mpossible! Jade's uploading twice in the same day! Gasp! It's a phenomenon that will never happen again. Got that? Never...happen...again! Really, I wasn't even reading or writing or sleeping this time. It was That 70's show, believe it or not. And this time, it's Itachi saying hi for a change. Not in the actual story, but before and after.
Itachi: That 70's show? o/\o?
Me: I don't know either. Just do the disclaimer.
Itachi: You realize you should be working in the Pirates Of the Carribean fandom right now, right?
Me: JUST DO THE DAMN DISCLAIMER!
Itachi: Hmmph. Jade doesn't have the power to own us, but she is under the illusion she can punch us.
Me: I can punch you! Watch! -punches Itachi's jaw-
Itachi: ...ow.
"...mmm...Jashin..."
"...Hidan..."
"What?"
"Do you have your pants on?"
"...What the f- woman, seriously?"
"Yes seriously. Do you still have them on?"
"Well duh I still have them on."
"Take them off. Now."
"What the hell?"
"Now! If that blood dries before I can get it out, you're scraping it off yourself."
"Hell no, woman."
"Then get them off."
"No f-ing way."
"Why not?"
"Because Jashin-sama does not let me do sacrifices when I'm f-ing naked."
"Ugh. That is one horrible metal picture, but you'll still be in your robe and your boxers."
"Doesn't matter."
"Those are your favorite pants."
"..."
"Ah, you see? Now give me the pants before you get more blood on them."
"No. How do I know you just don't want me naked, woman?"
"Sakura. My name is Sakura, for the tenth time."
"I don't give a rat's ass."
"I do. Now take off the pants before I just rip them off and throw them in the trash."
"..."
"Stop fantasizing and give them to me. You're starting to drool."
"Would you stop pestering me? They're staying on."
"If they're staying on, you're washing your own clothes from now on."
"I am not."
"What, scared of soap? I can see why.."
"You wish, woman."
"Call me that again. Watch what happens."
"Sure, woman."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"It could have been easier. But you just had to make it hard on yourself."
"F- you."
"You wish."
"Didn't I say that before?"
"The difference was you had your head attached to your body-"
"Where it should be now, you-"
"-last time."
"Just let go of my ears, you're f-ing stretching them!"
"Okay!"
"OWW! Jashin damn it, woman! Don't drop me!"
"I said don't call me that. That's why you're a head in the first place."
"Quit kicking me! My head is not a Jashin-forsaken soccerball!"
"Right now, it's the perfect size. A little on the large side-"
"Like your forehead?"
"..."
"Fine, f- it all! Stop trying to f-ing squeeze my head like it's toothpaste!"
"Apologize."
"Hell no, woman! Ow!"
"Apologize."
"I already said no, you heathen woman! OW!"
"Apologize or you're getting dumped and I'm putting your hair in pigtails."
"I don't care."
"With neon pink and green ribbons."
"Go to hell."
"Including sparkles all over your head."
"..."
"With pink and purple sparkle makeup."
"Your f-ing forehead is Jashin forsaken."
"You're only making it worse for yourself. Next is a glittery pink stripper thong Super-Glued to your body."
"..."
"...by Tobi."
"...but your forehead is perfectly normal."
"Good boy."
"I'm not that f-tard heathen Tobi, you know."
"Really? I hadn't noticed."
"The ladies can't keep their hands off me."
"Where did that come from?"
"I tend to spout random things when I'm detached from my body for too long."
"Huh?"
"PUDDING!"
"..."
"..."
"Hidan you're really starting to freak me out. And not from the glaring or the disembodied head thing."
"..."
"Okkaaay...the random stuff is creeping me out. You're never random unless it has to do with cursing."
"Tangerine... S'not my f-ing fault. It's a side effect from Jashin. It was either the random babble or the tendency to kiss people."
"..."
"...Indigo?"
"That's it!"
"..."
"Whoa what the hell? What are you doing with that damn tape- mmph!"
"That's better."
"Mmmvbbmmph."
"I'm going to ignore that and get out the case."
"Mmphl?"
"Makeup case."
"..."
"Hidan, stop trying to roll away. It's not going to work."
"Mmmpphhlll!"
"Yes, seriously, I am still going to put makeup on you."
"Jhuiog! Hfyfyiu! Fweggat!"
"I can't even make sense of that, but I know it was cursing. If you don't close your eyes for the eyeshadow, I'm going to make you close them."
"..."
"There, all done. Now was that so hard?"
"Tch, violent woman."
"Now that I will agree to."
"Hmph."
"Oh, and Hidan?"
"What now, woman?"
"I'm leaving now."
"Then take me back to my body."
"...Nah."
"You mother f-ing Jashin forsaken f-ing heathen! May Jashin damn you to hell for leaving me as an f-ing head!"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever, you cult freak. Bye."
"..."
"Damn it I still have to wash my own...pants? What the hell...?"
"..."
"...pink stripper thong...?"
"..."
"WOMAN! I'M GOING TO F-ING KILL YOU WHEN I GET MY DAMN BODY BACK!"
Itachi: You are sick-minded. I always liked you, author. She wishes for me to inform you that the many pauses are not abnormal with Hidan and Sakura. And that they do not get along like Leader hoped they would. It's more of a rivalry, but Sakura always has the upper hand, because most Akatsuki members do not particularly like Hidan, and favor her side in an argument between them.
Edit: Would you believe that I've had a general plot for the Itachi Kisame conversation in my head for several years now? Probably not, right?
I fell out of Akatsuki antics for, whoa, four years now? I'm just getting back into it a little, reading it and such, but I most likely will not update. So I'm putting this on an indefinite hiatus along with three other stories from my profile. I can't take this off, so I'll just leave it. I've loved quite a few fics in my time that were wiped from the internet, and I will not do that to those of you who read this.
Side note, you have no idea how much I want a copy of Vessel and Diplomacy, both by RiikiTikiTavi, who has disappeared from the fanfiction world. Not to plagiarize and steal, but to admire and reread until I go blind.
Okay, back to normalcy. Yes, this is going on hiatus, but I don't plan to abandon it. I'm just not into it. Haven't been for a long time.
Cynchick's stories are incredibly good Akatsuki stories though. And Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting is my all time favorite AkatsukiSakura fic, but I don't know the author of that one. Definitely on this site, though.
Sorry.
~WinterJade.