Summary: When Calvin is forced to go camping without Mom, Socrates is accidentally brought along. And as if things can't get worse, there's a mountain lion loose on the lsland.

And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series
Written by garfieldodie and Swing123

It Will Build Character

Calvin was reading a comic book on the living room couch.

Hobbes was watching Animal Planet.

Mom was writing a letter.

None of them were expecting danger to occur.

Just then, a duffel bag flew down the stairs and landed at the door.

They all looked up in surprise.

"What was that?" asked Calvin.

Just then, another one flew down, and then another.

Calvin, Hobbes and Mom stared.

Then, three fishing rods were tossed down.

Then a bag with the word TENT written on it fell.

Finally, a cooler fell down the stairs into the pile.

Calvin, Hobbes and Mom's eyes all got wide.

Then they started to put the pieces together.

"Uh-oh," Mom muttered.

Just then, Dad came downstairs.

And he was wearing a plaid button down shirt with his sleeves rolled up, hiking boots, a sun hat, rope coiled around his right shoulder, a baseball cap on his head and black sunglasses on.

Everyone looked at him.

Then Dad asked the question nobody wanted to hear.

"Everyone ready to go camping?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Calvin. "HOBBES! MOM! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! CALL THE HUMANE SOCIETY! PACK YOUR BAGS! WE'RE RUNNING TO ORLANDO!"

Dad grabbed Calvin by the head.

"Come on, everyone! Let's hit the road!"

Mom held a hand up.

"Actually, dear, I, uh, have to stay here," she said.

"TRAITOR!" Calvin shouted.

"I have to clean for some guests that I invited over tomorrow."

"BENIDICT MOTHER!"

"Well, can't it wait?" asked Dad. "Reschedule or something."

"WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER!"

"I can't."

"DESERTER!"

"Why not?"

"WEASEL!"

"Because he's your boss."

"SNEAK!"

Dad went pale.

"Okay, have fun scrubbing," he said in a high voice.

Mom grinned smugly at Calvin, and went upstairs.

Calvin glared at her.

And because he couldn't think of anything, he and Hobbes were forced to go.

"Well, looks like we get some real father / son time now, huh, Calvin?" Dad said with a grin.

"Gee, Dad, that's swell," Calvin said through gritted teeth.

Dad, oblivious, loaded everything into the car.

Calvin and Hobbes loaded all their stuff into the hypercube, and they tossed it into the car.

Socrates and Andy were watching the operation.

Dad was loading various objects into the car.

Calvin and Hobbes were refusing to help.

"What's going on?" asked Andy.

"We're going on another of Dad's famous torture weeks to an unknown location," Calvin muttered.

"Where is it?" asked Socrates.

"Well, you've heard of Dante's Inferno, right?" asked Hobbes.

Andy and Socrates nodded.

"That's where we're going."

"Oof," said Andy. "Stinks to be you."

"Come on, Calvin!" shouted Dad. "We're leaving now!"

Calvin and Hobbes sighed.

"Bye, Andy. Bye, Socrates," they said.

And they got in the car.

Calvin grunted.

"This'll be the worst week of my life!"

Socrates ears picked this up.

"Calvin's going to be miserable for a full week?" he asked. "Wow! I live for that kind of stuff! I've got to see!"

Andy scoffed.

"Oh brother. Calvin and Hobbes would never let you in that car because they know you'd make the week worse by pranking them all the time."

"You know me so well," said Socrates.

Andy rolled his eyes.

Then Socrates saw the trunk was still open.

And Calvin's hypercube was sitting in it.

Open.

Unguarded.

Socrates got an evil grin.

Andy noticed.

"Okay, fine. Have fun. I've got to stay here. Someone's got to keep Sherman out of trouble," he said.

"See ya in a week!"

And Andy went home.

When no one was looking, Socrates climbed into the trunk, and squeezed into the hypercube.

Huh boy.

