Bonus chapter for all you nasties who crave lemons~

*ahem* Actually, this is mostly because I'm getting a request out of it. XD Here you go, Miss Nasty! (I'm talking to you, Forester!)

Unohana-taicho was the only one to keep her calm once a very angry Kurosaki-taicho barged in the Squad Four medical facility with a collapsed Abarai-fukutaicho over his back. The rest of the squad members had immediately screamed in terror and shot to hide.

"What a day, Kurosaki-taicho…" commented Unohana. "First I receive your entire squad, severely wounded from a hollow attack, then my paramedics are sent to your house to pick up your former captain and lieutenant, and now you bring me your brother-in-law's fukutaicho as well. There really seems to be bad luck surrounding those affiliated to you," she smiled, and Ichigo scowled deeply, then dropped Renji on the floor, along with the little that remained from Zabimaru.

The red-head was not severely wounded; he didn't want to fight Ichigo at any cost, so knocking him out had been without the need to inflict serious damage. However, taming Shirosaki's killing intent was Ichigo's biggest straggle. The Hollow had dissected through Renji's bankai like a maniac, but Ichigo had finally managed to tame his own fury and thus overcome his Hollow, when Renji explained that Ichigo had, in his drunkenness, given his consent to the threesome.

Now, Ichigo might be protective, and his Hollow might be a psychotic narcissistic killer, but the Berry had logic (against evidence of the contrary, provided by anyone who knew him). Renji had acted under the impression that he wouldn't break Ichigo and Rukia up; he only wanted to fulfil his fantasy once given the green light. Ichigo had to admit that most of this mix-up was really his fault; if he hadn't believed Rukia to have lost her mind and if he hadn't gotten drunk, none of this would have happened. From now on, he would have to sit his wife down and give her what he guessed Byakuya had never even fathomed talking to her about; the infamous sex talk.

"What happened to Evil Jingle Bells and the Pink Menace?" inquired Ichigo.

"Well, your wife notified us that they were frozen in your yard for hours after they passed by your house. They appear to have suffered sock-induced paralysis and a minor stroke," stated the woman, smiling.

"Ah… and my team?" murmured Ichigo, more concerned about the scolding he would get from the Captain Commander for abandoning his squad during a mission.

"They'll live, but I don't see Squad Fifteen getting into any action for a couple of weeks." The woman moved over Renji's unconscious form and her eyes darkened when she addressed the man, "I think I will leave it up to Abarai to inform his captain about his condition."

Ichigo nodded with a sigh and shunpoed away, towards the silent outskirts where his home stood.

Once he landed on his front lawn, he noticed that all the lights were out, except for the fire that still illuminated his back yard. He walked on the crisp grass and made out the small shadow inside the tent, emanating soothing waves of reiatsu. The corners of his mouth pulled up and he stabbed Zangetsu to the ground next to the warm fire; then slowly proceeded to carefully open the tent and crawl inside.

Rukia was asleep in her Chappy pyjamas, her torrent of raven locks sprawled on the pillow and her dainty hand resting by her face, looking for him. Her mouth was partly open, leaving small puffs of air through, and she looked so small and innocent; like a child.

He gently caught her hand and rolled it in his, looking down at the cheap moonstone ring she had never once removed from her finger; when, between uncontrollable tears, she had accepted his proposal, Ichigo had promised to her that he would get her a better ring one day. Instead of a tender kiss, Ichigo had received another one of her infamous punches in response. "Don't talk shit about my engagement ring, Baka. It's perfect." She hadn't even kept her ridiculously expensive wedding band (courtesy of his brother-in-law) and Ichigo refused to wear, as he called it, 'Byakuya's jewellery'. Instead, they had opted for a more permanent expression of their bond.

He kissed her forehead and smiled against her skin, and she stirred in her slumber, but refused to wake up. Poor Midget. She had stayed up the previous night to look after him, and though he loved her, he was determined not to let her get any sleep tonight, either.

"Midget…" he murmured, as his lips travelled down her face to nip at her jaw. He loved calling her like that; it reminded him that he was the only one who had the right to do so.

"Mmmm…" Rukia grunted, and pouted in her sleep.

Ichigo grinned evilly and rose from her face, then created a circle with his thumb and index and forcefully jabbed his finger to her forehead. "WAKE UP, MIDGET!"

Rukia jumped up with a squeal, and Ichigo dodged her flailing fist (it was easy, once he knew to expect it). She sat up, her hair a glorious mess of tangled locks and her top falling to reveal her shoulder that called for him to bite it.

"Ichigo, what the hell!?" she demanded.

"You wouldn't wake up any other way," he grinned.

Rukia scoffed. "Have you turned bipolar or something? First you get mad that I want to have a threesome, then you smother me and then you try to kill Renji and NOW you want to have a threesome after all? What's the matter with you? And what did you do to Renji?"

"The Pineapple's gonna be fine…" he rolled his eyes, though his Hollow wanted to disagree. "Now…" he smirked at her.

"Now nothing, Strawberry! Get out! I'm having the threesome by myself!" she declared angrily, and Ichigo tried not to laugh.

"Midget…" he murmured, "A threesome doesn't mean 'camping', silly."

"Yes it does," Rukia answered stubbornly, but saw her husband shake his head victoriously.

"Nope…"

Rukia's eyes widened. "W-what?"

"Now…" started Ichigo as he returned to kissing her neck, "let's say that I could multiply you…"

I wouldn't mind that… snickered Shirosaki perversely.

