Alright, here we go. Are my chapters too short? Tell me what you think. :)
"Hi," I respond, leaning against the door.
"I heard about what happened…"
"Yeah, I'm okay, why don't you come in?" I habitually recite.
"Uh, okay," she steps inside my tiny apartment and walks forward into the dining room.
"Yeah, it's smaller than what I'm used to, but I like it. Go ahead and take a seat," I offer. She obliges and looks around the small apartment. "You want anything to drink?"
"Sure," she replies, gazing at me. "You look different."
"I've lost some weight," I say nonchalantly. She shakes her head.
"That's not it. You aren't as happy," she struggles to find the proper words to describe my change.
"Well, I've been through a lot," I point out, handing her a soda. She opens it delicately and takes a sip as I sit down beside her.
"Are you okay?" she asks me.
"No," I answer without thinking. She looks at me, her brown eyes filled with compassion. "What brings you to Wisconsin?" I change the subject.
"My best friend," she says.
"Tawni…" I begin.
"Let me finish," she interrupts me, glancing at me sharply. "I heard about what happened from Marshall. You've been through too much alone. I'm sorry I deserted you."
"Don't be. I'm fine," I tell her.
"No, you aren't. Please forgive me. I want to be here for you now," she pleads.
"I'm sorry that it's too late. Of course I forgive you. I pushed you away-"
"I let you. I shouldn't have let you. It's my fault. All of it…" she begins to cry.
"No, Tawn, it's mine. I lost it. Losing him hurt, but it would have hurt less if only I'd known that I had so many people there for me," I insist. She shakes her head.
"Of course you didn't know. Who could expect you to realize? You practically lost your world," she counters. I slump back in my chair and close my eyes.
"I lost everything. I lost my heart, and then I lost myself, and finally I lost everything else."
"Did you ever find it?" she asks hopefully. I open my eyes and look at her. She sees the emptiness in my eyes and her face falls.
"No. I tried," I chuckle sadly.
"What happened?" she prompts. I tell her about the last year and a half. Saying it aloud, admitting to myself and to someone else was therapeutic. I could feel the numbness wearing off. Talking about everything that happened released all of that pain and forced me to feel it for the first time. It was a feeling that caused nostalgia. I remember I once felt emotions more than a normal person, and then suddenly I felt nothing. While talking to Tawni, I slowly started to feel again. I decided that feeling pain is better than feeling nothing. It reminded me of my humanity.
"The past year and a half have been pure torture, and I didn't realize it until now," I conclude. Both of us are in tears, the first tears I have shed in a year and a half.
"He asked about you," she rasps, wiping tears away. "I told him I didn't know. That killed me. I didn't know about my best friend. I still consider you my best friend. I never stopped," she assures me.
"Same for you," I flash a watery smile. "You're a mess," I inform her. She laughs.
"You don't look so fabulous yourself," she retorts. I giggle. I have not giggled in such a long time.
"He asked about me?"
"He hasn't dated since that night."
"He hasn't?" I clarify, astounded. She nods.
"Hasn't even tried."
"Does that mean…" I cannot bring myself to finish the sentence. She nods again.
"Chad still loves you."