Summary: Calvin, Hobbes, and Socrates go back in time, and take the pilgrim's supply of turkeys.

And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series
Written by Swing123 and garfieldodie

Calvin, Hobbes, and the Pilgrims

"Well!" Dad said. "Four days until Thanksgiving!"

"So?" Calvin asked, staring at the TV with half open eyes..

"SO?" Dad repeated. "Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks!"

"I've noticed that." Calvin said, still not taking his eyes off the TV.

"The company I work for is giving us a free turkey for tomorrow."

"Whoop-dee-doo." Calvin muttered, turning the volume on the television up. "what's so great about a dead bird?"

"It's what the pilgrims had on the very first Thanksgiving." Dad declared.

"Why didn't the pilgrims go out for pizza?" Hobbes asked, his eyes half closed, too.

"Why didn't the pilgrims go out for pizza?" Calvin asked his father.

Dad rolled his eyes, and walked away.

"What a dumb holiday." Calvin muttered. "Thanksgiving has to be the stupidest idea ever."

"It was made back before DVDs were invented." Hobbes said.

"Figures." Calvin replied.

Calvin and Hobbes were watching a Thanksgiving special on TV.

It was about a deranged turkey running around The United States, and pecking everybody who tried to cook him to death.

The next day, Dad came home from work holding a big package.

Calvin stared at it.

"What the heck is that thing?" he asked.

"It's the turkey!" Dad said proudly.

"Ah." Calvin said. "And, uh, did you mug and defeather this thing on your own? Or did some other lunatic do it?"

Dad ignored him.

He set the turkey on the table, and walked into the livingroom.

Hobbes walked up, just then.

"What's that thing?" Hobbes asked. "Do I want I know?"

"I'm not sure if you do, old buddy." Calvin sighed, patting Hobbes on the shoulder. "Somebody killed a bird."

Hobbes sighed and shook his head.

A few minutes later, Dad came back into kitchen.

His eyes fell on the turkey.

Except it wasn't there.

"CALVIN!!" Dad screamed.

Calvin walked into the house. He was holding a shovel, and had dirt all over him.

"Where is my turkey?" Dad growled.

"Me and Hobbes gave it a proper burial ceremony, and funeral." Calvin said.

"YOU BURIED MY TURKEY?!?!?" Dad screeched.

"Yeah, and you wouldn't believe how tight those murderers had that wrapping on it. Hobbes had to cut it up with his claws. Would you like to join the funeral? Socrates and all of Farmer Brown's chickens are there."

Dad stared out the window at two stuffed tigers, and twenty seven chickens staring down at a dirt pile.

"YOU LET CHICKENS INTO OUR YARD?!?!" Dad demanded.

Calvin shrugged.

"Hey, it wasn't me. They wanted to come."

The next thing Calvin knew, he was laying face down in the carpet in his room.

"TAKE YOUR STUFFED TIGERS, AND DON'T EVER SPEAK TO ME, AGAIN!!!"

Dad threw Hobbes and Socrates into Calvin's room.

"But one of these tigers aren't mine." Calvin said.

Dad slammed the door.

Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates stared at the door.

"Well," Socrates said. "Funeral's over?"

"I hate this holiday!!" Calvin screamed. "every year, I'm forced to eat a headless bird! ORGANS AND ALL!!!"

"How cruel." Socrates said, and he and Hobbes rolled their eyes.

"I refuse to take this injustice ANY LONGER!!!"

Calvin marched over to the closet.

Hobbes and Socrates exchanged glances.

Calvin reached into the clutter, and brought out a box.

It had the word TIME MACHINE on it.

Socrates stared at it.

"What's that?" He asked.

"It's a Time Machine, you tuna!" Calvin spat.

Calvin leaped into the box, and started setting the dials.

November 23nd 1621 8:37 AM Plymouth County

"What are you doing?" Hobbes asked.

"I'm going back in time, to convince those idiot pilgrims to eat something else!" Calvin spat.

He walked downstairs, and grabbed some things out of the fridge.

Including, Ice Creme, Steak, bread, peanut butter, tuna, pickles, jelly, mustard, ketchup, mayo, French Fries, three hamburger buns, and a bag of chips.

