Summary: Socrates and Hobbes attempt to terrify Sherman about going to the vet.

And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series
Written by Swing123 and Garfieldodie

Sherman Goes to the Vet

Calvin sat behind a green bush one bright day in June.

He was not in his usual trademark outfit of a red striped T-shirt, and black pants.

Instead, he was dressed all in black.

Black sunglasses, black T-shirt, black pants, black shoes, and black gloves.

He held up a walki talki, pushed the button, and said into it, "Fanged Terror, this is Boy Genius. Do read me? Over."

There was a moment of silence.

"This is Fanged Terror, I read you loud and clear. Over" Hobbes' voice came through the walki talki.

"Give me your location." Calvin said, peeking over the bush at Susie, who was playing on the sidewalk, humming to herself. "I have the target locked. Over"

"I'm in Secret Spy Tree number 35, over and under."

Calvin looked around.

Then, he saw a specific tree with a lightning bolt scar on it.

"Do you have a visual of the target?" Calvin asked.

"Negative."

"What?"

"No."

Calvin peeked over the bush, again.

Susie hadn't seen him.

"OK, I'm behind Spy Bush number 63. Do you have a visual of me?"

"Hey, that rhymes."

"Shut up, and answer the question."

There was a moment of silence.

"Oh, yeah, I see you."

"Direct your gaze exactly twenty four feet to the north-east."

There was a moment of silence.

"OK, I see her."

"Commence targeting procedure. But get out of the tree first. I can't see you. Over"

"Yes sir. Over and over."

There was a moment of silence, then Hobbes dropped out of one of the trees.

He, too, was wearing black sunglasses, gloves, pants and T-shirt.

He wasn't wearing shoes, because tiger's don't wear shoes.

Hobbes stood up, and straightened his sunglasses.

Then he reached up, and took three water balloons off a branch.

Calvin gave Hobbes thumbs up.

Hobbes tiptoed around to a bush three yards away from Susie.

Susie looked up from her dolls.

Calvin dove behind the bush.

"Code blue! Code blue!"

Calvin and Hobbes didn't move a hair, as Susie looked around, suspiciously, and then turned back to her dolls.

A sinister grin curled across Calvin's lips.

"Call of the Code Blue." He hissed. "We have our target locked."

Calvin picked up his three water balloons, and dove behind a bush, closer to Susie.

Susie looked up, cut her eyes from side to side, and then looked back down.

Then her head came back up.

She picked up her dolls, and moved them three steps down the sidewalk, and set them down, again.

Calvin looked up from his bush.

"Fanged Terror, the target has moved. Switch to Plan B."

"Affirmative."

Hobbes set his walki talki down, and picked up a small remote.

He pushed a button on it, and waited.

Socrates was on the other side of the block, standing next to one of his catapults.

The catapult was filled with water balloons.

Socrates was also dressed in Calvin's black spy suit.

Suddenly, Socrates' watch started beeping.

"Whoop." He said. "We're switching to Plan B!"

Socrates hit the switch blade in his paws, and his claws shot out.

He stood back, then made a swipe at the rope, holding the catapult down.

SNAP!

TWONG!

The catapult flew upward, and sent two hundred water balloons soaring through the air.

Socrates pushed a button on his watch.

Hobbes' started beeping.

"Water Balloons deployed." He told Calvin. "Take cover!"

"Hold onto your balloons." Calvin said. "We can use it as a second wave of attacks. DISPERSE!"

Susie looked up from her dolls, and saw Calvin running off into the woods with his stuffed tiger in his arms.

She rolled her eyes, and went back to her dolls.

Suddenly, she heard a whistling sound.

She looked up and saw...

SPLOOSH!

...a water balloon.

"AAAAH!" she screamed. "CALVIN!"

Just then, another water balloon collided with her.

SPLASH!

Then another one hit the sidewalk next to her.

SPLISH!

Then, water balloons started raining from the sky.

"AAAAAAAAAA!" Susie screamed, covering her head, and running around in circles.

Where did Socrates get all those water balloons?

I have no idea.

When the balloons stopped falling, Susie looked up the bush she was behind.

She was now sopping wet.

