Disclaimers: Don't ask, don't own, don't. Xiu Soi I do own. Nobody had better kill me for this…

Chapter 10

Kayriel sauntered along Nothingness towards the Tree of Sight. It stopped a few paces from the Blind One with silver hair.

"So you know how to cheat after all…" Kayriel, also known as the Sightless One for those who truly know, drawled.

"Hmm…you call it 'cheating' yet I call it evening the odds…"

"You manipulated China's history…the people…now things are getting out of hand! First of all, Ling Cao was not supposed to die together with Sun Jian at the Battle of Jing! He was supposed to die when the Sun Family finally take revenge on Huang Zu for the murder of their father!"

"But it was Gan Ning who ultimately slayed him, was it not? There is no difference…only the time that it happened. It is what you will call…'destiny'..?"

Kayriel gritted its teeth. "Zhen Ji and Zhang He was not supposed to be Cao Cao's ally when they engage Yuan Shao…and the Emperor was not supposed to be in Cao Cao's hands yet! Do not dare tell me that you did not have a hand at this!"

"I did not"

The Sightless One laughed sarcastically. "And you expect me to believe that?"

"Yes. Why? Why does it bother you so much that everything is not happening as was it supposed to? There is no difference…Ling Cao gets slayed by Gan Ning, the Sun family will be able to get their revenge, Zhen Ji will still become Cao Cao's ally and Cao Pi's wife…the Emperor will still flee to Cao Cao's waiting arms." It shrugged. "No difference…"

"It is different!" the Sightless One growled.

"Why? Is it that important? Is it absolutely necessary for them to happen at those particular times? What's important is that it happens, right? Or…do you have something that you dare not disclose to me?"

"How dare you…" the black haired one sneered. "My point is I never knew you were capable of deceit."

"As I have told you, it is not me…rather, it was Soi."

"Absurd. How can a mere mortal do such a thing?"

"Soi is not just a mortal…but THE mortal…When she entered this world, a powerful barrier was violently broken…there was chaos in the presence of an anomaly and in order to restore balance once again, some elements had to compensate and rearrange…Time, Destiny, Dimension…all accommodated the anomaly…it is just natural. If it was not made as it is, this world, already in chaos, will be forced to accommodate a new element which might have resulted in its destruction."

"Why not let things as they are? Let her adapt"

"That cannot be done. You see, in the law of entropy, when you burn wood, you can never rearrange it back to being a wood again. In a closed space, Disorder cannot be destroyed nor be converted into new energy…it can only pile up. 'Energy', in this case, meaning 'balance'. Disorder can only be transferred to another location, and it can accommodate new Disorder again…"

"In this case, let's say that this world is the closed space. Due to the powerful barriers that exist and keep this world alive, it is isolated. There is already Disorder existing due to the wars that they wage. If you add an anomaly into the mix, then the world will implode for the level of Disorder already exceeded the limit of this world."

Kayriel stayed silent while the Blind One continued, "And as I have told you, we cannot destroy Disorder. We can only transfer it to another location for this world to achieve 'balance'. But how can we transfer it when this world is isolated? And again…some elements that can accommodate, accommodated. But it did not significantly influence the outcome of anything…the issues you bring up are nothing but trivialities...or are they?"

With that, Kayriel turned his back on the Blind One. How dare you!

"Lady Soi?"

Soi looked from the window and towards the one that called her. It was the worried Da Qiao.

"Are you feeling alright…?" she asked.

Soi smiled at her. "Nothing. I just remembered something…"

"Hey! We're not paying you to doze off during lecture you know!" Sun Ce shouted from his chair.

Soi grabbed a heavy scroll and threw it towards him, which he dodged in the nick of time.

"First of all, you're not paying me anything you cheapskate! And second, you're one to talk Lord 'I-have-saliva-on-my-table-and-snores-loud-in-class'!"

"Children, that's enough fighting." Lu Meng intervened sternly. "We are in the middle of a lecture about the essentials of strategy and-"

"We don't need this!" Sun Ce exasperatedly said. "We're seasoned fighters and already know this! And you expect us to learn anything with her-he pointed at Soi-lecturing!"

"Personally Ce," Zhou Yu answered, "I am quite intrigued of how she interprets the text…"

"Why?"

Quan spoke up. "Brother, Soi defended Wu for 30 days! And 10 of those 30 days, she did it single-handedly."

