Summary: When Calvin and Hobbes find a strange box after a circus truck goes by, Socrates convinces Calvin to open it. Chaos soon follows.
And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series
Written by Swing123 and garfieldodie
Monkey See, Monkey Maim
Calvin and Hobbes stood across from each other.
Hobbes was in the crouch position, and Calvin was holding a football.
Calvin was shouting random numbers.
"24! 16! 57! 75! 82! 93! 4! 67! 40! 1-800-345-5634!"
Hobbes rolled his eyes.
"16! 15! 10! 30! 74! HIKE!"
POW!
Calvin's socks, shoes, and the football went flying, and Calvin and Hobbes went bolting into the ground making a deep rut.
Hobbes climbed out, first, followed by Calvin. Both were covered with dirt.
"There was a fumble!" Calvin gasped. "Aren't you going to get the ball?"
"No, you can have it." Hobbes sighed.
Calvin muttered to himself, and picked up the ball.
"It's no fun to play with someone who'd rather tackle than play." He grumbled.
Hobbes got back into the crouching position.
"Go ahead. Take a head start." He grinned.
"Oh, you think you're so darn funny." Calvin growled.
Hobbes nodded and grinned.
"Well, I'm sick of football." Calvin said, throwing the ball over his shoulder. "What else can we play?"
Hobbes scratched his head in thought.
"We could play Calvinball." He suggested.
"Wonderous idea, Hobbes!" Calvin grinned. "I'll go get the flags, wickets, masks and Mom's eggplant casserole."
Calvin rushed off, and before they knew it, they were playing the greatest, unorganized sport in the universe.
Just then, who came walking down the sidewalk, but red tail himself.
Socrates was whistling to himself, playing with a paddleball, and eating an ice creme sandwich.
He saw Calvin and Hobbes running around in masks. Calvin holding the Calvinball in one hand and a wicket in the other, and Hobbes holding a clock in one hand, and a red flag in the other.
He waved, and grinned.
"Hey, Hobbo! Hey, Static Electricity Lad!"
"STOP CALLING ME THAT!" Calvin screamed, shooting the Calvinball through a basketball hoop.
"I wanted to tell you, that a circus just pulled into town." he said. "They're putting up the tents right now."
"Eh," Hobbes smacked, grabbing the Calvinball, and slamming it into a tree. "I've never been much of a fan of circuses. They're like zoos. The animals are always caged up, and they don't even have enough room to sneeze. Plus, all they can do is eat and sleep."
"So?" Calvin asked. "That's pretty much all you do!" Calvin said, kicking the wickets out of the ground, and catching them in midair.
"You know what I mean." Hobbes said, grabbing one of the flags out of the ground, and touching it to a tree. "OK, I touched the tree of paper with the flag of scissors. Scissors beat paper. Now you have to roll around on the ground three times."
Calvin grumbled to himself, put the Calvinball down, and started rolling around on the ground.
Socrates took a bite out of his ice creme sandwich.
"Well, OK. I'm going home to watch all the pathetic commercials that those circus executives can come up with."
"You don't go to the actual thing?" Calvin asked.
"Nope." Socrates said. "The commercials are better. Especially when I watch the bloopers and mistakes on the Bonus Features on my DVD."
"Well, have fun." Hobbes said, as Socrates walked away.
"Nuh huh." Socrates said, taking another bite out of his sandwich, and continuing to play with his paddleball.
Calvin and Hobbes continued playing Calvinball to noon.
Then, Mom came out, and said it was time for lunch.
Calvin sighed, and put the Calvinball down.
But before Calvin and Hobbes could go into the house, there was a musical sound that suddenly appeared.
"ICE CREME TRUCK!" Calvin screamed. "HURRY, HOBBES, WE STILL HAVE TIME!"
"What about lunch?"
Calvin ignored him.
Calvin and Hobbes leaped off the front step, and rushed over to the road.
However, the sound grew fainter and fainter.
"It's passing Sneer Hill!" Calvin yelled. "WE CAN STILL CATCH IT!"
Calvin took out a remote control, and pushed a big red button in the middle.
Calvin's box flew out of Calvin's bedroom window, and landed in front of them.
Calvin climbed in, followed shortly by Hobbes, and they blasted off for Sneer Hill behind their house.
