Taking the Pain Away

Chapter 4

Words: 1,000+

Rated: M

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Cry felt like unmeasurable shit the next morning.

And by morning, we mean afternoon, because he doesn't have much luck with alarms or waking up.

It wasn't physical illness that was ravaging him, it was guilt. He'd never done something like...that, before. The drugs, the cutting, it was so out of character for him. The brunette was staring down at his injured wrist hanging over the sink, the cuts swollen and angry looking as he poured rubbing alcohol over them. They fizzled and bubbled and he cringed, closing one eyes and tapping his foot impatiently as he waited for the pain to subside.

Whatever had happened to him...it wasn't Ryan. Ryan didn't even get tattoos or piercings, let alone use drugs and cut. He sighed, frustration seeping into him as a headache split his skull, and smeared antibacterial cream across the clean wounds before wrapping a white bandage over them, securing it with medical tape.

No one could fine out about this, especially not Pewds.

Maybe he could...talk to Jund about it?

Cry sat down in front of his computer, one of his girly drinks in hand, and checked his Skype. Sadness gripped him when he saw that Pewdie was offline. After his outburst, he had every reason to avoid talking to the American...he clicked Jund username and started a chat, hope flooding him.

ChaoticMonki: Jund, can we talk?

A few minutes later, his friend responded.

DamnNoHTML: Sure, Cry! What's up?

Cry typed away at the keyboard, his headache burning even worse yet as he stared at the screen, but talking to Jund made him feel safe and bulletproof.

ChaoticMonki: Can we Skype?

Jund was sitting on the other side of the IM, leaning on his desk with his hand in a bag of potato chips. He mimimized his game and clicked the blinking orange Skype tab, batting his eyeslashes at the screen as if his eyes needed adjusting, as if he was reading the other man's words wrong. Cry didn't really...well, like to Skype, unless someting was bothering him. Jund swallowed a mouthful of chips and took a drink of his can of soda before replying,

DamnNoHtml: Ready when you are, Cry.

The blue eyed bruntte on the other end brushed his fingers through his thick hair, his fringe falling over his eyes. He started a video call and leaned back in his heart racin gas he tried to just...comprehend how he would explain anyhing to his friend without sounding like an idiot. Without saying the wrong thing, or giving the wrong impression, or...Jund answered the call and waved at the webcam, a smile pasted on his face.

"Hey, man! What's up?"

Scott's smile was contagious and soon, Cry was smiling back, drawing a knee up to his chest and taking a drink from the glass on his desk. "It's...a long story, man."

Cry avoided the real topic for a long time, but when he got there, he couldn't bring himself to tell Jund about the drugs. He admitted that he cut his wrist and it was already bandaged and clean under his shirt, and when Jund asked to see it, Cry obliged, pushing his sleeve up and unwrapping the injury before holding his arm up for the webcam. "I see..." was all he said. Cry felt shame crawling up him,his cheeks flushed and eyes turned down to the floor.

"Have you told Pewds?" Asked Jund.

"No," replied Cry. "I could never..."

Jund could tell Cry felt bad for his choices and decided to change the subject and disract him instead. Scratching at an open wound wouldn't help it heal, no pun intended. "Why don't we play something?"

"That, is the best idea i've heard all day." Cry laughed and minimized the screen to open Steam. He knew talking to Jund would make him feel better. It always did. He had also handled the cuts a lot better than he had expected, which gave him enough hope that he wasn't loosing his mind.

The sound of a bubble popping alerted Cry of another message and he glanced to the side of his screen, adjusting his glasses. "...Jund, can I get a rain check on the game? Just about...10 minutes?"

"No problem, man. I'll be here."

On the other end of the call with Pewdie, Cry could hear background conversations with...Marzia? More than likely. When it stopped, Cry was sure the beautiful Italian had left Pewdie's office and the video turned on, presenting the blond Swede. "Hey, Cry! What's up?"

Cheerful, as usual. Cry's mood sank.

"I'm alright, about to play a game with Jund." He answered a bit colder than he'd intended, and quickly felt bad for it, especially seeing the sinking look on his friend's face. "You?" he replied in a happier tone, quickly finishing his drink.

It hurt that his conversations with Pewdie used to be so happy.

His chest ached.

"I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay..." The blond had an unreadable expression in his face, and it made Cry uncomfortable. His stomach was hurting, his head was splitting, his chest was tigt and a lump was forming in his throat as they stared vacantly at each other, awkwrd tension building quickly. "H-hey, Pewds, maybe we can play a game later?" he proposed, faking a happy smile again.

Pewdie's eyes sofened and he nodded hopefully. "I'd like that, Cry."

Ten minutes later, Cry wandered to the bathroom and popped a vicodin into his mouth, letting the vile taste of melting pill settle in his mouth. This time, he was in physical pain...wasn't that a good enough reason to continue to take them? He was actually hurting, after all...

As long as he had the cutting under control, he would be fine. He sat down in front of the computer screen and called Jund again, happier as time passed. Happier as the pain killer kicked in. He laughed as happily as he had in days and Scott invited Russ to join the game...they ended up hosting a last minute livesteam. The fans were ecstatic.

But the knot in Pewdie's throat was burning and he could barely hold back the moisture building along his blond eyelashes, digging his white teeth into his soft lip until it threatened to break. What had he done to make Cry hate him? Ever since he'd been to America, Cry showed all the signs of disliking, if not entirely hating Felix! He wouldn't answer his calls, and if he managed to get the other to pickup, they talked for less than two minutes, awkwardly, and always ending abruptly.

Cry was always the one to hang up.

Although Pewdie had an incling it had to do with their semi-romantic past, things between them had been fine until this past week...The PewDieCry stuff had never bothered Cry before, ans they joked about it constantly...

Pewds gave up and let te tears roll down his face. It was a satisfying feeling, to cry, when his heart ached so badly.

It had to have been September.

That, or...Cry just didn't like PewDiePie anymore...

Too tired to keep up the internal debate, Pewds went to Marzia for consolation. The instant she saw his tear filled eyes, the Italian sat down her lover on the couch and listened to everyhing Felix said...although he didn't mention September, the rest was completely accurate and true, his words occasionally seperated by gentle sobbing.

"Maybe you should plan a suprise visit?" She proposed, her voice soft, rubbing the back of his shoulder gently. "Tell his other friends about it and you could all go suprise him and stay for a weekend." Pewds turned his blue eyes up to her and looked suprised. That was a great idea! With Cry's friends there, the American might not feel so awkward and it would give Jund and Pewds a chance to find out what was wrong! "You wouldn't mind...?" He asked, hope intensely burned into his expression. He sniffled. Marzia smiled.

"Cry is your best friend. Do what you have to do. Do what's best for you, and what's best for Cry. His happiness is yours, and I worry about him too." She kissed the Swede's cheek and stood, walking out of the room to let Pewdie think. A few minutes later, he was IM'ing Red and Jund, planning a group vacation for the end of next month.

In six weeks, he would be with Cry. He wouldn't let their friendship die without a fight.