"But why do we have to listen to her?" Sun Ce whined. "I'd rather go out and spar!"

"Have you no shame, o brother of mine?" Shang Xiang quipped.

"I know you also want to get out of here Shang Xiang, admit it!"

"Actually, I was looking forward to how she would teach us…this is the first time I saw a girl lecture about strategy. And you're ruining it!"

"My Lord, My Lady…" Lu Xun said nervously as he tried to settle the two.

"You can do it Soi!" Xiao Qiao jumped from her chair.

Soi couldn't help but laugh. She remembered the time when Zhou Yu, Lu Meng and Lu Xun asked her what her inspiration was when she was able to come up with those tactics. When she told them Sun Tzu, their jaws practically hit the floor and their heads the ceiling. It was so funny, she wished she had a camera…Yet when she showed them the book, they couldn't understand it for it was in English. She forgot that this was ancient China. Damn…now she wished she continued those Mandarin lessons from elementary…

They then insisted for her to conduct a series of lecture for them…well not exactly. It was more like they wanted her to share her opinions, ideas and pry her mind.

"Lady Soi?"

She shook out from her reverie and saw Lu Xun sitting patiently, eager for her to continue.

"Our lecturer is daydreaming…" Sun Ce dodged another flying scroll.

Soi the cleared her throat and glanced at her beloved book.

"We're now in Chapter Six…which is entitled 'Weak Points and Strong'…I love this one!" she smiled. "What I understood from this chapter is to try to fool your enemy by using tactics and at the same time, hit 'em where it hurts. For example" she sat on the table, facing them and started explaining. "If I saw Sun Ce and wanted to kick his behind without much effort, I would try to find out his strong point and make it his weak point. For example, if he is walking in the gardens, relaxing, I will annoy him until he gets irritated. If he is sitting down, I will free a rabid dog to make him move. If he has food, I will eat it for him and starve him! If he is with Da, I will not leave-"

"Ha, you're just jealous…I only have eyes for Da…I'm sorry Soi, you're just not my type" he shrugged.

"…Da alone with him for he is one who cannot be trusted with women for he has no gentleness nor gentlemanliness and also a vain prick that thinks that he's the gods' gift to women…or is it men?" she then feigned surprise "Gosh Ce, I can never BEAT that!"

Sun Ce's mouth opened. "Xiu Soi…that was LOW!-"

"And that is an example of weak points and strong. I was attacking Sun Ce head on by making him the example thus humiliating him. So he rushes to save his already trampled pride yet I attacked his strongest point when he least expected it-his 'manliness'. And now, he is like a carp outside water, still racking his brains for a clever rebuttal, and while he does that, I could easily finish him off-"

By this time, some were snickering and laughing. "Soi! That was mean…" Xiao Qiao giggled.

"Nah, I didn't mean it Ce." She smiled at him, and he awarded her with a 'you-win-this-time' one

Lu Xun silently watched her as she laughed happily along with the class. He loved Soi's lectures…she has this simple way of talking with them as if they were old friends, making them understand and interested. Even Lady Shang Xiang, Lady Xiao Qiao and Lord Sun Ce was able to sit through and listen to her, even if the latter pretended not to. He loved Soi's voice, her laugh, and her smile…the way she first appalled Lu Meng when she sat down on the table and swung her legs on their first lecture. Lu Meng nor Zhou Yu never did so…they were always formal and strict. But with Soi…

He shook his head. He should be concentrating!

"…And that ends it for today." Soi's voice pierced through his thoughts and he realized that another lecture has ended. He had started to replace the scrolls when someone tapped his shoulder. He turned and he almost dropped everything he carried. It was Soi.

"Cotton candy Boy, can I ask a favor?" she placed her hands in a prayer position and smiled apologetically.

"Anything Lady Soi…" Lu Xun replied, hiding all nervousness from her.

"Can you please accompany me to the barracks of the reserves?"

Lu Xun didn't bother to hide his surprise. "…That is an unusual request my lady…may I ask as to why-?"

She gave him a light punch on the arm. "It's only the two of us. Drop the formalities already. Anyway," she looked down. "I…kinda promised them a song number if we win so…"

The apprentice's face lit up. "Why not? I will tell the others-"

"You mustn't" Soi said quietly. "Please Cotton Candy Boy…no."

"But…why not?"

"I don't want them to make a fuss over this…I don't want them to get used to it…Just one song number, and we go…okay?"