Once he was completely out of sight, Dad slammed the trunk shut.

But notice that Calvin never said where they were going.

Neither did Hobbes.

Meaning that Socrates didn't know they were going camping.

Hee, hee.

See where I'm going with this?

Dad got in the front and started the car.

They drove off.

Calvin was in the back, grumbling with Hobbes.

Hobbes just sat back reading, a comic book.

Can we say, "Long tip"?

About two hours of driving later, Dad leapt from the car and rented a canoe.

Calvin and Hobbes were sitting on a log in front of the lake.

They were watching the world pass them by.

Dad approached with the canoe and shoved it in the water, and then loaded everything into it.

"Come on, Calvin," said Dad.

"Sorry, Dad. I have a great fear of dying," replied Calvin.

Dad responded by using the fishing rod to hook Hobbes, and get him into the canoe.

Calvin, of course, followed, and Dad shoved off before Calvin could get away.

"Gotta say, that was clever," Calvin muttered.

"Said the guy who did get stuck with a hook," replied Hobbes. "Ouch!"

They paddled for a while, and then they arrived at the island.

Itchy Island, home of the Nuclear Mosquitoes.

Dad was elated.

"It hasn't changed a bit!" he said happily.

"Darn," said Calvin. "I was hoping it would."

Dad had the tents set up in minutes, and Calvin dove inside his with Hobbes right behind him.

Calvin pulled the hypercube out of his pocket.

"Okay, this go around, I decided that we're not only going to duct tape the zipper shut, but we're going to be a sound barrier around the tent," said Calvin.

"I'm liking this a lot more now," said Hobbes.

Calvin reached into the hypercube, hoping to pull out duct tape.

Instead he pulled out something furry.

"Hobbes?"

"Yes?"

"Did you pack anything with hair on it?"

"No."

"Then what the heck is this?"

Calvin pulled out the last person neither he nor Hobbes wanted to see.

"Hey, boys," said Socrates.

Calvin and Hobbes stared.

The next thing Socrates knew, he was sitting outside the tent.

"Hey! Don't throw me!" Socrates ordered.

Then he realized where he was.

He saw the lake, the canoe, the tents, the campfire, the trees…

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed. "I'M IN THE GREAT OUTDOORS! I CAN'T BE! I'M NOT BUILT FOR IT."

Calvin and Hobbes were debating what to do with Socrates when he burst back inside and dove back into the hypercube.

The hypercube started to tremble.

"Socrates, what are you doing here?" Hobbes demanded.

"I'M NOT GOING OUT THERE! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!" Socrates shouted.

Calvin shook the hypercube until Socrates finally tumbled out.

"What is your problem? I hate camping as much as you do, but—"

"NO!" shouted Socrates. "You don't. You could never! You see, I'd expect you to tolerate it. You're lower-class. But me… I'm upper-class. The top! The coliseum! I like being pampered and telling people to do stuff for me!"

"You've got servants in that mansion?" asked Calvin.

"No, but that's not the point! The point is that I'm a cat of class. I don't belong here! It's just not natural! Being seen here with such filthy objects! I can just barely hang out with you two!"

Calvin and Hobbes glared at him.

Socrates was once again sitting outside the tent.

He clawed at it and screamed, but Calvin and Hobbes refused to let him in.

Calvin eventually installed the sound barrier around the tent, and then he did that thing where he removed the zipper and applied duct tape, keeping Dad and Socrates out.

Speaking of whom, Dad came out and shoved the stuffed tiger aside that was blocking the tent.

Socrates landed in an ash covered fireplace.

"HEY!" he shouted.

Dad saw that the zipper was gone again.

"Oh, come on! The trip has barely started!" he yelled. "Come on out!"

But Calvin and Hobbes couldn't hear Dad. They had just decided to watch a movie on the Mini-DVD player that Calvin had brought.

"Okay, fine," said Dad. "I'm going fishing. I'll let you know when it's supper time."