Calvin landed on the trail that started for Sneer Hill, and stopped in front of the road.
They watched, as a...
Uh...
Calvin and Hobbes stared at the approaching vehicles.
"Hobbes?"
"Mm, yes?"
"That's not an ice creme truck."
"Uh, no."
At that very moment, a giant colorful truck with a clown on it past by. That one followed by another one. And that one followed by another one.
All of them were playing music.
"Well, Hobbes, do you know what this means?"
"No ice creme?"
"Yes, right, but do you know what else it means?"
"No."
"It means that circus trucks are now using phony imposter ploys to get us out here! We should sue them!"
Hobbes sighed.
Just then, the last truck hit a hole in the road, and the back opened up.
A large red box tumbled out, and crashed in front of Calvin and Hobbes, making them jump.
"AAA!" They yelled.
Then, the trucks all left.
Calvin and Hobbes turned their attention to the box.
It was made of three-quarter inch plywood.
Calvin stared at it, and then walked up to it, and attempted to push it away.
Hobbes stared.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm trying to push this box into our bedroom. I could use it for an invention!"
"Calvin, that box belongs to the circus."
"They dropped it, and I don't see them coming to get it." Calvin said. "Help me out, here, I can't move this thing on my own."
"I think I'll just watch. Hey look! There's some writing on it!"
Calvin looked up, and saw some big white letters on the box.
"How observant of you, Hobbes, but I noticed the letters long before it even fell off the truck."
"Uh huh." Hobbes said.
Calvin squinted at the writing.
WARNING! MONKEY!
DO NOT OPEN THIS BOX!
Calvin stared at it.
"That's weird." He said.
"Why?" Hobbes said. "It says Warning, Monkey. Do not open this box. What's that mean?"
"Give me a second to piece this together." Calvin said, beginning to pace. "Unless I'm reading it wrong, Hobbes, there is something in this box that monkeys are not suppose to see!"
Hobbes stared at him.
"Huh?" He asked.
"It was the first line that gave it away. It contains a warning to all monkeys. Now, the only question is, what is it that they don't want to monkeys to see?"
"I dunno." Hobbes shrugged. "Bananas?"
"Possibly." Calvin said. "Or maybe peanuts. Or monkey wrenches! That's it! We've uncovered an illegal shipment of monkey wrenches!"
"I guess so." Hobbes said. "Or, instead of guessing, we could open the box, and look inside. See, there's a wooden peg holding the hasp shut."
Calvin stopped pacing, and stared at Hobbes.
"Hasp?"
"Yeah, the hasp is the thing that locks the door."
"Where did you learn that word?"
"Oh, I don't know. Just picked it up, somewhere."
"Well, I've never heard of it, and I don't like you using big words around me!"
"It's not a big word, Calvin" Hobbes said. "It only has four letters."
"Right. And I've warned you about using four lettered words, Hobbes. For you see, four letter words are casual, and unsophisticated! If we want to sound sophisticated, we must not use four lettered words! Am I making myself clear?"
"Yeah."
"There's another four lettered word!" Calvin yelled. "You better be careful, Hobbes!"
"Okay."
"That's my last word on four letter words."
"Good."
"Now come on, we need to inform Mom that we've uncovered an illegal shipment of monkey wrenches."
"Okay."
"You're just doing this, because you know it bothers me, aren't you?" Calvin growled, climbing into the box.
"Yeah." Hobbes replied, following him.
And with that, Calvin and Hobbes rushed off for the house.
"MOM! MOM! WE'VE RECEIVED AN ILLEGAL SHIPMENT OF MONKEY WRENCHES!" Calvin screamed, bursting into the house.
Mom rolled her eyes, and told Calvin to sit down, and eat.
After lunch was done, Calvin went grumbling up to his room, where he found Hobbes.
"Well, Hobbes, she doesn't believe me." Calvin said. "She wont even come out, and look at the box."
"I told you you shouldn't have taken Socrates' advice to drop mayonnaise on your Mom when you got her outside." Hobbes said.
"That was six months ago!" Calvin yelled. "Now come on, we're going to go and open that box."
"Oh, that's OK, I'll stay here." Hobbes said.
"Suit yourself." Calvin said.
He walked out of the room, and started downstairs.
He walked out the door, and ran right into...
BUMP!
Socrates.
"Oh, hi, Static Electricity Lad. How ya doing?"
