an/n--allrighty.. if you guys read Heartbreak, heres the part you've been waiting to see in this side of the story. Hope you guys like it and review it for me. Thanks everyone who left a review on last chap.. loved it :D thanks mediate89 for betaing this and you guys check out liljenrocks for a kick ass story too :D

Chapter 8

I looked over at Sarah; we were at the beach alone together. It was cool outside but I'd brought a blanket for her to bundle herself up in. We were sitting at the meeting area, on one of the benches instead of on the marble like the pack did for our meetings. I took a drink from my coke and crumpled up the can. We'd almost had to go to Forks and back to grab something to eat. I'd already finished both of my hamburgers and the fries. Sarah's food sat untouched in the paper bag.

"What's wrong?" I finally asked her, reaching over and touching her cheek.

Sarah shrugged and scooted toward me with her blanket, I hadn't seen her this quiet in the two months we'd been seeing each other. She was usually the one bombarding me with her happiness. I held my arms out and she immediately fell into them. She nestled her head on my chest, putting her cool hands in the back of my shirt. "You're freezing, we should go somewhere else," I told her, kissing the top of her head.

"No, I don't want to. You're warm, just keep your arms around me," she said in a softer voice than normal. I tightened my hold on her, hoping no one would come looking for her. Sarah was getting into more and more trouble lately because of me.

I let my head rest on the back of hers, and stared off into the water. My brothers were constantly jibing and making fun of me now that they'd all seen how I was with Sarah. Sam was pissed off at me most of the time. My parents were suspicious of me. It seemed like no matter what we did, the two of us could only find peace together.

"Do you feel okay?" I asked her.

"I'm tired. I feel like I could just lie down and go to sleep forever," she said lazily.

"I wont come by tonight then. I'll let you sleep," I said lowly. It had just kind of become normal for me to sneak inside two or three times a week now. The other nights she'd sneak out and we'd roam the reservation together in the pitch black laughing and getting a thrill from the chance of being caught.

"No, you can come in still, I just might not be as much fun as usual," she said quickly. It was like Sarah was terrified that if she didn't sleep with me often, I'd find someone else. I'd learned to control myself a little bit better since the first time, but I was still far from perfect with it.

I breathed in her scent, noticing a slight change in it. "Mmm. No, its okay, you should get some sleep for once. I'll go over to Sam's something."

Sarah moved back slightly so that she could look at me. "No, you can come. I want you to. I just need to talk to you about something first, okay?"

I nodded, letting loose of her so she could slide back a little bit. Sarah looked nervous now; she wiggled out of my hold completely and moved back a bit more. She must think she's going to make me mad, I thought as she pulled the blanket tighter. I wasn't abusive exactly; I just didn't realize I did things until moments later. "Okay... I'm listening"

Sarah bit down on her lip and looked at the marble floor. "Do you love me?" She finally blurted out.

I froze, staring at her for a while. I couldn't tell her that. What the hell had brought this on?

"What?"

She lifted her eyes up, looking into mine, searching them. "I asked if you loved me, Paul. I know you care about me and all, but…?"

I stood up quickly, feeling shaky. I took a deep breath and let it back out. "Does it matter?"

Sarah scrambled to get up and trailed after me. "It might. I mean, I love you. I love you a lot."

I felt my body start to vibrate violently when I heard the words leave her mouth. "Don't say that again!" I snapped at her, hunching over slightly, trying to keep myself in my human form. "You can't love me, Sarah so quit."

Tears started pouring down her pale cheeks. "But I do love you. I thought you loved me back," she said softly, wiping her cheeks with an edge of the blanket.

I held onto the railing, not looking at her. My stomach was in knots. "I don't love you. And you can't love me. I think I need to go."

She lunged forward quickly. "No! Don't go! If you leave you won't talk to me again. I didn't want to freak you out, I just couldn't help it."

I pushed her away as gently as I could. "Stop it," I ordered her.

I started to walk past her slowly, knowing that if I ran I'd phase in an instant. "Paul, don't leave me," she pleaded, just like she always did when I got mad at her.

I ignored her, not wanting to say anything else to her. This was finally it. Time to break up with her. I kept my eyes forward as I started down the beach. Sarah would find her own way back. I quivered a bit and paused, trying to ignore the way my skin was crawling.

