Summary: An unlikely villain attacks Calvin after leaping to the conclusion that he's an alien.
And now the Calvin and Hobbes: The Series Season two finale!
Written by Swing123 and Garfieldodie
The Alien Huntress
Jack the robot walked over to the edge of Dr Frank Brainstorm's lab in Yellowstone one day.
He was his usual cheery self.
His eyes half closed, his mouth stuck in that bored angle, and he was wearing his yellow "My boss is an idiot" T-shirt.
It was not a pretty sight when Brainstorm caught him.
He tore the shirt off Jack, and threw it into his Brainstorm shirt cutting machine, which immediately shot it back out into his face.
Jack took hold of a lever, and pulled it down.
Jack began to move upward, as a small section of the floor pushed him upward.
Outside, there was about seventeen people standing across from Old Faithful with cameras.
They were waiting for it to shoot the water upward.
Guess what they saw?
Suddenly, a small boulder near the geyser flipped over, and a tall, thin, silver robot emerged from it.
People stared in shock as Jack emerged from the ground.
He put the rock back down, and faced the thunderstruck crowd.
"'sup?" He asked, holding up a hand.
The crowd gawked at Jack.
Jack walked over to tall rock, and reached his hand into a hole in it.
He pulled out several envelopes, and a magazine, and walked back to the bolder to which he had emerged.
He flipped the boulder over, and stood on the ground where it had been.
He pushed a button on his arm, and slowly, he began to sink back into the ground.
When he was completely underneath it, the rock flipped back into place.
There was a moment of silence.
Everyone stared at the rock where a robot had just been.
The ranger guiding the tour was equally shocked.
He glared at building nearby, and muttered.
"I have got to see George about his stupid projector jokes." He muttered.
Jack lowered back into Brainstorm's lab.
Brainstorm was waiting.
"Did anyone see you!" He demanded.
"Nope." Jack said.
"Good. We may just pull off this 'mailbox disguised as a tall rock' thing!" He yelled.
"Sure." Jack said, filing through the mail. "let's see, electric bills, cable bills, radar bills, your Evil Genius magazine, a letter from that freak giving you the free 'Take over the world in three days' book, some package from the 'make your evil genius inventions work' company, and another letter from your sister."
Brainstorm had been nodding along with Jack, but when he reached the part about his sister, he grabbed the letter away and screamed, "MY SISTER?!?!"
"Yep." Jack said. "She said something about coming over at two o'clock."
Brainstorm checked his watch.
"THAT'S IN ONE HOUR! OH NO! Do you have any idea how much I don't want to see my sister?!?"
"Yes." Jack said.
"How do you know?!" Brainstorm demanded.
"You tell me every day." Jack said.
Brainstorm blinked.
"Uhhh... No I don't." he stammered.
"Sure you don't." Jack said.
Brainstorm glared at Jack.
"The point is that she's coming over, and we have to do something if we want to stop it!"
"Have fun." Jack said, turning to walk away.
"GET OVER HERE! YOU'RE HELPING ME!"
Jack sighed, and walked back over to Brainstorm.
"OK," He said. "But before we begin might I say something, real quick?"
"Sure." Brainstorm shrugged.
"Your watch is off by an hour." He said.
At that very moment, a doorbell rang.
Brainstorm spent three seconds staring off into space, then he turned to Jack.
"Jack I'm afraid this will have to go into my report."
"Oh, that's just terrible. Please spare me."
Brainstorm glared at Jack, then walked over to the computer.
"Who is it?" He asked, wearily.
"It's me!" yelled a shrill female voice. "Open the door or face my wrath!"
"She's your sister, alright." Jack said, turning the page to his novel.
Brainstorm groaned, and pushed a button.
A piece of wall began to roll away, and a tall woman stood waiting.
Jack gave her a blank stare.
You could tell at a glance that She and Brainstorm were related.
Her eyes were bright green, her hair, which was dyed blue, stuck straight upward, ending in sharp spikes as if she had been electrocuted, and she wore the same lab coat, black shirt and pants, brown sneakers, and green gloves that Brainstorm wore.
Jack's eyes went back and forth between Brainstorm and his sister.
They both had stupid expressions on their faces.
"It's a regular Brainstorm family reunion." He sighed, shaking his head.
"Sheila." Brainstorm muttered. "Good to see you again."
"SAME HERE!" Screeched the woman. "GENIUSES UNITE!"
Jack slapped his forehead.
"Can I show you around?" Brainstorm asked.
"NEGATORY ON THAT, BROTHER!" She screeched, looking around her brother's lab.
"WOW, WHAT A PRIMITIVE LABORATORY!" She screamed, examining his experiments. "I'VE SEEN TWO YEAR OLDS WITH MORE ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY!"
"Well, I've been working on it." Brainstorm growled.
