6

Margaret was just rinsing off when Kellye told her, "So unfortunately I couldn't stop myself and he ended up getting all wet."

Margaret smiled and told her as she reached out for the towel, "I'm sure you tried your hardest to avoid him." Then she softly said as she put on her robe, "Thank you."

Kellye told her, "Don't mention it. I didn't do anything really anyway." At that point Margaret almost lost her balance, but Kellye helped steady her, "Whoa, major, are you sure you're ok? Should I go get one of the doctors?"

Margaret regained her balance and told her, "No, no need. I'm fine, its just what happens when you combine hot water and morphine. I just need a minute that's all."

They took a couple of deep breaths and headed out. Kellye kept her arm on Margaret's elbow as they walked back but were soon confronted by Frank.

He came up, sniveling and said, "Margaret, my dear Margaret, are you alright?"

Margaret shot him a look and said, "Blow it out your ear, Frank."

Kellye smiled at first until Frank grabbed Margaret's arm from her grasp. She hollered out, "Hey! I'm the one responsible for getting her back to her tent, not you."

They all stopped, Margaret getting dizzier and he yelled back, "I am the superior officer here, you are to do as I command and salute whenever you see either me or the major here. Now I order you to go back to your tent or post op or the mess tent or wherever and leave the major and myself alone!"

Margaret took a deep breath and told Kellye, "Go on, its ok, I'll be fine." The last thing she wanted was Kellye to be written up by Frank for failing to follow orders. Even though he was not in charge of the nurses, he could still do that. She planned to explain a few things to him in her tent when they got there and him ordering her nurses around just got added to the list.

Kellye didn't look sure but said, "Fine major. If you need anything else, absolutely anything, please let us know." They nodded to each other and Kellye headed to the mess tent and Margaret and Frank headed to hers.

He started to tell her quietly, "I'm sorry Margaret dear, but I just needed to talk to you alone."

Margaret told him, "I am not sure I have anything I want to say to you right now, Frank."

Frank kept going, "Please Margaret, just listen." The two stopped right in front of her tent door. Unknown to the two, Hawkeye could hear every word. "I was wrong. I never should have come down on you like that. Its just that its so unlike you to go against army regulations. We both know what can happen to officers who do that. I was just shocked that's all. You don't know what it was like out there...lost...I mean...we thought we had lost Radar for a little while there and I was just so worried, all night that is. Until I found him the next morning."

Margaret hadn't heard any of this. In fact no one had really explained why they hadn't returned on time and she gasped, "Radar was missing? What happened? Was he captured? He seemed fine when you all returned."

Frank then said, "He's fine sweetheart, I made sure of it."

She took a deep breath and looked around. She was sure BJ was still in her tent and she didn't want him hearing this conversation necessarily so that is why she was still outside the tent. She told him, "I'm glad he's fine, but Frank...you hurt me. Those accusations you made hurt me." She shook her head, "I just don't know where this relationship is going, it doesn't really seem to have a future, and when I was scared and lonely, you weren't there. I need something more, I need someone who won't leave me, and who wants only me."

Frank then told her as he kissed her hand, "I know, I wanted to be here for you, your rock, oh my little soldier. We would have made a great team, you and I, running this camp together that night. I would have been here if it were my choice Margaret, just like I was there for you when we came over together. You know I have been thinking about it a lot lately. That near miss of us falling into the hands of the enemy the other night really got me thinking. I might not be able to marry you here, but when we get back, well, I may just have to tell Louise I found my soulmate here."

Margaret couldn't believe what she was hearing. She told him, "I don't know Frank. Its a lot to think about and I was serious...you hurt me. You didn't stand up for me like Hawkeye did. I only did what I had to do that night."

Frank then told her before opening the door as more people were starting to walk around, "You can't tell me you want to be with Hawkeye, he's worse about commitment than I am. At least I'm married..."

As Frank opened the door, Hawkeye was standing right there. He had been listening in, but had picked up her chart and was holding it by the door, so it only looked like he was reading it over, not paying attention to what was going on outside.

