Summary: Hobbes tries to help Calvin fall asleep after not being able to for three days.

And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series
Written by Swing123 and garfieldodie

Nighty Shut up!

Calvin tried in vain to fall asleep.

He might as well give up. It had been three days since he had gotten a good night's sleep because of the monsters under his bed.

It seemed to be someone's birthday, and the monsters had been partying for THREE DAYS!

Just then one the monsters turned up the volume on The Best of Little Kids Screaming, and the party really got going.

Calvin laid in bed all night, his eyes as wide as dinner plates. And whenever he dared get a minute of scream filled sleep, one of the monsters would start playing Pin the Pain on the Kid.

WHO COULD SLEEP THROUGH ALL THAT NOISE! Calvin knew. Hobbes and a rock.

Oh and his parents. Mr. And Mrs. "Call us agin to shut the monsters up, and we'll dunk you in the rain barrel!"

The next day when all the monsters had retreated to wherever monsters go in the morning, Calvin was just about to doze off when...

"CALVIN! ITS TIME TO GET UP!" Mom's yell sent Calvin flying out of bed.

There was a moment of silence, then Calvin started screaming in frustration.

He then took his baseball bat, and started slamming it into the bed.

Hobbes rubbed some sleep out of his eyes, and yawned.

"Good morning, Calvin." Hobbes said, as if Calvin acted like this every morning. "How'd you sleep last night?"

Calvin stared at Hobbes with his half mad eyes.

"HOW DID I SLEEP LAST NIGHT!" He roared. "I HAVEN'T GOTTEN A DECENT WINK OF SLEEP FOR THREE DAYS!"

Hobbes stared at the lunatic who he was only three feet away from him, and he thought to himself, "I sleep with him?"

Calvin continued. "AND FURTHER MORE, HOW ON EARTH ARE YOU ABLE TO SLEEP WHEN WE HAVE BLOODSUCKING CREATURES OF DOOM THROWING PARTIES UNDER THE BED!"

"The monsters are throwing parties under the bed?" Hobbes said, shocked. "Without inviting me?"

Just then, Mom burst into the room.

There, she saw some red eyed creature with yellow spiked hair staring at her, with the baseball bat raised above it's head. Beside him, the bed was ready collapse.

Mom kicked Calvin out the door.

Calvin stood at the bus stop. He didn't move.

Then Susie came up.

"Good morning Calvin." She said.

Calvin spun around at her with total rage.

"WHAT'S SO GOOD ABOUT IT!" He screamed.

"Well," Susie said. "The sun is shining, the birds are chirping and we're about to learn important information for when we take PSAT test."

Calvin stared at her.

"OH REALLY? ARE YOU INSINUATING THAT I'M STUPID AND CAN'T LEARN ANYTHING FOR THE SPAF?"

"I never said that." Susie said.

"YOUR JUST TRYING TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE FACT THAT YOU DON'T HAVE MONSTERS UNDER YOUR BED, AND YOU GET TO SLEEP!"

"All I said was..."

"YOU THINK I'M WEAK! YOU THINK I CAN'T HANDLE IT! WELL I GOT NEWS FOR YOU, BUDDY!"

"The bus is here." Susie muttered, walking onto the bus.

Calvin trudged onto the bus, and started screaming at the driver.

"AND YOU! THE PRISON GUARD OF THE EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM! DO YOU FELL PROUD THAT YOU ESCORT DEFENSELESS CHILDREN TO THEIR DOOM!"

"It puts food on the table." The driver said. "Sit down."

Calvin grumbled and complained as he sat down at the back of the bus.

Once at the school, Calvin caused all kinds of trouble. He tied a rubber glove to the facet, and turned it on, Calvin then lured the principal over, and rushed off, as the glove exploded with a splash of water. He never talked. He screamed. He raced into the classroom before class started and tore everything apart, then he ran back outside, and screamed at Moe to get out of his way. He ended up face first into the floor.

And when he got home, he opened the door, but before Hobbes got to him, he slammed it shut again, and Hobbes crashed into the door.

"Calvin, did you realize that half of this episode is being used up with you screaming?" Hobbes asked.

