Batman's eyes narrowed. "Bruce Wayne?" he repeated. "Are you sure?"
"That's what it says," replied Crane.
"That rich son of a bitch!" growled Joker. "If I had that much money, I'd find other ways to have fun without trying to interfere in the lives of lunatics!"
Batman opened his mouth to say more when he was suddenly knocked to the ground by Bud and Lou, who began clawing and biting at him. "No, no, boys, not this time!" cried Joker, trying to pull them off. "We need him alive! I know it's an awkward situation, and I'm not comfortable with it either, but if you wanna get Mommy back, you gotta not kill him, ok?"
The hyenas climbed off reluctantly and Batman rose slowly to his feet. "Let me read the article," he said, shoving Crane out of the way. He skimmed the text: Wayne Industries research team developing radical new drug…Bruce Wayne's personal authorization…billionaire has long had an interest in helping patients at Arkham Asylum, donating huge amounts of money to the facility for improved treatment…"If this Panacea does succeed in curing those unfortunate people, we will have brought about a universal good, not just for Gotham, but for the world," said Mr. Wayne in a statement released to the press…
Batman leaned back, thinking. Obviously he had never authorized anything of the kind, nor released any sort of statement. But it shouldn't be too difficult to discover who did and had, especially since Bruce Wayne certainly had a right to know who had acted in his name.
"I'll find out what's going on, and do an analysis of the drug to try to find a cure," he muttered, standing up and heading for the door. "I want the two of you to stay here and not do anything illegal until I get back."
"Aw, but Bats, in desperate times like these, what else can you do but have a little fun?" chuckled Joker.
Batman looked at him, and then released him from his handcuffs. "I'm trusting you," he muttered. "It may be a terrible mistake, but I can't send you back to Arkham with the way things are. I think Crane cares enough about Harley's life to do as I say. The question is, do you?"
"Think you probably know the answer to that, Bats," laughed Joker. "I only went to rescue the useless waste of space because I needed someone to clean up the place. Tell ya what, I'll save you all the effort of finding out what's going on if you do a quick tidy up for me. Be a sorta Bat-maid service. It would let you skip all the trouble of analyzing and interrogating, and I don't mind admitting I'd like to see you in one of those sexy French maid outfits," he chuckled.
Batman lifted him up. "This isn't a joke, Joker," he growled. "If I don't stop this, not only will Harley remain as she is, but one day, they'll find you, and catch you, and cure you. You're going to end up just like her. No joke, no gag, and no final punchline. Just vacant, mindless compliance. And I know you well enough to know that somehow, you just may not like that idea."
He dropped Joker to the ground. "Point taken," muttered Joker, standing up slowly and rubbing his backside. "But c'mon, Bats, just one or two tiny little crimes? Just to keep the romance alive? We've never gone cold turkey like this before, and I'd hate to lose everything we've shared…"
"Then you'd better just stay here and not do anything," interrupted Batman. "Because if you're cured, we won't be fighting ever again."
Joker whistled. "Boy, you sure know how to scare a guy, Bats," he murmured. "Johnny, you could take a lesson in fear outta this guy's book," he said, gesturing at Batman.
"I hope to be back with results tomorrow night," said Batman. "I'll see you then."
And without another word, he left.
Joker smiled at Crane. "Well, Johnny, looks like it's just you and me! And brain-dead Harley, of course, but she don't count," he said, nodding at Harley who still stared at them, shivering in fear. He turned back to Crane and grinned. "This is great! We'll be just like The Odd Couple! I'm the loose, laid back Oscar and you're the neat, uptight Felix! And since you're so neat and uptight, why doncha go about cleaning up this mess? Must be driving you crazy!"
Crane glared at him. "Do you own damn housework," he muttered, turning his attention back to the computer.
"Ok, well, since you're on the computer, can you find me a maid?" he asked. "There's something you can use called a…search engine, I think? Harley tried to explain it to me once, but I ain't really a gadget kinda guy, that's more Bats's style…"
"We can't hire a maid – how are you going to explain the corpse in the hall to her?" demanded Crane.
Joker shrugged. "We'll just kill her before she leaves, and that'll solve the problem of feeding the boys too! C'mon, Johnny, this place is going to blinking blue blazes, and I don't even know how to use a dishwasher or a washing machine or a vacuum…"
"Well, if Harley's going to remain in this state, you'd better learn, hadn't you?" snapped Crane.
"Yeah, I guess I'd better," agreed Joker. "Why don't you get a maid in here to show me…"
"Why don't you take the hyenas for a walk?" interrupted Crane. "They look like they want to go."
Joker turned to see Bud and Lou scratching at the door, with their leashes in their mouths. "You think you can find me a dog-walker on the internet too, or will a maid do that?" he asked, turning back to Crane.
"Just go!" snapped Crane.
"All right, all right," muttered Joker, putting the leashes on the hyenas and opening the door. "If I had just hired a maid in the first place, I wouldn't be in this mess," he muttered, leaving the room. "Lesson learned - if you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself."