Mercedes POV (a week ago)
Santana was looking at me expectantly, waiting for my rejection or acceptance. Santana has told me a lot about her in the past, and I've been told things I didn't know if I could handle. This was one of those things. Even thinking it made me feel like an ignorant fool, but I didn't know what to say to her. How was I supposed to know that by spending 'quality time with Britts' she meant that kind of quality time? How did I not see the signs before? Considering that Kurt was very gay, I should have been able to tell that Santana was, but I couldn't. With Kurt it was different, I expected him to be gay.
"Are you, are you sure?" I asked.
She nodded. "Positive."
"Alright then, you're gay. I still love you just the same." I reached out to hold her hand. "That doesn't really explain why you were upset last night, though."
"I told my grandma. She said-" Santana's eyes watered and I felt her grip tighten on my hand. "She told me that I was going to hell. She said that I've lost my connection with God, that Lucifer had got a hold of me." She stopped as tears rolled down her cheeks.
"Santana you know that's not true." My eyes rolled just thinking about the BS that came out of that old woman's mouth. Yes, Santana telling me the truth of her sexual orientation made me uncomfortable. But I had my reasons. Her grandma however? Not so much.
"Mercedes, my grandmother has always had a tight grip on me. She's taken care of me when my own mom refused to. When no one else wanted me, she was there. And you know whatever grandma says, has a huge influence on me so," She wiped away the tears that were still running down her face.
"After Christmas break, I'll be going away for a while."
"What?"
Santana was silent for a few moments, and I sat still looking out the window. Teenagers were filing into the school and out of the parking lot, meaning that school would be starting soon. We were going to be late and probably end up serving detention, I realized. It didn't change my disposition, though. I was going to sit in this car all day if I had to.
"I'm leaving for a treatment facility; where there are people like me there." She sounded like her old, apathetic self. Yet she seemed detached from the situation, in a way that was completely unfamiliar.
"People like you? You mean gay people?"
"Yeah, gay people." She chuckled, even though we both knew that it wasn't funny. "I'm going to get help for my predicament, so I can be normal again."
"You're perfect the way you are! For God's sake, what about Kurt? You think he needs help too?" How could Santana even consider this bullshit?
"I don't know about him, he's gonna have to face that problem himself on Judgment Day. But grandma said that I'm not supposed to be like this, and I believe her..."
Suddenly, I knew why Santana seemed different. She surrendered, she gave up. The only person that I could rely on to be true to their self just confessed that they were vulnerable in the worst way. Santana was a strong person. But how strong could one person be if something like this tore them apart so effortlessly? I could feel a headache pounding against my skull. Again, I didn't know what to say.
"She said it wasn't my fault that I was like this. Its Dad fault, y'know for what he did to me when I was younger." She coughed, trying to cover up that she was practically sobbing. I could feel bile in the back of my throat just at the mention of the sick bastard. When we first became friends, I thought Santana's mother was the extent of how bad it got, but she threw me for a loop when she told me about her dad. He was definitely someone I didn't want to be thinking about.
"Santana, he's not the reason why you're lesbian. You shouldn't leave for a treatment facility because you think you have some sort of mental illness. You're just gay, and that's that." I was still holding onto her hand and if I could, I'd never let go.
"But it makes sense, after him… every guy that touches me reminds me of him. Every. Single. One. I've been with so many guys, Mercy. I've lain with them thinking it'd be different each time. But it wasn't, they all smelled like him. So yeah, it's probably his fault."
I soaked up the information, trying not to scream and shake sense into her. "Do you really want to go through with this?"
She shrugged. "What choice do I have?"
"You could always be yourself." I suggested.
"I don't know who I am, and that's why I'm leaving Mercedes. When I get back, I will be myself."
"Do you actually believe that?"
She nodded. "I do."
What else could I possibly do to make her realize that there wasn't anything wrong with her? I reached out to squeeze her shoulder. "I'll support whatever you choose to do. Just know that for me, it doesn't matter who you love, I love you."
"Thank you, Mercedes."
How did I not know that Santana was lesbian? How long had she known she was? I mused in my second period as I tried but failed to pay attention to Mrs. Anderson. All that time she spent with Brittany, the lingering looks she sent her… Not to mention that one time she slept over at my house… I remember getting out of the shower with a fluffy towel wrapped around myself and walking to my spacious closet for some pajamas, feeling a heated gaze on my back the whole walk there.
"What?" I asked, turning to look at Santana once I opened the closet door and found a robe to wear for the time being.
She shrugged, still staring at some spot on my back. "Nothing, your hair looks funny is all." I quirked my eyebrow at that, but continued to look for some sleepwear.
I blushed at the thought. Was she checking me out at the time? I shook my head, dismissing the idea. It was despicable of me to be thinking of Santana like that, just because she was lesbian didn't mean that every girl she saw she had feelings for.
Pay attention, Mercedes. I reprimanded myself, tuning back into today's lesson.
The first three hours of the day went by in a flash, and now here I was in fourth period, staring a hole into the back of Sam Evans. My leg was bouncing, and my poor lip was getting chewed up. Should I approach to him? What would I say if I did? Should I be thinking about a guy when my best friend was going through the toughest time of her life right now? Immediately following the thought was a terrible feeling full of guilt. Of course I shouldn't be thinking about a guy, even if it was Sam and I was anticipating the moment he recognized me. I bit my lip noticing the black leather jacket he wore that fit him like glove. Damn.
Doesn't matter. I tried to convince myself. It's just a nice looking jacket on a really nice looking guy. Get it together Mercedes! I exhaled deeply, reclining back into my chair and trying to calm myself down. I'd get my chance to regain whatever it was that we shared all those years ago, but considering the circumstances now just wasn't the time.
Just as I was ready to try and listen to Mr. Codwell play the devil's advocate Quinn Fabray, walked in the classroom. She was an office aid by school day and captain of the Cheerios in the afternoon. Quinn was the prettiest girl in school 24/7, and being perfect might as well have been her occupation. Well she took a break from being flawless when she got pregnant a couple of years ago, but I've learned that my generation has the tendency to forget things very quickly. Like when Quinn disregarded my existence after everyone forgot about her big screw up.
She smiled at Mr. Codwell before handing him a slip of paper. He glanced at the paper once then signaled at Sam to come there. I cursed. What was I going to stare at now? He grabbed the paper from him nodding and leaving the classroom, to never come back for the rest of the hour.
What the heck? I thought picking up my supplies when the bell rang and other kids started leaving the classroom. I knew that whatever Sam was doing wasn't any of my business, yet I couldn't help but wonder. Especially since I've heard the rumors about him. Some said he was a bad guy, nothing but trouble. A few swore that at his other school he broke every girl's heart, which wasn't hard to believe. While I didn't know him, there was a part of me that felt like I had a really special connection with him, so I didn't believe the rumors. Kurt mentioned tutoring him, but that's all he said and I hadn't told him about my crush on Sam. And with everything going on with Santana I definitely wouldn't for a while.
I was heading toward my last hour when I bumped into a brute of a man. I stumbled a bit, thinking I ran into the principal. My grip tightened on my backpack straps. "Sorry-"
"No it's okay." The brute said.
Well that doesn't sound like the principal. My eyes focused on who I bumped into, quickly realizing it was Shane Tinsley. I've known him for years, and there wasn't much I knew about him other than that he hung out with a bunch of assholes. I've never witnessed him being mean to people, but I've seen and experienced his friends' evil doing. That was bad enough.
"Oh um, okay." I turned on my heel, ready to go in the other direction.
"Wait!"
"Huh?"
"Our class is over there." He jabbed a thumb the size of my hand behind him.
"Our class?"
"Yeah, pre-calculus? Mrs. Silvia's class?"
I blinked. "But how did you…"
He placed a hand near his heart, teetering backward a bit in mock surprise. "I'm hurt! You haven't noticed me in there? I'm kind of hard to miss."
"No," I said, shaking my head. "I mean, no I did I just didn't think you noticed me."
Shane scoffed. "How could I not? Your hand is always raised."
"Now I'm hurt!" I exclaimed with a smile.
"I'm sorry, maybe I should help walk you to class?" He grinned, and it was kind of cute.
"What are you, a boy's scout?" I asked, arching an eyebrow.
"I was, and you should be honored to be walking with a former cub scout."
I chuckled. "Let me guess, once you turned into a grizzly bear they kicked you out of the cub scouts?"
"You just keep hurting me, woman!"
We walked to class together, and although I did have a nice time chatting with Shane, I couldn't help wondering why he hung out with a bunch of pricks when he was so nice.
Sam's POV (a week ago)
I got called out of fourth period to have a cram tutoring session with Kurt. I was surprised when I came into the library and there were books scattered all over our table. Kurt had his glasses perched on his nose and gave me a look when waved at him as I walked in.
"You could've got here earlier."
I darted my eyes to a clock nearby. "How? I got the slip to leave class five minutes ago."
"That's two minutes that could be used studying." He shook his head. "But nonetheless, I'm wasting time talking about your slow walking habits-"
"My what?"
"…When that's not what we're here for. This is a big day for both of us."
I could feel my eyebrows furrowing. "What are you talking about? I just have a reading test later. You've helped me a lot, so I'm sure I'll do fine."
"It's not that simple, Evans." Kurt gave a pointed look towards the chair in front of him. I sat down.
"See," He went on. "This test you're taking is not just a standard trying-to-keep-up-with-your-progress test; this can make or break you."
"I doubt it."
Kurt pointed at the handbook he had in his hand. "Believe it, Sam. This can help you out in more ways than one. First, if you pass the exam then you'll never have to take it again. Second, if you do extremely well then the school can allow you to take AP English Literature and Composition. Third and most important, if you manage it then you will have taken four AP classes, like you've wanted to do since freshman year. "
I perked up at his words. If I could get into English L&C then I'd be killing two birds with one stone: I would've proved to myself that I wasn't stupid and am completely capable of anything I put my mind to whilst satisfying mom and dad. I could be their golden boy again and make myself happy too.
I licked my lips. "That's what the handbook says?"
He rolled his eyes. "I'm not just making this stuff up, Goldie locks. Now look, we have almost an hour and forty-five minutes to crack down on this material if we skip lunch. I brought food, so wipe that depressed look off your face."
I licked my lips again, completely unashamed and ready to study as well as eat something. "What are we waiting for, then?"
Kurt reached into his backpack and produced a package of chapsticks, watermelon flavored. "Your lips are going to dry up and deflate if you keep licking them all the time. Here, help yourself." He pushed the pack across the table at me.
I looked at the chapstick hesitantly, half-insulted.
"Take it already, we're wasting time!"
I snatched up the pack and shoved it in my pocket, grumbling my curses at him.
Kurt brought out a saran wrapped turkey sandwich and handed it to me while telling me not to make much noise.
"I don't make noises when I eat!" I exclaimed indignantly.
"Please, you make noises when you speak."
"I hate you." I mumbled around the sandwich.
"Huh?" He asked, opening up a container of grapes and popping one in his mouth.
"Nothing," I swallowed. "So, what's in all this for you?"
"What are you talking about?"
I reached over to the container and grabbed two grapes. "What are you getting out of helping me?"
He blinked at me. "Besides helping out a friend?" I nodded.
"Well," He started. "I have the opportunity to raise my GPA and write off these hours of tutoring as community service for National Honor Society, which would be a huge weight off my shoulders."
I shrugged as I ate the grapes; of course I was just charity work.
"But honestly Sam, I'd do it even if there wasn't anything in it for me."
He was lying, and I knew it. "No you wouldn't."
"Yes I would." He smiled at me grimly and looked down. "You've got to stop thinking that people are out to get something from you."
How could I when someone always wanted something? How could I believe him when he was sitting back helping the needy and getting incentives for it?
"Whatever, let's just get to work."
Alright, no Samcedes yet but have patience because we're getting there soon! To clear things up this chapter took place during the first week of school and Sam hadn't really trusted Kurt as much as he does in the present, which still isn't much. Questions and/or comments? Review please!