I felt Sarah's cool hand on my arm. "Don't. Don't be mad at me. Please," she said, wiping more tears. I hated the way she'd beg with me, but a sick part of me liked the power I had over her. I stopped, knowing I'd regret this.

"I can't be with you anymore," I told her, keeping my annoyed, irritated expression.

Sarah's face fell and her blue eyes turned dark as she whispered slowly, backing away from me at the same time, "But... but... I'm pregnant. You can't leave me," she managed to get out.

I felt a wave of shock. Pregnant? What the hell kind of sick joke was that? I glared at her. "No. You're not. You're lying so I'll stay with you. I don't want you anymore Sarah, get it through your thick head!"

Tears fell from her eyes heavily now, like a rain storm. "I'm not lying, I swear. I mean, I'm not sure but I think I am."

I knew what she wanted me to do. Sarah wanted me to hug her and kiss her and tell her everything would be okay. She wanted me to tell her I loved her and that if she was pregnant I'd take care of her. I couldn't do it. It was a lie, and I'd only hurt her worse when I left her for my imprinted. Instead, I decided to push her away. Make her not want me.

"God, you're so fucking stupid! I just told you I didn't want you and you keep trying to get me back. I'm not changing my mind this time. I don't love you, I never have. I just wanted to fuck you, Sarah; I got what I wanted and now it's over, leave me the hell alone!" I yelled at her angrily. I whirled around and took off walking fast so she couldn't keep up.

I could sense her trying to keep up with me, trying to catch up. "You can't do this to me," she whimpered as she tried to run behind clumsily in the sand. "Paul, I really do think I am. I need you," she said, fighting against the wind to be heard.

I could feel my own heart hurting inside my chest as I took another stab at her. "Even if you are pregnant, it's probably not even mine. Everyone knows you're a slut. You should tell the other guys you slept with. If you weren't such a stupid whore, you wouldn't be in this mess."

I knew hearing those names come from me would kill her. "Don't say that. The baby is yours and you know it," Sarah cried as she tried to grab my hand.

The red flashed through my vision in a snap as I jerked my hand, hitting her in the jaw. Purposely or accidentally, I wasn't even sure. She gasped, touching the side of her face where I'd struck her. I'd never hit her in the face before.

"Leave me the hell alone. I don't want anything to do with you or the baby. Figure it out," I snarled at her. I took off then, not even caring if I phased as I ran off. I left her there crying and calling after me.

When I made it to the clearing I felt my control finally slip away as I burst out of my clothes. I was starting to feel hollow inside. A new hate was forming for myself. I'd just hurt the one person who cared about me and that I cared about back. I shouldn't have let things get that far. I should've left her alone after the first week of dating her. I did love her, I loved Sarah more than I thought was possible, but I couldn't tell her.

I was suddenly aware that I wasn't alone. Sam's huge black form was sitting across from me along with Jacob's russet shape. Beside them was Jared's spotted coat. They'd all been listening to everything and didn't say a word. I looked at them, lowering my head when I looked at Sam's eyes.

"Why did you do that?" He snapped at me.

I whined slightly. "I can't be with her. It's not right and all of you know it. She'll just get hurt when I imprint."

"Like you didn't hurt her already," came Jacob's snippish response.

Jared glowered at me slightly. "There's no rule saying we can't be with other people before we imprint."

Sam shook his large head at me, looking disgusted. "You were hateful to her. There was no reason for what I saw, especially after what she told you."

I growled at him. "That's none of your damn business," I bared my teeth at him, itching for a fight.

Sam got up off his hind legs slowly, coming toward me. "It won't kill you to admit that you love her, you know. We won't say a word, will we guys?"

I heard the snickers come from Jared, earning a look from Sam. "What if she really is pregnant, Paul? You're going AWOL on her and not even giving a damn."

I howled loudly, showing him I didn't care. We paced around in circles, the entire pack, discussing this for hours until the moon rose. I wouldn't budge, though.