"ATTACK!" shouted a voice.

Susie spun around, and saw Calvin coming after her, with six more balloons.

"CALVI..."

SPLASH! SPLISH! SPLOOSH! SPLISH! SPLASH! SPLOOSH!

"I'm telling!" Susie wailed, running into her house.

"Mission accomplished, Hobbes." Calvin said, shaking Hobbes' hand. "Now, let's go hide from Mom and Mrs. Derkins for the rest of the evening."

"Agreed. Shall we hide out at Socrates' place?"

"No, I think Mom's figured that out. Besides, the buffoon keeps pranking me. Let's hide out at Andy and Sherman's until the storm clears."

"Excellent suggestion. Let's get out of these spy costumes, first."

"Right." Calvin said.

He took his Time Pauser and pushed the button.

poink

Suddenly, Calvin disappeared, and suddenly reappeared in front of Hobbes, walking up to him.

He was now in his trademark red T-shirt and back sweats.

Hobbes simply just took off the clothes, and put them in the hypercube.

Then, they ran off for Andy's house.

By the time they got there, Socrates was already at the gate, waiting for them.

"Well?" he asked. "Was the mission a success?"

"CAAALVIN!!!" shouted Mom's voice from a few blocks down.

"I'll take that as a yes!" He said.

"RUN!" Calvin shouted. "INTO THE HOUSE!!!"

Calvin, Hobbes, and Socrates rushed to the door, ripped it open, and slammed the door behind them.

Andy looked up from his video game.

"I wish you guys would knock before you barge in here to hide." He complained, switching the TV off.

"Yes, that's very nice, Andy." Socrates said. "Anyway, we need a good hiding spot, stat!"

"Sherman's in his lab." he sighed.

There was an explosion and a high gust of wind, and Calvin, Hobbes, and Socrates vanished.

Not seconds after the trio vanished into Sherman's lab, the doorbell rang.

Andy walked up, and opened the door.

Mom stood at the doorstep, glaring at the world through narrowed eyes.

"Andy, have you seen Calvin?" she asked. "Did he come here to hide?"

"No, he hasn't." Andy said. "He and Hobbes were just rushing off down the street towards Socrates' place."

Mom looked off towards the direction of Socrates' mansion.

"Thanks, Andy." she said.

And with that, she rushed back down the sidewalk, and ran down the street.

Andy closed the door.

Soon after that, another explosion emitted from Sherman's lab.

Andy turned around, and saw the door fly open, and Calvin, Hobbes, and Socrates were all ejected from the laboratory onto the ground.

"Man, what a grouch." Socrates muttered.

"Yes, I ought to warn you that Sherman is in a fiery mood, today."

"Thanks for the warning." Calvin growled. "What's his problem, anyway?"

"Oh, he's mad because I'm taking him the vet for a checkup tomorrow."

"That's all?" Hobbes asked, standing up. "What's so horrible about that?"

"Ask Sherman." Andy said.

"WHAT'S SO HORRIBLE ABOUT THE VET?!?!" Sherman bellowed, whirling around from his desk in the lab. "I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S SO HORRIBLE ABOUT IT!!!!"

"Sherman, have you ever noticed that you always seem to take simple questions personally?" Calvin asked.

"PETS ARE PUT TO SLEEP AT VETS!! VETS ARE FILLED WITH MISERABLE, CRYING, HOWLING PETS BEING HELD AGAINST THEIR WILL!! AND THE PEOPLE ALWAYS FIND AN EXCUSE TO PUNCH YOU WITH SOME NEEDLE LONGER THAN YOUR INDEX FINGER!!!"

"Sherman, while I must agree with you on that last point," Calvin said. "I can safely tell you vets are—"

"Terribly dangerous!!" Socrates interrupted, shoving Calvin out of the way. "Vets are filled with horrible diseases! Rats have been known to go mad there!!! And they disinfect their needles by wiping them in their arm pits!!!!!"

Sherman glared at Socrates.

"Thanks for the tip, cat. Now, if you're done making an idiot of yourself, I'd like to get back to my work."

"He's right, you know." Hobbes said, crossing his arms. "Vets are infected with more sicknesses than a bowl of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs."

Calvin glared at Hobbes.

So did Sherman.

"Do you expect me to believe that vets don't clean their establishments, kitty?" He demanded.

"They don't." Socrates said. "It's not in their ten dollar budget."

"You two are crazy." Sherman said, spinning back to his desk.

"We may be but the vets are crazier!" Hobbes warned.

"Yep." Socrates said. "My cousin went to the vet once, and they replaced his brain with that of a duck."

Calvin, Hobbes, and Sherman turned and stared at Socrates.

"He then joined the Daffy Duck fan club, and eventually wandered south." Socrates said.

"Huh." Calvin said.

Sherman rolled his eyes, and turned back to his work.

The buffoons. He thought. What kind of idiot do they take me for?

But despite the fact he knew Hobbes and Socrates were just trying to scare him, Sherman was even more terrified than before.

That night, Sherman got to work on a new invention.

As he worked, he dared to look upwards towards the calendar.

The next day was circled "Sherman Goes to Vet at 3:30."

He gulped and resumed work.

He was developing a tiny little ray gun that supposedly had giant affects.

Sherman put his little screwdriver down and pulled out an ink pen. He wrote down MIND ERASER.

Then he picked it up and ran up the stairs.

CREEEEK!

The secret door to the lab squeaked as it opened.

Sherman looked around, and then he snuck up the stairs towards the bedrooms on the second floor of the house.

As quietly and stealthily as he could, he made his way to the corner and towards Andy's bedroom. He managed to squeeze under the door, and then he made his way towards Andy's bed.

Andy was sound asleep and snoring slightly.

Sherman climbed up the lamp cord dangling down the desk, climbed up on top of it, went around the desk (it took up a whole corner of the room), crossed over the bookcase, under his Lord of the Rings calendar, and then onto the bed.

He was right in front of Andy's face.

Sherman gulped and held the gun up to Andy's head.

CLICK!

Sherman made the mistake of cocking the gun first.

Andy woke up and stared at him.

"ACK!" Sherman shrieked, and the gun flew out of his paws.

Andy sat up and looked down at him.

Sherman looked nervously at Andy.

There was a long pause.

Andy finally spoke.

"Shermie?" he asked.

Sherman seemed as though he didn't know whether or not Andy was addressing him or not.

"Um, yes?" he said, almost unsure.

"What…are you doing?"

"Um, nothing."

"Are you sure?"

"I think so."

Andy looked at the gun nearby.

"Is that a mind erasing gun?" he asked.

"Where?"

"Sherman, you're not stupid. You know what I'm talking about," Andy said, rubbing his eyes.

"Yes, it is," said Sherman guiltily.

"Why did you do it?"

"I was trying to make you forget about the vet."

"Why?"

"Because I'm scared," said Sherman, sounding a bit like a little kid.

"Oh Shermie, you shouldn't be scared," said Andy, scooping him up. "The vet just wants to make sure you're feeling better."

"Are…are you sure?" Sherman asked.

"I'm sure. Now, you go back to bed, little fella."

Sherman nodded and hopped out off the bed and headed towards the door.

But before he left, he looked over his shoulder.

"You do realize that I'm still going to try to find a way out of this, right?" he asked.

"I would be disappointed if you didn't," said Andy replied, settling back down into bed.

Sherman nodded and squeezed back under the bed.

Andy took the gun and tossed it out the window, and then slipped back to sleep.

That morning, Calvin woke up in bed, as opposed to waking up in the tub, and discovered that Hobbes had disappeared.

"Hobbes? You'd better not be hiding my breakfast cereal!" he said angrily.

Calvin opened the bottom drawer of his dresser, climbed in, and closed the drawer with him inside. Each drawer opened slightly as he worked his way up, and then Calvin climbed out of the top drawer, now fully dressed, and ran downstairs.

But when he got there, he found that Hobbes had disappeared.

"Hmmm," he said. "Where could he go at this hour?"

Then he got a nervous thought.

"Uh-oh," he said. "He's toying with me again. He's hiding somewhere, waiting to play Target Practice."