On the inside, however, his mind was racing. He had a feeling Margaret wasn't entirely believing what Frank was telling her, which she shouldn't, most of it was lies. Sure they had been worried about Radar who had stepped out and hadn't come back for a while, but Frank was the last person worried about him. No, what was gnawing at Hawkeye was the sound in Margaret's voice as she told Frank how she wanted a one woman man now. As much as Hawkeye felt for Margaret, and he knew it was a lot, he couldn't do that right now, it just wasn't who he was.

He was about to make a wisecrack to try to alleviate things when he saw how pale Margaret looked. Frank had stopped talking suddenly for all of one second and then said as Hawkeye reached out to take Margaret's hand, "What are you doing here! I thought BJ was the one assigned to her, that's what Colonel Potter told me anyway."

Margaret, with the help of Hawkeye brushed past Frank. Hawkeye told him, "I'm here to relieve BJ. I believe you are wanted in post op, Frank."

Frank then looked back as Margaret seemed willing to be lead into her tent by Hawkeye, "The major and I were talking and...uh..."

Hawkeye lead her over to her cot and told her softly, "Just take it easy and lay back down, alright?" Then he turned to Frank, "I believe you are no longer needed here, Frank. Now if you don't mind I need to get her vitals again and decide if we're going to start another IV." He didn't move so Hawkeye pressed, "Goodbye Frank."

Frank then turned and left, slamming the door.

Hawkeye then turned his attention back to her. He felt her head and grabbed the thermometer and chart. After getting it he told her, "Not bad, 99. That's much better than before."

As he wrote it down and she told him softly, "Thank you for helping me."

Hawkeye told her as he turned around and sat down to take her blood pressure, "Don't mention it. Let's see how your blood pressure is doing. You looked a little pale there for a second."

She could see the concern in his eyes and told him, "I bet its a little low. I was getting dizzy toward the end of my shower and just now, but I'm sure it will bounce right back up."

Hawkeye nodded and told her as he pulled down the stethoscope, "You're right, its a little low but not too bad." He then smiled at her, "Just means I get to hang around a little while longer in the infamous Margaret Houlihan tent."

She smiled back at him and then winced, "Ouch, remind me to avoid shell fire in the future, it still feels like its on fire."

Hawkeye frowned and the told her, "Here, don't fidget with it, let me take a look." He unwrapped the bandage and then walked over to her desk where they had put supplies and came back with fresh bandages, "Let me redress that and give you a little more sedative, its gonna hurt a little."

Margaret swallowed and then told him, "There's no need for a sedative. The wounded might need..."

He stopped her as he drew the needle from the clear vile of liquid, "My dear major, you are one of the wounded, now don't fight me on this, I'm bigger than nurse Kellye." He injected it into her arm and explained, "She told us all about that, you know. How you had them pour alcohol over it to sterilize the wound and would only take aspirin for the pain. Told us your blood pressure went up and you were vomiting from the intensity of it. You know better, Margaret, you're a nurse."

She nodded and then said, "I just didn't want any one deprived who needed it and I needed to remain completely alert and lucid."

Hawkeye said, "All noble intentions I'm sure, but it almost cost you, your life." He pulled off the last of the old bandage and rubbed the area to clean it. After that he stopped and looked at her a second, "I found you by the mine field. You were dazed and confused, you hadn't slept in over 24 hours. You could have easily walked right into that field without knowing it."

Margaret then told him very softly and looked down, "I did."

Hawkeye was confused and asked, "You did what?"

She inhaled and told him, "I did walk into it."

Hawkeye's eyes grew wide and he blinked before asked, "You walked into the mine field? Margaret, do you realize how close you came to actually dying out there?"

She could feel the tears combined with the sedative already working in her system, "I thought it was fate. I..." Her eyes were having a harder and harder time staying open now. He brushed the palm of his hand across her cheek, drying all her tears as she drifted off.