-Sarah's POV-

I trudged back toward my house in the newly fallen snow that was coming down around me, trying to calm down before I got there. If my mom saw me like this she'd know why instantly. She'd already started making hints about me seeming different the past couple of months. I hated hiding things from her, we'd always been close. It killed me not to be able to tell her I thought I was pregnant. Pregnant, I thought haughtily to myself. Because I was too stupid to make Paul use a condom every time we were together.

I kicked up at the ice with the toe of my tan snow boot. It was freezing out here; I was stupid to go with Paul to the beach and think he wouldn't get mad and leave me. Paul was always mad at me for something, though. I crossed my arms over stomach, almost like I was holding myself together as I walked. I felt like this was all my fault. I should've been on birth control. I shouldn't have told him I loved him. I did love him though, a lot. Paul wasn't exactly nice to me all the time but when he was I could tell he loved me back even though he wouldn't admit it. It was all part of his tough guy act, I was sure.

I took in a deep breath and let it out shakily, thinking about everything that had happened. Paul had really left me this time. He wasn't coming back either. I wasn't sure if it was because of me or the baby. I was pretty sure there was a baby. I could just tell. I was late, tired, and felt... sick. Not nauseous sick, just flu-like. I was headed down the road that led to my house now, aware of how dark it was outside. My mom was probably worried; I'd told her I was going to pick up my check five hours ago.

I yawned as I neared the house, hoping they wouldn't ask too many questions, I hated lying. Now I had to lie even more. I hoped my face wouldn't bruise where he'd hit me. I already had a few bruises on my arms and on my back and sides. Paul didn't mean to do it though, he really didn't, I reasoned with myself as I thought back on him losing his temper. I pushed the front door open and went in, prepared to run to my room and hide until they went to bed.

"Sarah, I was worried, its snowing you could have called us for a ride," my mom said quickly, jumping up from the couch as I came in.

I waved her off. "I'm fine. I didn't have to walk through it long, anyway." I pulled my jacket off slowly, careful to avoid looking at them in the eyes.

"Where were you, sweetie?" My dad asked from across the room in front of the Tv.

I shrugged trying to look nonchalant about it. "I went to Kim's and then over to Katie's for a while. I didn't think you'd care." I went to the small kitchen hunting for something to snack on. I hadn't eaten all day. I left the food Paul had got me sitting there.

My mom followed after me. "You look terrible, sweetie. I hope you're not getting sick."

I didn't say anything as I moved around her, grabbing a pack of Oreos off the counter after I poured myself a glass of milk. I started to head off to my room when I noticed she was still following me. I went into my room, flipping up the lights as I went in and sank down onto my white canopy bed. I noticed suddenly how childish everything looked in here. Too pink.

"What, mom?" I sighed when she sat down beside me after she shut the door. I dipped an Oreo into the milk, wondering what she wanted. I needed to be alone for a while.

My mom looked at me intently as I chewed my cookie up. "I'm worried about you, you're not yourself lately."

I rolled my eyes at her as I pulled the blanket over my feet; they were like ice cubes. "I'm fine, mom, just school stuff." It was halfway true. I turned the Tv on, hoping she'd take it as a hint to go.

"Sarah, quit it," she ordered, grabbing the remote and turning the Tv back off again. She looked me in the eye. "Tell me what's going on."

"No, mom!" I finally snapped. I felt bad for it instantly. I never yelled at my mom like that. "I'm sorry," I mumbled, looking at her stricken face.

My mom got up from the edge of the bed slowly. "I don't know what's gotten into you lately, I'm starting to think your father's right though, it's that boy you keep sneaking around with, we're not stupid."

Apparently you are, I thought to myself, to not notice that the boy has been sneaking into my room at night and having sex with me under your own roof. "Don't blame Paul, mom, he hasn't done anything but want to be with me."

My mom laughed loudly as she paced around my room. "Sarah, I want you to tell me if you're seeing him please, I don't like the way he's changed you. You're quiet, withdrawn, you hardly go anywhere anymore. You won't hardly speak to anyone. I just want you back."

I didn't say anything for a few minutes. I started to spill everything out to her, but I couldn't make myself. "Mom, I'm not seeing Paul anymore, okay? I'm just not feeling good is all." Everything she'd described was because of him, though. It was all things I'd had to change to keep him happy. Paul being happy was all that mattered to me. Or it used to be, I didn't even know if I could go to school and face him tomorrow.

