Summary: Calvin and Hobbes return to Camp Pine.

And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series
Written by Swing123 and garfieldodie

Camp Blues

It started out one bright day in June.

June 19th, I believe.

Yes of course it was. Calvin and Hobbes wouldn't have gone to summer camp in winter because... Well, that's obvious, isn't it?

Hobbes was sitting on Calvin's bed, reading a Captain Napalm comic, when all at once, a blood curdling screech traveled throughout the entire house, signaling Calvin's return from school.

Hobbes looked up, and hid the comic book under Calvin's pillow.

Calvin continued screaming.

Hobbes waited for Calvin to come bursting through the door, and complain to him about all the terrible things that happened to him at school.

He didn't come. He just kept screaming.

Hobbes waited, patiently, but Calvin didn't come to the door.

Just then, Socrates climbed in through the window.

"Hello, Hobbo." He said, cheerfully. "Has Calvin drank forty cups of coffee or something?"

Hobbes shrugged.

"I don't know what's wrong." He said. "Usually, He stops screaming after the third minute."

But Calvin just kept on shrieking.

Hobbes and Socrates exchanged glances.

Hobbes reached for the doorknob, and opened the door.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!"

The force sent Hobbes and Socrates flying into the wall.

Hobbes hooked his claws into the carpet, and climbed across the room, and slammed the door.

Then, the door flew open, again, and there stood Calvin.

He was panting from screaming so long, and his eyes looked like two fried eggs.

He shoved Socrates out of the way, and marched up to Hobbes.

"THEY DID IT!" He screamed. "MY WORST NIGHTMARE COME TRUE! THEY DID IT! THEY DID IT! THEY DID IT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!"

Hobbes slapped a paw over Calvin's mouth.

"PLEASE!" He hollered. "For the sake of the neighborhood, calmly explain why the heck you're screaming!"

Calvin's eyes slammed shut.

"Alright." He said, calmly. "I've been signed up for Camp Pine, again."

Hobbes gasped, and Socrates looked up.

"Camp Pine?" He asked. "You mean that place in the middle of nowhere, where you two got lost in the mountain range?"

Calvin and Hobbes nodded.

"You were attacked by aliens?"

Calvin and Hobbes nodded.

"A deranged camp instructor was involved?"

Calvin and Hobbes nodded.

"I'm extremely handsome?"

Calvin and Hobbes shook their heads.

"I almost had you there." Socrates clicked, snapping his fingers.

Calvin turned back to Hobbes.

"We have to leave tomorrow! And I'll be there for an ENTIRE WEEK! Don't Mom and Dad love me anymore?! How could they do this?"

Hobbes took the piece of paper Calvin was holding.

"Hey, this is a list." He said.

"Yeah, it's the people who are signed up to go this year." Calvin growled.

Camp Pine

Calvin

Alex

Susie

Moe

Andy

Candace

Elliot

"Hey." Hobbes said. "Andy's been signed up for it. See? It can't be that bad."

He studied the list, again.

"Elliot?" He asked. "Never heard of him."

"WHAT!" Socrates screeched, snatching the paper away from Hobbes.

He scanned the paper.

"Oh come on!" He yelled.

"What?" Calvin asked.

"Elliot is my owner!" Socrates yelled. "HE'S BEEN SIGNED UP FOR SUMMER CAMP! HE'S GOING TO FORCE ME TO COME ALONG! SOMEONE KILL ME!"

"With pleasure!" Calvin said, happily. "This will cheer me up!"

"Get away from me!" Socrates growled.

"Yes sir." Calvin said, stepping back.

Socrates spent the next few minutes complaining.

Calvin and Hobbes sat around, and watched him.

Correction.

Calvin was complaining, too.

Hobbes sat around, and watched both of them, with nothing else to do.

Then, he took the paper out of Socrates' hands, and studied it, again.

"Says here that John Chill isn't going to be the counselor." He read. "It's someone called Bob Stone."

"Oh great." Calvin yelled, grabbing the paper away. "And I'll bet that Bill Stone, a.k.a. demented planet dictator, will be impersonating him!"

Hobbes took the paper back.

"Ya know, maybe camp wont be as bad, this year." He said.

"Yeah, and pigs ride sidesaddle." Calvin spat.

"The only reason everything went wrong, last time, was because Moe chased us off."

Calvin took the paper back, and jabbed his finger into it.

"MOE... IS... COMING!" He screeched.

"So is Andy." Hobbes said. "Moe never beats up Andy. If you just hang around Andy the whole time, you'll be safe."

Calvin gave that some thought.

"Hmm, good point." He said.

"What do you think, Socrates?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin and Hobbes turned around.

Socrates had vanished.

Calvin turned back to Hobbes.

"How do you two DO that!" He demanded.

Hobbes rolled his eyes, and turned back to the piece of paper in his hands.

He spent the next few hours studying it.

Calvin spent the next few hours packing. And complaining.

Do you know what he packed?

In his hypercube, Calvin packed his MTM, Time Pauser, Mega-Shrinker 5000, Atomic Freezer, Transmogrifier gun, Time Machine / Duplicator / Transmogrifier / Book Transport / Movie Transport, comic books, Mini Duplicator, a can of tuna fish, a mini DVD player, several DVDs, a DVD recorder, a digital camera, more comic books, a box of Milky Way chocolate bars, A Far Side day calender, a computer keyboard, a bird cage, a grandfather clock, A box of Oreo cookies, a bag of Kispy Kreme doughnuts, 450 M&M tubes, a tapestry, a Spongebob Squarepants pinata, a baseball bat, chocolate chip cookies, another keyboard, and a three inch tall batman action figure.

OK, I think that covered about two or three percent.

No, I don't know where he got all that junk.

Well, after he finished packing all the so forth, he then turned to the great task before him.

GETTING HOBBES TO COME WITH HIM.

For you see, Hobbes had somehow vanished, when Calvin started packing.

He was still terror stricken with the last time he and Calvin went there. Which was ages ago.

See, When Calvin first went to Camp Pine, he didn't have his Time Pauser, Mega-Shrinker, MTM, hypercube, or Mini Duplicator. They hadn't even met Socrates or Andy or Sherman yet. In other words, it was quite a while ago.

Calvin began searching for Hobbes.

He checked the air vents, the basement, the bathroom, the vacuum bag, the fridge, under the couch, got in trouble with Mom, and it took an hour to get out of his room, checked under the rug, sent the chest of drawers over when he was climbing up it, knocked the trash can over, trying to get away from Mom, the honey bottle and the flour bag somehow managed to get mixed together on the floor, and uh... did a pretty good job destroying the house.

Hobbes had found a good hiding place, this time.

Not so luckily for Hobbes, Calvin happened to have his MTM with him.

Hiding under the couch, as Mom went by, searching for him, Calvin opened the Main Menu, went to tracking, and typed in Hobbes' name.

A hologram with a green arrow appeared, and pointed at the closet.

Calvin blinked.

"Why didn't I look there?" He growled, to himself, closing it down.

Calvin crawled out from under the couch, and crept towards the closet door.

He ripped the door open, and screamed, "AH HA!" and dove inside.

Jackets, shoes, ties, hats, shirts and socks went flying everywhere, as Calvin and Hobbes started rolling around inside it.

Mom came running up, and grabbed Calvin out of the closet.

She threw him into his room, and slammed the door.

Calvin and Hobbes sat in the middle of the room, blinking.

Then, Calvin stood up, and began tying bed sheets together.

"We're going out the window?" Hobbes asked.

"We're going out the window." Calvin said. "I need to see Andy and Sherman about this."

Calvin threw the bed sheet rope out the window, and he and Hobbes began climbing out of the house.

When they reached the bottom, they ran off for Andy and Sherman's house.

"Yeah, my Mom signed me up for Camp Pine." Andy said, pulling a soda out of the fridge. "She thinks I need to spend some time away from my computers and in the great outdoors."

"I hate it when parents do that." Calvin grumbled. "Where's Precious Hamster?"

"He's in his lab." Andy said. "Making a super powerful mosquito repellent. So far all he's made is a perfume that smells like pine."