"I'M NOT SCREAMING!" Calvin screamed.

Just then, Dad walked up.

"Hello, Calvin." he said. "I heard that you weren't getting any good night's sleep, so I took your old mattress out, and replaced it with one of those foam mattresses."

Calvin stared at him.

"YOU WHAT?" He yelled. "WHAT THE HECK IS CHANGING THE STUPID MATTRESS GONNA DO!"

"You'll sleep more comfortably." Dad said, proudly.

"I AM OUTRAGED!" Calvin screamed, walking off.

Dad blinked.

Calvin grumbled all evening.

"I OUGHT TO SUE!" He screamed, when Dad said, have good dreams.

That night, Calvin lay down on his bed and stared at the ceiling.

John Greene's Runaway was playing under the bed now.

Hobbes was sleeping like a baby.

Calvin had this urge to get up and strangle him for being so darn lucky.

Better not.

The mattress was not helping one bit.

Just then, the bed leapt into the air, and then landed with a loud WHAM!

Calvin stared.

He looked at Hobbes.

He was still asleep.

Calvin glared at him dangerously.

Finally, he got out of bed and went downstairs for a drink of water.

And wouldn't you know it, Hobbes' eyes popped open and glowed in the dark.

Hobbes snickered to himself and then snuck after him.

Calvin got a glass out of the cabinet and filled it with water.

Hobbes snuck down the stairs.

Calvin drank the water.

Hobbes peeked around the corner.

Calvin put the glass in the sink.

Hobbes crouched and got in position.

Calvin started to walk out of the kitchen.

Suddenly, Hobbes pounced.

BAM!

Hobbes came in contact with Calvin, and they both started rolling around on the floor.

"AAAH! HELP! HELP! MONSTER! SAVE ME!" Calvin screamed.

CRASH! BANG! WALLOP! BOOM! SMASH! SPLUT!

Finally, after knocking over a few objects in the hall, the light turned on, and Calvin could finally see his attacker.

"Hobbes…," he hissed.

Mom and Dad were suddenly standing over him.

"Calvin, what are you doing?" Mom demanded.

"I was getting a glass of water, and then this deranged monkey we call a tiger jumped me," Calvin said.

Dad threw Calvin into his room and slammed the door.

Calvin glared at Hobbes.

"You know, it's heartbreaking that you would do that during my time of need," Calvin snarled.

Hobbes mocked sympathy.

"Aww, has oo got da sniffooes?" he said sweetly.

Calvin sighed.

"Hobbes, this is serious. Those monsters are keeping me awake all night, and if I'm awake all night, I can't be my usual sweet self in the morning."

"Uh…yeah."

"You've gotta help me, Hobbes. How do you sleep through all the noise?"

"It's just something we cats can do," Hobbes replied. "We can sleep through anything."

"Lucky."

"Look, this shouldn't be too hard," Hobbes said. "All we gotta do is think of the perfect sleeping technique, and do it within the next nine hours so that you'll get your full allotment of sleep."

"How do we do that?" Calvin asked.

Hobbes put a sleeping cap on Calvin's head.

"Don't worry your spiky little head about a thing," Hobbes said. "Leave everything to me."

Calvin gulped.

Method #1: Rock-a-By

Hobbes had found an old rocker in the attic, and Calvin was now wrapped in blankets and being rocked back and forth in it.

"Rock-a-by Calvin, on the small bed," sang Hobbes. "When I put my paw on it, the bed moves. Enough said. If this plan doesn't work, it'll be quite a waste. And whoever thought of this tune had really bad taste."

Calvin was gritting his teeth.

"Asleep yet?" asked Hobbes.

"No."

Method #2: Milk

Hobbes poured some milk into a mug, and then heated it in the microwave.

"This is one of the more popular methods," he said. "Warm milk is supposed to make you drowsy."

DING!

The milk was finished and brought out.

Hobbes handed the warm milk to Calvin.

Calvin drank it down.

There was a pause.

"I don't feel any sleepier," he said.

"Here. We'll try some more."

Hobbes filled about six mugs worth of warm milk.

Calvin drank them all.

"Well?" Hobbes asked.

"Not really tired," said Calvin. "But I seriously need to go the bathroom."

