Gilbert Beilschmidt's Inbox, 19 September 10:59 pm

You have (3) new messages! Thank you for using our system.

From: Arthur Kirkland (akirkland .uk)
To: His Awesomeness (gbeilschmidt .de)
Subject: Radio Station
Message: What. The. Fuck.

From: His Awesomeness (gbeilschmidt .de)
To: Arthur Kirkland (akirkland .uk)
Subject: Re: Radio Station
Message: Missing my awesomeness already? Couldn't you wait until school? I'm playing a video game at the moment.

From: Arthur Kirkland (akirkland .uk)
To: His Awesomeness (gbeilschmidt .de)
Subject: Re: Re: Radio Station
Message: I can't tell whether you're joking or not. Get off the video game, this instant and do some work.

From: His Awesomeness (gbeilschmidt .de)
To: Arthur Kirkland (akirkland .uk)
Subject: WHO ARE YOU, WEST?
Message: LOL, you're not getting me off (heh, see what I did there) this game, President Eyebrows.

From: Arthur Kirkland (akirkland .uk)
To: His Awesomeness (gbeilschmidt .de)
Subject: DO I LOOK LIKE I BENCHPRESS ONE MILLION POUNDS A DAY?
Message: If you were the only Boche in the trench, and I had the only bomb…I STILL wouldn't get you off. Stop making things so vulgar.

From: His Awesomeness (gbeilschmidt .de)
To: Arthur Kirkland (akirkland .uk)
Subject: NO, BUT YOU BOTH HAVE A STICK UP YOUR ASS
Message: Says the person who gives lapdances while he's drunk. (Also, First World War songs, really? You wound me.)

From: Arthur Kirkland (akirkland .uk)
To: His Awesomeness (gbeilschmidt .de)
Subject: HAHAHA, I DON'T EVEN NEED TO WATCH A DRAMA, I'M JUST ENJOYING YOUR LAME ATTEMPT AT A PISSING CONTEST.
Message: I have no recollection of those incidents. Also, may I add, I'm not the only one who gets drunk.

From: His Awesomeness (gbeilschmidt .de)
To: Arthur Kirkland (akirkland .uk)
Subject: YOU MEAN MY AWESOME CONTEST. YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS.
Message: What was the point of this email anyway? I can't spend all my time on you, Arthur. Other people would get jealous that you're using up my awesome time with them.

From: Arthur Kirkland (akirkland .uk)
To: His Awesomeness (gbeilschmidt .de)
Subject: I'M JEALOUS THAT I'M AS PATHETIC AS YOU? HARDLY
Message: I don't know whether you have a point to anything at all. Although if you're talking about your awful idea of a prank, just read the first subject – you know what, let's just cut to it. You. Applied. To. Take. Over. The. Radio. Station.

From: Arthur Kirkland (akirkland .uk)
To: His Awesomeness (gbeilschmidt .de)
Subject: ….
Message: Are you alright? You haven't replied for twenty minutes.

From: His Awesomeness (gbeilschmidt .de)
To: Arthur Kirkland (akirkland .uk)
Subject: Haha, you're joking right?
Message: You've got to be joking. What radio station?

From: Arthur Kirkland (akirkland .uk)
To: His Awesomeness (gbeilschmidt .de)
Subject: I hope this isn't a joke, arse.
Message: In case you forgot because of your pure "awesome," I've attached the document. I managed to scan the contents of the form for you. It is your writing.

From: His Awesomeness (gbeilschmidt .de)
To: Arthur Kirkland (akirkland .uk)
Subject: I swear on my life I did not know about this
Message: \sjdklgnka;dlsrfg;l…FUCK.

Gilbert Beilschmidt's Inbox, 19 September 11:59 pm

You have (2) new messages! Thank you for using our system.

From: His Awesomeness (gbeilschmidt .de)
To: Elizaveta Héderváry (ehedervary hungarianmail)
Subject: Any explanation?
Message: I can't believe you signed me up for this. Don't think I can't tell what your imitation of your writing looks like. I'm too awesome for this shit.

His fingers hung over the keys for another few moments as he bit his lip in concentration, before another line of words made themselves clear.

Sorry about Saturday.

With a steady hand, he sent the message, and hoped it wouldn't be consigned to some dusty corner of her inbox, or worse still, utterly ignored.

Merry Christmas! Thank you for following the story, if you did!