"Must have been because mother always liked me better." Sheila said, turning around, and giving Brainstorm a goofy grin.
Brainstorm's shoulders, rose up to his ears, his eyes slammed shut, his teeth gritted, and his face turned red.
Jack watched, emotionlessly.
Suddenly, Sheila's stomach began growling.
"Are you hungry?" Brainstorm asked, through gritted teeth.
"I haven't had anything to eat in five minutes!" she yelled. She went nose to nose with Brainstorm. "I DEMAND FOOD! NOW!"
Brainstorm ran out of the room.
Sheila stood there, impatiently.
Then, she spotted Jack.
"WHO THE HECK ARE YOU!" She demanded, jabbing a finger at him.
Jack stared at her expressionlessly.
Just then Brainstorm came running back, holding an armload of food.
"It's about time you got here!" She screamed. "I've been waiting forever! What are you trying to do? Starve me?!"
She grabbed the tray away from Brainstorm, then jabbed a finger at Jack, who remained still.
"And who the heck is that!" She yelled.
"That's Jack, my robot assistant." Brainstorm growled. He turned to Jack. "Jack where are your manners?"
"Frank, your sister's a whack." Jack said. "Even more so than you."
Brainstorm grumbled to himself.
He turned to Sheila.
"Please disregard everything Jack says." He told her.
Sheila glared at him.
"WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY MOTHER!" She screeched.
"I'm going to go hide somewhere." Jack said, standing up, and walking away.
Brainstorm grabbed Jack by the shoulders.
"Oh no you aren't! We're in this together!" Brainstorm growled.
Just then Sheila got bored and walked away.
"HEY!" Brainstorm yelled. "Get back!"
Jack leaned over to Brainstorm's ear.
"Hey, Frank, here's a suggestion. Pitch her out."
Brainstorm glared at Jack.
"IT'S DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!!" he shouted.
He then marched out of the room and towards his sister.
Jack followed.
Sheila was standing impatiently in the kitchen.
Brainstorm glared at her.
"Sheila, what are you doing?" He demanded.
"You're not the boss of me!" She yelled.
Jack came walking in, just then.
"Hey Frank. Hey whacko." He said.
"MY NAME IS DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!" Brainstorm bellowed.
Jack ignored him, and reached for the fridge.
"Well, two lunatics in one day is too much for me." he said. "I need a soda."
Just then, Sheila spotted Jack, and acted as if she had just seen him.
"AAAAAAAHHHH! THE ROBOT'S TRYING TO EAT ME!!!!"
She grabbed a hammer off the counter, and slammed it into Jack's head.
"OOF!" Jack yelled.
Brainstorm stared in shock at Jack.
Jack stood there, glaring at Sheila while sparks flew from the area where the hammer was sticking out of his head.
"OK, I'm officially ticked off." he growled, pulling the hammer out his head.
He pushed a button on his arm, and immediately, all the misplaced wires in Jack's head reconnected themselves, and his chrome head flattened back down.
Sheila watched in utter shock.
She jabbed a finger at Jack, while chanting, "GET HIM AWAY! GET HIM AWAY! GET HIM AWAY!"
"Jack, would you come here, a moment?" Brainstorm hissed, grabbing Jack's free arm, and leading him away from his sister.
He was inches from the door, when Sheila blocked his path.
"Now what are you doing! You aren't abandoning me like you did in 1987. ARE YOU!!!!"
Brainstorm's eyes narrowed, his teeth gritted, and his face began trembling.
"I'm not." He growled. "I'm just going into the main lab to discuss something with my assistant."
Sheila grumbled to herself, but let Brainstorm pass.
Brainstorm and Jack walked into the Main lab.
Jack glared at Brainstorm.
"You just had to tell your family where your 'secret' hideout was." He snapped.
Brainstorm ignored him.
"Sheila is going to drive me nuts!" He muttered.
"You mean even more nuts than you already are?" Jack asked.
Brainstorm ignored him.
"What am I going to do? How can I continue my diabolical plan to rule the Earth if she's in my face every second!"
Brainstorm began pacing.
Jack yawned, and sat down in a chair.
"Well, maybe we could ditch her." He said.
"And leave my view of Old Faithful?! No way, Charlie! I need a better plan!"
"HELP! FRANK! MY SHOES ARE CAUGHT IN MY LAB COAT!"
"Ah, family traditions." Jack sighed.
Brainstorm slapped his forehead.
"There has to be something I can do! I could send her back in time!"
He paused.
Then his face brightened.
"OR, I could freeze her in a solid block of ice! Then thaw her out in a million years! Boy would she be surprised!"
Jack stared at Brainstorm for a long moment.
"Let me write that down." he said.
He took out a notepad and pencil.
"...freeze...her..." He said, pretending to write.