No response.

Dad rolled his eyes and got into the canoe.

Socrates dusted himself off and bathed in the lake for a while.

Then he hid in Dad's tent, hoping the trip would end soon.

A little later, Calvin decided he'd better come out for a moment to check on things.

The last time he'd done this, Mom and Dad had been trapped in a cave.

He'd have to make sure everyone was okay.

Calvin made a small opening in the tent and looked around.

He saw that Dad was on the lake, and he saw Socrates sound asleep in the tent.

Deciding that all was well, he went back to his movie, and turned the sound barrier off.

However, five minutes later, something came wandering through the campsite.

It was a mountain lion.

It was probably twice the size of Hobbes or Socrates.

It growled as it roamed through the campsite.

It scrounged the area, looking for food.

Seeing there was none, it growled and prepared to leave.

But then it noticed Socrates, who was sound asleep in Dad's tent.

It growled and started approach.

But then Socrates made a loud snorting noise.

"ZZZ-SNORK-MURGLE-GNFF-ZZZ!"

The mountain lion stared at Socrates.

Then Socrates made more noises.

"ZZZ-SMICK-NIGGLE-FRAKENBERRY-ZZZ! ZZZ-REGIS-KATIE-AL-ZZZ! ZZZ-DREW, LEWIS, KELLIE, OSWALD, MIMI-ZZZ! ZZZ-JOHN, PAUL, GEORGE, RINGO-ZZZ! ZZZ-GREG, WAYNE, COLIN, RYAN, KATHY, CHIP, BRAD, DREW-ZZZ! ZZZ-GARFIELD, ODIE, JON, ARLENE, NERMAL, LIZ, POOKY-ZZZ! ZZZ-ERIC, DONNA, KELSO, HYDE, JACKIE, FEZ, RED AND KITTY-ZZZ! ZZZ-JON, ROB, ED, STEPHEN, SAM, JASON, DAN, NATE, STEVE-ZZZ! ZZZ-DICK, SALLY, HARRY, TOMMY, MARY, NINA, DON, DUBCECK-ZZZ!"

Okay, this was wierding the mountain lion out, and he decided to get out of there.

It let out a low growl and ran off.

Oh and here's a fun fact.

A certain species will not kill their own species.

However, they will fight a lot and possibly get injured.

So there's still reason for Hobbes and Socrates to get scared should it ever come back.

Three days went by.

Calvin and Hobbes would only come out three times every day to get the food, then go back in the tent.

As for Socrates, He spent all his time hiding.

Where was he hiding?

Random places.

The cave Mom and Dad got lost in, the tents, the Hypercube, Calvin even caught him trying to squeeze himself into a hole in a tree where an owl was living.

On the fourth day, Dad announced that he was going to go on a hike through the woods.

Calvin had replied with, "Try not to bring a bunch of boulders down onto you, while you're in a cave."

Dad muttered to himself, and left.

Calvin and Hobbes immediately fell asleep.

Socrates climbed out of the tree, and hid in Dad's duffle bag.

Meanwhile, the mountain lion was hunting on the other side of the island.

It wasn't having any luck.

After a while, it began to wander back to Calvin and Hobbes' camp.

Calvin and Hobbes were still asleep in their tents.

Socrates, however, was far from sleep.

He was hiding in Dad's duffle bag, and his eyes were wide open.

He was not having a good day.

"I can't believe they tricked me into coming to this place." He growled. "Tricking is my job!"

He peeked out of the duffle bag, and cut his eye from side to side.

Nothing happened, so he stood up, and stepped out of the bag.

He hadn't blown up, yet, and that gave him enough confidence to take two more steps.

He cast a glance at Calvin and Hobbes' tents.

They were snoring.

Well, that was good enough for him.

He made a mad dash for the canoe.

He was almost there, when all of a sudden, he crashed into an invisible, electrified force field.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Socrates screamed, as the field surged electricity through him, and sent him flying backward into the dirt.

