then she put another round of clothes into the machine and was very proud of herself for getting so much work done in two hours. She was vacuuming in the living room when she faintly heard the ringing of her phone. Lisbon quickly switched the machine off and grabbed her phone but before she answered it she reached for the iPod and stopped the music.

"Lisbon!" she picked it up with a serious professional tone.

"Hello Agent Lisbon, how are you today?" a cheerful voice sounded on the other end of the line and she grinned.

"Hey Derek, I'm fine. Great actually! What about you?" she asked back and she took a strand of hair between her index finger and thumb and started to twirl it.

"Good! I was calling to ask if I should bring some food or you have plans?" he asked.

"Well… Since I don't really have ingredients at the house right now, it would be really nice of you if you brought something!" she told him with a smile and she perched on the edge of a cupboard.

"All right, what would you like for lunch then?" he asked and she could hear noises from the background.

"I don't know… Surprise me!" she challenged him and heard his answering laugh instantly.

"Okay, but don't complain if I bring something gross…" he joked and she chuckled.

"I think it's fine until you don't bring worms and nails… Deal?"

"Deal! See you in an hour!" he said and she could hear the smile in his voice.

"See you! Bye!" she said and they hung up.

She shook her head with a grin on her face then pushed herself off the cupboard to continue the tidying up. She was all done in half an hour then she pulled her hair up into a messy bun and took a shower again. She didn't want to welcome her boyfriend all sweaty and dusty after all…

Her boyfriend. She pondered about the word and the mean of it while she stood under the shower. She cared about him a lot that was for sure. And over the past weeks as they got to knew each other better she got even more proof that Derek was a great guy. She was happy that she had given him a chance. It was not like with Jane of course. She missed that sparkle that they had. Of course there was a sparkle with Derek, but it was not the same. She didn't have chills running up her spine every time he looked at her and she didn't feel like she couldn't get enough of him when they were together. The passion was not enough compared to what she had felt like with Jane. She didn't really realize it until yesterday when all the memories and sensations came back from that one kiss. It was them all over again. It was sparkle and passion and dizziness and fire…

She missed it.

But it was also insecure and unsteady. And Derek was neither. He was nice and trustworthy and Lisbon felt safe with him. She cared about him and she loved that he was who he was. He was free and fun and he could give what she needed. He wasn't troubled and didn't have dark secrets. He wasn't Patrick Jane in any way. Derek may have not given her the chills Jane did, but he also didn't have a haunting past on his shoulders. She had to compromise…

And that was it! What do you think? I know that most of you don't like Derek at all, and don't worry after all this is a Jane and Lisbon story… But I'm gonna have to tell you there are a few more chapters to go for Lisbon and Derek! I'm sorry but that is how this story must go, but I really hope you will like the way it will end up! :) Also, there were some serious things and deep feelings talk in this chapter and I can't wait to hear what you think about it!

Please tell me your thoughts and opinions in a review! It would mean the world to me and I hope you know that all your comments and words are dearly appreciated! :)

Next chapter can be expected, just like always, in a week! Thank you for reading and all your feedback! Your support is what keeps me going!

Until then, xxx