"I want to ask you one more thing before I leave you alone, okay?"

I nodded slowly. I kind of already knew what she'd want to know next. I'd have to be careful not to cry when I lied for this one.

My mom looked down at me, looking like she wanted to cry herself "I noticed you weren't using any personal things and that you didn't feel good, and well… are you pregnant, Sarah?"

I shook my head quickly. "How can you even ask me that?" I retorted at her. "Of course I'm not pregnant."

She looked relieved as she kissed my forehead lightly. "Thank heaven. I was worried for a moment. Don't worry, I didn't say anything to daddy either. He's already testy enough with you as it is." I was thankful for that, if he asked me I knew I wouldn't be able to lie so well. "Goodnight."

"Night," I said back softly as she left the room. I stared at the Tv, not even watching it now as I leaned back into the stack of pillows, still fully clothed. I just didn't have the energy to get up and change right now. I munched on the cookies, eating more than I should have. I was hoping Paul might still show up tonight by some chance and forgive me. I looked down at my stomach and felt a pang of worry. I didn't know what to do. I didn't have anyone I could tell. Kim was my closest friend, but she didn't know anything about this stuff either.

I pressed my stomach lightly, seeing if I could feel anything yet. My abdomen was a little hard and strangely warm. It almost felt like Paul's skin, he always felt like he had a fever. I let my hand rest there, thinking. I didn't know if I wanted this baby or not. I thought I did, I liked kids. I'd always thought I'd be older before I had any, though. I knew Paul didn't want the baby. He said the baby wasn't his. I felt the tears sting my eyes as I thought of his words. I knew the baby was his; I hadn't been with anyone else ever. I moved slowly to the foot of the bed and turned the lights off. I left the small lamp on, so he'd see it if he came.

I curled up into a little ball, finally letting go of everything. Tears came down my face, making my eyes feel sore after a while. I was always crying. I buried my face into my pillow, imagining it was Paul's chest. I wouldn't feel the warmth from him again. I sobbed louder, muffling it. Why couldn't he just be with me? Why? I wondered as I cried. I laid there, weeping and worrying until the sun started to shine through the window. I didn't want to go anywhere.

I couldn't make it through a day of school if I tried to. If I looked at Paul I'd burst into tear, I knew it. I didn't make to get up, knowing my mom would eventually come in to see why I hadn't. I stayed still, not moving an inch, my body felt weighted even though I was still as a statue. I finally heard the knock I'd been dreading and a second later the door opened.

"Sarah? You need to get up," my mom said as she came in staring at me. I knew I looked horrible.

"I can't go to school," I whispered hoarsely.

She frowned at me and pressed her hand against my forehead. "Fine, you can stay home but I'll call you every hour or so and you'd better be in this house young lady." I nodded, letting my head drop back down to the pillow. "You'd better call Mr. Kimkirk and tell him you're not going to work, too."

"I will in a bit, when I get up. I just don't feel like moving right now. I'm tired," I said sleepily, starting to get comfortable underneath my thick pink comforter.

"Just call me at the hospital if you need anything, okay? Or call your dad at the office," she said as she left. "I'm leaving, I hope you get to feeling better, sweetie."

I just nodded, waiting to hear the door close and lock before I crawled out of the bed and went into the living room. Everything was quiet, even outside it was quiet. I grabbed a pack of Pop Tarts and went to the computer in the corner of the living room and sat down, waiting for it to boot up. I nibbled on the edges of the Pop Tart, finishing both before I realized it. I clicked on Web MD and typed in the single word: Pregnancy. I frowned as I fished through the results, looking over all the information I found carefully. I kept one hand on myself as I read intently. I felt a nervousness creeping up inside of me now. I clicked out of the site and got up and started pacing around the living room nervously.

Where could I go to? I wondered. I couldn't go to the doctor's office or my mom would find out. If I went to a drug store in La Push, someone might tell my dad. I frowned as I went back to my room and started pulling out clean clothes to put on after I took a much needed shower. I padded into the bathroom, turning the water on as hot as I could stand it. I looked over myself as I bathed, noticing most of my bruises were fading away now. I looked at the newer ones on my forearms. Long sleeves as always.