Calvin and Hobbes blinked.

"Uh huh." Hobbes said.

"So, what are you bringing?" Calvin asked.

"Hand held video games, some Gumi Worms, clothes, just the basics."

Just then, Blue smoke exploded from the air vents, and the sound of a coughing hamster began to echo through the house.

Calvin sniffed the air.

"Hmmm," he said. "Two year old gym socks and sweaty cookies."

Andy sighed.

"This is the third time today that this has happened." He muttered. "SHERMAN!"

And with that, Andy said his goodbyes to Calvin and Hobbes and went down to Sherman's lab.

Calvin and Hobbes walked out of the house, which had a thick blue fog all around it.

"You have to admit, I've never done that before." Calvin said, pointing at Andy's house.

"True." Hobbes said, "The smoke that you filled our house with was black."

"Har har." Calvin grumbled. "Come on, let's go finish packing."

And so, after much packing and preparing, Calvin and Hobbes were ready to go to Camp Pine.

If they wanted to or not.

The next day, a green bus with the Camp Pine logo pulled up at Calvin's driveway.

Calvin was the first pickup.

Calvin climbed onto the bus, Hobbes, in stuffed animal form, thrown over his shoulder as he climbed aboard.

Calvin picked the seat right up front, and the bus continued.

The bus then picked up Susie, who sat as far away from Calvin as she could get. She was still angry at him for last week's "Soda can incident". No comment.

Then, Moe came onto the bus, he gave Calvin a glare, and sat down in the seat behind Susie.

Then, Andy came onto the bus. In one hand, he held a duffle bag, in the other, he held Sherman's cage. Sherman was squeaking in protest, and it made Calvin's heart leap with joy, seeing Precious Hamster in a cage.

Next stop was Socrates' mansion.

The bus pulled out in front.

Socrates came onto the bus, first. He had a homicidal glare on his face, and he was carrying several suitcases.

Then, a boy that looked no taller than Calvin walked on.

Yup, it was Socrates' owner, Elliot.

He was wearing a blue jacket with a Nike logo on it. The jacket had a hood on it, and the hood was over his head, so Calvin couldn't see his face. He had his hands in the pocket of his jacket, and he was wearing blue jeans, and brown sneakers.

He didn't say a word, as he shuffled past Calvin, and sat down with Socrates at the back of the bus.

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

Next the bus picked up Alex, who Calvin didn't know whatsoever.

He had glasses, and buck teeth.

No comment.

Then, Candace, Susie's friend, came on, and with that, they started off for Camp Pine.

They traveled out of Calvin's city, and far off into where Calvin had only been once. The last time he went to Camp Pine, of course.

It was in the opposite direction that Dad takes to go camping, so the family had little reason to ever go back there.

The bus drove into a thickly wooded area.

Calvin and Hobbes watched the trees shooting by, as they moved forward.

Then, the bus went past a billboard that said, CAMP PINE, ADVENTURE CAMP. EXCITEMENT IS JUST A STEP AWAY!

"I'll bet." Calvin muttered, as the bus came to a stop.

Everyone walked off the bus, and stood in front of a cabin in front of them that had a sign on that said, SIGN UP.

A tall skinny guy walked up to the crowd.

"Hello." he said. "Welcome to Camp Pine. I'm Mr Sharp. I'm one of the counselors."

"What happened to John Chill?" Candace asked.

"He's retired." Mr Sharp replied. "He's working at some fancy restaurant as a waiter."

"COOL!" Calvin screamed. "THE ALIEN'S BROTHER IS CONTAMINATING EVERYONE'S FOOD WITH DEADLY TOXINS!"

Everyone stared at Calvin.

Mr Sharp rolled his eyes.

"I'm sure you all remember Calvin. He was with us a couple of years ago."

"Yes." Everyone said in unison.

"COOL! I'M FAMOUS!" Calvin shrieked, throwing his fists to the sky.

Hobbes stepped away from Calvin, and next to Socrates.

"I'm with you." He said.

"Very well." Socrates said. "You have to be wearing a joy buzzer, like me, though."

"Now, I want you to form a small line, go into the cabin, and sign your name on the sheet of paper."