"You didn't actually write that down." Brainstorm said.
"No!" Jack yelled, slamming the notepad down.
Jack accidentally pushed a button, slamming the notepad down, and the giant computer screen roared to life.
Brainstorm and Jack looked up.
There, on the screen, was a picture of Calvin and Hobbes riding down a hill towards a cliff on Sneer Hill.
Brainstorm's lips curled up into a grin.
"I've found the solution to all our problems." He said.
He turned to the kitchen door.
"Oh, SHEEEEEEEEEEEEILA!" He sang.
The door burst open, and Sheila stood there, staring at him, blankly.
"FRANK! THERE'S A MULTI LEGGED BLACK THING IN THE KITCHEN!"
"They're called spiders." Jack said.
"No, spiders are those people who flip hamburgers."
Jack closed his eyes.
Brainstorm's brow furrowed.
"Sheila, I have a little job for you."
Sheila's face brightened.
"A JOB! I LOVE JOBS! WONDER! JOY! HAPPINESS!"
Jack buried his face into his hands.
Brainstorm glared ice picks at his sister.
"I need you to go after a certain boy and his friend."
He pointed at the screen.
Sheila studied it.
"GOOD GRIEF!" She screamed. "THERE'S A ROBOT IN THAT WAGON!"
Jack sighed, heavily.
"Look," Brainstorm growled. "Just go and spy on them. Pick up information so I can continue with my..."
He threw his hands into the air.
"...DIABOLICAL PLAN! BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"
Jack looked up and stared at the two lunatics in front of him.
"I wonder if Charlie Brown could use a robot..." He said to himself, rubbing his chin.
Sheila grumbled to herself, and walked towards the door.
She pulled the lever, and shot upward towards the ground.
Brainstorm watched her go.
Then he heaved a sigh.
"Whew! Rid of her. Now come, Jack, as I continue to haunt the Earth with my terrible INVENTIONS!"
"I think I'll sit this one out, Frank." Jack said.
"For the final time it's DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!"
Sheila climbed out from under the boulder, and tiptoed away from the crowd at Old Faithful. All of which were staring at her.
It didn't take that long before Sheila reached Calvin's neighborhood.
Once there, she began wondering how she was going to spy on them.
A man at Radio Shack sat at the front desk, wiping it down.
Suddenly, the door burst open, sending the bell shooting forward.
The man looked up.
Sheila was standing in the doorway, grinning like a lunatic.
"Welcome to Radio Shack." The man said in a dull voice. "How may I help you?"
Sheila shot over to the desk.
"SPY EQUIPMENT!" She hollered. "IT'S FOR MY SON'S BIRTHDAY! NOT FOR ME! MY SON! NOTHING SUSPICIONS ABOUT BUYING SPY STUFF!"
Her left eye twitched.
The man's expression remained blank, as he stared at the maniac in front of him.
"Isle five." he said. "toys, and spy equipment."
There was a high gust of wind, and Sheila vanished.
"Why do I always get the nuts?" The man asked himself, before going back to his cleaning.
Sheila began piling her arms with, ahem, "spy equipment" that just happened to be in the toy isle.
She rushed over to desk, again, and piled it high with the toys.
The man stared at it.
"You're going to buy all this?" He asked.
Sheila's head popped through the middle of the pile.
"WHY! WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT!!!!!"
"Nothing." the man said. "That will be two hundred and fifty three dollars and two cents, ma'am."
Sheila's eye twitched.
"YOU'LL NEVER GET A CENT OUT OF ME!" She screamed at the top of her lungs.
And with that, she grabbed the pile, or however much she could manage to lift, and rushed out of the store with it.
The man watched her.
"This happens every day." He sighed, pushing the emergency button under the counter.
Sheila burst out the radio shack, and ran over to a red sport's car.
She flung the door open, and managed to jam everything inside of it.
Then she leaped into the driver's seat.
A teenager looked up, and saw a tall haired stranger in his car, hot-wiring it.
"HEY!" He shouted. "THAT'S MY CAR!"
Sheila stared at him for a moment.
"No it isn't." She said.
And with that, she started the car up, and roared away with it, just as two police cars arrived.
Sheila looked back at the chaos she had caused through the rear view mirror.
She sighed.
"I am smoooooth." She said.
Uh huh.
After a while, Sheila finally reached Calvin's house.
There, she parked... uh... crashed the car into a parking lot a block down, gathered up the spy stuff, and ran towards Calvin's house.
She dove into a bush across the street, took some toy binoculars, and peered at Calvin's house.
It focused on Calvin.
He was wearing a black mask, and holding a volleyball.
"OK, then." He said. "I have the Calvinball."
He paused.
"I also happen to be in the Anti-new rule zone so no one can make any new reals until I let go of the ball."
The binoculars swung around to Socrates, who was also wearing a mask.
