I loved to love you
And I still do...
Who am I now, without you?
The train ride was shorter than he expected and it seemed like the ride that had always taken forever, ended in seconds and he was sitting at the Slytherin Table in the Grand Hall before he knew. Milicent Bullstrode, a good friend of his, took a seat across from him. Like many of his friends in Slytherin they had a mutual friend (thought not so mutual now) in Elena. She noticed the expression on his face that shouldn't have been there.
"What's wrong, Blaise?" She started. "You missing your hourly dose of Elena?"
He didn't reply but pushed his plate away from him unable to stomach anything at the moment as Malfoy took the seat besides Milicent with a grin.
"Won't this be a great year?" He asked with the smug chipperness that Blaise wanted to beat out of him.
He didn't say anything but Milicent took the words right out of his mouth.
"Don't be such a git Malfoy," she said as Dumbledor called the Hall to attention.
"As the events of the past summer have stirred the Wizarding World so, there are a few things that will change this year and will be a part of the Hogwarts tradition for years to come. Of course the majority of these traditions will directly affect the seventh years more than the others."
Blaise sighed twirling his fork in the mashed potatoes that he couldn't seem to be able to stomach. He knew he needed to eat, his stomach growled in rebellion but he just didn't have the heart to. As for the events of the summer, the whole of the threat to the entire Wizarding World had fallen sometime before late August officially putting Harry Potter's name up among the stars.
"The Head Boy and Girl will be telling you all about it. Speaking of them, it's best I should announce them shouldn't I? This year's Head Boy will be a boy that many of you may not know given his quiet nature..."
Draco smirked ready to stand, though he found it odd. He was anything but quiet about anything but his academics. He grinned only to be shot down when four syllables that were not his own were said.
"Blaise Zabini of the Slytherin House!"
He raised a hand with less enthusiasm than everyone expected. Cheers went up, the majority of them being from girl who'd seen him around or people he'd met through Elena. Even Elena was cheering and probably cheering the loudest.
"It seems that Mr. Zabini is quite shy." Laughter rippled across the room as he continued, "This year's Head Girl, though I'm sure you all know who it is she is after all fairly infamous."
Blaise mouthed Hermione Granger in time with the name that would haunt his life forever.
"Ms. Elena Valentin of the Ravenclaw house."
His entire body went cold as Draco's eyes widened and he glared at Blaise. Blaise whirled around to see Elena standing, flushed and bowing in the screams of approval going up around the room. In the whirl of excitement, their eyes met and she couldn't understand why he was so terrified. He swung out of his seat and bolted out of the Great Hall, leaving the majority of the Great Hall stunned. While they may not have known Blaise by name, they knew him as the tall dark man that was probably the closest to dating Elena as anyone would get. If they weren't dating, they should have been. They couldn't understand why he would react like that.
Dinner ended and the professors swept out as the prefects guided the students to their houses. Blaise paced the floor in Dumbledore's office. How could he do this? Wasn't the one that said that Blaise should stay away from Elena?
The door slid open and he whirled on the man.
"Professor, what the bloody hell were you thinking?" Blaise shrieked in panic.
He blinked coming around the room to his desk, "Well Mr. Zabini I believe that's as many words as I've ever heard you say at one time. Would you like some chocolate, Ms. Valentin tells me you have quite the soft spot for it."
"Bugger your bloody chocolate!" he growled. "Why are you doing this?"
"I would have thought it obvious."
"To taunt me? Is that what this is?"
"I take no joy in torturing students."
"I beg to differ," he huffed. "Why have you done this? Are you insane? You've finally lost all your marbles haven't you?"
Dumbledore smiled a little as Fawkes swooped down onto Blaise's shoulder.
"It is possible that I have but the decision has nothing to do with my mental stability."
"What the bloody hell does that mean? You're the Headmaster for Merlin's sake!"
"It is a matter of your and Ms. Valentin's academic record."
"I'm sure Granger has a comparable record or Potter?"
"This is true, but speaking of mental stability I do not think that Mr. Potter is the wisest choice. Ms. Granger has quite a record but not the other qualifications of being Head Girl."
"But why me?" Blaise asked. "Of all the bloody students that have the record why me?"
"It isn't obvious?"
He screamed in frustration causing Fawkes to flutter away in Blaise's furry.
"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM? You told me to stay away from her! You said it would be safer for her! And it is safer for her! I resigned myself to the fact that I couldn't be with her anymore and you knew! You knew what I planned to do! I know you did and you know what would happen if I didn't! Why are you doing this to me? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?"
He was almost saddened by how much confusion and turmoil his student was going through because of this.
"You love her," he said as more of a statement than a question, as if it was the answer to all his questions.
Blaise had no idea that it really was the answer to all his questions.
"YES!" He yelled. "Why do you think I did it? Because she didn't matter to me? Signing that damn contract had to be the hardest thing I have ever done and you want me to undo all that because of some stupid Hogwarts tradition? Find another Head Boy!"
The door opened with Elena as Dumbledore spoke, "It is either you or Mr. Malfoy."
If Blaise could look anymore hopeless, it may have killed him. Elena came to him and he dodged her attempt at touching him. He couldn't do this at the moment. He just couldn't. Dumbledore gave them the list of their duties and Dobby lead them up to the Head Dorm where Sir Galen Romano of Italy told them that they would have different passwords and any visitor besides the Head Master and staff would need both passwords to enter.
"Gabbia d'oro," she told him, not really caring if Blaise knew her password.
"Perso senza di te," He whispered and entered. He didn't really see the beauty of the rooms they were given but walked into his own room, locked the door, cast a silencing charm, and screamed until he couldn't anymore.
How was he supposed to make it through this year?
Somehow, days passed this way. They managed communication through presentation to the prefects they were supposed to supervise. In honor of the defeat of Voldemort, Dumbledore decided to add different festivities to the year. Graduation was a ways off, N.E.W.T.S. would be around then too in May sometime before Graduation when they would be recruited and would have to apply for positions to work in or to further their studies. In addition to those arrangements, there was the Christmas Ball, the Valentine's Day affair, The Halloween ball, and a few other fun events and clubs to start through out the year... Like a school Newspaper. It was an odd thing to think about but something that Dumbledore suggested.
After every Prefect meeting, Elena would stop Blaise and try to talk with him but he'd only look at her, pull free, and disappear until way past curfew. He'd take the patrol shifts that coincided with the time she usually fell asleep, in class he'd sit in the furthest possible seat from her, he wouldn't go to meals for more than a few minutes to grab something to eat before vanishing into the Room of Requirements, the Library, or any other obscure place that he could go and avoid her. She was getting sick of it to say the least. There were nights that she would stay up until the end of the shift, but with the curse weighing so heavily on her and without the usual dose of warmth he gave her by being in her presence, she hadn't the energy to stay up and was usually asleep by the time he came back.
He'd wrap her up in the robe she wore before bed and levitated her into her room to slide her under the blankets. When he'd charmed her lights off and the covers over her, he slipped out of the room. That was as much contact as either of them got for months and it was starting to show. Blaise looked more and more haggard, saying less than he ever had before. Elena looked on the edge of losing her mind or dying. It depended on what they were doing. When Elena attended to her Head Duties with Blaise dutifully silent and a million miles away from her thought beside her, she looked as if the curse had taken a bigger toll on her than anyone cared to admit. The runes were creeping around her neck now and her body was getting weaker.
Blaise would never forget the day he'd noticed it-the thought of it made him sick and it had taken an act of the entire Greek and Roman collection of Gods to will him not to run to her. She had fallen off her broom during practice, not an unusual thing. But the bruise had nearly turned her entire body an ugly purple. She hadn't fallen more than a few feet. Madame Pomfrey said that the curse was stealing so much of her that her body was being taxed in lieu of her soul. She laughed wryly and said Elena would only go kicking, screaming, and fighting until the end. Blaise only nodded and started slipping extra things into her tea to help her cope. With the extra supplements, she didn't bruise as badly and after some experimentation, the bruises that would have been there were nothing more than memories. She came in so happy when she realized that she didn't have to give up Quidditch and that made him smile. She would have been heartbroken if she couldn't play Quidditch anymore, it was one of the only things she had left to cling to and fight for.