He stormed back up to his room, and gave Hobbes and Socrates a blank stare.

"You can come if you want." Calvin grumbled. "It means nothing to me!"

He dumped the food into the Time Machine and got in.

Socrates grinned.

"I want to go!" he grinned.

"I don't." Hobbes added.

"Oh come on, Hobbes!" Socrates yelled. "Where's your sense of adventure?"

"Somewhere back by the duplicator incident." Hobbes replied.

"Well, then, lets go back in time and fetch it!" Socrates yelled.

"I'm not going near that box." Hobbes said. "And that's final."

"Oh, Hobbes, we never get to go on these kind of trips!" Socrates yelled.

"Thank goodness." Hobbes said.

"Can we please go?" Socrates begged.

Hobbes rolled his eyes around.

"Oh, very well." He said.

"WHOO HOO!!!" Socrates yelled.

He and Hobbes crawled into the Time Machine.

Calvin hit the GO button.

ZA-A-A-AP!

With a blast of electricity, Calvin, Hobbes, and Socrates vanished.

The box tilted, and turned as it zoomed down the winding Time Tunnel.

Then, they landed.

Calvin looked around.

They had landed in the middle of an old town.

"Alright." Calvin said.

He handed Hobbes and Socrates a couple of round discs.

Hobbes stared at it.

"What's this?" He asked.

"It's a Time Disc!" Calvin said. "It's hooked up with the original Time Pauser. When I hit the button on the Time Pauser, the Time Discs will be activated and you'll fall into Paused Time along with me without touching me."

"Nice touch," Socrates said.

"Just carry it around with you, while you're in the dimension of no time. Then, when I hit the button, again, you'll fall back into Time Start again."

"Alrightee." Hobbes said.

There was a moment of silence.

"Um... any particular reason why we have two Time Discs and the Time Pauser?" Hobbes asked.

"Yes." Calvin said.

"What?" He asked.

"We're going through this town, and hiding all the turkeys in the area." Calvin said. "We'll hide them in my Hypercube. Then we'll replace them with this food."

Calvin took the mini duplicator, and duplicated the Hypercube twice, so everyone had one

Calvin then handed them the two Hybercubes, and started piling food into them.

"Let's get moving people!" Socrates yelled.

"I hate it when he says that!" Calvin mumbled.

Calvin picked up his Time Stopping Device, and hit the large red button in the middle.

BOOOM!!!

The Time Pauser send out a large shockwave of Time Stop.

At the same time, the Time Discs that Hobbes and Socrates were holding also sent out large shockwaves.

The three Time waves collided with each other, and exploded.

Large areas on the Earth instantly froze in sequence. But they weren't all stopped at the same time like it was with Time Pauser alone. Instead, it was one little area stopping in a very fast pattern.

Calvin, Hobbes, and Socrates watched.

"Why did you program it to do that?" Hobbes asked.

"Well, it was cool." Calvin said.

In mere seconds, all time had stopped.

"Ok, get to work!" Calvin yelled.

And with that, the three split up.

"Here turkey, turkey, turkey." Hobbes said, grabbing one that was crossing the road.

He stored it in the hypercube.

Socrates wandered around the town, looking for turkeys.

He found one.

"Here we are." He said, grabbing it, and throwing it into his Hybercube.

Then he found another.

"Ah ha!" He stored that one.

Then he found another, and another, and another.

Then he came across a whole field of the dumb birds.

"WAFFLES IN THE MORNING!" He exclaimed. "I've hit the jackpot!"

Calvin walked down the road.

He walked behind a house, and into a small enclosed area.

"Hello, what do we have here?" He asked, walking into the fenced off area. "Three stupid birds."

Calvin gathered up the three Turkeys, and replaced them with a jar of mustard, a can of pickles, and a donut.

"Goodbye, Thanksgiving tradition!" Calvin grinned.

After about fifteen minutes, the three met back at the Time Machine.

"OK," Calvin said, dumping his share of turkeys into the Time Machine. "Phase one of the Phase number plan is complete!"

"Phase what plan?" Socrates asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm making this up as I go, you noodle!" Calvin spat.

"Ok." Hobbes said. "What's the next phase?"

"Wild Turkeys." Calvin replied. "These people may be dumb, but they can count past one, so we have to gather up all the wild turkeys."