Calvin tiptoed slightly forwards toward a corner.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a cardboard cutout face of himself.

He waved it around the corner and covered his eyes.

Nothing happened.

Calvin dared to look.

No sign of Hobbes anywhere.

"Huh," he said. "He must not be here."

Calvin tossed the picture aside and went to get breakfast.

As he ate his cereal, he looked out the window.

He spotted Hobbes walking up the street with Socrates.

Socrates was carrying a portfolio with him.

Calvin looked at them suspiciously.

"Hmmm… Hobbes and Socrates laughing and holding a portfolio… I guess it seems normal… And normalness makes me suspicious. I'd better see to this."

Calvin gulped down his cereal and ran outside.

Hobbes and Socrates didn't notice Calvin until he came from behind them.

"Ahem! Excuse me! What are you two doing?" he demanded rather loudly.

The two tigers whirled around in surprise, but calmed down rather quickly.

"Oh, Calvin. Hello," said Socrates smoothly. "No need to worry. You're not on my schedule today."

"Yes, that's nice," said Calvin. "Who is on your schedule?"

"Well, in honor of his visit to the vet, it's Sherman."

Calvin groaned.

"Guys, you're really going a bit far. Sherman is logical! He's a genius! You're not going to scare him. You'll just annoy him."

"Hey, either way, we win," said Hobbes. "Come on. Wanna watch?"

Calvin looked at his watch.

"Well, since I have nothing better to do today…," he muttered.

Calvin followed them to Andy's house.

Andy was just going over a checklist of things as he looked up at a giant pile of supplies.

"Let's see… Iodine, band-aids, gauze, bullwhip, small strait-jacket, helmet, pan, shampoo, gloves, tranquilizer, chloroform, tennis racquet, ice cubes, banana peel, cage, snare trap, baloney, modem…"

At that point, Calvin knocked on the door.

Andy opened it and let them in.

"Hey, guys," he said. "I'm just getting ready."

Calvin looked at the pile of supplies.

"Today's the trip to the vet, isn't it?" he asked.

"Yep," Andy sighed.

"Ooh, that means we only have six hours," said Socrates. "We'd better hustle."

Hobbes and Socrates made their way to the lab.

Andy groaned.

"Guys, please don't do this," he moaned. "Any salt you add to the wound just means more work for me!"

"Don't worry, Andy," said Hobbes. "We'll go easy on the little fuzz ball."

Andy rolled his eyes.

Hobbes and Socrates grinned sinisterly and entered the lab.

Calvin thought to himself.

"You know, Andy, it occurs to me that Sherman will need some help overcoming whatever Hobbes and Socrates do to him," he commented.

"I'd suppose so. Why?" asked Andy.

"Well, I have a plan," said Calvin, painting the scene in his mind. "Our young space cadet, Sherman, is in trouble, and it will take the nerve of none other than…intrepid space-explorer, Spaceman Spiff!"

Andy groaned and held the bridge of his nose.

"Calvin, I don't think that—"

"Calm yourself, young gentle Andrew," said Calvin, patting his head. "I'll save your hamster from the feline fiends, or I'm not Spaceman Spiff, space adventurer!"

"Space adventurer?" asked Andy, staring at him with an annoyed look.

Calvin looked at him.

"Well, what am I supposed to say?"

Then he resumed his heroic pose.

"Fear not! I'm the man who used to clean the gunk out of the chicken soup machine! Actually, I know sod all about space travel, but if you've got a blocked nozzle, we're you're lads!"

Then he glared at Andy.

"That'll fill him with confidence, won't it?" he sniffed.

And he ran out of the house.

Andy sighed.

"Well, that takes care of one problem," he said to himself. He checked his list. "Oop! I forgot my mouth guard."

He went upstairs.

Sherman was carefully trying mix up some formulas when he heard the door to his lab open.

He looked up at his clock and saw that it wasn't 3:30, but instead, it was 2:00.

"Huh," he said. "I'm not due for another ninety minutes."

"Indeed," said a voice. "Not due for you death for another ninety minutes."

Sherman whipped around.

He saw Hobbes and Socrates glaring deviously at him.

"What do you two want?" he demanded.