Lu Xun looked at her and saw the same, empty look in those eyes. When will she tell him? She trusts him does she not? After all, she came to him and not to Lord Zhou Yu…He found himself agreeing and accompanying her to the barracks. His eyes strayed to her and took her clothes into account. She was wearing a gray and hooded sleeveless top that had a zipper in the middle that ran all the way to the bottom. He figured that if that one pull at that contraption and she will be exposed… He blushed and forced the thought out of his mind. She was also wearing the same denim shorts that she wore when she first arrived and those she called 'rubber shoes'. She had her red bead earrings and choker and had her hands in her pockets. He could tell that she was scared and unsure. He cleared his throat.

"Don't worry Soi…I'm sure they will love you"

Soi looked at him and smiled. "Thanks. I'm glad you're here"

Lu Xun practically burst with happiness. He was glad to be of help…to be able to act as her pillar and strength. They stopped at the entrance and Soi took a deep breath. "Here goes…"

She opened the doors and was greeted by a wall of voices, all shouting, rushing past her, the smell of old straw and sweat and the likes.

"ATTENTION!" Lu Xun commanded and the instantly stopped. They saw the Lady Soi and immediately started to form in line when she shouted, "WAIT!"

They all stopped and looked at her. She looked at them. "…I promised you guys a song right?"

Immediately, they cheered, whistled and shouted. Soi smiled and went in, followed by Lu Xun. A table was prepared, food and wine were served and some of the soldiers started singing and dancing. Lu Xun, with the occasional smile and sip of wine, eyed Soi the whole time, in case the soldiers get too intoxicated, forget their place and do something unmentionable to her.

Soi, on the other hand, was trying hard not to show anyone how nervous she was. So as the moon was high in the sky, Soi stood at the top of the table and said, "Well, you guys, we did it! We won the battle!"

The reserves cheered and she continued "Falling Star couldn't have done it without you guys…And I am happy that you are all safe and alive. As a reward, and as I promised, a song. Sorry I couldn't do it earlier…not only I had to teach you guys the song-she looked at some of the reserves with instruments- they placed guards in my room to prevent me from sneaking out because the doctor refused to let me move and advised that I should rest."

She winked at Lu Xun and he sighed, remembering the fiasco that she has caused when she tried to get out of bed when she woke up. Of course, no one would hear of it, especially Da, Sun Ce, Zhou Yu and himself. She tried another attempt at the window, and fortunately, they caught her as she was just climbing out. Since then, guards were assigned to any possible route she might use to escape. And she recovered from the ordeal without much fuss, not counting the number of times she tried to escape and make a racket though.

As he was pondering these thoughts, he felt a hot breath on his ear. "Gotcha"

Lu Xun turned sharply and a hand clamped on his hand.

The music started and Soi said "Again, not composed by me, but it's very appropriate! It called Barairo no Sekai (Rose Colored World)".

"Rawr Tsun She!" Lu Xun exclaimed in muffled surprise.

"Hmph, thought you two could party without me, did you?" Sun Ce said as he continued to cover Xun's mouth. Right behind him were the other generals.

"Did you realize how worried we've been?" Lu Meng quietly said amidst the roar of the crowd through Soi's speech.

"We almost rang the castle gong when we found out that Lady Soi was missing!" Taishi Ci said as he imposed a menacing aura at Lu Xun

"Good thing I followed you two" Shang Xiang said mischievously.

"You're finally a man, aren't you Lu Xun?" Gan Ning smirked as he glanced pointedly at Soi.

"Hey!"

Soi started singing.

kimi ga seou itami no hate ni wa
miushinatte ita kanousei ga matte ite
namida mo sugu ni wasurete shimatte
atarashii kairaku ni oboreru mon sa

(At the end of the pain that you are burdened with
The possibility that you've lost sight is waiting for you
Soon forgetting your tears
You'll indulge in a new pleasure)

"Nice…" Ling Tong commented as he tapped his foot to the beat.

hametsu wo mezasu rekishi no sutoorii
kimi to futari naraba
sore hodo kowakowanai

(A story of history heading toward destruction
When it's just you and I
It's not that scary)

"I don't know why but Soi's love songs are good…not those overly sweet, sentimental types…" Shang Xiang wrinkled her nose.

