A/N - Sorry for the delay. Almost everyday I get kidnapped by this place called 'work' and today I managed to escape a little earlier than usual.
Chapter 6 – Past and present friends
Spock took the offered hand and Trebal helped him to a standing position.
"Once again, I apologise for the circumstances we must meet under, but it is necessary."
Spock crossed his arms and glared at her confused. "Again?"
Trebal placed her hands behind her back and stood before him in the vast white nothingness. "We met over a year ago. You helped complete an energy experiment to stop the Wraith culling on a planet. A by-product of this experiment was the implantation of Others' memories into your mind; those previously absorbed by the experiment. They were there only for a short time." She looked apologetic. "When we last met, my sisters and I were to remove those memories from you."
None of this made any sense to him. He looked around at the vast nothingness. He wasn't in Atlantis. "Let me guess," Spock's eyes narrowed, "that didn't happen."
Trebal continued, unflustered, "The memories were to fade once removed. You are correct, not all of them were removed. One of my sisters wanted a legacy. For you to have her knowledge."
Spock concentrated. Experiment. Memories. Knowledge. "I got a consolation prize! Lucky me." He'd had information downloaded into his brain and it was short circuiting it. That was if he believed what she was saying.
"I can not express my sorrow for her interference but…she has been punished."
He began to pace and looked at her in confusion, "And that helps me how?"
Trebal smiled brightly. "I have come to remove the remaining memories."
"And how do I know what you are telling me is the truth? That you will take them," Spock moved his hands into the air and imitated quotation marks, "all this time?"
"You do not."
"So, I am just supposed to trust you when you did such a bang up job last time?" he cried.
Trebal ignored him. "They have been causing you conflict, and combined with your injury they are impeding your recovery."
"The headaches and memory loss? I thought that was all due my injury." Spock was sceptical.
"The memories are also part of the reason you fail to remember who you truly are."
"And who am I?" Spock thought of the memories he had glimpsed so far. Failure and death were how he'd sum them up.
"You are Dr Rodney McKay. The Chief Science Officer of the Atlantis expedition."
And that meant little to him. Just because she confirmed what Sheppard and Weir had called him didn't mean that was him, did it? So what if he was supposedly a member of Atlantis. With responsibility came power. The power to destroy and power to devastate. He recalled the look of terror on the faces from his memories. The feelings of loss and hurt and blame. Those memories felt real to him. He knew in the depths of his very soul that they were his and his alone. He didn't know if he wanted that responsibility.
"What if I like being Spock?"
"You are needed here." Trebal looked at him with concern.
"I don't have a choice?"
She shook her head. "I must take back those memories."
He thought for a moment. "Will all the memories go?"
Trebal moved forward and reached her hand out until it almost touched his head. "Not all. Only those that were not yours."
"You mean I know some of those…" The smell of burning flesh, flashes of red smears, and sounds of blood curdling screams assaulted him. He swallowed. "Can't you take those too?"
"I can not." Trebal shook her head. "You are the sum of your experiences. The good…and the bad. I must do this now."
"Will I remember this?"
"No."
Rodney braced himself but it wasn't enough for the invasion. He screamed as her hand pierced his forehead and his memories were ripped apart and reassembled.
OoOoOoOoO
The bright light did nothing to ease the thudding in his chest or the loud shrill noise echoing in his ears. Something was different. Off.
A voice called out from the distance, "Marie, turn off that monitor." A hurried rustle of fabric and the voice was back again, closer this time. "Rodney, open your eyes."
He forced his eyes open. Everything was blurry. He tried to speak. "Srrrgh."
Ice chips were placed between his lips.
A voice asked, "What did you say?"
His mouth absorbed the moisture. He cleared his throat, wincing at the pain in his head, and swallowed. His voice was rough. "My name is Spock."
There was a soft sigh, "Spock, how do you feel?"
"Headache."
"I'll give you something for it in a moment. First, do you remember where you are?"
"Atlantis?"
"That's right."
Spock felt a pinch on his arm as the voice continued, "You just rest and we'll talk later."
The voice talked to another, "Colonel, he'll be okay. The blood was from him hitting the floor. No, the MRI didn't show any swelling…"
As he faded into unconsciousness Spock's last thought was that something had changed.
OoOoOoOoOo
"Colonel." Carson walked down the hallway trying to catch up to the man in front of him. Sheppard had left the infirmary fairly quickly once Rodney had woken.
"What is it Carson?" Sheppard stopped and faced the doctor. The light in the hallway was bright and Carson studied the man before him. Dark shadows haunted Sheppard's face and made him look tired and drawn.
"I was wondering if you wanted to grab some dinner?"
"Sure. I was just going that way to meet up with Teyla and Ronon. Give them an update on Rodney, since they've come back from the mainland."
They fell into step as they walked to the transporter. Sheppard was silent and Carson wondered what the man was thinking.
"I've put Rodney onto a new medicine to manage the headaches. As long as he keeps taking them he shouldn't suffer from them any more."
Sheppard paused."Okay, that stops the headaches. What about recovering his memories?"
Carson wondered what was bothering Sheppard more, that Rodney didn't remember them or that he'd been missing for so long. Since the mission with the complex Sheppard had treated Rodney differently. It wasn't like the incident at Doranda, it was the opposite. He'd shadowed the man. Smothering him. Rodney had withdrawn into himself and taken to avoiding them all. Carson had thought that Rodney had needed time to work through it but Sheppard had insisted that they needed to do something. It had all come to a head when Rodney had walked in on them discussing him. Carson had never seen Rodney so angry. He'd told them, point blank, to piss off and Sheppard had. Carson knew that was the point that Sheppard regretted most. He had done what Rodney wanted. He'd backed off and then they'd lost him.