Though he didn't speak, he didn't touch, he dared not look at her too long either, but he still watched her. He couldn't help it, it was in his nature and she needed to be watched over. He asked Hermione, Ron, and Harry to stay with her for as much of the day as possible. He even asked her team and most of the friends that were close enough to her to do so. Though he was not there, he made sure that there were enough people to take care of her. He really did love her after all. If she was going to make it through this year, if they were going to make it through this year with the distance that separated them now, she would need a substitute support where Blaise had been.
It hadn't taken long for her to realize that either, which only made her more curious and angry. It wasn't long until she'd given up the hope that he would speak to her and began to find what he wanted her to find: a stronger crutch, a sharper knife to get through this because he couldn't be there.
Fine, she huffed. If that was how it was going to be, then so be it.
"You think they fought?" Ron asked. "You know, had a really nasty row over the summer and just aren't talking anymore?"
"No," Hermione said. "It's not that. It's worse than that. Blaise isn't speaking to her. I've seen it, he just looks at her as if she's speaking to a wall."
It was a month later that Elena took the time to sit down and think. She'd walked past the mirror early that Saturday morning and hated what she saw. She was losing grip on it, no matter how hard she fought against it. It wasn't enough, she needed something else to distract her from all of it. She needed Blaise. She knew something was going on though she couldn't put her finger on it. There was something crucial that she should have told him when she realized it herself, there was something else going on. Draco hadn't bothered her as he had the year before. He sat back with a cool demeanor and watched her spiral down despite all her fighting. The smug bastard was waiting for something and she hated not knowing what it was. The bastards that had wrestled her down to a dank, cold, wet dungeon floor that summer to curse her had not told her what it was doing to her, though Draco knew exactly what was happening.
But now the bastards were either dead or in Azakaban and she didn't think they'd let her take a visit. She sighed and ran the water in the tub, sinking down into the warm soapy water and submerging herself in it. The stress nearly soaked out of her as her mind wandered through the events that had lead her there.
She'd met Blaise their second year and through a series of fortunate, wonderful, and unfortunate events, her best friend and the object of her affections was not speaking to her, the days until her so called wedding were counting down, she'd been named Head Girl, and she was fairly sure that she'd be dead before graduation...
Exciting.
She blew out some of the air in her lungs and tried to disect the mind of one Blaise Zabini. He'd known so much about the extent of her powers, the growth of it, that he'd been well prepared to avoid her every time she tried to read his mind. The common room was charmed to block out all thoughts from entering her mind, probably courtesy of Professor Dumbledore after seeing her go completely bonkers in the headquarters of the Ministry in fifth year. She really didn't remember much of it, but when someone had finally managed to retrieve her bracelet and slide it back on, there was a hole blown through the wall, Harry was passed out and there were blood splatters everywhere. She didn't want to think about what she'd done.
He'd made the bracelet that kept her out of everyone's head, but she found that even if the room was charmed if she touched a person she could hear their every thought and communicate with them. It was an interesting thing to find this out through Hermione and Rafael. She pegged them as the next couple to get together the minute she'd introduced them and with the thoughts rolling around in their heads, she had no doubt in her mind about it.
But all that were just distractions from her pain that made it a little more bearable and sometimes made her numb. She never thought she'd like the idea of being numb, but it was a hell of a lot better than being in pain. And she was very much in pain trying to understand why Blaise wouldn't speak to her.
Especially after a kiss like that... she blushed a little, resurfacing and breathing deep. It had been more than just a kiss.
If he hadn't pulled back, there was no telling if it would have just ended with a kiss or another dance entirely. He was just so... potent? Intoxicating?
Yes, she decided. Blaise was intoxicating and she was way too addicted to give it up so easily.
She could understand if he was a little freaked out by the way she'd nearly attacked him on the dance floor, or even having second thoughts about being with her because of Malfoy, but there was no reason she could see that he would completely abandon her.