"Yes. Her songs are indeed different" Sun Quan replied.

zetsubouteki na sekai wa ima mo
ikinobiyou to agaki tsuzukeru yo
sukuiyou no nai keshiki mo kitto
ayatsuri you de bara iro ni mieru

(Even now this hopeless world
Continues to struggle to survive
Certainly with some manipulation
The hopeless landscape will appear to be rose colored)

"Lu Xun, if you want to impress a lady, the last place you'll bring her on a night out is the barracks!" Huang Gai quipped.

Lu Xun blushed a bright crimson. "L-Lord H-Huang Gai!"

kotae nante itsu no jidai de mo
aru you de hontou wa nai you na mon de

(In every age there seem to be answers
But really there are none)

"The songs from her world speak of some truths…" Zhou Yu silently contemplated.

"Zhou Yu, don't be so serious! Come dance with me!" Xiao Qiao smiled.

hametsu wo mezasu rekishi no sutoori
te wo hanasanakereba

(A story of history heading toward destruction

If you don't let go of my hand it's not that scary)

"War and love…I never thought I'd see the day that those two concepts can be used in perfect harmony…and of all mediums, a song" Lu Meng smiled. "Lady Soi's world…I wonder what it's like?"

zetsubouteki na sekai wa ima mo
ikinobiyou to agaki tsuzukeru yo
miakita hazu no keshiki mo kitto
kangaeyou de bara iro ni mieru

(Even now this hopeless world
Continues to struggle to survive, surely by thinking about it
The landscape that we should have been tired of looking at
Will appear to be rose colored)

Taishi Ci forgot his anger and listened while Zhou Tai smiled in appreciation. It broke in a instrumental and everyone danced including Lady Soi. Lu Xun watched and caught his breath.

hametsu wo mezasu rekishi no sutoorii
kimi wo mezame saseru nara
nejimageyou ka

(A story of history heading toward destruction
If it will make you wake up
Shall I distort it for you?)

"You know Da, I think I like this song" Ce said as he moved his body.

"My lord Sun Ce, you love Lady Soi's songs!" Da Qiao replied, smiling.

"Yeah, you're right!" he laughed.

zetsubouteki na sekai wa ima mo
owarisou de owaranai de iru yo
akirame kaketa keshiki mo kitto
futari de nara bara iro ni mieru

(Even now this hopeless world
Seems to be ending, but isn't
The landscape that we've started to give up on
Certainly if we're together, will appear to be rose colored)

Soi bowed down and as she lifted her head, saw a sneering Sun Ce waving and a smiling Zhou Yu who was nodding at her.

"How dare you have a party without me!" Sun Ce bellowed as they reached the castle.

"Here they go again…" Gan Ning grumbled.

"Tell me about it…I actually think they're worse than us!" Ling Tong commented.

"You know, for once, I agree with you"

"I didn't want you to make a fuss like what you're doing right now!" Soi shouted back as she made her way to the kitchens, followed by a fuming Sun Ce, a calm Zhou Yu, worried Lu Meng and concerned Lu Xun.

As they had their screaming match in the kitchens, Da smiled to herself. "You know guys, this is the first time I saw everyone this lively…"

"Yeah!" Sun Shang Xiang agreed. "Who knew a spunky kid could do such a thing?"

Huang Gai nodded. "You know, this reminds me of the time when Ce, Quan and Shang Xiang were quite young…the castle was never more active."

"With Sister and Brother on the loose during those times, 'active' is an understatement" Quan commented as he massaged his head.

After a while, Soi kicked the doors open and entered. She was holding a tray that had a cake. It was fleshy in color and had nuts sprinkled all over it. She was followed by Sun Ce who was ranting like it was the end of the world, carrying a big jug of wine. Lu Meng carried the cups, followed by Zhou Yu with the plates and Lu Xun in the rear, holding the utensils.

"I have every right to be angry!"

"Yes you do, and what's irritating is that you're getting angry over something that is unimportant! What's the matter, is the world going to end just because you missed a few parties!"

As they bellowed at each other, Soi placed the tray on the table while Ce put the jug down.

"As I was saying, it is my right to NOT to invite you-gets the plates from Zhou Yu-thank you Zhou Yu, and I have no further obligation to tell you. The party was for the reserves-starts to arrange the plates-and only lasted four hours or so!"

"But you just undermined MY position as the sovereign!- gets the cups from Lu Meng- and totally treated my like a loser! I mean,-arranges the cups-who's kingdom do you think this is anyway?"

