Here I am against the wall.
I sleep safely knowing that she's gone.
There is a woman reading this ready to either kill Blaise or hug him, and I'm sure it will be the former as the story continues up to his seventh year. There is only so much she could understand, only so much that he understood and so much more that he couldn't afford to understand.
Slowly and surely the truth about them, their future-or lack thereof- and his helplessness to change it sunk in.
"Blaise," She called as she walked into the Room of Requirements.
He looked at her through the mirrors surrounding them and said nothing as the door closed. She looked around curious as it was not their secret grotto that they'd always known but something akin to a small concert hall. It had been three days since he'd seen her face and when he heard that she was up and moving around he'd been ecstatic and terrified all at one.
"Blaise?"
The scroll clenched in her hand and he turned to her offering a wave of his hand, beckoning her to sit down. His insides ran around in a crazy frenzy like he couldn't control them and it didn't matter. Two steps, three, he was getting closer to the couch she sat on and knelt before her. The room was silent for a few moments before either tried to speak. It was Elena that broke the silence.
"I read your letter..." she said. "You're right... you're my best friend and I should have told you-"
He shook his head placing a finger at her lips to silence her before he began to speak.
"Forgive me, Elena." He said. "It wasn't- I shouldn't have yelled at you... I can't possibly understand the pain you're in right now... having your soul ripped apart and glued together with his."
Their gazes met then as she reached up to pull his hand away from her mouth and into her smaller hands. She squeezed gently and smiled at him before kissing his cheek.
"Why are you so kind to me?"
He smirked softly. The words "Because I love you" were humming on his lips but he swallowed them down as the warmth that spread from his face leaked through the rest of his body.
Why do you have this effect on me?
But he already knew the answer.
"I'm not kind, I just have sense which is more than I can say for you."
She laughed and through her eyes he could see her small joy shinning through the darkness. Draco was killing her. He kissed her hands and hugged her for a moment before standing and crossing the room to hold up the violin she'd made for him.
"Are you going to play me a song for my forgiveness, Blaise?" She asked teasingly. "How romantic of you."
He laughed, she had no idea of how much of a hopeless romantic he was. Noemi found this out over lunch when she'd asked what Elena was like.
"I figured it would be a good return to the normal for us..."
She laughed and curled up on the couch to watch him. It wasn't just normal, it was tradition since she gave him the violin the year before. He wrote a song for her for Christmas and played it on the train ride home. After that she'd asked him if she could come watch him practice and aside from heart to heart conversations in the dead of night, she'd come sing along with what ever melody he was playing. Their eyes met and she smiled excitedly as he started playing.
It was always enthralling to see Blaise play. She figured that it was something that he'd let very few people see. Of course when he'd taken classes, he was surrounded by instructors, but seeing him play, seeing him go somewhere inside his mind and let instinct and passion take over him wasn't something he let many people see. It was a whole new part of Blaise she'd never seen and in return she sang for him. The first time it'd happened, he stopped playing and just listened to her voice, enchanted by the sound of her voice and the passion there. He'd fallen in love with her all over again. When she realized he wasn't playing anymore, she told him that she'd never sung in front of anyone else before and asked if she was terrible.
"Your voice is wonderful," he told her and watched the blush spread across her face with a smile.
What he played, what she sang, at their slight return to normal, neither of them could really remember. They did know that they could never recreate it, no matter how hard they tried to. The circumstance of those emotions would never be replicated. When the song ended and her voice faded into silence, they stared at each other with a slight curiosity. He gazed her like she was beautiful and her eyes were filled with an emotion he couldn't place. It didn't matter when she stood up and came closer to him and wrapped her arms around him. She hid her face in the broadness of his chest, inhaling the scent of the Mediterranean sea, his cologne, coffee and chocolate and something that was all his own in peace. He set his violin the table and wrapped his arms around her hoping that the scent of her would never leave his mind. She smelled like home and warmth and love and all the things he'd ever wanted in life.
She was everything he wanted in life.
They stood embracing each other for longer than either of them realized until her watch beeped with an alarm and she turned her face. His stomach growled and she laughed pulling back as her own stomach started growling too.
"Let's go get food." She said taking his hand and turning to skip towards the door.