"Stop calling me that!" Calvin spat.
Socrates ignored him.
"What are you going to do with the box?" he asked.
"We're going to leave it right where it..." He stopped, and stared at Socrates. "How do you know about the box, cat?"
"Oh, I know everything." Socrates chuckled. "And I happen to know that you found a box."
"Oh yeah!" Calvin spat. "We'll see about that! Was it a red box with three inch plywood?"
"Uh huh."
"Fell off a truck next to Sneer Hill?"
"That's the one."
"Had big white letters on it?"
"I believe so, yes."
"You're lying, cat! Hobbes couldn't have possibly told you! He was with me, the whole time!"
Calvin poked Socrates in his furry white chest.
"How do you know about the box, Socrates! OUT WITH IT!"
Socrates yawned.
"We cats are very observant, Calvin, we know just about everything. Do you want me to tell you what the words on the box said?"
"NO, I don't! I found the box, so I get to say what the words said.
"Fine with me."
"It said, 'WARNING! MONKEY! DO NOT OPEN THIS BOX!' So there you are, Crateso! Once again, I have beat you at your own shabby game."
"Yes, you certainly have." Socrates said. "Are you going to let the monkey out of the box?"
Calvin stared at him.
Then he started laughing.
"AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! MONKEY! OUT OF THE BOX! AH HA HA HA! Where have you been all your life, Socrates! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA!"
Socrates continued playing with his paddleball, and waited for Calvin to gain control.
Finally, Calvin's laughter faded.
He though to himself for a moment, then lowered his voice.
"What makes you think there's a monkey in the box, Socrates?"
"Because that's what the sign said, Calvin" Socrates said, continuing to whack his paddleball.
Calvin stared at him.
"OK, Socrates, I'm going to have to ask you a few questions." He said, finally.
"Oh joy. I just love questions."
Calvin and Socrates walked over to a tree.
"Do you now, or ever had known the meaning to the word 'hasp'?"
Socrates stared at him, then grinned.
"Of course I have, Calvin. Everyone knows that a hasp is used to secure the lid on a box. And I'll bet there's even one on the box the monkey's in."
"Quit showing off, cat. Next question. If you were shipping wrenches to another state, would you close them with a hasp?"
"Oh, that a toughie." Socrates took his sweet time in answering. "No, I wouldn't put a hasp on the box, if that was what I was shipping." Then he grinned, again. "But if I was shipping a monkey, I would."
"Ah ha!" Calvin yelled. "Just as I suspected."
Calvin paced back and forth, then spun back to Socrates.
"You idiot! That box didn't have wrenches in it! That was a monkey!"
Socrates stared at him.
"I thought you said..."
"Never mind. One last question, and you're free to go."
Calvin leaned in, and whispered, "How much do you know about monkeys?"
Socrates rolled his eyes around.
"Well, let's see, here. They're cute, smart, they can do things with their hands, and... hmm, that's about it."
"Very well, kitty, you are excused."
Socrates grinned, again.
"Would you like some good advice, Calvin?"
"No, I don't take advice from you."
"You took my advice about dumping all that mayo on your mother."
"That wasn't advice, it was another one of your sneaky pranks to get me in trouble."
"Well, if I were you..."
"But you're not me. Too bad for you, and goodbye. Scram, Get lost, and go chase your tail."
And with that, Calvin ran off.
Socrates held his ice creme sandwich up, and took another bite out of it.
"My work here, is done." He said, walking off, whacking his paddleball.
Calvin ran over to Sneer Hill.
The box was still there.
Calvin approached it, slowly.
He still wasn't completely sure that there was a monkey in it, but he didn't want to take any chances.
"Hello? Hello?" he spoke to the box. "You are hearing the voice of Calvin the Bold. I demand that you get out here, and identify yourself! That's a direct order!"
He paused.
"And if you aren't there, fell free to disregard this message." He added.
He waited.
Then, he heard... scratching?
He heard scratching in the box!
Calvin backed up slightly.
"Get out here, right now!" Calvin demanded. "Or I'll..."
He spotted the lid.
"Ah, yes, the hasp." He said. "Do you know about hasps?" he asked the box. "They're used to keep you inside."
He walked over to the hasp, then stopped.
Then, he wondered to himself, did he want to take the hasp off, and let that whatever come out onto his property?