"I am not insulting you in anyway!-gets some utensils from Lu Xun and starts arranging them-Why do you always think that I do things only to insult you? You are so paranoid!"

"I am so not-gets the other utensils from Lu Xun-paranoid!-arranges them-I'm just telling the truth!"

"Nice table arrangement." Huang Gai commented which instantly stopped the two. They failed to realize that while they were bickering, they set the table and everything was ready and waiting.

"Well-" "Um-" Both of them simultaneously replied and looked at each other. They then fell in helpless laughter while everyone else either grinned or snickered.

"What's this anyway?" Sun Ce asked as he took a seat, referring to the tray that Soi put down earlier.

"It's a dessert from my world…it's called Sans rival. I really love it and I wanted you guys to try it."

"What does 'Sans rival' mean?" Xiao Qiao asked as she tilted her head.

"I'm not sure…maybe it means 'no rival'?" Soi shrugged as she served the fleshy cake.

"I made it myself"

"Oh no…Even though this is a sorry gift for the party, I feel like I'm going to be food poisoned" Sun Ce smirked as Soi looked at him.

"One more reference to the party and you're going to have a shaved head; as for my cooking skills, it's okay if you don't want any. I'll just give it to the soldiers-"

Sun Ce swiped the plate with a piece of cake from Soi's hand and looked at it. "Let's see…"

Soi smirked at him as everyone else took a bite.

Da placed her fingers over her lips while Xiao Qiao stopped. Shang Xiang looked at her while Gan Ning kept munching. Ling Tong looked at it like it was an alien as Taishi Ci poked at the said cake. Zhou Tai was silent as ever and Sun Quan looked at Soi. Zhou Yu closed his eyes while Sun Ce let them drop. Lu Meng looked and Lu Xun glanced at each other and Huang Gai looked at Soi, as if he wanted to say something.

"What's wrong…? You guys didn't like it…?" She asked nervously.

"This is so good!" Huang Gai finally exclaimed. As if on cue, everyone else started to eat and some stood up, wanting a second piece.

Soi smiled as she began eating her piece. After a while, only one piece was left.

"I'll take that!" Sun Ce exclaimed while Sun Shang Xiang blocked him. "No! I will!"

"You'll just get fat sis!"

"Shut up!"

"I want that piece too!" Xiao Qiao jumped as Ling Tong shouted, "No fair!"

"What about me?" Lu Xun asked and Soi laughed. "I want the last piece too!"

"Hey, what about we fight for it?" Sun Ce suggested.

"You're on!" Shang Xiang answered.

"No, it will just take too much time…" Lu Xun speculated, also not wanting to clash swords with his sovereign and his sister.

"What about we tell stories? The one that tells them the best wins!" Xiao Qiao bubbled.

"How are we going to judge that?" Ling Tong asked to which Sun Ce replied, "I know! Whoever has the most tragic story will win!"

"Tragic…?" Sun Shang Xiang wrinkled her nose. "But it's not supposed to be made up! It has to be your experience!"

"Alright! But whatever was said in this room will stay in this room, got it?" Sun Ce said. He looked at the others who nodded. "What about you guys? Aren't you fighting for the Sans-thingie?"

"I'm already full." Quan answered and Zhou Tai just shook his head.

"I'll just watch…this looks interesting" Huang Gai smiled as Taishi Ci began to place his bet on who will win.

"It was good but too sweet for me…one's enough thank you. I'll pass" Gan Ning replied while Zhou Yu looked at them with interest while Da simply watched. Lu Meng looked around and said, "Alright…those of us who will not be taking part will be the judges. Who will go first?"

The participants looked at each other uneasily. This was going to be harder than he thought…

"Why not make them drunk first? It will be more fun" Gan Ning proposed as he was getting tired of waiting.

"Drunk? No, I will not allow it" Zhou Yu shook his head, worried for Xiao Qiao, Shang Xiang and Soi. "There are women participating. It is unladylike for them to-"

"Oh quit your yapping Yu! Xiao wants a part in it, right?"

"Yeah! Don't worry Lord Zhou Yu, you can carry me if you like!"

"Xiao Qiao, that is not the point-" Zhou Yu sternly said.

"Why not do it this way-" Huang Gai cut in "-the first participant will drink a cup of strong liquor…second drinks two cups…and so forth. It will be incentive for them to go first because if they're drunk…who know what the might say, right?"