He sighed a breath he didn't know he was holding as she turned and when he saw the black pattern of deadly runes were pulsing and slithering up her neck and he pulled her back around to face him. She looked up in confusion.
"You know... you can tell me the truth."
Elena averted her gaze but he continued knowing that she understood what he meant.
"You can tell me the truth," He repeated and waited for her response.
"I don't think you understand what you're asking," she whispered.
Her tone chilled his blood and he felt the caress of death up his spine. Not his own death but hers. She was dying, he could feel it. The lights of her eyes were giving way to a deep black darkness, her skin was cold, and her smile was frigid. The Elena, his sogno was dying and all he could do was...
Nothing.
The frustration welled up inside him faster than the rage at that blonde haired twat of a roommate whose image was emblazoned in blood and dying gasps in Blaise's mind.
I will have my revenge on him...
"I'm asking you to be honest with me. No more lying, no more sneaking to cast pain killing spells and taking three or four pain killers every hour just to be able to walk out of the dorms."
Her hand tensed and Blaise knew she hadn't meant for him, or anyone, to see. However, she should have expected nothing less from someone always observing-always observing her. Always hoping that in some way, she was watching him too. He almost scoffed at the pathetic-ness of his emotional situation. Here he was, standing before the love of his life as she died a slow painful death and couldn't do anything.
Dio Mio, che cosa ho fatto per meritarmi questo?
"You weren't supposed to see that."
"I don't think anyone else notices." He said. "That is until the medication wears off and you're nowhere to be found. But I know where you go-"
"Stop it."
"The infirmary or to the herbology room to look up a stronger pain killer-"
"Stop it," she whispered.
He wanted to, he hated the sound of her voice so soft and small, but it wasn't enough and it wouldn't be enough until she snapped. Until she realized it, until she realized how much she needed him. Until she realized how much she needed somebody to help her. It wouldn't be enough until Blaise saw how much this was tearing her apart, how much he needed to help her.
"That mark isn't the only thing is it? There's more to this-"
"STOP IT!" She shrieked tearing her arm away from his and rushing across the room and out the door. He'd caught her in the corridor and she tore away from him hiding her face in the wall.
Her shoulders shook with the force of silent sobs and she slid down the cold hard stone, curling up against the unrelenting hardness. He hadn't meant to push her that far, but now that he had it was obvious that there were streaks of truth in his assumptions. Draco was abusing her not just with this curse. He had a feeling that when it came to Draco, there was an enforced weakness in her that made any resistance she tried to put up. His vision flashed red as he walked to her, kneeled and pulled her into his arms. She shook, relaxing bonelessly in his arms as he rubbed her back, stroked her hair, and let the space between her sobs fill with silence.
It wasn't until her sobs quieted into pitiful whimpers that he whispered, "Then be honest with me. There's more to this than you're telling me."
She sniffled and looked up with a weary smile, all the light and warmth in her eyes had damn near disappeared in the shadow of her agony. Blaise's breath caught in his throat and all he wanted to do was to kiss her, hold her, and strangle Malfoy.
I want to kill him...dead. Not half way, not partially, not even just a little bit.
He wanted to kill him until even his soul vanished into oblivion and as ridiculous as that sounds it was true in every fiber of his being. Those tears that he wanted to wipe away taunted me as they slid down her cheeks. No matter how many he wiped away, there would always be more coming. Always more wounds to bandage, more pain to bear, it would never end and there was nothing he could do.
Useless, unnoticed, waste of space...the darker side of him taunted him. You can't save yourself how can you save her?
"Elena," Blaise whispered almost silent and she pulled away from him to stand. He looked up at her but their eyes didn't meet.
He had glimpsed what was there but it was obvious that she wasn't ready to tell him the rest of it, but she'd acknowledged that he was right that there was more.
"We should hurry up if we mean to get something to eat."
He nodded and headed towards the Great Hall. Before she was in the light coming from the hall and in the view of the entire hall, he pulled her back and spun her around to face him. Unlike normal when she speaks to someone, when she faces someone, she didn't look up. He didn't ask why, because he already knew the answer. After that embrace, after everything they'd been through together, all the nights he would hold her as she cried. It wasn't surprising that he didn't ask why.
Blaise lifted her chin with a smile and kissed her cheek, "All will be well."