He could see she was losing her battle to stay awake, but what she had just told him, really scared him. He told her softly, "Shhh, just relax now, we'll talk about it later." He thought to himself, 'I can't believe it. This was Major Margaret Hot Lips Houlihan, the one who was tough as nails saying she knowingly walked into a mine field.' Maybe he needed to call Sydney Freedman, he didn't know. All he did know was she wasn't strong right now and she needed someone who was. He wasn't exactly sure how much of himself he could give her, but he would do what he could. She had made it clear to Frank at least, what it was she was feeling and what she wanted. Now if only he could figure out the same.

For the next few hours all he could do was watch her. Hawkeye tried reading, he started composing a letter to his father, but he just couldn't concentrate. Those last few words just kept replaying over and over in his head. Then it would shift to various what if scenarios. What if she had stepped on a land mine and came in looking like so many of the wounded they had treated over the past two years. What if he hadn't seen her and they had found her the next morning after, key word after, succumbing to shock. It was close to midnight when Colonel Potter came in.

Potter had knocked, but Hawkeye hadn't heard him. Potter caught that he was just staring and then softly said as he put his hand on his shoulder, "Don't mean to disturb you, son, but I wanted to get a progress report before I hit the hay."

Hawkeye turned around nodding, not quite a startled as he was earlier, "Yeah, oh yeah, ok...uh..." His mind was still racing as he got up and started pacing in the little tent. Potter knew something was wrong, or something had changed, so he picked up the chart and sat in the chair as he watched Hawkeye try to explain. "She's doing better. Her blood pressure went down briefly when she took a shower, but...uh...that's probably just because she took a hot shower after having taken morphine. Her temp is good, that's good, its down and uh..."

Potter finished looking over the chart and then said, "Looks here like all her vitals are stable." He looked back at her and said, "We can probably stop the IV after this one is done, it will take a few weeks for those wounds to go away, but she should be feeling better tomorrow. In a week or so, she'll be up and around here just like before..."

As Potter said that last statement, Hawkeye stopped cold and stared at him. That's when Potter knew there was something he wasn't telling him. He gave Hawkeye a minute to talk. Hawkeye then said, softly, "It may take longer than that."

Potter then asked, "What do you mean? Is there something that you aren't putting in the charts here?"

Hawkeye then motioned for the two to step outside. They did and after making sure no one was close enough to hear he told Potter, "Look, I don't know if I should say anything really. I mean I really don't know if she was just tired or if she really...I mean I could be wrong...its been known to happen..."

Potter nodded for a second trying to keep up and then raised a hand to stop him, "Ok now why don't you back the horse up a minute. What is it you don't think I should know."

Hawkeye took a deep breath and then asked, "Do you remember where BJ and I told you we found her?"

Potter nodded and said, "Over by the mine field, you said she was sitting against a rock there."

Hawkeye then told him, "Yeah, well...I was just telling her that she could have really gotten hurt. I told her how out of it she was and I was trying to let her know how lucky she was that she didn't accidentally wander into that field."

Potter nodded again and said, "Uh huh...she was lucky. Where are you going with this, Pierce?"

Hawkeye then took another deep breath and just decided to say it, "She told me she did wander into it."

Potter squinted and then asked to clarify, "You mean to tell me she did walk into the mine field?" Hawkeye nodded and Potter had to let that sink in a second. What he really needed to know was if it were accidental or not. The tone in Hawkeye's voice gave him the indication that it wasn't. So he asked, "Was it on purpose?"

Hawkeye exhaled and told him, "She said something about fate, I really don't know though." He looked absolutely terrified.

Potter took a couple of breaths and then asked, "Well, you know her better than anyone here. Do you think she was trying to hurt herself or do you think it was the result of everything that happened the night before?"

Hawkeye started to pace just a little, running his hand through his hair, "I don't know. I just don't know." Then he stopped and walked back over to Potter, "I can't imagine her doing anything like that, but she was...you didn't see her when we found her. I've seen her exhausted, but I've never seen her look like that."

Potter asked, "Like what?"