Yes he would.
There was just one problem.
The box said, DO NOT OPEN.
As you know, Calvin is independent, and thus, he doesn't take orders from a box.
He marched over to the box, and ripped the wooden peg out of the hasp.
Just then, he heard footsteps.
Loud footsteps.
Heavy, loud, fast footsteps.
Calvin looked up, and... uh oh.
Moe, and his gang of thugs were approaching.
Calvin spun around.
"Hey twinky!" Moe growled. "What's in the box?"
"Nothing." Calvin said,
Moe grabbed Calvin shirt, and pulled him over.
"I said, what's in the box?" He said, more dangerous than ever.
"A monkey." Calvin said.
Moe stared at him.
Then he and his thugs started laughing.
"Yeah, Twinky, I like the circus, too."
And with that, he threw Calvin onto the ground next to the box.
"Can you spare a quarter?" Moe asked, holding his hand out.
"I don't have any money." Calvin muttered. "What, do you think I carry money around with me everywhere?"
Moe stared at him.
"Tell ya what, punk." He said. "Tell me what's in the box, and I'll let you live. Maybe."
"I told you what was in the box, Moe." Calvin growled. "There's a monkey in there."
Moe narrowed his eyes.
But Calvin couldn't tell.
Which is pretty obvious for people who read the strip.
"Listen, twirp, it's not that funny the second time around. What's in the box?"
"Well, Moe, put that tiny mind of yours to work. Can you see that there's a hasp on it?"
Moe and his thugs looked over at the box.
"Now, if it was anything that wasn't alive, don't you think there wouldn't be a hasp on it?"
"What's a hasp?" Moe asked.
Calvin chuckled.
"A hasp, Moe, is a very technical term, and Hobbes and I use it all the time. For you see, a hasp is connected with the box and the lid, thus when the wooden peg is in the hasp, it keeps the whatever from getting out."
"That's amazing, Twinky." Moe said. "But I don't see a peg in it."
"Oh I have the peg right here." Calvin held up his empty hand. "Uh, I know I had around here, someplace."
Calvin got down on his hands and knees, and stared looking for the peg that he had dropped in the grass, somewhere.
He couldn't find it, and Moe and his gang were getting impatient.
Finally, Moe got sick of waiting, and grabbed Calvin off the ground.
"Listen, punk, I'm getting tired of waiting! Now either you cough up the money, or the vultures will be coming to pick clean up the mess."
"Moe, I have two things to say." Calvin said. "Number one, you're disgusting. Number two, I don't have any money!"
"Well, then," Moe growled, raising a fist.
Just then, the lid on the box flew open, and this weird brown thing wearing a hat and armless jacket jumped out of it, and let out a screech.
Moe, Calvin, and Moe's gang looked up.
There was a monkey on the edge of the box.
Moe and his gang all screamed.
Moe dropped Calvin on the grass, and they rushed away, leaving Calvin alone with whatever it was that had gotten out of the box!
That should not have gotten out!
Calvin watched as Moe and his gang ran off screaming.
Then he glanced at the monkey.
"What are they so scared of?" he wondered. "You're just a harmless little monkey, aren't you?"
The monkey just stared.
Calvin grinned.
"Come on, little chimp. Let's go to my place. I'm sure Hobbes'll know what to do. He watches Animal Planet."
The monkey stared some more.
Calvin saw that he wasn't going to get this primate moving any time soon, so he just decided to get the wagon and pull the monkey there.
Hobbes was lying in a tree branch, soaking up sun.
Calvin saw him, and then got an evil idea.
He let the chimp out of the wagon, and the chimp started for the tree.
It climbed up the tree and towards the branch that Hobbes was sleeping on.
Then it made a loud screeching noise.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!"
"AAAHH!" shrieked Hobbes.
And he tumbled out of the tree.
Calvin burst out laughing.
He thought it was the funniest thing he'd seen all day.
Then the monkey got down in the grass with Hobbes.
Hobbes opened his eyes and saw a monkey wearing a vest looking down at him.
"You released the hasp, didn't you?" Hobbes grunted at Calvin.
Calvin grinned and nodded.
"Yeah, this monkey scared off Moe for me. He's okay in my book."
The monkey picked his nose.
"Kind of," Calvin said sheepishly.