Her eyes widened and her face flushed with color and life. He kissed her other cheek and stepped back from her. Walking past her, he saw the blush deepen and spread over her cheeks and grow a bit more tan since the last kiss. She rushed towards the Ravenclaw table and almost tripped. He found it odd that she tripped on nothing but air. She usually wasn't clumsy at all. In fact, she was everything except clumsy. Blaise smirked at, and shrugged off, the still present blush and life on her face. Taking his seat at the edge of the table where Malfoy and his posse occupied Blaise kept an eye on her, ignoring Malfoy's sneer in his direction.
"Hey, Zabini. Hands off, she's mine." He said and Blaise didn't respond but choked down another cup of pumpkin juice, wishing for something stronger.
He wasn't sure if Draco saw the kiss in the corridor, but he wasn't so daft as to not notice Blaise's smirk and stare. He half thought he was but he guessed he was mistaken. When he glanced at Draco with a smirk, the ferret's expression turned angry. Blaise didn't see what he was doing with his wand pointed at the Ravenclaw table, but he didn't need to.
It was an odd thing to be sitting across from the idiot one moment and jumping from his seat the next as the whole hall was silent with only the screams of the Ravenclaw team. She was there in the middle of them all seizing in the circle of them with her eyes rolling back in her head. He scooped her up into his arms and headed to the infirmary with Madame Pomfrey just behind him. He was out the door, but not before he managed a glare at Draco as he raced out of the Great Hall and towards the infirmary with the Ravenclaw team behind him.
Blaise set her down on the bed as Madame Pomfrey conjured up some nerve relaxer and did a few other things that didn't quite sink in as they should have. His heart pounded in his ears and somewhere in between brushing her hair back and when the rest of her team arrived, she was consciously staring at him with eyes that he'd never seen before. Tears spilled over the banks like starlight and she didn't blink looking up at him. He didn't think she could, he certainly couldn't. His was heart racing with fear and everyone's voice faded into that drowning beat and silence. Her gasping breaths sounded like screaming in his ears and the thud of her pulse was as loud as his own in his ears and slowing.
It's impossible! The darker side of him laughed at the pathetic nature of it all.
He knew that from the beginning, but until then he denied it. Denied it till then and he had to face the truth. The spark of hope that flitted in between the moments he thought of her and the space she took up in hiss chest, fizzled out as these maddening thoughts swirled around and around in his head. Blaise had been searching for the silver lining in this cloud and learned the hard way that there was nothing glittering in this hell. This is how it was. This is what would happen every time Draco didn't like something she did. This is the consequence of being with her and one day either she would break and go insane, or she'd die because of him.
Because I loved her, because I was with her, because... because-
Blaise bit his lip and leaned down to kiss her forehead gently as her eyes slid shut softly and her breathing slowed to normal.
"I'm sorry," a choked sob escaped her lips and she reached for him.
Holding onto my shoulder, pulling him down to her frantically. Trembling with the after shock and fear, she pulled him down until her face was buried in his chest and he wrapped his arms around her. Stroking her hair, rocking her gently and pulling her closer, he held back from crying form the slowly coming realization that he would have to let her go if he wanted her to have any semblance of peace. She shivered a bit as the tears died down and Blaise wrapped his cloak around her and hugged her close. Giving her teammates the "okay" to leave her with Blaise, Madame Pomfrey disappeared into her office and Professor Dumbledore swept into the Infirmary, stopping at the bed they occupied.
The old man was really of no importance as Blaise considered his course of action after he was sure she was going to be okay.
It would kill me, he thought sadly.
Every inch of him would writhe in pain and protest when he cut this bond, the thought of it was pain enough. But stroking her hair and rocking her, he knew there was really no other way. So long as she was out of harms way there was no such thing as it would hurt too much.
"Ms. Valentin, I'd like to have a word with you."
She sniffled and shook her head.
"Bella," He whispered into her hair and kissed the top of her head. "I think it's best-"
"No," she whimpered clinging to him. "You'll leave."
Blaise glanced at the Professor, "I'll come back."
"No you won't~..." She whined pitifuly.
Blaise bit his lip. He'd never seen her this way and it scared and angered him greatly. If she was like this, who knew how much worse it could get if he stayed with or if he left? Something told him that it was a long fall into a darkness that could be only a few inches deep or a few million leagues.