"Calvin," Hobbes said. "Do you realize how many turkeys there are in this one small area? It would take us years to gather up all those turkeys!"

"No," Calvin replied. "It would only take one millisecond. We're in Time Stop you dolt!"

Socrates and Hobbes sighed.

Calvin, Hobbes, and Socrates spent the next few hours gathering up turkeys, and putting them into Calvin's Hypercube.

After they were done, they were all exhausted.

Calvin was the first to speak, as he dumped his Hypercube into the Time Machine.

"Well," He squeaked. "That's it. That's the last turkey in the area. Let's go home."

"What are we going to do with the turkeys when we get back?" Hobbes asked, as he and Socrates climbed in with Calvin.

"We'll find something to do with them." Calvin said.

He engaged the hyperdrive, set the date for present, and they the dust started to rise.

The Time Machine rose upward, then blasted forward into a time portal.

They flew through the tunnel, then reappeared in Calvin's bedroom.

Calvin turned time back on with the Time Pauser, then he combined Socrates' and Hobbes' hypercube into his with the Mini Duplicator, then set the lone Hypercube on the desk.

"OK." Calvin said. "We'll think about what to do with these dumb clucks after we see how we've altered the time stream."

Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates went downstairs.

Once there, they saw something a little strange.

Mom and Dad were at the counter, and Dad was wearing a black pilgrim hat with a buckle on it.

But they were still cutting up a dead bird.

"What are you guys doing?" asked Calvin.

"We're cutting the Thanksgiving Duck, Calvin," said Dad.

Calvin glanced at Hobbes and Socrates.

They just stared.

"Umm, duck, huh?" he said. "Excuse me."

Calvin ran outside, ran through the Calvinball field, up Sneer Hill, stopped at the top, took a breath and basically blew his top.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Then he ran back to the kitchen.

"That sounds nice," he said. "Hobbes? Socrates? Upstairs."

Calvin whirled the two of them around and shoved them upstairs.

He shoved them into his room and slammed the door.

"Okay, this can't be right!" Calvin complained. "Why are we eating duck?"

"Well, that was the original first meal of the pilgrims. Turkeys didn't come until later," said Hobbes.

"WHAT?!?" Calvin shrieked. "Why didn't you tell me? We could've saved a lot of trouble!"

"Well, I figured you'd find another way to ruin my day, so I figured, why prolong the suffering?"

Calvin slapped his forehead.

"Well, isn't that just nice?" he said angrily. "Well, why didn't they just eat the food we left for them every year?"

Hobbes reached into Calvin's backpack, and he pulled out a history book.

"History was changed, so maybe we'll get some answers from this," he said.

Calvin sat down to listen.

Socrates, however, was fiddling with the hypercube.

"Okay," said Hobbes. "Let's see here… Ah, here we go! It says that the pilgrims found strange foods in packages, including round pastries with holes in them and a brown sugar coating, a yellow spicy substance in a jar, and a jug of flavored dairy."

"Yep, I recall leaving donuts, mustard and ice cream there," Calvin agreed.

"However, they didn't know how to reproduce these items, and spent most of their time searching for more. Most of them died in vain, and the rest got diseases from foreign plants during searches. If it weren't for Native Americans, the remaining pilgrims would have died from hunger. They were introduced to ducks and fish," Hobbes finished.

Calvin stared.

"Whoa…," he said. "So…we didn't make things better. We made them worse…"

"Yeah, that about sums it up, Einstein," Hobbes said, slamming the book shut.

"Okay, this isn't a problem," Calvin said. "All we gotta do is simply take the turkeys back and set them free for the pilgrims to get. It may not be perfect, but eh, so is life."

Hobbes nodded.

Calvin looked at Socrates.

"Socrates, hand me the hypercube filled with turkeys."

Socrates stared at him sneakily.

"Oh, you really want me to do that?" he asked.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at him.

"Uh, yes, Socrates. If you please…?" Calvin tried.

Socrates got a devious grin and held the hypercube upside down and out the window. He shook it hard, and then dumped all the dumb birds out on the ground.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at him with sheer horror.

Calvin looked out the window as a bunch of turkeys ran out into the street.

Then he looked at Socrates.