"Calvin, monkeys have very little brains," Hobbes said warningly. "By taking it out of the box, you've practically released a storm of destruction. Kind of like you, only hairier."
"Relax. I'll get him back in the crate. However, I lost the peg that holds him inside the crate, so we need to find a new one. I'll look inside the house. You keep him entertained."
And Calvin ran for the house.
"But…! But…! But…! But…!" Hobbes said nervously.
Then he looked back at the monkey.
The monkey was grinning stupidly.
"Huh oh," Hobbes muttered.
Suddenly, the monkey started running around and making noises.
Hobbes stared at the wild circus animal.
"Help. Cry for help," he muttered.
Then the monkey grabbed Hobbes' tail and gave a hard yank.
"WHOA!"
Hobbes fell to the ground.
Then the monkey dragged him around the backyard.
"STOP THAT! STOP THAT AT ONCE! STOP THAT AT ONCE OR I'LL MURDER YOU!" Hobbes hollered.
But Monkey just ran around the yard, whooping and yelping.
A man with a mustache was walking past.
He saw a deranged circus monkey pulling a stuffed tiger around in circles in someone's backyard.
"Mmm-Hmmmm," he said, and he continued walking.
Hobbes continued to be dragged around until the monkey finally hurled Hobbes into the air.
Hobbes landed with a loud CRASH in a trashcan.
The trashcan tipped over, and he began to roll down the sidewalk until he crashed into the mailbox, where a ton of mail poured all over him.
Hobbes managed to get out of the junk, mail, and junk mail and stagger over to the mailbox to regain consciousness.
"Boy, for a poo-flinging primate, he sure is strong."
Then the monkey came into view.
Hobbes immediately screamed and dove into the mailbox, slammed the door shut and raised the flag.
Just down the sidewalk, Susie was playing with her dolls.
Monkey saw her.
Oh boy.
Monkey charged at Susie.
Susie looked up and saw him.
"WHAT THE HECK!" she screamed
Monkey charged into her.
He ripped the head off of one of the dolls, the arm off another, and the leg off of another.
Then it hurled them all away into the yard.
"HEY!" Susie hollered "Those were mine!"
Monkey then grabbed Susie.
"AH!"
Then he lifted her over his head and started to spin her around.
Then, using his left foot, Monkey started to toss the broken dolls into the air, and soon, he was juggling Susie and the dolls.
Hobbes was watching this from nearby.
Calvin ran up.
"Okay. I found a Lincoln Log," he said. "We'll use this for a peg."
"Good, but first, let's get him away from Susie."
Calvin looked, and then he started to laugh.
"HEY, SUSIE! HAVING FUN?"
Susie let out a scream.
"STOP THE RIDE! I WANNA GET OFF!" she wailed.
Then Monkey hurled her aside, and Susie landed in the mud.
Monkey screeched triumphantly and then ran off.
"Uh-oh," said Calvin. "If he heads into town, then we'll never be able to get him back!" cried Calvin.
"Then let's get him back!" said Hobbes.
And they ran after him.
Monkey ran past a few houses, and then dashed across the street.
Cars swerved as a deranged circus monkey ran past them.
Monkey had arrived at Andy and Sherman's house.
Somehow, Monkey managed to open the door and sneak inside.
Andy's parents weren't home.
Andy was upstairs.
But Monkey walked over to the wall and pulled on a knob.
It opened the secret door and revealed Sherman's lab.
This should be good.
Monkey snuck downstairs and looked around.
First on our tour of the lab was the massive library on the first half of the lab.
Monkey started to climb up it, and then bring the whole thing down.
CRASH!
The giant shelves that held so many books tumbled to the ground.
Books flew everywhere.
Dust flew.
Monkey emerged from the broken bookcase.
Then he ran into the technical part of the lab.
He took beakers and test tubes and hurled them everywhere.
Inky chemicals landed on the floor and sizzled.
One batch of green stuff was thrown at a computer, and the computer evaporated.
Then a blade was sent through the air, and sliced through a bunch of wires.
ZZZT!
Some of the lights zapped off in the house.
The computer started beeping.
BOOP! BOOP! BOOP! BOOP! BOOP! BOOP!
WARNING! SYSTEM OVERLOAD! WARNING! SYSTEM OVERLOAD!
This went on for a while, and finally, Monkey got bored and left.