"If wishes to stay, that is inquiry is about the nature of your curse."
She swallowed and refused to look up.
"Is it true?" He asked.
She nodded and Dumbledore sighed. Blaise rubbed her back gently trying to stave off her shivers as he slipped her charmed ring back onto her finger and the bracelet on her wrist. He opened up his own barriers upon feeling the Professor probing.
It is unwise for you to be seen with Ms. Valentin for the time being. Mr. Malfoy is dangerous and believes in every way that she is his... seeing as how he has marked her in such a disgraceful way.
Blaise looked at her sadly, Is there an anti-curse?
Only the bestower can take it off...And I doubt that Mr. Malfoy bestowed such an intricate curse upon her.
Blaise sighed and kissed her head again as her eyes slid closed in exhaustion and he manuevered her down to sleep.
"You love her," Dumbledore remarked as Blaise tucked her in and lay his cloak over her.
She shifted in her sleep and murmured something but did not wake as he stepped away.
"That goes without saying."
"I must reinterate that Ms. Valentin will be in the second stage, and quickly approaching the final stage from which there is no return, by the end of the year depending on how hard she fights it. Thus posing a bigger problem... The hold is strong now... even as she fights it."
"I know... I might have the summer with her right?"
"I believe so, yes."
Blaise breathed in a trembling breath and walked towards the door. He needed to leave before he woke her up and kissed her, before he ripped himself to pieces and watched her destroy herself. Blaise knew Elena wouldn't do what was best for her.
He smirked, She always does what she wants...
That was part of what he loved about her. The other part? Her honesty... her blatant disregard for her own well-being (no matter how annoying it is) in favor for someone else's safety. She was a self-sacrificer and stubborn, he knew that much, but a curse that complicated from much higher powers than Malfoy or his father...even her will wouldn't stand up to it.
It was old, very old dark magic. And there was no way that he could take that on that anyone could take that on...
Not yet... Not now.
Blaise sank down into the Prefect bathtub on the ground floor and sighed. (Yes, he is a Prefect, big shocker right?) The mermaid on the window pane smiled sadly at his sullen expression and he couldn't blame her. He knew what he had to do but dammnit if he didn't want to. He had until the end of the summer to do it... Knowing Elena, she had plans for the summer that didn't include Malfoy and that would have to be enough time...
Make enough memories... hold her enough to last me for the rest of my life and hope that my heart won't stop beating after I let her go.
He prayed that his own resolve would hold out to do what he needed to do. There wasn't much else he could do about it. Dio, he hated himself already.
Don't be confused, he hated himself before this, for all his helplessness and weakness. That hate only intensified at the realization that he couldn't do anything to save her life, but let her have a life without him.
Killing himself? No, that wasn't good enough. He wanted to suffer for the pain he was going to have to put her through. He wanted to suffer until he died. Die alone, cold, and maybe when he died Dio would take pity on him and make him suffer more to maybe, just maybe, give him the slightest sense of redemption.
He visited often and Blaise knew she was waiting for him to say something, tell her what was going on. She'd heard a little of the Professor's advice to me, but he didn't say anything, still unresolved and looking for a better way. Blaise smiled, teased, and helped her catch up on her studies and the incident was something they never really talked about.
A week passed before rumors died down and the first Ravenclaw vs Slytherin game occured. Being her normal self, Elena grinned and shouted "Ravenclaw is victorious already because they have me!"
Her team laughed as she tired up her hair and pulled on her uniform. She reminded Blaise of a hyper little kid as she chewed on blue laffytaffy and turned her hair blue and gold for the sake of House spirit. He bid her congratulations and good luck before going to take a seat between the Ravenclaw and Slytherin side.
Malfoy looked more than smug as they flew up in the skies and the game began. Clenching his wand tightly, Blaise was watching, waiting, for anything to go wrong and then it happened. Since the incident, she hadn't gone back to the normal way she rode her broom and clung to thing as tightly as she could, praying that maybe the tether would return on its own.
Goddmanit, why now?
She was screaming, falling through clouds and space and the crowd gasped as she flailed and caught her broom as it zoomed over head. She swung over his head with a countenance of agony but pulled herself up on her broom and took off after Malfoy. Blaise prayed she wouldn't do anything stupid-... like that for example.
