Socrates sat on a bench in an old fashioned jail house, with his legs crossed.
He was playing a harmonica, and tapping the foot that on the ground.
And no, I don't know where he got the harmonica.
After he got bored doing that, he rushed over to the jail bars, and started rattling a tin cup against it.
"LET ME OUT!" he screamed. "I'm innocent, I tell ya! I demand an attorney! I demand an attorney named Murray! I demand the right to a fair trail!"
An overweight sherif with a stringy mustache, who was sleeping his chair, lifted his head, tipped his hat up, and stared at Socrates.
"Shut up." he spat.
"I can handle that." Socrates said, sitting down.
The sherif then tipped his hat back over his eyes, and began snoring again.
Socrates' eyes cut from side to side.
He grabbed the harmonica, aimed with perfection, and threw it at the sherif.
CLANG!
The harmonia and the keys that were around the sherif's waist, collided, and the keys fell to the ground, feet from where Socrates was.
Socrates was an excellent aim.
Socrates grinned, and stuck his arm out the bars.
He groped for the keys that laid inches from his paw.
"Come on, come on." He muttered, shoving himself against the bars, in an attempt to reach the keys.
Suddenly, something hard came smashing on top of Socrates' paw.
"YEEEEE-OUCH!" Socrates screamed, shooting into the air, and causing the hair on his tail to fly up.
When his eyes came back into focus, he saw that the sherif was standing on his paw.
Socrates blinked.
"Excuse me, but I don't suppose you could remove your extremely heavy and painful boot from my paw could you?"
"Stop trying to escape, criminal." The sherif growled, snatching up the keys, and sitting back down in his chair.
"Sure thing." Socrates said, sitting back down.
Meanwhile, some distance away, A red swirling time vortex opened, and Calvin, Hobbes, and Andy came out.
"Alright." Calvin said, landing the box on the ground, making dust go everywhere. "According to my tracking device, which is right 99.9 percent of the time, Socrates is on the other side of the town."
"That's where the jailhouse is." Andy said.
"Yup." Calvin said. "Socrates is finally in his one true place that he belongs in this world."
Andy rolled his eyes.
"OK." Hobbes said. "Onward to the red tail!"
"Very well." Calvin said, revving the Time Machine engine up.
"I'll have you know that my badly dressed lawyer with the spikes on his head will be coming to bust me out, any minute now!" Socrates called at the sherif.
The sherif snorted, and didn't wake up.
"Ya know, if you don't get me out of here, then I'll bug you all day and all night, and you'll miss all your beauty sleep. Not that you've gotten any of it anyway!"
The sherif put on a pair of headphones.
Socrates blinked.
"Oh come on!" He screamed. "I didn't know you even had those things here!"
The sherif snorted, again.
"Very well." Socrates growled, in a tough western accent. "I'll have to bust my way out of this joint."
Socrates grabbed the bars, and dramatically tried to bent them apart.
You can guess what good that did.
After fifteen minutes of tugging at the bars, Socrates had stop to catch his breath.
"I'm just... pant, pant... warming up."
And with that, he collapsed.
Two hours went by.
TWO HOURS!
After flying around the future ghost town for this amount of time, Hobbes finally said, "Calvin will you just ask someone for directions to the jailhouse!"
"Hobbes, I know what I'm doing." Calvin spat. "Besides, that would be the sissy way out."
"We've been doing this for two hours!" Andy said. "Would you please ask someone!"
"See, I think I see one of those signs!" Calvin said, pointing at a small sign, "I'll bet it'll tell you where it is."
Calvin floated up to it.
The sign had several weird symbols on it that Calvin couldn't make heads or tails of.
"Well, that's a dumb thing to put on a public sign." Calvin grumbled.
"ASK SOMEONE FOR DIRECTIONS!" Andy and Hobbes screamed.
"Fine, fine! Stupid directions."
Calvin floated the Time Machine up to one of the house, the engine humming as it went, and Calvin leaned over, and knocked on the door.
A man with a beard, and the classic cowboy outfit opened the door, and stared at Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, and the flying box with the word Time Machine written on it.
"Hello." Calvin said. "Would you please point out the direction to the jailhouse?"
The cowboy stared at Calvin, then slammed the door.
SLAMM!
Calvin was shocked.
"YEAH! YEAH!" He screamed at door. "THE NEXT TIME YOU GET LOST, DON'T COME CRYING TO ME!"
Hobbes and Andy exchanged glances
Then, the man reappeared at the door.
"I knew you'd come to your senses." Calvin said, crossing his arms. "Now where is..."
The cowboy was holding a rifle. He cocked it.
"Calvin, get the box out of here." Hobbes hissed.
Calvin's eyes popped open.
He jerked the steering wheel to the left, and roared into the sky.
The cowboy rushed up to the gate, and started firing.
"AAAAAAA!" Calvin, Hobbes, and Andy screamed, dodging all the bullets.
After the man gave up, and went back into the house, Calvin turned a glare on Hobbes.
"There ya go, Hobbes. Ya ask a cowboy for directions, and you get shot at by a stupid rifle. And let that be a lesson to you."
"Well, maybe next time you could go up to the door, while you're out of the bizarre flying cube!" Hobbes screamed.
"Geez, you'd think these people had never seen a box before." Calvin muttered, turning back to the steering wheel.