Hawkeye then said, "Like all hope was gone. Like she had given up. She was hurt, wounded, bleeding sitting by that rock, but what really scared me were her eyes. They just seemed so empty, as if this war had finally taken everything she had to give. I don't know if it was temporary, she could very well get right back up tomorrow and be the same Hot Lips we've come to know and love the last two years, or..."

Potter finished his sentence, "Or she could just shut down, or worse, try again." He shook his head. Potter had seen his fair share of soldiers not quite come out of a war the same way they went in. She had been so strong and during this whole debate over her actions while they were missing, the only thing he thought went right was the fact that she was the one in charge. "Listen, let's call that fellow..."

Hawkeye finished his sentence now, "Sydney Freedman. He's the best there is."

Potter nodded, "Sydney Freedman. I'll get Radar on the horn before I turn in. You just keep an extra close watch tonight and I'll come and relieve you in the morning. BJ is on post op and Frank..."

Hawkeye then interrupted, "Frank needs to go somewhere, colonel. If he isn't 'accidentally' knocking something over to make her wake up, he's ambushing her when she leaves the tent. He was the one who sent her into that state, I know he was." His voice was starting to rise.

Potter nodded and again and put his hand up, "Alright, alright...I Corps says we aren't in for any casualties for a while now. They want me to send one of you to the 8063 so their head surgeon can check out some of those new procedures we learned in that conference, I'll just send them him. I was thinking about sending him anyway. You just keep an eye on her and let me know in the morning. Like you said, it could just be the stress of that night catching up to her. She had a camp about ready to fall apart, no surgeons and an ample supply of wounded on top of shell fire and finding herself with a few pieces of fragments in her own arm for souvenirs. All that and then getting blasted for her efforts and taking on a nice size infection." He shook his head again, "I can't say I blame her for getting a little rattled by all that, I just don't want to see it permanent. I'll find out if Freedman is available and push it if you tell me tomorrow she needs him." The two nodded to each other and parted ways.

Hawkeye went back to watching her. Closing his eyes every few minutes, so thankful she was laying right in front of him. His emotions were more difficult to figure out though. Where were all these new feelings coming from? He thought for sure, initially that is, that he was proud of how she had handled things because he was the one who taught her, back at Battalion Aid that time. Of course it was an extreme circumstance then and he had worried initially that she would refuse saying something like it wasn't her responsibility or against military protocol or something like that, but she didn't. She had hung in there, she was 'pretty damn good' as he told Trapper when they returned.

Seeing Frank go off on her and verbally and professionally attack her, shifted those feelings he had for her. They turned to protective, maybe even overprotective. Of course seeing her wounded when he first got off that bus sent him right to her side, but only as a doctor, he told himself. But was that really true? She looked so vulnerable then and when he touched her arm and found the bandage, whatever chemical it is that shoots through a person at any sign of danger...well, he certainly felt like he got an extra dose. 'Oh yes,' he thought to himself, 'adrenaline, that's what it was.'

Hawkeye looked back down at the letter he had started to his father which was still stuck on the weather and shook his head. There was a lot more going on in his little corner of Korea than the weather. As she moved slightly he leaned over to see if she were talking in her sleep. Nothing. He leaned back and thought for a second about how beautiful she really is when she's sleeping. She still looked so vulnerable and fragile right now. So different from the major he was used to seeing in the daylight. He thought to himself, 'She deserves so much better than Frank. I hope she knows he's lying to her. He won't commit to her, he was just using her to cope with the loneliness, "probably the same way she's using him, but different..." he said softly.

The problem for Hawkeye was he wasn't ready to commit. Frank was at least right on that. The last time he tried that, it didn't end well. His mind shifted again to that first real love of his life, Carlye. She had just up and left, taking his heart with her. It had taken so long to get past it and he was really afraid to let his heart go like that ever again, a quick fix was all he needed and there were a string of women just as lonely as he was in this camp to keep him happy enough. No, any romantic notions or observations of how beautiful Margaret was would need to be shelved. He wouldn't hurt her the way he knew Frank was going to and he didn't want his heart stepped on either. She needed a friend, a strong friend, one who would help her through all this and that's what he would be.