A minute after Monkey left, Sherman came down the slide and looked around in shock.
"What th—!" he gasped.
Then he saw the computer screen was bright red with white letters that said SYSTEM OVERLOAD! And then he heard the blaring alarm.
Sherman gulped.
"Hoo boy," he said.
KABLAM!
CRASH!
BANG!
KABLOOIE!
The whole house shook.
Andy ran downstairs and into the lab and looked around.
He saw a sickly green gas floating in the air, broken wood and glass and plastic lying on the ground, and a small flame flickering in the corner of the room.
And a small charred ball of fur was sitting there in the middle of the room.
Andy looked at him.
Sherman looked back.
"I said it before, and I'll say it again," said Andy. "I didn't tell you to build the lab."
And with that, Andy left.
Sherman scowled and started to put the fires out.
Monkey then ran towards another driveway, and then ran into Rosalyn's house.
Rosalyn was reading on the couch when suddenly the window was smashed open over her.
"AAACK!" she shrieked, jumping off the couch.
And then she saw a monkey wearing a vest jumping up and down on her.
"WHERE THE HECK DID YOU SPRING FROM!" she demanded.
Monkey replied by lifting up a porcelain figure and hurling at the TV and smashing the screen.
Electricity spewed from it and lit the carpet on fire.
"AAH!" Rosalyn shrieked, and she jumped up and tried to put out the fire by stamping it out.
Then Monkey tried to climb a CD case holder, and it tipped over.
Rosalyn put the fire out and frantically tried to grab Monkey.
But Monkey ran forward and hopped into the kitchen, ripped the fridge open and started to pull stuff out.
Milk spilled, grapes squirted, eggs smashed and a ham was thrown into the sink.
"WILL YOU KNOCK IT OFF!" Rosalyn shouted.
Monkey stared, and then ate a banana and left out the window.
Rosalyn groaned and started to clean up the mess.
"Calvin, you have met your match," she muttered.
Moe was walking down the street when he heard a noise.
"OOH, OOH! EE, EE!"
"What the heck…?" he wondered.
Just then, the monkey came scampering down the sidewalk.
"AAAAAHH! MONKEY!" he screamed.
Moe whirled around and ran.
"HELP!"
Monkey thought Moe was playing tag.
So Monkey shot forward and attacked Moe!
Cool, huh?
Moe was on the ground in seconds.
"OWW!"
Monkey danced on Moe in victory, and then he ran off.
"Mommy…," Moe wailed pitifully.
Downtown in his expensive mansion, Socrates was in the dining room by himself, eating some peanuts and reading a comic book.
Just then, he heard a loud crash just outside.
LOUD CRASH!
Socrates looked up.
"What the heck was that?" he wondered.
Just then, he heard a loud noise.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"
"Sherman?" he asked.
Just then, a loud deranged hairy creature that had thumbs on both the hands and feet came bounding into the kitchen.
Monkey stared at him.
Socrates stared at Monkey.
"Calvin opened the hasp," he muttered.
Monkey let out another screech.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Socrates held his ears, and then ran away.
"My owner will kill me," he muttered.
Just then, Monkey burst through the door and started to go mad.
Big surprise.
"Down, ape! Down, I say!" Socrates wailed.
Monkey chased Socrates all over the place.
"HELP! DERANGED PRIMATE! GET ME OUT OF HERE!"
Several things got broken, smashed, ripped, tarnished and stained.
Socrates' red tail got bitten several times.
Outside, Calvin and Hobbes were out of breath and at the door of the mansion.
"Okay, the footprints end here!" said Calvin. "Let's get in there!"
Calvin and Hobbes ran inside the mansion and watched Socrates run around with a monkey chasing him.
"HELP! HELP!" Socrates shouted.
"OOH! OOH!" Monkey shouted.
Calvin laughed.
"Having fun, Crateso?" he shouted. "Consider this revenge for the mayo incident!"
"THAT WAS SIX MONTHS AGO!" Socrates hollered.
Hobbes reared up and then pounced Monkey…
…only to be flung across the room and into a marble statue.
SMASH!
"Thanks a lot, Hobbes!" Socrates hollered. "My owner will have my neck!"
"Best news I've heard all day," replied Hobbes.
Just then, Monkey got hold of a battle armor suit that was situated near the stairs.