I got out and wrapped a towel around myself after looking at my reflection. I was pale, I had circles under my eyes and I looked like I'd just lost my best friend. Technically I had. I got dressed slowly, still trying to decide on what I should do. I'd have to go to a store in town. I sighed as I pulled on my boots one by one, tucking my jeans inside of them. I had an hour to get there and back. I grabbed my pink jacket and pulled it on next, checking the pockets to make sure I had money stuffed inside them still.

I took off walking quickly, pulling my jacket around myself. It was already 9 o'clock now. I hummed lightly as I walked down the road, not minding the short walk to the few stores. I glanced around carefully as I headed into the grocery store. This was excruciating. I didn't know how else to find out, though. I went to the medicine aisle and walked up and down it, studying everything until I found what I'd been looking for. I bit my bottom lip; there were ten different tests to choose from.

I reached up and grabbed two of them, not even looking to see what type or brand. I'd take anything right now. I got in line to pay, trying to look like this was an every day trip for me. I tossed them onto the counter, not looking at the cashier. I held out a twenty wordlessly and snatched my bag up and bolted as soon as I had my change. I walked as fast as I could back home, getting groggier and groggier with each step I took.

I made it inside just as the phone started ringing I snatched it up. "Hello?" I held it in the crook of my neck, not listening to my mom as she yammered on. I opened up one of the boxes, studying everything. I read the instructions as I hung up. I walked slowly into the bathroom, trying to mentally prepare myself for this.

I went to the bathroom and set the tests on the counter. I sat down on the seat of the toilet to wait, watching intently as the minutes started to pass by slower than normal. I could see a bit of a change in them, one was starting to turn slightly pink. I grabbed the boxes to check what it meant. Pregnant.

I tossed them into the trashcan angrily as I stormed back into my room and slammed the door loudly. I crawled onto the bed and pulled my knees up to my chest. "Definitely pregnant," I whispered to myself. I let a few tears fall out of the corner of my eyes. I knew I should tell Paul even if he didn't care. That way he couldn't say I'd hidden anything from him. I sniffled and hugged my knees tightly, wondering where I went from here. I couldn't tell anyone.

My mom would kill me. My dad would be so ashamed of me, I thought as I pulled the blankets back over myself. I laid there, imagining what each one's reaction would be like. I felt so tired. I let myself relax in the bed, wondering how I could talk to Paul and where I could talk to him so it wouldn't be so obvious to everyone else what happened when he lost his temper with me. I grabbed the cordless and called my mom at work telling her I felt much better now that I'd slept, and that I still wanted to go to work.

I curled up taking a nap after I set the alarm to wake me up. The store would be the only common ground we had except for school and this wasn't something I wanted to bring up there. A tiny part of me felt hope. I hoped knowing that I was definitely pregnant would change his mind and he'd decide to be with me after all and maybe he'd want to keep the baby. I let my hand rest on myself as I dozed off. My stomach still felt oddly warm.

I woke up from a deep, dreamless sleep, regretting instantly that I'd decided to go to work. I'd have to walk the whole way there since my dad didn't know I was going. I pulled myself up from the bed and fixed my hair into a messy pony tail. I grabbed my apron and took off, knowing I was pushing being late. I walked quickly down the road, keeping my head down. I was surprised at myself by how well I was handling this. I kind of felt happy about being pregnant. The baby was Paul's after all and I loved him so I'd love his baby. I smiled to myself slightly as I went into the store, letting the door ding after me.

I took my spot behind the counter, reassuring Mrs. Gordon that I was fine after she commented on how pale I looked. I leaned on the counter, watching for any sign of Paul. Mr. Kimkirk was in the back doing an inventory. It was quiet and peaceful. I scribbled around in a notebook, writing things I knew would never happen. Sarah Jean Kimkirk. Sarah Kimkirk.

I jumped when the door opened suddenly. A young girl walked past me, only looking at me for a second before she headed to the back where the deer skins were. I sighed as I got up to go see what she was looking for. I walked slowly behind her.

"Excuse me?" I said softly, making us both jump when she turned around.

One side of her face was beautiful, like a fairy-tale beauty. The other half was scarred badly. I looked at her, knowing it was rude. "I didn't mean to scare you," I said with a small smile.