His brow furrowed.
"What kind of rule is that?" He asked.
"A good one." Calvin sniffed. "one I should have thought of months ago."
The binoculars then went from Socrates to Hobbes, who talking to Andy. Both of which had masks on.
Then Sheila spotted Sherman.
He was sitting on the front porch, ignoring Calvin and Hobbes, and was reading a miniature version of Moby Dick.
He was the only one not wearing a mask.
"They're performing some kind of strange ritual!" Sheila muttered. "I've broken this case wide open!"
Yeah.
She threw the binoculars away, and grabbed something that resembled a tape recorder.
She flipped a switch on it, and took a microphone out of it.
She attempted to wire the microphone up, then tossed it out of the bush.
It landed in another bush a few feet from where they were playing.
Sheila then took a pair of headphones, and slipped them onto her head.
She waited for a long time, before realizing that she forgot to turn the recorder on.
She flipped it on, and began listening.
By that time, Socrates had managed to get the Calvinball away from Calvin, and was now chasing him around the yard, throwing it at him.
Hobbes and Andy watched, ignoring Calvin's cries to help him.
Suddenly, Socrates stopped chasing Calvin.
He dropped the Calvinball, leaped into the air did a midair flip, and landed on his tail with his hands and feet out.
"IMCOMING TRANSMISSION FROM GALIXOID AND NEBULAR!" he said in a robotic voice.
Calvin stopped running, and spun around.
He told Hobbes and Andy to shut up, and turned to Socrates.
"Hi Galixoid, hi Nebular." He said.
"Hello, Earth Potentate." Said Galixoid.
"Let me begin by thanking you for saving me from that stupid tiger!"
There was a moment of silence.
"Uh... sure, your welcome." Galixoid said, uneasily. "Anyway, We need some more information about Earth."
"Sure, what do you want to know?" Hobbes asked, walking over.
"We told our leader we had to go to the bathroom." Nebular said. "Quick, what are the names of the eight continents?"
"There's only seven." Hobbes said. "They're North America, South America, Asia, Europe, Africa, Antarctica, and Australia."
The sound of a notepad being scratched on with a pen emitted from Socrates, then Galixoid returned.
"OK, and those cubic things with the screens, and multiple entertainment transmission channels?"
"Televisions." Calvin said.
More writing.
"OK, and that square yellow thing with the holes and buck teeth?"
"Spongebob Squarepants." Calvin said.
More writing.
"That oughta do it, thanks, Earth Potentate!"
"Sure thing." Calvin said through Sheila's microphone.
Sheila sat there for a long moment, trying to figure out what had just happened.
"Um, would someone turn him off?" Hobbes asked.
"Yeah, I will." Calvin said.
A light came on in Sheila's eyes.
"Transmitter?!" She muttered to herself. "The boy has a transmitter in him?!?!"
Ho boy.
Calvin walked up to Socrates and squeezed his nose.
Socrates's eyes squinted.
"Resume normal functions in 3...2...1..."
Socrates collapsed onto the ground.
"Whoo! What happened?"
"You fainted." Calvin said. "Now, who has the Calvinball?"
While Calvin and Hobbes continued with the game, Sheila rushed out of the bushes, frantically.
"I've gotta contact Frank!" She shouted.
Calvin and Hobbes looked up.
There was a moment of silence, as Sheila ran around in circles before rushing off.
"Who the heck was that?" Hobbes asked.
"Sherman, is there anything in the newspaper about anything escaping from the zoo?" Socrates asked.
"No." Sherman said, without looking up from his novel.
They shrugged it off, and continued the game.
Dr Brainstorm stood transfixed at his desk.
His eyes were wide open, and he was staring at a metal box with a bunch of wires sticking out of them.
He turned took a yellow booklet out of his pocket, and began flipping through it.
"Make sure evil genius invention doesn't have sparks of electricity shooting from it." he read.
He looked down at the box, then went back to the book.
"Check wiring to make sure none of them are in the self destruct sequencer."
He checked the box again.
"Make sure there isn't a self destruct sequencer."
He looked at the box, again, and grinned.
"OH JAAAAAACK!" he sang.
Jack came walking into the room sipping a soda.
"What now?" he grumbled.
Brainstorm gave Jack a goofy grin, and pointed at the box.
"Everything checks out! My Channel Device is completely safe!"
"I'll bet." Jack said, continuing to sip on his soda.
"With this device, I can take control of every channel in the world, and broadcast my threat to every TV in the world!!! THIS CAN'T FAIL!!"
He threw his hands into the air, and laughed, insanely.
Jack's expression remained blank.
"And what did you plan to threaten them with?" He inquired.
Brainstorm's grin dropped like a brick, and his eyes blanked out.
"Uhh... I haven't figured that out, yet. But never fear! My ingenious mind will come up with something horrible and terrible!"