Socrates seemed to look very proud of himself.

Then Calvin got a very homicidal look on his face.

Hobbes got a nervous look on his face.

"Uh…Socrates?" he asked.

"Yes, Hobbo?"

"Why'd you do that?"

"Simple: to wind him up!"

Hobbes glanced at Calvin, who was beet red and steam was leaking from his nostrils.

"I think you did a little more than winding," Hobbes said. "I think you cranked him up."

Socrates looked at Calvin and finally saw the look on his face.

And his proud look quickly disappeared.

"Uh…Hobbes? Would you mind holding him down?" he asked.

Hobbes thought for a moment.

"No, no, I believe you earned this one," he said at last.

And with that, Hobbes dove under the bed.

Calvin was on Socrates in a second.

"DIE, PRANKSTER! DIE, DIE, DIE!"

Calvin punched, hit, bit, kicked, kneed, punched again, kicked again, elbowed, gave a black eye to, punched once again, and finally, clobbered Socrates.

A badly beaten red-tailed tiger limped from a dust cloud of fury.

Calvin stood there, breathing heavily and twitching slightly.

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE AND NEVER COME BACK!" he hollered.

"Yes, sir!" Socrates whimpered, and he dashed out the door.

Hobbes stuck his head out from under the bed.

"Not bad," he said. "Now, what'll we do about the turkeys?"

Calvin calmed down.

"We're going back out there and we're going to round up those turkeys," he said simply.

Calvin handed Hobbes a Time Disc.

Calvin pressed the button the Time Pauser.

BOOM!

Everything went into to time stop.

All dramatic like.

Calvin and Hobbes looked out the window.

Already, they could see several turkeys.

None of them were moving.

"Okay, let's get started," said Calvin.

"Calvin, Socrates let loose over two hundred turkeys," said Hobbes. "It'll take forever to find them!"

"No, it won't!" objected Calvin. "We're in—"

"Time Stop, I know. But it'll still feel like it."

"Look, we made this mess, and so we're fixing it. Let's go."

"'We'?" asked Hobbes skeptically.

"Shut up, let's go."

Calvin and Hobbes ran down the stairs.

On the way, they passed Socrates, who was paused.

They stopped and looked at him.

Then they got a devious look on their faces.

They picked him up and carried him away.

A little while later, Calvin and Hobbes started to search for turkeys.

At first, it was easy. They hadn't gone far, so they easily rounded up fifty into the hypercube.

But then it got a bit harder, and the turkeys were more scattered around the neighborhood.

Calvin found three attempting to hop a fence into the neighbor's house.

Hobbes found four swimming in someone's pool, and the owner's were running away in terror.

Next, Calvin saw five turkeys chasing Moe, who was running in terror. He quickly snatched them all up.

Later, they both found a bus frozen in a swerve to avoid six turkeys that were in the middle of the road.

They scooped them all up.

Then Hobbes saw one that had somehow made its way into a tree. He climbed up, and got it down.

Next, Calvin saw that three turkeys had gotten into a fight with an ice cream man.

Calvin scooped them all up, and then ate all the ice cream.

Then he put a bandage on the ice cream man.

Finally, Calvin saw a field that was loaded with turkeys.

He activated the suck option on the hypercube, and set it on the ground.

Then he dove behind the hill.

The hypercube immediately sucked all the turkeys inside of it.

Calvin quickly shut it off, and then peeked inside.

He frowned, held it upside down, and then started shaking it.

A tree fell out. Then a barn, a cow, a tractor, an entire garden, a windmill, a silo, a bunch of animals, mud, and a confused farmer who was frozen fell out.

Calvin shrugged and left.

Finally, they had rounded up all the turkeys.

They met back at the house.

"Okay…," said Hobbes. "This had better work. I'm not going through all this again."

"You said it," Calvin said, wiping sweat from his forehead.

Calvin held up the Time Pauser and pressed the button.

BOOOM!

The white shockwave exploded from it and Hobbes' Time Disc.

All over the place, time started up.

The people in the pool stared at their now turkey-less pool.

Moe stopped running from nothing.

The bus swerved from trying to miss nothing and caused a traffic jam due to knocking over a street sign.

And Socrates fell into a river.