But he hasn't, she caved and sighed in frustration.
He hadn't completely abandoned her. He thought he was watching her, but she was watching him too and even though he was never as close as he used to be, he was close enough. As she finished washing, she resigned herself to never Blaise really did love her, he had a funny way of showing it.
Wait...
She stopped mid tie of her robe as it began to slowly sink in.
He loved her. He told he loved her in that breathy voice, with tears in his eyes. He'd kissed her and danced with her and told her he loved her and then he wouldn't speak to her. Malfoy had left her alone, but Blaise had not completely abandoned her. She knew he asked people to look after her since he couldn't... He was screaming at Professor Dumbledore about something to do with her...
Was he not speaking to her because of the curse?
But why...
Malfoy, was the only answer. She huffed, the slimy little git. He'd done something to screw it all up... Well, she'd make sure to set things right. She pulled on pajamas and her robe and curled up on the sofa to wait for him. It wasn't something she wasn't used to doing after all.
Blaise stumbled in around midnight after his patrol was over. He climbed the tight winding stairs to their shared dorm and rolled his shoulders in pain. The lack of sleep was starting to get to him and all he really wanted to do was fall into bed... hell he may not even make it to bed. The couch would do fine.
"You look terrible," Galen said as he came up to the portrait. "It really would make it easier if you'd stop avoiding her."
"Perso senza di te," he groaned and the portrait swung open.
He was tempted to groan again as she got off the couch staring at him and he stepped in, letting the portrait swing shut behind him. Maybe he should have just slept in the Room of Requirements like he originally planned. It was the first time since he'd started this attempt at avoiding her at all costs that she'd actually stayed awake long enough to see him come in. He figured it had something to do with the super potent potions he and Madam Pomfrey cooked up and slipped into her tea any chance someone got. All of her friends were armed with little vials of it and they were systematically drugging her to keep her alive. It was a wonder she hadn't figured it out yet and they thanked their lucky stars that there were heavier things weighing on her mind than the fact that her tea tasted a little sweeter than usual.
"Blaise," she greeted as he stumbled forward. He needed sleep, he couldn't do this right now.
She'd stepped aside to sit on the coffee table beside the sofa he'd stumbled towards and fell forward into the soft cushions. His blue eyes were alert and tired as he shifted a little and looked at her, willing her to go away. She did the unexpected and it almost warranted speech. She charmed his shoes, cloak,pants and dress shirt off so he was left in his undershirt and boxers. He felt the warmth of a blanket over him and he was just too weak to refuse her kindness. He didn't deserve it and though his eyes wouldn't stay open his mind was tuned into her every word.
"I don't know exactly why, but I know there's a reason." She said smiling at him the way she always did. "Whatever you and Malfoy have agreed on, whatever you think is going to come of this, I appreciate your concern. I just don't understand why you don't understand why you shouldn't do this."
She didn't say anymore but waved the light out and adjusted the blanket around his shoulders and fluffed the pillow under his head, making sure he was comfortable.
"I hope one day soon you'll come to your senses... Goodnight Blaise."
She vanished into her room then as his mind went dark with sleep. Damn her and her kindness, he almost wanted to curse her, shake her, but more than anything he wanted to hold her again and it was driving him crazy.
Blaise woke up hungry for the first time in a long time. He wanted something with chocolate on it and strangely he wanted green tea... He almost smirked at the thought of what Elena would have said.
But Blaise... you hate tea...
He would have rolled his eyes and made a crack about how she always tasted like tea and it was a nice memory refresher about their kissing...but that would have required him to speak to her. He sighed and shrugged, getting off the couch to go shower and get dressed. He headed down the steps and as soon as he hit the bottom a group of prefects came to him to start asking questions about the arrangements for the Halloween party that weekend. The house elves were already well underway of preparing food for the night and the D.J. had been arranged via Elena's magic radio which played anything and everything in existence. Around eleven is when the lower grades would be sent off to bed and then the party would actually begin with the 6th and seventh years.