One day... there would be a time when I could shake some sense into her and then kiss her senseless...
At least he still hoped there would be.
She'd said to hell with this! and stood up on her broom. Tether or not she was not going to let this sniveling cheater win this game. She jumped off her broom, off Malfoy's back, and summersaulted ahead of him landing on her broom with a triumphant "Ole!"
Blaise laughed helplessly as Malfoy barely saved himself from crashing and she stuck out her tongue shaking the Golden Snitch in her hand. He knew she was saying something, cheering and screaming for joy probably as her broom descended and the game ended with Ravenclaw in the lead by some ridiculous amount of points and down a beater.
You gotta love sheer determined willpower.
Blaise walked up to her and she grinned up at him holding up the Snitch in triumph.
"I told you..." she said with a smile like the sun.
He laughed helplessly, "Yes... you did."
Her face flushed and he hoped that one day he'd find out why. The noise died down and there were cheers at the Ravenclaw table that night. Malfoy grumbled at Pansy's side.
"That little bint, she'll get what she deserves."
Blaise watched her face falter with agony and she stood up to prove a point, moving systematically across her table singing.
"Anything you can I can do better, I can do anything better than you~..."
Blaise and the rest of her team laughed at her antics as her teammates joined in pointing at the Slytherin table with laughter and joy.
"Even when you cheat, I can do better. Without cheating, I'm better than you~! "
"Yes you are!"
"Yes I Am!"
"Yes you are!"
"Yes I Am~!" She sung in an opera height and an angel's smile.
The girl really has no sense... Blaise thought laughing until his sides hurt.
Despite Draco's growling and the attempts to affect her with the curse, the laughter did not die down until after dinner when they headed up (or down rather) to the Slytherin common rooms, Blaise saw her disappear to the Infirmary.
Don't get it wrong, he wasn't following her.
Nope...
It just so happens that the Infirmary was on the way to the dudgeons (despite it being on the other side of the castle). He reconsidered the excuse.
I made it part of my way to my bedroom just to hear the conversation going on.
"This isn't good for you."
"We've all gotta die someday and I'd rather go out spitting in his face."
He chuckled and continued back to the Dungeons with a smile. She hadn't changed at all.
When winter rolled around, he stayed with her. If possible, they were even more inseparable than they had been before. They were going home with Malfoy and according to her mother, they were all getting picked up together and thus had to stay together. Between Elena getting up frequently to converse with someone that wasn't in the compartment, Malfoy's dirty innuendo, his attempts to touch her, and the paling complexion she sported Blaise wasn't sure if she was going to kill Draco first or Blaise would.
Blaise came back with chocolate for the both of them after the Trolly passed the compartment and between the two of them that was a lot of chocolate. Malfoy pulled her into his lap and she pushed away from him as he attempted to kiss her.
"You do know that when women are trying to push you away... it means they want you to stop whatever you're doing, right?" Blaise asked earning Draco's glare.
With the distraction, she managed to scrambled out of his lap and out the door.
"Look Zabini... don't think I don't know the way you look at her... I can see it, " he said and Blaise blinked uncaring.
With love? he wanted to quip but stayed silent and stood to leave.
"She's already been promised to me, she's mine. She can't live without me," Draco taunted with a smug grin.
Blaise didn't reply and walked past the Head Girl, Head boy car to the edge of the train where he knew she would be staring out into the passing white endless hills and valleys. He wasn't sure what made him stop to watch her. It might of been the slight trembling of her shoulders as she cried softly, the lift of her hair in the winter rush of the train or the solemn look on her face.
Before the darker side of him could tease him about the romantic notions running through his mind Blaise was already grumbling to himself.
I know, I'm totally pathetically, head over heels in love, hopelessly doomed to sphincster-ship for the rest of my life. And I don't care.
"If you stand out here too long," he started when he was sure she'd stopped crying. She turned her head to look at him. "You'll get a cold."
She didn't speak as Blaise joined her outside, casting and additional warming charm on the space and a privacy charm. She smiled lightly and leaned against his shoulder. He swallowed and wrapped an arm around her slightly trembling shoulders.
"Thank you."
Thank you for not saying anything.
"You're welcome," He replied. "Elena... don't you think... We should talk?"
"About?"