"I see." Jack said. "Well, have fun."
Jack turned around and walked away.
"Wait!" Brainstorm shouted. "Before I push the button..."
"Yes, I've already called 911." Jack said.
"Thank you."
Brainstorm turned back to his invention.
"And now to activate the device and cause total chaos around the world! NOBODY CAN STOP ME NOW!!!"
Brainstorm lifted his hand over his head, one finger extended, and brought in down heavily onto the button.
Suddenly, several sirens in the lab went off.
Brainstorm's grin faded.
"Uh oh. What did I do?"
"It's the doorbell." Jack said. "Somebody pushed the Urgent Emergency button."
"Oh no! I hope Superman hasn't discovered my secret hideout!"
"I seriously doubt that he would waste his time here." Jack said.
"Jack! Go see who it is! If it's that salesperson with all those take over the universe books, tell them we don't want any!"
"Universe too much trouble for ya, huh?" Jack said, checking into the security camera.
There was a moment of silence.
"Huh. It's your sister."
Brainstorm's eyes nearly exploded out of his head.
Which technically happens all the time so it was no big shock.
"HER AGAIN! She's only been gone for a few hours!!!"
Jack stared at Brainstorm in disbelief.
"When did you learn to tell time?" He asked.
"I didn't, I just used a stopwatch." Brainstorm said.
Jack started to calm down.
"That's a relief. For a second there, I thought your IQ was raising."
"Shut up, and answer the door." Brainstorm grumbled.
Jack walked over to the door, and pulled a lever.
Sheila came bursting in, as frantic as ever.
"I FOUND SOMETHING OUT! I SOMETHING OUT! I FOUND SOMETHING OUT! I FOUND SOMETHING OUT! I SOMETHING OUT! I FOUND SOMETHING OUT! I FOUND SOMETHING OUT! I SOMETHING OUT! I FOUND SOMETHING OUT!" She screeched, bouncing around the lab.
Brainstorm and Jack watched her.
"I'm going to go hide, now." Jack said, turning around, to go.
Brainstorm grabbed him.
"Stay here, you little traitor!" He growled.
Brainstorm walked over to Sheila.
"Uh, Sheila, would you please stop bouncing around like that?" He asked.
Sheila didn't hear him. Either that she had no interest in stopping.
Jack watched, silently with his hands behind his back.
It took Brainstorm fifteen minutes to calm Sheila down.
When she finally did, she turned to the two, and hollered, "I DISCOVERED THAT ONE OF THEM HAS A TRANSMITTER IN THEM!!"
There was a long moment of silence.
"Uh, yes, we know that." Jack said.
Sheila jabbed a finger at him.
"YOU STAY OUT OF THIS, ROBOT SCUM!!!!" She shouted.
Jack's eyes narrowed.
Sheila turned back to Brainstorm.
"I can even tell you which one has it!"
"We already know." Brainstorm said.
"IT'S THE BOY! THE BOY IS AN ALIEN THAT TRANSMITS TRAMSITIONS! HE'S AN ALIEN I TELL YOU!!! AND HE WAS TALKING TO HIS PEOPLE!!!!!"
There was another long moment of silence, in which Brainstorm and Jack tried to figure out what Sheila had just said.
"Uhh... no.." Brainstorm said, slowly. "It's not Calvin, it's the..."
"BUT I WILL NOT DISAPPOINT YOU!" Sheila screamed. "I SHALL GET THE TRANSMITTER IN ANY WAY POSSIBLE!!!"
Sheila threw her arms in the air like Brainstorm does, and began laughing, diabolically.
She then rushed out of the lab.
There was another moment of silence.
"I vote Canada." Jack said.
The next day, Calvin got off the bus with an exhausted look on his face.
"What a day," he sighed. "I'm exhausted. I feel like I've been hit by a train!"
Calvin opened the door and yelled, "I'M HOME!"
KA-POW!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHH!"
Hobbes exploded from the house and collided with Calvin, and they both flew into a yard across the street.
WHUMP!
Calvin slowly got to his feet.
"Oh…," he groaned. "Now I feel like I was hit by a train."
"Never use hyperbole until the appropriate moment," Hobbes said sternly.
Calvin growled at him.
"Oh my!" said a female voice. "Let me help you up, young man!"
"Yeah, thanks, lady, I…"
Calvin's voice trailed off as his hand grabbed onto a rubber glove. He looked at it, and then up at who was helping him.
It was Sheila.
But Calvin didn't know this yet.
All he saw was an idiotic-looking woman.
Sheila helped him to his feet.
"Hello," she said. "I'm Sheila."
"Nice," said Calvin. "I'm leaving."
Calvin started to leave with Hobbes.
"You're Calvin, aren't you?" she asked.