Calvin stuck his head out of the tent.

"By the way, Socrates," He said. "I put an electro-shield around the canoe."

Socrates rubbed his head, and shot Calvin a glare.

Calvin went back into the tent, and began snoring again.

Socrates stood up.

He cut his eyes from side to side, then dove into the lake.

He began swimming like crazy for the far shore.

ZZZZZZZZZZZT!

"AAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Socrates went flying backwards into the island's soil again.

"I put one around the island, too." Calvin said, without even bothering to look out.

"WHY!" Socrates screamed.

"Didn't want any intruders."

There was a moment of silence.

"...escaping." he finished.

Socrates' eyes slammed shut.

Meanwhile, the mountain lion was standing next to the woods where the campsite was in sight.

It growled, and began to move forward, towards the yellow tents.

After a while, the Hypercube and MTM began to run out of food, and Calvin and Hobbes had to come out of the safety of their tents to raid the food bag in Dad's backpack.

Calvin piled his arms full of energy bars, and prepared to go back into the tent.

Socrates took this chance.

There was a blur of orange, and a large gust of wind, and Socrates was suddenly in the tent.

And before Calvin or Hobbes could react, he did a cannonball into the hypercube, and pushed himself as far from the entrance as he dared go.

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

Then Calvin jammed his hand into the hypercube, and yanked Socrates out.

Socrates blinked several times.

"Well, next time, I'm going to make sure I can't see the exit." He said.

He then got down onto his hands and knees, and pleaded, "PLEASE don't sed me back out there! It's too buggy! It's too hot! It's too humid! IT'S TOO REAL!"

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

"I guess it is a pretty cruel fate." Calvin said. "Even for Socrates!"

Hobbes nodded.

Calvin turned to Socrates.

"Alright, Crateso, We'll let you stay in here on one condition. No pranking."

Socrates did a salute.

"You have my word! Scout's Honor!"

"You're not a scout." Hobbes said.

"Tiger's honor."

"You're barely even a tiger." Calvin said.

Socrates shot him an ice pick glare.

Hobbes quickly changed the subject before things got nasty.

"Who's up for the What About Bob? movie!" He yelled, holding up the mini DVD player.

Calvin and Socrates looked up.

"I AM!" They yelled in unison.

And with that, Hobbes popped in the DVD, and they began watching it.

About half way through the movie, something very bad happened.

All at once, there was a loud screech, that sounded like a woman

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Calvin, Hobbes, and Socrates looked up.

"What the heck was that?" Calvin asked.

"I'm guessing that it wasn't one of our stomachs." Socrates said.

Just then, they heard it again.

Except this one seemed a lot more...gulp... closer.

The trio exchanged glances.

"Who wants to go and look and see what that extremely haunting and terrifying noise is?" Socrates asked.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at Socrates.

Socrates' eyes went from Calvin to Hobbes, then back to Calvin.

"No." He said. "Forget it. ABSOLUTELY NOT! NO!"

And with that, he dove into the hypercube.

Calvin reached his hand in, and pulled him out.

The scream sounded, again.

This one was right behind the tents, and it made the hair on the back of Calvin's neck stand up.

And for Hobbes and Socrates, all of their fur shot up.

"Socrates, here's your big chance to redeem yourself, and start over with a clean slate."

"Yeah right." Socrates mumbled.

"Now go out there, and make us proud! And if the ghost eats you, you'll get a tombstone all to your own!"

And with that, Calvin threw Socrates out of the tent.

Hobbes blinked.

"Calvin, everyone get's their own tombstone." He said.

"Socrates never said he knew that." Calvin answered. "Now come on, let's return to the movie."

Socrates landed face first into the dirt.

"OOF!" He yelled, landing on his chin, and doing a somersault.

The end result was him laying on his back, staring up at the tops of the trees, the blue sky, and the few white clouds surrounding it.

The woman scream sounded again.