"Sherman," said Hobbes, ignoring the question completely, "as you and I both know, you are due to visit the vet in ninety minutes, yes?"

Sherman nodded.

"Yes," said Socrates, "but you seem to be blissfully unaware about what is in store for you, correct?"

Sherman just stared at him angrily.

"Please leave."

"Remember that cousin of mine."

"Who, Daffy Duck club cat?" asked Sherman.

"Correct. Well…do you know him…like…this?!"

Socrates pulled a photo from the portfolio.

Sherman stared in horror.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!! WHO ARE YOU?!? WHAT ARE YOU?!? OH SWEET MOTHER IN HEAVEN, WHAT ON EARTH IS THAT MONSTROSITY!" he screamed.

Hobbes was a little surprised at the reaction. He glimpsed at the picture.

It was a photo shopped picture of a tiger turned into a duck.

Socrates grinned slyly.

"That's right, Sherman," he said. "Fear it! Fear duck-man! He brings evil! We never invite him to the family reunions!"

Hobbes stepped in.

"You see, Vermin, you're a special hamster," he said.

"Special how?" asked Sherman.

"Well, let's face it. Not many hamsters can quote Albert Einstein's theory of relativity," said Hobbes. "In fact, not many hamsters quote anything at all."

Sherman gulped.

"See, that's why they want to change your brain to that of a duck. Vets don't like smart animals because they try to rule the world!" said Socrates.

"They do?"

"Ever seen Pinky and the Brain?" asked Hobbes.

Sherman shrieked.

"AAAHH! I'M NOT GOING TO THE VET! THIS IS A BUGHUNT, MAN! A BUGHUNT! GAME OVER, MAN! GAME OVER! WHAAAAAAAAHH!"

Hobbes and Socrates looked at the pathetic genius hamster.

They looked at each other, and then stole a peek at the picture again.

"That picture is kind of horrific," commented Hobbes.

At that moment, the door to the lab burst open again.

Calvin suddenly jumped down, holding a rubber band.

"Eat space vapor, phantoms!" Calvin shouted.

Okay, quick cut to Calvin's imagination.

We haven't done this lately in the show, have we? Man, we need to do this more often.

Spaceman Spiff was in an underground torture chamber, and there were two giant furry monsters holding whips to a fellow, shorter space cadet.

"Blast!" said the first monster. "Spaceman Spiff has come to save his crewmate."

"Attack!" said the second, who had red stripes.

But Spiff attacked first, firing his gun.

The rubber band was fired and Hobbes on the arm.

"Ow!" he said, rubbing his arm. "Calvin, what the heck…?"

"The monster is wounded," said Spiff. "Now I can take him down."

Spiff karate chopped the first monster and brought it to its knees.

"Ow!" shrieked Hobbes. "I'm vulnerable there."

The second monster jumped Spiff.

"The disgusting evil creature jumps our intrepid hero!" Spiff cried.

"Give up, Spiff! You can't win!" the monster shouted.

"Never!" said Spiff.

Sherman was on the table watching the three of them wrestle.

Finally, Calvin was able to lift Socrates up with his feet and hurl him across the room.

Socrates crashed into the wall.

Then Calvin ran towards Sherman.

"Space cadet! Can you hear me?!" he shouted.

"Uh, yeah. I'm right here," said Sherman.

"Listen, carefully," said Spiff to the tied up cadet. "Your mind has been poisoned by these liars! They have filled you with misinformation like local news gives to its viewers. You must fight the fear that has plagued you!"

Hobbes shoved Calvin aside.

"Duck-tiger, Vermin! Duck-tiger!"

Calvin shoved Hobbes.

"Fight them, young cadet! Fight them!"

Socrates knocked Calvin down.

"They're Pinky and the Brain! They're Pinky and the Brain! One is a genius! The other's insane!" he sang.

Calvin yanked Socrates down.

"What does that have to do with anything?!" he demanded.

Hobbes knocked them both over.

"The vet shall attack you, young Vermin! Be afraid! Be very afraid! Think of that 1997 Batman movie with George Clooney! Terrifying! Not terrifying entertainment! Just terrifying!" he said dramatically.