"It's okay. I was just looking for some skins to start a dress with."

I frowned at the idea of her getting married. If this girl, scarred and mangled could find someone, why couldn't I? "For a wedding?" I asked slowly.

She blushed slightly, nodding. "Yeah, I just don't know what I need, really. I'm Makah, not Quileute," she explained.

We introduced ourselves as we talked about the skins and what she'd need. I found out her name was Emily Young. It sounded familiar from somewhere even though I couldn't place where from. She was friendly, an honestly nice person. I liked her. We walked about the traditional wedding stuff, laughing over bits of it.

"You should come and hang out at the beach with us sometime, we have huge bonfires every couple of weeks, you're more than welcome to come," she invited. "I don't have many friends here in La Push, just my fiancé's friends and his family."

I understood what she meant about not having anyone. "I might, I don't know though. My dad's kind of protective."

She nodded, looking like she knew what it was like to have an overprotective dad. "I'll let you know when the next one is so you can ask then. I'll be back Wednesday," she said waving as she left.

I watched as she left, Emily was unusually happy. It was like she carried some sort of cheerfulness with her that couldn't be destroyed even after being a victim of a bear attack. I touched the side of my own face, wondering how she walked so freely when she looked the way she did. It didn't seem to bother her too much, though. I waited through the entire shift and Paul never showed up. His dad didn't even mention him one time to me the entire night. I went home feeling sad and disappointed.

The only good thing had been that I'd made a potential friend with Emily. She was someone I wanted to get to know, I felt like I was drawn to her for some reason. My dad drove me home in silence, not speaking to me. I knew he was upset with me; I hardly spoke to him anymore. I figured if I didn't speak then I didn't have to lie. I got out of his car and shut the door and went inside, dreading what my mom was going to say when she saw me.

"Sweetie, you look bad. You shouldn't have gone to work," she said as she fussed over me, getting my plate from the oven where she'd put it to keep warm.

I sat down at the table, not even taking off my jacket as I sipped my glass of tea. "I'm fine. I'm just sleepy," I told her with a smile. She sat the plate down in front of me. I reached for my fork and froze when I looked at what was on the plate. Hamburger Helper. I felt my stomach lurch as I jumped up from the table and dashed to the bathroom at a fast run.

I heaved into the trash can, not even bothered that my mom had run after me and was pushing my hair back. I leaned back against the wall feeling shaky. "I'm s-s-sorry," I whimpered, wiping my mouth off with a piece of tissue.

"No, you're sick sweetie, don't be sorry. Let's get you to your room, okay? I'll bring you another trash can in." I nodded as she helped me up, my legs felt like they wanted to give out as I let myself fall onto my bed. "Put your pajamas on," she said as she opened up my dresser and tossed a set at me. "I'll be right back."

I waited until I was sure she was gone before I changed quickly, making sure I got a long-sleeved shirt instead of the short-sleeved one she'd got out. I crawled into my bed, noticing I seemed to spend a lot of time in it lately. I felt my stomach churn; the room was spinning a little bit. I hadn't eaten anything but the pop tarts today, I realized.

"Here, use this one," my mom said as she handed me the pail. I sat it down beside me instead of on the floor, knowing I'd need it. She pressed a cool cloth against my forehead. "Maybe you should stay home again tomorrow."

I shrugged, if she was willing to let me I would. "Maybe. I think it's a virus or something. I felt okay at work, I didn't move around a lot either, though." I leaned forward over the pail as a wave of nausea came over me. "I don't feel good," I said softly.

My mom was pulling my hair back into a pony tail out of my face. "I'll be in the living room if you need me, okay? Don't get up unless you have to." I nodded as she left, feeling miserable. I didn't know someone could feel this bad.

I shut my eyes, trying to think of other things than being sick. Would the baby look like Paul? I wondered. I'd love it if he did. I said he because I wanted a boy. I knew without even thinking on it anymore that I wanted to keep this baby. I couldn't give him up for adoption… or worse.

I knew whether or not my parents or Paul wanted me to, I'd fight to keep him. I wanted Paul to be a family with me and the baby, though. To accept what had happened and maybe go along with it. I didn't care if he was mean to me sometimes as long as he stayed with me like he promised he would.