That reminded him, he needed a costume. Shit.
He finally made it to breakfast and plopped down in his seat and reached for whatever looked like it had the most chocolate in it: a dutch chocolate muffin with chocolate flakes in it. Milicent stared in amazement, she hadn'y seen him eat chocolate in the entire month he'd been there. He kicked the idea of drinking tea in favor of coffee and Milicent slammed her hand down.
"Now you see here Blaise," she started. "What the hell is going on? Have you made up with Elena yet, you're starting to piss me off you know?"
He could only shake his head at her anger, "It's not that simple Milicent..."
She looked skeptical, "Then make it that simple. What the hell is going on?"
"How is she?" He asked swallowing down bites of muffin before grabbing another one.
"Why don't you ask her?"
"Because I can't," he said simply. "It's that simple. How is she?"
She grumbled but stood and pulled him away with her away from Malfoy's prying ears as he sat down beside them. They rounded a corner and once they were sure they were alone in the corridor she began to speak.
"Since we started drugging her she's been doing better, but it's not enough. As strong as she may seem now, she's only getting weaker by the day. You need to do something."
"Just... keep an eye on her, okay? Don't let her go anywhere alone in case she falls out. I'll ask Madame Pomfrey about the potion and see if we can make a stronger version for her."
She growled, "Are you not listening to me?"
"I am," he said. "But I can only do so much. I'm not exactly in the best position okay? I'm doing as much as I can."
Milicent huffed but left him. She'd never understand it. She could only hope that Blaise knew what he was doing. He didn't but that was okay. He didn't need to know really, just know that he was doing something. Whenever the pain got too much, the longing overwhelmed him, he would lock himself in his room and read the contract. As many times as he'd read it in the past month, he should have had it memorized by now. His copy had been enlarged to poster size and covered in sticky notes that acted as reminders and counters for every loophole he could possibly think of.
Draco had been just as thorough in his drafting of Blaise's clause as Blaise had been in revising the clause Draco had written for himself. It was a pain in the ass but he made due with the few things Draco left out such as indirect contact through mutual friends and the like. He wasn't allowed to speak to her or even think to her but he could ask her friends to act as his eyes and so long as he could feel the chilling brace of the contract in his mind, the pain was bearable.
Classes ended early Friday afternoon and gave everyone ample time to scurry around for costumes and the like for the party that saturday night. Rafael had taken it upon himself to kidnap Blaise from the library and drag him to Hogsmeade in an attempt to find a suitable costume.
"Let me guess," Blaise started. "You're doing this because someone asked you to?"
Rafael grinned, "Don't be silly, Blue. I'm doing this because you need a costume, I need a costume, and the girls figured that I had the best chance of getting you to spill what's going on between you and Elena."
He sighed, "Of course."
It didn't take long to find suitable costumes. Blaise was going as Casanova. He had a sneaking suspicion that it was Hermione that told Rafael to find the costume for him. Rafael was Zorro. They carried their costumes to the Three Broomsticks and had a butter beer together.
"You can start whenever you're ready." Rafael said and that only made Blaise scoff and glare at him. "Or should I do the talking?"
"You don't know anything."
Rafael smiled.
"Come now Blue, I've known you since freshman year my dear Housemate. I bet I know more than you think."
Blaise huffed and took another gulp of his drink as Rafael began to lay out his analysis of the entire situation. He only watched his friend go through the entirety of what had transpired on simple logic and astute guesses with a straight face. He could see why he'd almost been placed in Ravenclaw.
"You love her," Rafael said finally swirling his butter beer around. "So I understand why you think you have to do this... but you don't have to do this. There are better ways to do this. You're hurting her more away from her than you would be if you stayed by her side."
"I will not watch her die, Rafael..." he said. "I won't let the life she was supposed to live be rubbed out because I was too selfish to let her go."
"What kind of life is imprisonment, Blaise?" Rafael asked.
Blaise sighed and downed the last of his butter beer.
"What else can I do? I've looked and looked but there's no answer to this. There's no information on the curse. I've looked and I can't find anything."