Calvin ran over to Hobbes.

"They probably just want a sample of our handwriting, so they can forge it, and send it to our parents, after they kill us saying that we've run away!!"

Hobbes rolled his eyes, and walked around to the other side of Socrates.

Mr Sharp walked away, and the kids formed a group in front of the cabin.

Socrates was in front of Calvin.

When it was his turn, he walked up to the paper, took the pencil, and looked down at the paper.

It had four names on it.

"Names are so last year." he scoffed.

And with that, he proceeded to draw a picture of himself in an F-14, shooting enemy jets down with missiles.

It took him five minutes to do this, and Calvin finally lost patience, burst in, and kicked him out before he finished the twentieth missile.

Calvin then wrote his name next to the crashed jet at the bottom of the page.

Then Hobbes wrote his name next to the smoke rising from that crashed jet.

Then Susie wrote her name next to the F-14's left wing.

When everyone had their name written, Mr Sharp walked in, and stared at the paper.

"Good enough." He said, putting the paper in the desk.

Things didn't necessarily improve after that.

Let's just have a nice little montage showing what happened during the week with music playing, shall we?

Okay.

First thing that happened was sports. That one didn't go over so well.

The first game was horseshoes.

Calvin threw his through the air, and it crash-landed in Mr Sharp's cabin, via a closed window.

Then they ran a race.

Basically a repeat of last year.

Susie won, and Calvin came in last.

This time, Calvin decided he'd just do nothing about it so as to avoid what happened last time.

Then they played baseball.

Moe hit the ball and it went to outfield.

Calvin and Andy were out there with gloves.

They both ran towards the descending white ball…

…and smacked right into each other.

WHAM!

The ball landed a few feet away from them.

Everyone started laughing at them.

On the last day, they all went to the cafeteria for lunch.

"Well, that was fun," said Calvin, rubbing his bandaged forehead.

Sherman was grumbling in little plastic ball.

You know, that one ball that you can open up and put your rodent inside and let it run around in it? That's the one.

"I just wanna know what's for lunch," he said. "Anything could be better than those cardboard pellets back home."

Then a blue mushy thing was set down in front of him.

Sherman stared.

"Check that."

"Huh," commented Socrates, staring at the stuff. "I wasn't aware there was any blue food."

"Maybe they're trying to hide something awful by dying it my favorite color," suggested Andy.

Calvin sniffed it.

"Strange. It smells okay."

"Never judge a mush by its odor," reminded Hobbes.

Socrates stared at the stuff.

Then he saw Susie and Candace sitting a few tables down.

He got a sneaky, devious grin on his face.

Socrates grabbed his serving, and then he put his perfect aim to use.

"INCOMING!" he shouted.

And he hurled the blue blob at Susie.

It smacked her in the back of the head.

"HEY!" she shouted. "WHO THREW THAT?!? THEY'RE DEAD!"

She grabbed some blue stuff and hurled it at Calvin, who got a face full of mush.

"OH, YOU DID NOT!" Calvin shouted.

He threw a blob, but he couldn't see, and it hit Moe.

Moe threw some at Calvin, but missed and hit Andy.

Andy threw some and hit Alex.

Alex took three blobs and threw them in several directions.

"FOOD FIGHT!" shouted Moe.

Calvin, Susie, Andy, Moe, Alex, Candace, Socrates and even Elliot started to hurl this stuff everywhere.

Hobbes and Sherman hid under a table and watched.

"Pass the popcorn," said Sherman.

Just then, Mr Sharp entered.

Moe threw a blob of blue, and it smacked him in the face.

"WHAT IS GOING ON?!?" he demanded.

Everyone froze.

They stared at Mr Sharp.

Then they all pointed at Calvin and Andy.

They were standing there with a stuffed tiger with red stripes behind them.

Calvin pointed at Socrates.

"Well, he started it," he said.

Andy nodded.

Mr Sharp growled and told them to go back to the cabin and think about what they'd done.

So Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman left to clean off.

Everyone started laughing at them.

Until Mr Sharp told them to clean up the mess.