"That will take a little longer."
John stopped and turned to face Carson. "He may never recover them. Isn't that right?"
"Aye, that's a possibility."
"Not sure if I like that." Sheppard walked a little faster with a haunted look on his face.
Carson sighed, "Neither do I."
They turned the corner and entered the transporter. The light from the small enclosure bled into the dark hallway. Carson pushed a location on the map and the doors shut on the bleak faces of the two men.
OoOoOoOoOo
Carson, Ronon, Teyla and Sheppard were sitting at the mess table in the corner. They all looked tense.
Ronon leaned forward and rested his arms on the table, staring at Sheppard. "What if he decides he wants to go back?"
Carson was wondering the same thing. Rodney had been here for 16 hours and he had spent more time in the infirmary asleep than being awake. It was both frustrating and worrying. They had got him back but they were no closer to him regaining his memories. Heightmeyer said they should call him Rodney, it would 'anchor him with familiarity', but he insisted on being called Spock which amused Zelenka no end. Sheppard wasn't laughing. He was desperate. He wanted what they all wanted, their friend. The loud, sarcastic scientist.
Sheppard looked at Ronon with a little annoyance. "He's better off here."
"How are you going make him stay?" Ronon countered.
Sheppard flashed a big grin and stood up, lifting the coffee mug from the table. "I'll use my charming personality," he said, and walked away.
Teyla watched Sheppard leave the mess hall. She closed her eyes and sighed. It had been a long year. "Ronon, you should not push the Colonel."
Ronon settled back in his chair and crossed his arms. "He should face reality. Wishing it were different doesn't change it."
"Rodney hasn't been here long enough; we have to give him time." Carson countered.
"Time is a luxury." Ronon stood up abruptly and left.
Teyla and Carson watched the tall man leave.
"They are hurting." Teyla spoke quietly.
"Aren't we all?" Carson replied.
OoOoOoOoO
Sheppard moved towards the infirmary with a sole purpose. He was going make Rodney remember, no matter what. They didn't just get him back only to let him go again. Hell, why would Weir let him go? They'd probably send him back to Earth rather than back to the tribe he'd been with for the past year. Either way they would lose him.
Sheppard wasn't going to let that happen. He needed to come up with a plan. One to convince Rodney to stay.
OoOoOoOoO
Spock shuffled about on the bed restlessly. He was bored. He'd counted the holes in the tiles in the ceilting. All 13,054 of them. He had listened when they thought he wasn't. Watched and learned.
He looked at Carson as he gave the five medicine bottles to the Colonel. The man looked tired. He wasn't oblivious to his surroundings.
"Yes mom. I will make sure he takes his medicine twice a day." Sheppard smiled at him.
"I'll know who to hold responsible then," Carson replied, exasperated.
Spock felt a pang of jealousy at the ease of their banter and a sense of loss for something he couldn't even remember. As eager as he was to see the labs he didn't know whether he would be able to meet the Colonel's expectations. He kept calling him Rodney, and Spock had given up trying to tell him otherwise. He felt sorry for the man. Spock wasn't Rodney and he didn't know if he really wanted to be him either. He'd asked Carson for some information about him and had been given a computer – with limited access. The information had bewildered and excited him. He was from Earth and he was from another galaxy. He was the head of the science department and a member of Sheppard's team. He had been given a few mission reports from the start of the expedition. They didn't list everything in minute detail but he could read between the lines. One report in particular intrigued him.
"Come on, Rodney, let's go meet Zelenka and have that belated tour of the labs. The one you missed the other day."
Rodney hopped off the bed and turned to Carson and nodded his head. "Thank you."
Carson watched them leave the infirmary and walked to his office, where Elizabeth was waiting. Sitting on a chair, she gave him a wistful smile.
Weir sobered. "What's your prognosis?"
"I think the knock to the head is the biggest issue at the moment. I have him on a mixture of drugs to control the headaches and reduce the seizures." Carson walked past Weir and sat down behind his desk. Paperwork was pilled on one side and his stethoscope lay abandoned on top. An Athosian bowl was perched in the middle. "But as I said to the Colonel, he could remember in the next ten minutes, next week or never. Head injuries are tricky. Familiarity is sometimes the best medicine."
She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. "Carson, you know as well as I that he can not go back to live amongst the Kano."
Carson's shoulders hunched. "I know." He looked up and saw Elizabeth studying him. She licked her lips and he waited for her to say something. He saw the naked emotion in her eyes before it was replaced with the profession manner she shielded herself with.
She moved to the door and turned to face him. "Send me your report by the end of the day."
OoOoOoO
Carson stared at Elizabeth as she left the room. He was doing all he could medically, but he knew that was not where the answer lay. He hoped they would be able to come up with a plan this time to bring 'Rodney' back. The Spock persona was a pale version of the scientist. He wanted his friend. Maybe spending time in the lab would reveal something to him. They certainly hadn't much luck with the few mission reports he'd been allowed to read on a laptop. It was probably the only time Carson had wanted Rodney to have one in the infirmary.
Carson racked his brain trying to think of a way to bring Rodney's memories back. He looked at the designs on the Athosian bowl. The green swirls tracked around the outside. Carson fingered the pattern and inspiration struck. He took off his lab coat and hurried out of the infirmary to find Teyla. She had talked with Pathee when Rodney had first been brought in, and he hoped that she had given Teyla some insight into Rodney and what was going on in that big head of his.