"We'll keep looking," Rafael said. "We'll find her a way out of this. I want to see you two married you know?"
He chuckled a little as they finished their drinks and headed back to school. Blaise trudged up the stairs after dinner before Elena had come back and locked the door crossing the room to the desk near the window where his owl, a majestic Tawny owl prestigiously named Merlin, rested on his perch.
"Hey Merlin," he said drawing his fingers over the birds feathers. "I hope your love life with Nimue is going better than mine."
Merlin tilted his head and pecked gently at Blaise's hands as he sat down to write a letter.
"I know," he said. "I don't need to hear it from you too."
When he finished, he sealed it with a stamp and wrote Noemi's name across it.
"You know where my sister is, can you take this to her?"
Merlin took off with the letter in hand and swooped out of sight. Blaise couldn't help but sigh looking out into the sun setting in the distance. Why had his life become so complicated?
Noemi arrived home to see Merlin pecking at her window. She opened it and left the bird in opening the letter as she slid off her pumps and poured herself a glass of wine. It had been a particularly trying day and all she wanted was to sleep.
Dear Noemi, it read:
How's work? I hope you haven't run into anymore pre-madonnas. If you have, tell them to come talk to me. I've got a few new potions I'd like them to try. One of them melts of certain body parts very slowly.
She couldn't help but laugh at that and continued on.
Well, by now you know that I didn't send this letter to shoot the breeze as some would say. (She figured that out when she came into to see Merlin pecking on the window.)
I need help Noemi. I can't do this anymore. I'm not sure why I thought that it was a good idea to cut myself off from her, but it's killing me. We're Head Boy and Girl together you know? Her room is right next to mine, we share a common room. And I'm trying to stay away from her. I'm trying but it's so hard...
Noemi's eyes softened as the letter continued on with tear stairs and ink splotches.
She's getting worse, so much worse that she's had to miss classes some days just to save up strength to walk when she's feeling better, she looks terrible. We've been systematically drugging her drinks with strengthening potions to help her but it doesn't seem to be working as much as we'd hoped.
I keep looking for a way out for her, but I can't find anything on the runes on her body or the curse itself. I'm running out of options. If I break my promise, she'll be killed and if I stay the way things are she'll
I don't even know what will happen. She won't die but she won't be my Elena anymore. Isn't that the same as dying?
I love her, Noemi. What am I supposed to do? Please, help me.
Love, Blaise.
She sighed. She hadn't expected him to hold on so long and appreciated his resilience. She sighed and glanced at the letter Elena sent him before he'd left to go back to Hogwarts. She couldn't send it to him yet. It would have undeniably killed him. Instead, she lifted her phone from the cradle and dialed the number of one Vera Ivanov of the Department of magic.
"Hello?" She answered.
"Hey Vera, this is Noemi... I have a bit of a problem that I need your advice on."
Saturday finally came around and all of Hogwarts was excited. An actual party with good music? Hah! They couldn't wait. Blaise and Elena didn't have time to fret about the future or curses or anything else while scrambling to get the last few things in order before Dinner and scrambling even more to fix the Great Hall for the party. For the first time in a long time, Elena felt like she wasn't cursed at all.
"A little to the left," she instructed Hermione and the jack-o-lantern shifted a bit. Blaise was casting the charm over the ceiling of the Great Hall and painted a dark night with a full moon laughing at them.
"Nice," she grinned looking up and casting a charm for a bat illusion to fly over head at times. "Spooky enough?"
He didn't answer but turned to take care of something else. She shrugged, even in their better moments as of late there wasn't anything that she could've done with Malfoy on a few feet away and listening in. Preparations were made and about a half hour before the party was set to begin, everyone vanished to change into their costumes.
Pansy was not accustomed to not getting what she wanted and what she wanted was Draco Malfoy. So when he'd asked her this simple favor, she couldn't deny him. It wasn't as if she actually like the bitch anyway and this would be a good way to knock the freak down a peg or two. Twirling the dangerous little vial in her hand, she couldn't help but laugh...
The bitch would get what she deserved.