Calvin and Hobbes stopped walking.
"How do you know me?" Calvin demanded, whirling around.
"Well, you're the brave little boy who saved the Earth from aliens!" she said.
Calvin and Hobbes' eyes popped open.
"You believe me?" he cried.
"You believe him?" Hobbes cried.
"Of course," said Sheila. "And ever since then, I have been living in your shadow, idolizing your life."
Calvin grinned big and wide.
Hobbes groaned.
"I'm gonna go walk in front of bus. See ya later," said Hobbes.
And he left.
Calvin sighed.
"I swear, Hobbes is great, but sometimes, I swear…," he muttered.
"I know," said Sheila. "Tigers can be such a pain. They'd be lost without us."
"Exactly. Still, they're more fun than hanging out with people. Hobbes has always given me some enlightenment on religious questions."
"How nice, Calvin. However, I'm here to find out more about you."
"Oh, okay. You wanna come to my house?"
"Why, certainly."
Calvin led her across the street.
As they were walking, Sheila whispered into a small recording device.
"Captain's log. 3:46 PM. The transmitter is leading me to his house. My special pills that make me a normal human being have worked like a charm. I shall soon get his transmitter."
Calvin and Sheila entered the house.
Mom and Dad were in the living room reading.
"Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad! I brought a friend home!" he said.
Mom and Dad looked up.
They saw Sheila.
They stared at her crazy hairdo.
"Um…hello," said Mom.
"Nice hair," commented Dad.
"Thank you," Sheila said sweetly.
"She believes me about the aliens!" Calvin exclaimed.
Mom and Dad sighed.
"Whatever," said Mom. "We're going out tonight, so that means Rosalyn is coming to stay tonight."
Calvin stared at her with wide eyes.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed, and he tore upstairs and dove into his room.
Sheila stood there for a moment watching the direction he'd gone in.
Then she noticed Mom and Dad were still staring at her.
She grinned nervously and made her way to the stairs and ran to Calvin's room.
Mom and Dad exchanged glances.
Up in the bedroom, Calvin had located Hobbes and they were wearing green army helmets and dart guns.
"Are we ready for babysitter maneuver number forty-six?" Calvin asked.
"Yep," said Hobbes. "The balloons filled with syrup are at the ready. By the way, whatever happened to Sheila?"
"Oh! I left her in the living room! I'll go get her."
Calvin left the bedroom.
Big mistake.
The minute he was out the door and out of Hobbes' sights, a giant sledgehammer conked him on the noggin.
WHAM!
Calvin stood there with a dazed expression on his face for a split second, and then collapsed to the floor.
Sheila stood there evilly, holding onto the giant hammer.
She grabbed Calvin and dragged him away to the attic.
Calvin awoke a half hour later. He found himself tied to a chair in the attic.
"Flubber Nutter," he moaned. "Man, what happened?"
Suddenly, a crazy-looking woman with an electric blue hairdo appeared an inch from his nose.
"Y'ello!" she shouted.
"D'AAAH!" Calvin screamed, nearly tipping over in the chair.
"How are ya, alien boy?" she asked sweetly.
Calvin stared.
"Sheila, what the heck…?"
"I'm asking how you are! ANSWER ME, PUNK!"
"I'm terrified!"
"Perfect! This'll teach you to come down here and attack the good people of Earth!"
"What are you talking about?"
"YOU ARE AN ALIEN BOY WITH A TRANSMITTER CHIP IN YOUR BRAIN!" she howled.
Calvin stared at her with wide eyes.
"I am NOT!" he bellowed.
"Don't play dumb with me. I've heard your message from your leaders, Galaxar and Nebuloid."
"Galaxoid and Nebular?"
"And you are gathering bits of information for them! You are plotting an invasion, aren't you? You're going to make us all walk about the streets and chant your great leader's name and make us clean your toilets with our tongues, aren't you?"
Calvin stared for a long time.
"Eh…," he started. "What are you gonna do to me?"
Sheila pulled out a chainsaw.
"I'm gonna cut your head open and remove the transmitter."
"WHAT?!?" Calvin shouted.
Sheila grinned evilly and started to rev up the chainsaw.
But right when she had almost gotten it started…
"CALVIN! WE'RE LEAVING!" Mom shouted.
Calvin went to yell something, but immediately got stuck with duct tape over his mouth.
"Make a noise and I'll kill you now!" Sheila hissed.
Calvin nodded nervously.
Sheila sighed to herself and walked downstairs.
Mom and Dad were just putting their coats on when Sheila came downstairs.
"Ah, Mr and Mrs. Whatever!" she said.
"Actually, it's—" Dad began.
"Yes, how lovely. Anyway, I understand you two are going out tonight?"
"Uh huh, so we're going to have to ask you to leave," said Mom politely.