"HEY! HELP! CALVIN! HOBBES!" he screamed.

And back at the house, Calvin and Hobbes climbed into the Time Machine.

"Okay, let's go back and fix this," said Calvin.

"Whatever," said Hobbes.

They slipped on the vortex goggles, and started it up.

Calvin opened up a time vortex, and they flew back to Plymouth Rock.

In a field of electricity, the Time Machine appeared in the middle of the same field.

The town was just at the bottom of a hill.

"Okay," said Hobbes. "Let's just release them and go home."

Calvin nodded, and he took out his hypercube.

Then he opened it up and let the dumb clucks out.

"GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE!" they all shouted.

And they flooded back into the town at the bottom of the hill.

They watched for a while.

Then they tipped over and landed in the box, collapsing from exhaustion.

"Phew," Hobbes said. "I'm beat!"

"I'm Calvin," said Calvin. "You look like you're Hobbes, beat."

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

They slipped their goggles back on and went back into the Time Machine.

"Homeward bound!" Calvin shouted.

ZZAP!

ZZAP!

Calvin and Hobbes reappeared in the bedroom.

"Okay, get the book!" shouted Calvin.

Hobbes hopped out of the box and started to read the history book.

"Let's see…The Pilgrims did have a feast in 1621, after their first harvest, and it is this feast which people often refer to as 'The First Thanksgiving'. This feast was never repeated, though, so it can't be called the beginning of a tradition, nor was it termed by the colonists or 'Pilgrims' a Thanksgiving Feast. In fact, to these devoutly religious people, a day of thanksgiving was a day of prayer and fasting, and would have been held any time that they felt an extra day of thanks was called for. Nevertheless, the 1621 feast has become a model that we think of for our own Thanksgiving celebration and we do know something of the truth about it."

Calvin stared at him.

"Did we fix everything or not?" he demanded.

Hobbes flipped forward another page.

"Okay, it says here that turkey became the tradition, so yes, I'd say we did," said Hobbes.

"Phew! Good," said Calvin, leaning against the Time Machine.

Hobbes put the book away.

"I hope I never see another turkey for as long as I may live," Hobbes moaned.

"CALVIN! DINNERTIME!" shouted Mom shouted.

Calvin and Hobbes flew downstairs and to the table.

They stared at the food.

Mashed potatoes, stuffing, cranberry sauce, biscuits, pie…

And in the middle was a gigantic…TURKEY!

Hobbes' eyes rolled into the back of his head and he fainted.

Calvin rolled his eyes and sat the table.

"Well, Calvin, I managed to get a new turkey," said Dad. "Just don't do anything bad to this one, and we can actually enjoy Thanksgiving."

Calvin nodded, and he took his chair.

Mom and Dad took their respected seats.

"Okay, let's give thanks," said Mom. "I'll start… I'm thankful for my family, friends, and that I finally got back to work on that novel I've been working on."

"Well, I'm thankful for you guys," said Dad. "And I'm especially thankful for all the character we've built over the past year."

Calvin and Mom glared at him.

"Okay, Calvin, your turn," said Mom.

Calvin pondered for a second.

"Let's see…," he said. "I'm thankful for Hobbes, Pop Tarts, VW vans, Coca-Cola, orange Pez, those moments when Sherman is quiet, the fact that none of my inventions have killed anyone, Captain Napalm comic books—"

"AHEM!" Dad said, giving him an angry glare.

"Oh yeah, and thanks for life and stuff," he said.

"Amen," muttered Mom and Dad.

"But wait! There's probably one more thing left, but I can't exactly place it…," he said.

DING-DONG!

"Strange…," said Mom. "Someone's at the door."

"I'll get it," said Calvin.

Calvin got out of his chair, stepped over the passed out Hobbes, and opened the door.

On the front porch was Socrates, who was beaten, muddy, soaked and covered in weeds.

"Oh, that's what it was!" said Calvin happily. "Thanks, Socrates. Happy Thanksgiving."

And he slammed the door in Socrates' face.

The End

Pamela Segall Adlon: Calvin

Tom Hanks: Hobbes

Jennifer Love Hewitt: Mom

Bill Murray: Dad

Ryan Stiles: Socrates

Coming up Next: The Falling Sky