Hobbes and Andy sighed.
"FIVE HUNDRED SIXTY THREE MILLION AND TWO BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL!" Socrates screamed, trying to annoy the sherif into letting him go. "FIVE HUNDRED SIXTY THREE MILLION AND TWO BOTTLES OF BEER! YA TAKE ONE DOWN, PASS IT AROUND, FIVE HUNDRED SIXTY THREE MILLION AND ONE BOTTLES OF BEER LEFT ON THE WALL!"
The sherif still didn't wake up. I mean, that guy was knocked out, completely.
Socrates tried to catch his breath, and then attempted to continue the song.
Finally, after another twenty minutes of flying around the town, Calvin, Hobbes, and Andy made it to the jailhouse.
Calvin landed the box, and he, Hobbes and Andy leaped out of the box.
Calvin ran up to the window, and peeked inside.
Then, he turned back to Hobbes and Andy.
"OK, Socrates is in there. The sherif is asleep, so we should be able to get in there without any trouble." He said.
"OK, good." Hobbes said. "Let's go."
Calvin tried the door.
It was locked.
Hobbes tried to open it with his claw.
No good.
"Well. This is just great." Calvin grumbled. "NOW how are we going to get in?"
Andy took off his backpack.
"I think I might have something that could help us." He said.
Calvin looked up.
"Ah good. What is it?"
Andy rooted through his backpack, and finally pulled out a large club.
Calvin and Hobbes stared at it.
"Where'd you get that?" Hobbes asked.
"It was in the tower I was in." Andy said. "I figured I'd need it."
"Great work, ANDY!" Calvin grinned, rubbing his hands together. "Can I use it!"
"Sure, I guess." Andy said, handing the club to Calvin. "I don't see why not."
Calvin grabbed the club away, and lifted it above his head.
"We're dead." Hobbes said.
Andy and Hobbes stepped back, as Calvin wildly started whacking the door with the club.
WHAM! WHACK! BASH! BOOM! CRASH!
Finally, Calvin beat his way into the jailhouse.
The sherif didn't even wake up.
He seemed to only wake up if one of his poisoners were escaping.
Uh huh.
Socrates looked up.
"Look!" Calvin laughed. "Socrates is finally in spot where he belongs!"
"Well it's about time!" Socrates yelled, ignoring Calvin. "Do you know how long I've been waiting here! Plus, I have a sore paw to boot!"
"I'm, tee hee, sorry to hear that, Socrates." Calvin said to Socrates. "OK, Hobbes. See if you can unlock the door."
Hobbes extended a single claw, and stuck it into the lock.
It didn't work.
Hobbes wiggled his finger around in the lock, but it refused to come undone.
"I can't do it." He said. "The lock is old fashioned. I can't find the tumblers."
Andy gulped.
"Great." Calvin grumbled. "Now what do we do?"
"The sherif has some keys." Socrates said. "They're on his belt."
All eyes went to the sherif.
He was still asleep, and the keys were hanging from his belt.
"Of course." Hobbes sighed.
He crept up the sherif, and took hold of the keys.
At that very moment, a huge hand came down on top of Hobbes' head.
"AAAAA!" Hobbes screamed, leaping into the air, and bumping his head on the ceiling joists.
The sherif was still asleep.
Hobbes landed back on the ground.
After his eyes came back into focus, they focused back onto the keys.
Calvin and Andy exchanged glances.
This time, instead of doing it slowly, Hobbes just walked up, and ripped the keys off.
"There," he grumbled.
He walked up to the lock, again, and unlocked the door.
He opened the door, and Socrates walked out.
"Ah, fresh, not inside jail, air." He sighed.
"OK," Calvin said, "That just leaves Sherman, and we go home."
"Finally." Andy sighed.
"We're going to get Sherman back?" Socrates asked.
Andy nodded.
"Yeah. Don't ask. Let's just get in the Time Machine.
At that very moment, the sherif woke up.
That was right in cue, wasn't it?
"HEY!" He yelled.
Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, and Socrates looked up.
The sherif got out of his chair, and marched over for the four time travelers.
"AAAAAAAAA!" Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, and Andy screamed, leaping out the door.
The sherif ripped his pistol out of his belt, and started firing, wildly.
The four raced out of the jailhouse, and raced for the Time Machine several feet away.
The sherif burst out the door, and glared at Calvin.
"CRIMINAL!" He screamed, holding his pistol up.
BANG! BANG!
Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, and Andy leaped into the Time Machine, and Calvin frantically started the Time Machine up.
VROOM!
The sherif ran up to the Time Machine, as it slowly started to rise into the air.
Calvin blasted off, as the sherif ran up to where they just were.
"RESISTING ARREST WILL ONLY MAKE IT WORSE FOR YOU!" The sherif called. "I'LL PUT YOU ALL ON WANTED POSTERS!"
"How can you do that?" Socrates called after them. "You don't even have our pictures!"
"I'll hire an artist!" The sherif called back.
Calvin rolled his eyes.
He pushed a big red button in the box, and an electrified swirling red time vortex appeared.
Calvin flew inside it, and it imploded.
"Sherman! We're coming! And we'll be sure to delay saving you as long as possible!"
The sherif watched.
Then, he tipped his hat.
"That was weird." he said, walking back into his jailhouse to finish his nap.