Slowly, Socrates lifted his head, and stared forward.

A wide grin spread across his face.

He saw a tan tail flicking back and forth behind Calvin and Hobbes' tent.

He didn't know what it was.

All he saw was something to pull a prank on.

Socrates giggled to himself.

He crouched down, and began slinking for the tail.

It began to come closer to him, as he crept forward.

It was still twitching.

When he was five inches from it, he prepared his launch procedure.

"3...2...1... BANZAI! LOOK OUT FOR THE MOUNTAIN LION!"

Socrates jumped right over the tent, and it was then that he saw...

HUH!

A mountain lion?

Uh oh.

Socrates panicked in midair, and tried to correct his course, but it's kinda hard to change directions when you're falling.

He landed right into the middle of the mountain lion!

All at once, the mountain lion screamed, again, and began bucking.

It threw an arch into its back, and tossed Socrates straight up into the air, and then back down again.

But before he reached the ground, this giant maniac of a cat slapped Socrates across the nose with a T-bone steak sized paw, and sent him crashing into a tree.

CRASH!

The tree shook, and several leaves fell to the ground.

Socrates looked through the stars and checkers and little pink elephants with umbrellas, and took a good look at that monster of a cat.

"Hobbes!" he called. "HOBBES! A little help! We have a mountain lion out here!"

"Oops." Hobbes said.

Socrates heard a swish of something moving at a high rate of speed, and then, silence.

"Hobbes? HOBBES!"

"He just pulled his vanishing act, again." Calvin called back.

Socrates' eyes shot back to that huge deranged cat in front of him.

It was growling, slightly, and moving towards him.

"Oh, hi there." he said. "I don't believe we've met. I'm Socrates the tiger."

He took another step for Socrates, his teeth gleaming.

"Now, I know it was bad of me to ram into you like that, and perhaps a little mean, but maybe you'd like to discuss..."

No, he wouldn't.

This mountain lion appeared not to be a talker.

Socrates learned this when the mountain lion delivered a punch at Socrates' chin, and sent him flying into the tree.

He crashed into a branch, and tried to hold on to it.

He couldn't hold on.

He fell down to the ground, again, but he never reached it, because the mountain lion delivered another blow to him, sending him south.

The next thing Socrates knew, he was draped across a tree branch.

His eyes popped open, and he looked down.

That lunatic cat was climbing up the tree towards him!

Socrates jumped up, and started hissing at the mountain lion.

It ignored him, and continued climbing upward.

Socrates cut his eyes to side to side.

Then, he leaped off the tree.

"REMEMBER THAT PLACE IN TEXAS!" He screamed, bouncing off the tent, and landing in the charcoal in the fireplace.

The mountain lion leaped out of the tree, and landed right in the middle of Socrates.

BANG!

Calvin peeked out of the tent in time to see Socrates' screaming face roar up towards him.

CRASH!

They both collided and tumbled out of the tent, and into the tree.

The mountain lion glared at Calvin and Socrates, and began to move forward, growling, dangerously.

It appeared that it enjoyed sending Socrates and Calvin flying through the air and into something hard.

Because that's what it did for the twentieth time.

WHACK!

Calvin went flying into a tree.

BONG!

Socrates went flying upside down face first back into the electro-shield Calvin put around the canoe.

ZZZZT!

"EEEEEEAH!" He screamed, splashing into the water.

Calvin as the first to open his eyes, and see the mountain lion galloping towards him.

"AAAAAAAAAAA!" Calvin screamed.

Suddenly, a white paw grabbed Calvin's shirt collar, and yanked him into the tree.

It was Hobbes.

Calvin stared at him.

"How long have you been there?" He growled, grinding his teeth.

"Fifteen minutes." Hobbes said.

Calvin almost grabbed Hobbes' throat, but a punch from the mountain lion's paw stopped him.

WHACK!

Calvin went flying out of the tree, and landed in another one.