As they left, a blob of blue hit Calvin from the ceiling, and when he looked up, his back pocket loosened.

This cause the hypercube to lean out and out of it tumbled the MTM.

It landed in a pile of blue goop.

And then Alex, who didn't notice it, cleaned up the goop, and poured it into the trashcan.

And the MTM went with it.

Calvin didn't know this yet.

Uh oh.

Later that afternoon, everyone was out playing around.

Everyone except for our five heroes.

They had opted to stay in the cabin and not risk getting beaten up by everyone for what had happened.

Near dinnertime, Mr Sharp came out of his cabin.

"ATTENTION, CAMPERS!" he shouted.

Everyone stopped and looked at him.

"I have just received a report that there are bears loose in the area!" he said. "I need you all to go back to your cabins immediately, and dinner will be served there."

Everyone groaned, but went back to their cabins anyway.

But there was a catch.

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman weren't informed about this.

We're building plot here. Stay with me.

Dinner wasn't an improvement over lunch.

No food fights though.

After all, they gotta sleep in there.

Night came fast, and everyone was asleep.

Well, all except for our two humans, two tigers and one hamster.

They were in a sound-proof barrier in Calvin's bunk and watching The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle movie.

They were eating popcorn and drinking sodas and laughing.

They still didn't know about the bears.

As the credits started to roll, Calvin turned to get his MTM to take out another movie.

But something was wrong.

There was no sign of the MTM anywhere.

"Guys?"

"Hm?" asked Hobbes.

"Did any of you take my MTM?"

"Nope."

"Uh-uh."

"No."

"Did you say something?"

Calvin was confused.

Then he saw a blue splatter on his hypercube.

"Uh-oh. I guess I must have dropped it in the cafeteria," he commented.

Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman weren't listening.

They suddenly snapped to attention Calvin turned off the movie.

"HEY!" they shouted.

"Guys, if my MTM is out there, someone could steal it, and then they could use it dangerously."

"Don't you mean normally?" asked Andy.

Calvin glared at him.

"Look, I'm going to need your help to get it back. If the five of us search for it, then we'll find it faster, and we can resume."

They all stared at him.

Calvin sighed.

"Fine, and after we find it, I won't use any of my inventions until we leave."

"Let's go," they all said.

Calvin turned off the barrier, and they all snuck out of the cabin.

Then they crept through the woods.

It would be a long walk.

They had to go down a hill through the woods.

As they walked, a pair of eyes peered through the brush.

Sherman was riding on Andy's shoulder.

He glanced and saw two little circles glaring at him through the bushes.

Sherman stared, arched an eyebrow, and then looked back ahead nervously.

The eyes followed them.

Finally, they arrived at the cafeteria.

Hobbes unlocked the door with his claw.

Then they snuck in.

Calvin turned on the light.

"Okay, let's split up and search," he ordered.

They all went in different directions.

Calvin looked under the tables.

Hobbes looked in the dirty dishes.

Socrates under some chairs.

Andy took Sherman to a trashcan, and had him wade through it.

Then Andy went to look in pots and pans.

Just outside the cafeteria, a giant something was moving towards the cafeteria.

Socrates was examining some gum stuck to a chair.

Then he heard a noise.

"GRRRRRR…"

Socrates looked up.

He glanced outside.

He couldn't see anything.

"Strange," he commented.

Hobbes got an idea.

"Okay, I'm going outside to look around for it," he said.

"Oh no ya don't, furball!" Calvin shouted. "You'll just sneak off to the cabin! I'll search the perimeter of this establishment myself!"

And Calvin opened the door.

There was a grizzly bear staring at him.

Calvin stared.

Hobbes, Socrates and Andy stared.

Sherman hid in the trashcan, out of sight.

The bear growled at Calvin.

Calvin turned back to Hobbes.

"On second, you can go out if you want," he said.

Andy dashed forward and slammed the door and locked it.

"GGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLL!!!" roared the bear.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" everyone screamed.

"RUN AWAY!" shouted Hobbes.

They all ran to the far corner of the cafeteria.

The bear broke the door down and start to chase them.

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates and Andy scrambled up into the rafters in the ceiling.