And Calvin ran upstairs.

Method #3: Earplugs

Calvin and Hobbes got into bed.

"Okay, seeing as how the monsters are the root of the problem, I suggest earplugs," Hobbes said.

He handed Calvin a pair of corks.

Calvin jammed them into his head.

"Well…?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin listened.

"Hmmm," he said. "I don't hear anything."

"So they work?"

"I think they work."

"Nice. Do you think you'll get any sleep now?"

"I hope I get some sleep now."

"Uh, I just asked you that."

"Well, I'll try going to sleep now."

Calvin lay down in bed.

Hobbes shrugged and went to sleep.

But Calvin isn't a person who sleeps on his back.

He usually sleeps on his sides.

And with earplugs in his ears while he was sideways wasn't comfortable.

Plus, the bed did a huge leap into the air.

WHAM!

That one woke Hobbes up.

"What th—!"

"It's no good, Hobbes," said Calvin, yanking the earplugs out. "It's more than sound keeping me awake."

"Huh," Hobbes considered. "Well, we'll try something else."

Method #4: Giving Up

"It's hopeless, Hobbes!" Calvin wailed. "I've only got an hour before school starts, so even if I do get to sleep, it won't be enough."

Hobbes considered this.

"Don't worry, Calvin," he said confidently. "I've still got some ideas in my brain somewhere. We just need to figure out what to do."

Calvin sighed.

"If only there was a way I could make all noise stop all together!"

Hobbes' eyes popped open.

"Hmmm," he said. "I think I may have one last idea."

Hobbes ran over to the dresser and ripped open the sock drawer, and rooted around through it.

Then he pulled out a yellow device with a red button it.

"Okay," he said. "Cue the fancy method card."

Method #5: Pausing Time

Hobbes handed Calvin the Time Pauser.

"What good will this do?" he asked.

"Simple. Just use it to pause time. While you're in time stop, you'll have plenty of time to get as much sleep as you want. The bed won't jump, and the noise from under the bed won't come through."

Calvin considered this.

"Okay, I'll try. But you'll have to go into the hallway. I can't sleep with you lording over me."

"Okay," said Hobbes, and he left. "Nighty night."

"Nighty shut up." Calvin spat.

He pressed the button.

BOOM!

A white shockwave exploded from around Calvin, and he entered time stop.

Then he got up on the bed.

He sat there for a moment.

Nothing happened.

No loud music.

No crazed monsters.

No jumping bed.

Nothing loud at all.

Calvin grinned happily.

"Now this is more like it," he said.

And Calvin laid his head on the pillow.

His eyelids got heavier and heavier until he finally drifted off to sleep.

The best sleep he'd ever had, come to think of it.

He slept for what felt like hours, but it was really hardly a millisecond.

Finally, Calvin got up, feeling refreshed.

"Ahhhh," he said. "That's what I'm talking about."

BOOM!

Calvin started time up again and the noise started to come back.

But he didn't care.

He was rested.

"Okay, Hobbes, you can come in."

Hobbes came back.

"Well, how'd it go?" he asked.

"Perfectly!" Calvin said. "I feel like I could take on the world today! Thanks for the help, Hobbes!"

"Sure," yawned Hobbes. "Now I need some sleep. It's been a long night helping you, and since I don't have to go to school, I can sleep all I want."

"Whatever."

So Hobbes went back to sleep.

And Calvin did some other stuff for the extra hour he had before school started.

When it was time for school, Calvin didn't fall asleep in class, and he didn't snap at anyone, and he had enough energy to escape Moe.

Plus, Calvin got his first "A" ever on a paper!

I'm not kidding!

And to celebrate, and he and Hobbes later threw a water balloon at Susie, and then he got punished for it, and he was able to chase Hobbes for getting out unscathed without getting tired.

"Yep," said Hobbes as he ran. "The little fireplug is back on top."

The End

Voice Work:

Pamela Segall Adlon: Calvin

Tom Hanks: Hobbes

Bill Murray: Dad / Bus Driver

Jennifer Love Hewitt: Mom

Dakota Fanning: Susie Derkins

Coming up Next: A Day at the Office