"Brilliant Huang Gai!" Ce exclaimed and turned to Xiao Qiao. "Okay Xiao Qiao, you go first since you're mother is so worried" he then looked at a silent Zhou Yu.

Soi looked at Xiao Qiao with a little bit of envy. To be fussed over by Zhou Yu like that…

Xiao drank a cup, looked at Da and told her story. "When I was a child…up until now, father always favored Da…I was too unladylike he said. He told me I'd never find a husband…I always felt that I was inferior to my sister, even up to now…"-Da's eyes went wide-"I always felt that she was the better wife, better sister…that Lord Sun Ce was so lucky to have someone like her…while I was always unsure…was I making Lord Zhou Yu happy? Or sadder? I'm not sure if I'm a good wife…I'm not sure at all if I deserve him…" she then bit her lip as tears stung her eyes.

Instantly, Zhou Yu went to Xiao's side and wrapped his arms around her. Soi felt a tightening in her chest as she looked away.

"O-kay…I think I'll be up next" Ling Tong said uneasily said and drank two cups. "…My father…the only family I have…was killed by a pirate…and that pirate…is now my friend. Now how tragic is that?"

A soft chuckle went through them and Gan Ning smiled. "Bastard"

"Seriously…I almost killed a true friend because of revenge. I know everyone here hated me for hating Gan Ning and I understand…it's just that, when my father died, I was there, and was unable to save him. I saw him fall by Gan Ning's blade…I was really angry at myself…what a useless son I am, I thought…so I thought I could appease my ego by slaying Gan Ning…I thought it was my duty and…I don't know…hate consumed me and…"

"Stop being so damn mushy on me Ling Tong! Can't you even hold your liquor properly? You only drank two cups for crying out loud!" Gan Ning shouted.

"Shut up! Anyway, I'm finished!"

"Alright! Who's next?" Sun Ce's voice a little bit too cheery.

Lu Xun went towards the cups and drank three times. He turned to them and took a deep breath. "I was born in a noble family…I had everything and grew up comfortably…but I realized that riches cannot make one happy. I was always forced to do my best and bring honor to my family. Studying at an early age, leaving my childhood before I even had one…Someone was always superior to me…and I feel myself unworthy. Nothing was ever good enough, that's what they made me think. And now…I am hopelessly in love with someone-looks down-…but she loves someone else…it hurts to see her like that. She might think that I won't understand what she feels, watching the one you love and never being able to hold him or her…I feel the same. And I know she will never look at me the same way…And I am inferior to he man she loves in everyway…"

Soi froze. Could it be…? She then shook her head. Nah…it couldn't…

"Lu Xun…" Ling Tong comforted and Taishi Ci said "You want the Wu officers to help you Lu Xun? Tell us and we'll scare the guy out of his pants!"

Lu Xun smiled appreciatively and felt a hand across his back. He turned and saw Soi, with kind eyes and a smile.

"It's okay…" she rubbed her hand over his back. Lu Xun took a deep breath and smiled at her, careful to hide the longing in his eyes. "Thank you my lady…"

"I'm next!" Shang Xiang drank four cups of liquor and licked her lips. "I think I know the reason why Lu Xun and I are close…we both want the same thing. Recognition. It's not easy being a princess…you have to conform with the rules, make sacrifices and everything…give up what your heart truly wants. Father always saw Ce and Quan as strong, independent and such…but he always saw me as a weak woman. I'm the best in duels! But it's not enough…Everything I do, it's not enough. It's hard…this is me…and the people around me are trying to change me…like saying, 'Shang Xiang is not good enough'…like people can't accept me for who I am…and was always met with criticisms and raised eyebrows…I had to be strong but in the process, I would have to give up who I am…and I always knew…that I would never marry for love. I would be married off by my brother to some king in order to secure an alliance…that's all I am. A leverage. A bargaining chip…"

"Shang…" Ce found no words as Xiao, Da and Soi rushed to their friend's sobs.

"I never knew sis felt that way…" Quan murmured as the other generals remained silent.