"Oh, I see. Very well," Sheila said. "I shall depart. But before I go…"
Sheila held up a ray gun and blasted Mom and Dad in the heads.
Immediately, Mom and Dad got dumb expressions on their faces and their eyes went out of focus.
Sheila looked at them in confusion, and then examined the guns.
"Hypnosis? I was going for flaming ball of flames!" she moaned. "Ah well. I'll store them in the basement."
She grabbed hold of them both and started to drag them downstairs to the basement.
Hobbes was still wearing his army helmet and waiting for Calvin to return.
"Why do I have this feeling I'm being left out of something important here?" he wondered.
Hobbes got out of bed and walked towards the railing over the living room.
He stared at Sheila as she dragged Mom and Dad down into the basement.
"HEY!" he shouted.
Sheila looked up and saw Hobbes jumping down the stairs towards her.
"Unhand them, you female fiend!" he said, showing his claws.
Sheila pulled her same gun.
"NOT SO FAST, ROBOTIC TIGER!" she yelled.
Hobbes froze.
"Wait… Did you call me a robot?" he asked slowly.
"Yes! Now hold still!"
"But…but the only one who ever calls me a robot is…Dr Brainstorm!"
"Yeah, I'm his sister, Sheila. What's it to ya?"
Hobbes was so completely blown away by the whole idea that he didn't react when Sheila hypnotized him with the gun.
"Into the basement with you three!" she ordered.
Mom, Dad and Hobbes slowly walked towards the basement, dopey expressions on their faces.
Sheila grinned triumphantly.
Just then, in came Rosalyn!
"Um, excuse me? Who are you?" she asked.
Sheila whipped around.
"I'm…a friend," she said.
"Well, I'm Rosalyn. I'm Calvin's babysitter. Where are his parents?"
"Um, they're down in the basement," Sheila said slyly. "Would you care to join them?"
"I guess so," Rosalyn said unsurely.
Rosalyn turned towards the basement, and while her back was turned, Sheila blasted her with the hypnosis gun.
Rosalyn flinched slightly, and then slowly walked into the basement.
Sheila grinned happily.
"Now for the alien boy…," she said.
But as she turned to the stairs, she realized that Socrates, Andy and Sherman were standing in front of her.
"Ack!" she cried.
"Hi," said Andy.
"Good day," said Socrates.
"Hello," said Sherman.
Sheila recognized them.
"YOU'RE FRIENDS OF THE ALIEN BOY!" she yelled.
Before they could ask what she meant, Socrates, Andy and Sherman were blasted by the gun.
They all acquired dopey expressions and wandered down to the basement.
Sheila growled.
"OKAY! DOES ANYONE ELSE WANNA TRY AND STOP ME?!" she hollered. "BECAUSE THIS IS GETTING REALLY OLD!"
Just then, Susie entered.
"Uh, I heard a lot of racket at my house. Is everything okay?" she asked.
ZZAP!
Susie didn't realize what happened. She just looked real dumb and wandered down to the basement.
Sheila sighed and looked outside to make sure no one else was coming.
No one.
She checked the house.
Nobody else around.
"Alien boy, your days are numbered!" she hissed.
Down in the basement, everyone was coming to as the hypnosis wore off.
"Ooh, what happened?" asked Rosalyn.
"Why are we in the basement?" wondered Mom.
"Who was that woman in the living room?" asked Andy.
"EVERYONE DIRECT YOUR ATTENTION TO ME!" a voice shouted.
Everyone stared.
Sheila stood behind them, holding a chainsaw.
Everyone's eyes burst open.
"Uh…what are you gonna do with that?" Susie asked slowly.
"Oh, don't worry. I'm not using this on you. I'm using this on the alien boy!" she said calmly.
Everyone stared.
"…who?" asked Andy.
"THE SPIKY-HAIRED KID!" she shouted.
Everyone gasped.
"YOU'RE GOING TO KILL CALVIN? WHY?" Mom shrieked.
"Because he's an alien boy with a transmitter in his head! He uses it to contact his people! But never fear citizens! I have captured the boy in your attic, and I shall remove the chip, and then I shall use it to help me rule the world!" she cackled.
Socrates, Andy and Sherman stared at her.
"Related to Brainstorm?" asked Socrates.
"Yup," said Hobbes.
"Now, if you don't mind, I have to gas this thing up," said Sheila, carrying the chainsaw upstairs.
And she left.
Everyone sat in a cold silence.
Up in the attic, Calvin was desperately trying to escape.
He had been hopping around in the chair, and was trying to get a box that held the Mega-Shrinker. He was almost there, but suddenly, Sheila burst in.
"TRYING TO ESCAPE, ARE YA? WELL, TOO BAD! I'M GONNA RIP YOU OPEN!" she shouted, holding up the chainsaw.
Calvin gulped.
Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman were struggling with the ropes.
"Come on! Come on!" Hobbes grunted.
"Oh, it's hopeless," said Sherman. "There's no way we'll get free in time."
"Maybe not," said Andy. "There may be a way to cut the ropes."
"But how?" asked Socrates.
Hobbes suddenly lit up.
"Hey, Socrates. You know what would lighten the mood a bit?"
"What?"
"If you said our favorite number!"
"Which is?"
"What, you mean you don't remember after all this time?"
Socrates thought for a while.
"Oh…you mean 98,462?" he asked.
KA-TROING!
Socrates went into his transmission mode, and in the process, his arms forced the ropes to snap!
Hobbes, Andy and Sherman were freed as well.
"All right!" said Andy, who pinched Socrates' nose.
"Whoa!" said Socrates. "What the heck happened? How are we free?"
"Lucky break, I guess," said Hobbes. "Come on! We gotta save Calvin!"
Hobbes and Socrates tore up the stairs, leaving Andy and Sherman to untie the others.
The chainsaw was whirring loudly as Sheila moved in closer.
Calvin was desperately trying to back away.
But just then, Hobbes and Socrates burst into the room.
"STOP RIGHT THERE, BRAINSTORM'S SISTER!" he shouted.
Sheila turned off the chainsaw and looked back.
"What the heck…?" she wondered.
The duct tape came off of Calvin's mouth.
"Brainstorm's sister?" he asked.
"ATTACK!" shouted Socrates.
Two tigers suddenly jumped the crazy lady and knocked her down.
"AAHH!" she screamed. "CRAZY ROBOTS! HELP ME!"
Calvin watched with great interest.
"GO HOBBES! GO SOCRATES! GO, GO, GO!" he chanted from his prison.
Just then, Andy, Sherman and the rest of the gang entered the room.
Mom, Dad, Susie and Rosalyn watched as a crazed woman rolled around on the floor with two stuffed tigers on her chest.
"HELP! HELP!" she screamed.
Andy and Sherman ran over and untied Calvin.
"Thanks, guys," said Calvin, getting down from the chair. "Man, I didn't think Dr Brainstorm had a family. I always figured he'd just sprung from the ground."
"Same here," said Andy.
Just then, they heard a bunch of footsteps as a man came in through the crowd. He was dressed in a policeman's, but he also had a really tall red hairdo. Behind him was a man who wore a similar uniform, but he was very gray and shiny.
It was Dr Brainstorm and Jack.
"There you are!" he shouted.
Everyone stopped and stared at him.
Brainstorm stormed over towards Sheila and yanked Hobbes and Socrates off of her.
"Okay, Sheila. Come with me. You are under arrest!" he yelled.
"WHAT?! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I DEMAND MY ATTORNY!" she yelled.
"You have no attorney. Jack, let's book her!"
"Whatever you say, Frank," said Jack, getting out a notepad.
"DEPUTY BRAINSTORM!" he shouted.
They dragged Sheila away.
"JUST YOU WAIT! ALIEN! HE'S AN ALIEN! IT'S THE ONLY EXPLANATION! HOW ELSE COULD HIS HAIR DO THAT? ALIEN!!"
Jack dragged Sheila out of the house.
Calvin and Hobbes watched.
Dr Brainstorm leaned in towards them.
"Yeah, don't get used to me helping you out," he muttered. "I only did this for two reasons. One: I can't stand her. And two: if anyone is going to kill you two, it'll be me!"
Calvin and Hobbes rolled their eyes.
Brainstorm piled into the cop car with Jack at his side, and tied and bound Sheila trapped in the back.
"Okay, Sheila, you're going home to mother," said Dr Brainstorm.
"What? NO! NOT MOMMY! PLEASE! SPARE ME!"
Jack stuck some earplugs into his head and they drove into the sunset, and Sheila's screaming was heard for miles around.
Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman watched them leave.
"A transmitter in a brain, huh?" Socrates asked, looking at the others.
Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman suddenly looked very nervous.
Socrates stared for a second. Then he started to laugh.
"That's the craziest thing I've ever heard! Ha!"
The others laughed slightly, but not quite as hard.
The End
Voice Work
Pamela Segal Adlon Calvin
Tom Hanks Hobbes
Ryan Stiles Socrates / teenager at Radio Shack
Andrew Lawrence Andy
Colin Mochrie Sherman / Nebular
Jennifer Love Hewitt Mom
Norman Lovett Radio Shack employee
Bill Murray Dad / Galixoid
Dakota Fanning Susie
Daveigh Chase Rosalyn
Neil Crone Dr Brainstorm
Micheal Brandon Jack
Bridget Nelson Sheila Brainstorm
Coming up next: The Calvin and Hobbes: The Series (SEASON TWO) End of Season Bonus Chapter!