Do you know what the mountain lion did then?

You think it attacked Hobbes?

HA!

No, it completely ignored Hobbes, leaped off the tree, and started for Calvin again!

How did Hobbes do that? If he was the closest one to the mountain lion, why didn't it slap him around a few times?

Never mind.

Calvin screamed, and leaped off the tree branch.

He made a frantic dash for the tent, and dove inside.

The mountain lion screeched, and started for him.

But, suddenly, Calvin reappeared at the entrance of the tent, holding the MTM.

The mountain lion opened its jaws, and pounced right into the air.

Calvin flipped a switch on the MTM.

Suddenly, a blue light shot out, and covered the mountain lion.

It screeched, as the hypercube was engaged, and the mountain lion went screaming into the MTM.

Calvin turned the MTM off, and grinned.

"Mission accomplished." He grinned. "Suspect apprehended."

Hobbes climbed out of the tree, and Socrates got out of the water.

"Yeah, the mountain lion's gone." Hobbes said.

"But now we have to spend another three days on this death trap island." Socrates sighed.

Calvin's mouth curled up into a sinister grin.

"Or do we?" He asked himself, tapping his chin, and looking down at the MTM, where the mountain lion's screeches were emitting from.

Hobbes and Socrates exchanged glances.

Another two hours went by.

Dad returned from his hike, and came back to the tents, Calvin was waiting, a big grin was on his face, and a stuffed tiger with red tail stripes was behind him.

"Hey, sport!" Dad said, cheerfully. "You missed out on a great hike!"

"I'm sure I did." Calvin said. "Dad, when can we leave?"

Dad stared at him.

"Calvin, we don't leave for another three days."

"Really?" Calvin asked. He gave the signal to Hobbes, who was in the tent. The signal was three taps on the ground with his shoe. "But we have to go, now!"

Dad stared.

"Why?" He asked.

At that very moment, a loud woman like scream sounded from the tent.

Calvin and Dad looked over at it. Calvin still had a grin on his face.

Suddenly, a giant mountain lion leaped from the tent, and landed on the ground in front of Calvin and Dad, flicking its tail back and forth.

Dad's eyes popped open, and his mouth dropped several inches.

Oh, and he said, "HUH!"

There was a mad scramble, Dad grabbed up the duffle bags, and threw them into the canoe.

Calvin grabbed the hypercube, which had all of Calvin's stuff, including Hobbes and Socrates, and he leaped into the canoe with Dad.

They didn't even bother to get the tents as they paddled like mad to get away from the mountain lion that was staring at them from the island.

When they reached the shore, they all dove into the car.

And without another word, they drove off.

The first fifteen minutes of driving was silent.

Then, Socrates asked, "How did the mountain lion get onto the island in the first place? They hate water."

Calvin repeated this question to Dad.

"There's a small path that leads across the island to the mainland." Dad said. "It's only there during low tide, but it must have gotten there through there."

"Oh." Socrates said.

When they got home, Socrates walked back to his mansion, completely exhausted, and went in.

Mom was sitting in her chair, watching a soap opera, and when Calvin, Hobbes, and Dad came through the door, she quickly turned it off, and greeted them with wide grins, and servings of cookies that she had baked.

Calvin gobbled them all down before Dad took his second one.

When he was scolded for this, he had replied with, "Well, this is better than eating spam all week!"

And Mom let him off the hook from there.

Well, that about wraps it up.

Socrates now kept a safe distance from Calvin and Hobbes when it got around to him that they were going camping.

The mountain lion was never seen again, and Calvin and Hobbes didn't have to deal with camping for another year.

The End

Voice work:

Pamela Segall Adlon: Calvin

Tom Hanks: Hobbes

Jennifer Love Hewitt: Mom / the mountain lion screeching

Bill Murray: Dad

Ryan Stiles: Socrates

Andrew Lawrence: Andy

Coming up next: Monkey See, Monkey Maim