"Let's get this over with!" Ce exclaimed at he drank five cups of liquor. He looked at Shang. "You know Shang, I know how you feel... you're not alone. It's not easy being a sovereign you know…you can't show a moment of weakness…you can't be sad or you're men's morale will suffer. You can't be too happy for the enemy might use it against you…you don't own anything. Everyone owns your strength, body, soul and heart else…Dad always scolded me. Said I wasn't acting my age…I don't have the freedom to do as I wish as well. I had to be perfect…he always compared me to you guys. He really thought highly of you…you know how painful it is to know that you're younger siblings are better than you? When in fact, you, being the eldest, had to be the pillar of strength? Sometimes, I know my strength is not enough…-looks at his hands- but I try my best. My best at being a good brother, good leader and a good husband…I have to set an example. But how can I when I know that I'm not…? How I can be your pillar of strength when my resolve is weak? How can I be a good husband when I can't even protect my wife? How can I be a good leader when I lack the wisdom the people wants? Dad died…and I wasn't able to prove anything to him…being the 'Little Conqueror' meant little…what I wanted was for Dad to say that I was good enough…that's it. But I guess…that'll never happen."

They all looked at him. Zhou Yu looked at his sworn brother, pain apparent in his eyes. Huang Gai looked down and the rest were respectful enough not to look at him.

"Brother…" Quan said as Shang went to Ce and punched him. She then embraced him and cried.

"Aw Sis...don't do that!" Sun Ce protested, trying to fight back his tears.

Da approached Sun Ce. "My Lord…"

"Da…"

Zhou Yu patted his sworn brother on the shoulder and Ce held it. They gripped each other's hand, seeking comfort.

"…I think it's finally my turn." Soi said, a nervous smile on her face.

"Hmm. I don't see how you can top that!" Sun Ce confidently said, trying to forget his pain.

Soi smiled. It's now or never.

She went to the table and drained six glasses of strong liquor. She had to have the nerve…when the liquor set in, she found herself caring less. Oh what the heck.

She sat down, and looked at the expectant faces of the generals. Even if some were trying hard to act indifferent, she knew that they were curious.

"In my world, "she began "-my mother was a prostitute."

They all looked at her. Some were raising their eyebrows, held their hands to their lips, or was trying hard to be indifferent. All in all, they were shocked.

She continued. "She fell in love with a customer…and they had child…which was me. While she was pregnant with me, my father had a lot of affairs…and blamed her for having his baby, which he didn't want in the first place. When I was born, my father was forced to stay…but that did not stop their constant bickering…They stayed together because of me but…my father never looked at me. My mom was always crying…she was blaming me for her unhappiness. She told me she was forced to stay with a horrible man because of me…and one day, my father was gone, leaving my mother and me. Mom went back to being a prostitute…she didn't know anything else. I was able to go to a decent school because of my scholarship…I paid for my own tuition. I worked after classes and mom would come home drunk. And would you have it, she fell in love with another customer…"

She stopped. Now would be the hardest part…

"And they got married. Mom was happy and stayed in the house…she became a good, functioning housewife. My new dad had money, a kind smile and everything…I thought we were going to be a happy family with my new dad but…I was wrong."

She bowed her head and looked at her fingers. "…He saw me at a performance that our Opera club gave for fund raising…He saw me sing. And one night…he went into my room and…"

Tears fell from her eyes as Da rushed to her side and held her tight. Lu Xun tightened his fisted hand and Shang bit her lip. Xiao was looking at her in horror.

"He was an opera fan…he violated me every night…while he was doing so, he was always making me sing…I was always singing while he raped me…he told me that if I was a good girl and followed, he wouldn't hurt me or mom…He told me I was so beautiful…He told me that he loved me…I was so scared…"

Zhou Tai felt rage swell up inside him and Taishi Ci whispered "the pig…"

"I told mom about it…and she suddenly slapped me. She beat me up and told me 'if only you weren't born'…"

"That's horrible…" Ling Tong whispered while Gan Ning gripped his sword hard.

"The love I always craved for came at a terrible price…My mom wanted to kill me whenever she saw me…my 'dad' saw me as a walking 'toy'…I always stayed after school…I didn't want to go home. I was active in my school…but whenever I sing…I remember; his face, his hands, his mouth, his voice…mom's words, the pain…and I get scared, feel ashamed, feel weak and…and I just…I know I'll just go crazy. So I quit the opera club…."