The bear was starting to climb upwards toward them.

Then it fell down and landed on the floor.

Then it started to circle them from below.

But as it passed Sherman's trashcan, it knocked it over.

Sherman tumbled out amongst a pile of rubbish.

"Ow!" he squeaked.

Just then, a red CD player slid past him.

"CALVIN!" he shouted. "I FOUND THE MTM!"

"Good!" Calvin replied. "Open up the menu by pressing the PLAY button."

Sherman opened the holographic menu.

"Now just press the LASER option."

"Wouldn't firing a laser at the bear make things worse?" asked Hobbes.

"Not at the bear. Fire through the ceiling."

Sherman was confused, but he decided to do so anyway.

He pushed the MTM up against a soda can to prop it up, and then pressed the laser option.

A blast of red shot out of the MTM and blasted a hole in the ceiling.

ZZZZZAP!!

POW!

The blast made a loud noise that echoed all around.

It woke up Mr Sharp and a few of the camp staff.

They all ran out of their cabins and looked around.

"What the heck was that?" asked a counselor.

"It came from the cafeteria!" said Mr Sharp.

They all ran down the hill and through the woods.

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Socrates continued to dangle from the rafters of the cafeteria.

Sherman was hiding in the trashcan with the MTM.

The bear was still waiting for them to fall, circling below.

"Are sure that Mr Sharp will show up?" asked Socrates.

"Positive."

"How can you be sure?"

"I can't. But he will."

Just then, there was a loud CREEK, and the four of them suddenly slanted downward.

The rafter was breaking in two.

"AAAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEE!!!" the screamed.

Just then, the door burst open, and in came Mr Sharp and the staff members.

"CALVIN! ANDY!" they shouted.

"Oh, hey!" said Calvin. "How are y'all today?"

Mr Sharp whipped out a tranquilizer gun, and sent a blast at the bear.

The bear was struck by a dart.

The bear whipped around at Mr Sharp.

And then he passed out.

And at that moment, the beam they were on snapped, and Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Socrates tumbled to the ground.

"Ouch!" said Calvin.

"That's putting it lightly," said Andy, rubbing his sore butt.

Mr Sharp ran forward.

"Are you boys okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, I guess," said Calvin. "However, I would like to have one thing."

"What's that?"

Calvin stared at him for a moment.

"I WANNA GO HOME! I WANNA GO HOME! I WANNA GO HOME!" he screamed.

Mr Sharp groaned.

"Fine," he said. "Just shut up."

"Thank you," said Calvin quietly.

The next day, everyone boarded the bus.

Then they all were driven home.

Socrates and Elliot got off at the mansion.

Andy and Sherman got off at their house with the fancy satellite dish.

Susie, Moe and company got off as well.

Finally, Calvin and Hobbes got off the buss and went home.

"Finally!" Calvin said. "We're back!"

"And more tired than ever," Hobbes added.

Calvin and Hobbes burst inside.

Mom and Dad were there.

"Well, how was it?" asked Mom.

"Not bad," said Calvin. "But then again, I didn't get attacked by aliens this time."

Mom sighed.

"Well, you didn't get lost," said Dad. "You know what? We'll send you again next year!"

Calvin and Hobbes stared at him.

Then Calvin acquired a lethal expression.

"BANZAI!"

Calvin knocked Dad to the ground and proceeded to beat him up.

Dad struggled to get Calvin off.

Mom shouted and yelled at Calvin and tried to pry him off.

Hobbes watched with great interest.

Holding a bag of popcorn, he leaned back and watched.

"Be it ever so violent, there's no place like home," he sighed happily.

The End

Voice Work:

Pamela Segall Adlon: Calvin

Tom Hanks: Hobbes

Ralph Grairl: Mr Sharp

Ryan Stiles: Socrates

Andrew Lawrence: Andy

Colin Mochrie: Sherman

Bill Murray: Dad / Camp Staff member

Jennifer Love Hewitt: Mom

Dakota Fanning: Susie Derkins

EG Daily: Moe

Tom Kenny: Alex

Lauren Tom: Candace

Coming up next: Calvin, Hobbes, and the Pilgrims