It held a sword in its grasp.
Monkey grabbed it and threw it through the air.
Calvin ducked and it missed him, and instead stabbed the stairs.
"YIKES!" said Calvin. "HE'S USING SHARP STUFF! LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!"
Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates dove into the kitchen and hid.
Once there, Calvin suddenly got an idea.
He dove into the cabinets, and then pulled out a bunch of bananas.
"Socrates, are these all the bananas you have?" he shouted.
"I think so," Socrates replied. "Why?"
"Don't worry. I'll take care of it."
Calvin set the bunch of bananas on the table.
Then he pulled out the Mini-Duplicator.
Hobbes and Socrates watched.
BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK!
Soon, there had to be at least over a thousand bananas sitting there in the kitchen.
"Okay, Socrates. Get him in here," said Calvin.
"You got it, Static Electricity Lad."
"STOP CALLING ME THAT!"
Socrates walked out the kitchen door and saw Monkey wiping his snot on the wall.
"HEY, CURIOUS GEORGE!" he shouted. "WE GOT A SNACK FOR YA!"
Nothing happened.
"WHAT ARE YA, DEAF? GET IN HERE AND EAT!"
Still nothing.
"What's wrong with him?" Socrates wondered.
Hobbes shoved Socrates out the door into full view.
Monkey looked up and saw Socrates staring at him.
"OOH! OOH!"
And Monkey charged.
"EEP!" Socrates squeaked, and he dashed back into the kitchen.
Monkey burst into the kitchen, knocking the door off its hinges, and screeched to a halt.
Calvin and Hobbes were pointing at the giant pile of bananas.
Monkey's eye twitched.
I'm not kidding.
Then, letting out a triumphant screech, Monkey dove into the pile of bananas.
Next it was time for a feeding frenzy.
Monkey ate banana after banana.
"Okay," said Calvin. "Hobbes and I will get the crate. Socrates, keep our hairy friend here eating."
And Calvin and Hobbes left.
Socrates stared the monkey, eating and eating.
Huh boy.
When Calvin and Hobbes returned with the crate, Socrates was splattered all over with banana mush.
"Oh, hey, Crateso," said Calvin. "How was he?"
Socrates glared daggers at Calvin.
"Where…were…you!" he demanded.
"Captain Nitro was on," said Hobbes.
"NICE TO KNOW WHERE YOUR PRIORITIES ARE!" Socrates screamed.
Calvin glanced at Monkey.
Half the bananas were devoured, and Monkey had swelled up to a large size, and was sitting in a pile of banana peels.
Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates didn't have to work to hard in getting him back into the crate.
He was pretty winded.
Then, Calvin jammed the Lincoln Log into hasp.
It was held shut.
"Phew!" said Calvin. "Thank goodness. Thanks for the help, Socrates."
Socrates sighed, and then fell in the pile of bananas.
Calvin and Hobbes loaded the crate into the wagon, and they pulled it away.
"Do you think God accepts plea?" Socrates asked, looking at the state of the mansion.
"I'd be more worried about your owner," replied Hobbes.
And they left.
Socrates groaned.
"Note to self, Socrates," he thought. "Never suggest anything mayonnaise related to Calvin again."
Calvin and Hobbes reached the circus tents safely later that evening.
The circus ringmaster was very grateful.
Calvin was given a free circus pass, and was allowed in for a show later that week.
So things basically worked out.
No one ever found out it was Calvin's fault that a monkey got loose.
Socrates got in trouble with his owner, but then his owner got in trouble with his parents, so Socrates got off scot-free.
Andy and Sherman soon rebuilt the lab.
Susie got new dolls, and Rosalyn got in trouble with her parents.
And as for Moe, he spent some time in therapy due to his new fear of monkeys.
And all Calvin has to do to get rid of him is make monkey noises, and then all is well.
Plus, as an added bonus, he now knows what HASP means.
The End
Voice Work:
Pamela Segall Adlon: Calvin
Tom Hanks: Hobbes
Jennifer Love Hewitt: Mom
Dakota Fanning: Susie Derkins
Elizabeth Daily: Moe
Daveigh Chase: Rosalyn
Ryan Stiles: Socrates
Andrew Lawrence: Andy
Colin Mochrie: Sherman
Coming up next: The Transmitter Conspicracy