Calvin knocked him over.

"While I agree that was a very bad movie, ignore what they say! Be strong, man! Find the strength!"

Socrates shoved him aside.

"Quack-quack-ROAR!" he said, holding the picture in front of his face.

"Uh, guys?" a voice said.

Everyone looked up.

Andy was holding a small cage.

Sherman's eyes popped open.

"GAH! NO! I AIN'T GOING TO NO DOCTOR!" he shouted.

"Hmmm," said Andy. "Your dialect is crumbling. You're nervous alright."

"No way! I'm not going!" said Sherman, who backed into the corner. "There's nothing you can do! I'm not moving! You'll have to pick me up and carry me!"

Andy picked Sherman up and put him in the cage.

"Well, guys, my two-pound hamster is going to the vet. See ya later."

"Drat," muttered Sherman.

Andy walked out of the lab.

"Be strong, cadet! Be strong!" Calvin shouted up the stairs.

"Hope you're a fan of Daffy!" shouted Hobbes.

"Oy lad!" said Socrates.

There was a long pause.

"Raid their fridge?" asked Hobbes.

"Sure, why not," said Calvin.

They all ran upstairs.

Later that day, Calvin was sitting on his front porch.

Hobbes was off somewhere with Socrates.

As he sat, he saw a car pull in at Andy and Sherman's house.

Calvin immediately ran over there.

Andy's parents went inside, and Andy stopped when he saw Calvin approaching.

"Hey," said Calvin. "Well, how'd it go? Sherman okay?"

Andy held up Sherman's cage.

Sherman had a dopey look on his face.

"Duuhhhh… I feels goooooood…," he slurred.

Calvin stared.

"Oh good lord…," he moaned.

"Yeah…," said Andy. "Things went okay when they gave him the gas."

"Gas? I thought you said it was for a checkup."

"It was."

Calvin grimaced.

"I'm glad Hobbes doesn't need a vet," he said thankfully.

"Such are the burdens of being a parent," Andy said. "Anyway, he said that if it turned out Hobbes and Socrates were lying, I should deploy the invention he made last night."

"What is it?"

"I guess we'll find out soon enough."

Andy pulled a small remote and pressed the one button that was on it.

Then they noticed the writing on the bottom.

They both grinned wide.

That afternoon, Calvin was relaxing in his treehouse when he saw Hobbes and Socrates approaching.

Both of them were looking particularly angry.

"Hey guys," he said, climbing down. "No doubt you've discovered Sherman's revenge."

Hobbes glared.

"Hobbes? Do you have anything to say?"

Hobbes glanced at Socrates, who simply sighed and motioned for him to go ahead.

Hobbes turned to Calvin and said something.

"QUACK!" he said.

Calvin grinned. "Why, I don't know whether to laugh or cry," he said. "Maybe I'll laugh."

"QUACK!" said Socrates.

"So your brains have been reprogrammed so that you can only speak in duck language," he commented. "What goes around comes around I suppose."

"Quack, quack," said Hobbes.

"Well, don't ask me to do anything about it," said Calvin. "Sherman says that the button was one-way, and that it can't be reversed until he gets around to building the second remote, and given the fact that he holds grudges, I doubt he's even started. Until then, you two are stuck like this."

"Quack," said Socrates.

Calvin looked back and forth them with a grin.

"So…what would happen if I started referring to you two as Widdle Woogums and Squishy Pants?" he asked.

Hobbes and Socrates glared.

"QUACK! QUACK, QUACK, QUACK, QUACK, QUACK!" Hobbes said angrily.

"Hey, nice comeback, Squishy Pants!" Calvin laughed. "Hey, Widdle Woogums! When was the War of 1812?"

"QUACK!" said Socrates angrily.

This went on for hours.

The End

Voice Actors:

Pamela Segall Adlon: Calvin / Spaceman Spiff

Tom Hanks: Hobbes

Ryan Stiles: Socrates

Andrew Lawrence: Andy

Colin Mochrie: Sherman

Jennifer Love Hewitt: Mom

Dakota Fanning: Susie Derkins

Tom Kenny: Space Monsters

Coming up Next: Personality Test