"About what happened, " He prompted. "You were terrified."
"You want to know what it feels like to have your soul ripped apart and sewn back together with another person's soul? Especially someone you hate."
It was then he looked at her. There was an icy coolness in her eyes and she locked eyes with him. He was right and helpless and she was scared and defenseless. Had they been anywhere else any other people, he would have kissed her then. But sadly none of those things applied to them and he didn't.
"It's like hell." She whispered.
"If I kissed you right now, would you be angry?"
He almost choked in embarrassment when the words he'd been thinking slipped from his mouth. He cursed mentally and hoped she hadn't heard him.
She did.
She blinked and laughed outright. There had been a jolt of warmth that went through her at the smooth cadence of his voice and the words he spoke, but knowing Blaise's love to tease her she couldn't help but laugh and blush. He really knew how to cheer her up.
"I'm a little high on painkilling charms and chemicals, so everything is funny." He winced at the dazed admission.
That would explain her swimming eyes.
"But I have to say that would still be funny even if I wasn't high. I hope it wouldn't just stop at kissing."
He smirked playing along, "Well well, when did my goody-two-shoes of a friend become so devious?"
"Since she met a certain tall, dark, and handsome Slytherin that enjoys scaring the hell out of her with his rapid growth spurts."
He chuckled and shook his head but that was not reflecting the insane and ravaging butterflies in his stomach. Some how they'd mutated and grown to five and six times their normal sizes and were having a flying frenzy throughout his body. He swore he was going to pass out with the nervous jitter rocketing through him.
Handsome? No wait tall, dark and handsome. That's good right?
Noemi's voice popped up in his head, HELL YES THAT'S GREAT!
So he smirked at her and enjoyed her hesitant glance at him.
"You need to get away from him," He said she sighed and pushed a hand through her hair.
"I know, and I don't think anyone else but you knows it... you'll see what I mean when we get to the Malfoy mansion."
"I wish I could take you with me to Noemi's... she'd love to meet you."
She grinned, " I think I'd like to meet her as well."
He smiled, they would have had a blast together... and then an idea hit him, like lightning rushing through him and making him feel alive.
"You know that potion that's due when we get back..."
She blinked.
"That team project, Snape assigned us before break?"
She nodded.
"We have a very extensive potions lab at the Zabini manor," he said. "And it's Floo accessible..."
She blinked,"Why Blaise since when did you become so devious?"
He grinned at his genius and leaned down to be face to face with her.
"Since I met a certain beautiful, intelligent Ravenclaw Amazon that taught me not to take shit from anyone."
She laughed away the blush spreading across her cheeks and he watched in fascination as her tan returned a bit in her cheeks and her eyes glowed with a happiness Blaise hadn't seen in a while... She was beautiful and hegrinned back at her. There was hope for that same Elena to come back... not much but there was hope.
"Hey, Elena!" She ignored Malfoy's call in favor of stealing part of Blaise's chocolate bar.
"Yum," she said grinning cheekily up at him.
This means war.
He raised an eyebrow at her quirkiness and pulled it from her lips and ate it.
Top that, he wanted to say but raised an eyebrow and gave her the sexiest smirk he could.
She flushed and her eyes shifted away from his face. He would have laughed if she hadn't knicked the rest of the chocolate in his hand. She laughed and flitted away like a butterfly and Blaise ran after her with a cumbersome and gigantic net. To say that it was very childish would be an understatement. To say it wasn't a distraction from the horror they would face upon arrival would be a lie. However, it was fun.
He would never forget the way her eyes lit up as Blaise pinned her against the ground and tickled her senselessly. The chocolate had long since dissolved in either her or his mouth and the mechanics of how it ended up in two different places were not something they were going to dwell on with Draco calling down the hallway for her.
"Alright, alright! I'm sorry~!" She cried and between suffocation and joy.
He loved seeing her that way, she was glowing with laughter and even when Blaise let her go and the laughter died down to small fits of giggles, the blush remained over her cheeks.
Without thinking, he leaned forward and kissed her lips. Her breath caught but she kissed back just as he pulled away and Draco came with in proper seeing distance. She stared at him with a flush bleeding from her neck and into her hair as it turned fiery red and the rest over her glowed with that beautiful caramel color it usually was.
He was sure that it was the best thing he would ever do.