Everyone in the room felt a pang of guilt. They remembered the party and the festival…

"And went to the library. Books became my closest friends…that's when I found Sun Tzu" she forced herself to laugh as more tears fell from her eyes. "I knew I was going to go crazy…so I used to slash myself to rid myself of those thoughts and make me wake up…to forget the pain…I cut my hair and dressed like a boy…I figured, maybe he'll have no interest in me anymore…but he just slapped me and ordered me to grow it long again, and dress properly…but he didn't stop. One day, I just couldn't take it…I reached for the lampshade and hit him in the head…" She looked out into empty space, as if reliving the nightmare. "Blood soaked my bed sheets…I was scared. Then mom passed by and saw us. She saw her husband on my bed, head bleeding and barely breathing. She screamed and lunged at me…she placed her hands around my throat and tried to kill me…I reached for a piece of the lampshade…and I hit her. Her temple bled and she became unconscious. I grabbed what I can and fled."

"Why didn't you go to the authorities?" Huang Gai gently said.

Soi shook her head. "She beat me to it…mom called the police and told them to arrest me for attempted murder…she told them I was crazy. My so called 'father' survived my attack it seems…So I went into hiding…I knew he would try his best to get me. Stealing, running…I did my best to survive…the day I arrived here, I turned 15…One week before my birthday, I was trying my best to save food, not to get caught or killed or arrested…Then I realized, it was my birthday…and I poof, I was here"

They all stayed silent and waited for her to continue. "And I came here, became the hope of the people, have their dreams on my shoulders, everyone expecting so much…I'm not hope…how can I represent it when I have none…? How can I be their light when all I know is darkness…? It's a miracle that I'm still alive…"

She didn't look back up and felt her heart break at the sudden flood of memories that she had tried hard to forget and hide. Suddenly, she saw the last piece of Sansrival held out to her by Zhou Yu.

She looked into his eyes and saw nothing but kindness…and a little…pity?

She couldn't take it. She forced herself to smile and stood up. "I think I'll go for a breath of fresh air…"

She went out, leaving the Wu officers silent and shocked at the sudden revelation. Lu Xun trembled with rage and felt tears from his eyes. How dare they…!

But it wasn't only him. Gan Ning, Ling Tong and the others all felt going into battle at that moment. Lu Xun started to follow Soi but was held back by Sun Ce. "Let me handle this, Lu Xun…"

He held a bottle of wine that he had been saving and went out to search for the Falling Star. He saw her by the balcony, crying.

He cleared his throat and she suddenly wiped her eyes. "Nice night…"

Soi looked up, not even glancing in his direction.

"I've been saving this one for quite some time…I was hoping you could drink it with me?"

Soi looked down. "If you're doing this out of pity-"

"Pity? For you? I don't think so. Why would I pity you?" Sun Ce rested his back on the rail beside Soi. "I know that you know that I know that you're strong."

Soi smiled. "You're not making sense…"

"When did I ever?" Ce smiled. And held out the bottle. "How about that drink?"

Soi got the bottle and drank from it. She looked at it and smiled bitterly. She gave it back to Sun Ce.

"Thank you." He drank from the same bottle. "That was nice…"

"I know you want something" Soi said. "Spill it"

"You catch on pretty quick…alright." Sun Ce looked at her. "Now about we swear an oath of brotherhood?"

Soi looked at him sharply. "Sun Ce-"

"I'm not doing this because I pity you. You know me," he looked at Soi. "I've been wanting to do this with you for some time now, but I haven't had the chance to do so…this is the first opportunity…and it's perfect. I won't let you think that you're alone and all that crap, not as long as I'm alive, you got it?"

"And you're doing this because…?"

"I feel close to you, even with my own kin. Don't worry; I won't stab you in the back. I'm too stupid for that, remember?"

Soi smiled. Is this for real…?

"Don't tell me you don't feel the same…'cause I know you do. I feel like you're my little sister…what say you?"

Soi closed her eyes. Close your eyes when you dream…when in doubt, block your senses and use the one that matters most…

She looked at him and smirked. "Alright. Let's share an oath of brotherhood"

"Though we were born on different days!" Ce continued.

"We will die together, in the same year, same month, same day!" they pledged together and smiled.

Soi felt another wave of tears come from her eyes. She didn't know where they came from, they just fell…She bowed her head and cried her heart out as Ce placed his hand on her head, a brotherly smile on his face.

TBC

Author's notes: Okay! Soi's past finally revealed! I'm going to make a pledge to myself…if I don't get at least five reviews for this one, I'm going to stop updating this fic. I know it's mean of me but…it means this fic's standards are going down…so please comment or review or suggest!

Term: Sansrival- a sweet, buttery cake that is crunchy and has nuts sprinkled over it. Yum yum!