"Y-yes…" replied Rukia as she gave into his kisses.

"And then I would have two of you…"

"Aha…"

"And we'd all 'go camping' in bed… now… that would be a threesome." Ichigo snickered in her neck.

Rukia's eyes opened wide in shock and her jaw fell. "No way…"

"Way…" he snickered. "Matsumoto proposed it anyway."

Rukia was left frozen and Ichigo sat up and smirked right in her face. "B-But Renji…"

"Renji…" started Ichigo irritably, but then sighed internally and decided to be the bigger man, against his Hollow's protests. "He had misunderstood as well." Yeah, right…

"I thought he wanted to sleep with you, that's why I chased him, but he really just wanted to go camping." There. Now Ichigo had officially repaid the Pineapple for beating him up and secured a place in heaven.

"Oh…" Rukia sighed in relief. "Oh Ichigo…" She looked up at him apologetically. "I'm sorry…" She brought her hand up to stroke his face. It all made sense now; that's why he was so mad and he had gotten so drunk.

"You know, I really got scared for a moment…" he admitted.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I would never even dream of doing such a thing, I-"

Ichigo hushed her with his hand. "I know. I'm an idiot, I should have guessed that you had misunderstood."

"I'm such an idiot…" Rukia slapped her face.

"Hey…" Ichigo tagged her chin up with a smirk. "That's my wife you are talking about."

Rukia smiled awkwardly as he pulled her up for a kiss.

"Ichigo…" she murmured with a smirk, "Will you 'go camping' with me?"

"Always and forever," he stated and he proceeded to deepen the kiss, which immediately made her melt into him.

"By the way…" Rukia stated and raised an eyebrow with a smirk. "What I said about having a threesome with another woman…" her eyes darkened mischievously. "Don't you dare…"

Ichigo smirked deeply. "Oh love… they are all above my desirable height limit…"

"What!" a playful jab to his ribcage had him cursing his luck.

"Dammit, Midget…"

Rukia's time to savor her victory was short-lived, once Ichigo grabbed her ankles and pulled at her legs to pin her underneath him.

"What would I do without you…" he wondered and wrapped his arms around her, resuming his passionate kisses to her exposed neck.

"You would be a thirty-something cop, with no greater worries than parking tickets and a couple of kids in kindergarten, with a tall wife who would know what a threesome was," she replied.

"Hmmm…" pondered Ichigo. "Then I would probably be more dead than I am now."

"Why? You would have a cop moustache," she joked and giggled.

Ichigo pictured it and he felt his eye twitch. "Damn…"

"And I would probably be married to a stone cold, stuck-up nobleman, who probably wouldn't know what a threesome was," she pulled her tongue out.

"Yeah, but then you would live in a mansion with servants…" Ichigo slightly frowned.

"Baka…" she murmured as she pulled him down to her lips. "I'd rather stay in this tent with you a million times."

And they effectively ended every conversation. One month of abstinence was just too fucking much.

His hands unbuttoned her shirt quickly as she pulled off his gi. God, she'd missed his body more than anything. She trailed her palms over the hard muscles and he moaned in her mouth as his hand snaked under her shirt to pull it away. He broke the kiss to move down and take her tender hard nipple in his mouth, as his other hand palmed her other breast wildly.

"Oh Ichigo…" Rukia arched into him and moaned, scrapping her nails against his skull the way he loved.

He gave a lick to the hard pink bud, before moving to the left side of her ribcage and kissing the small token of their marriage; a small but noticeable strawberry tattooed close to her heart.

Rukia was frantic; her hands fought with the folds of his obi to remove his hakama and get to the rock hard erection between his legs. Ichigo sat up and removed his pants, sitting in just his tight boxers as Rukia jumped on him and kissed him deeply, rubbing her chest to his. Ichigo's hand travelled down to cup her lush and firm ass, then started to pull down her pyjama pants anxiously. Rukia was kissing and biting his neck while he tried to remove her soaked panties. She stroked the broad chest that she couldn't get enough of and kissed the small crescent moon tattooed over his heart, before pulling at the band of his underwear in need.

"Impatient…" Ichigo grinned, though he was afraid he would lose his sanity if she didn't get inside her soon.

He pushed her back on the floor of the tent and pulled off her panties to reveal her completely soaked and throbbing pussy. He didn't know how he managed to remove his boxers that fast, but the next moment he had buried himself inside Rukia to the hilt, savouring her moans of pleasure. He usually needed to go slow since he was big and she was small and tight, but they had waited for so long that she was too horny to care.

Ichigo immediately started to thrust inside of her and Rukia cried aloud and wrapped her legs around him tightly, urging him to go faster. She could hardly remember the last time she had been so incredibly turned on; four weeks without sex was just too much. Ichigo grabbed her hips and started to piston in and out of her, watching her face overcome with extreme pleasure.

"I-Ichigo!" she mewed when she felt her pussy tighten and convulse, and she arched her back, holding onto the pillow under her head for dear life. "Ichi-!"

The man growled as her walls gripped his cock and put one last effort into his frantic thrusts, before they both came hard, with loud screams of pleasure.

Ichigo collapsed on top of her, and Rukia stroked his back in blissful exhaustion. "God, I've missed you..." she sighed. She felt the cock inside of her become hard again and her eyebrows rose.

"I've missed ya too, Queen..."

Her eyes opened wide when he lifted his head and she was confronted with golden irises, less taunting than normal.

"Now..." he grinned, and flipped them around so that Rukia was on top. "Why dontcha ride the Horse before the King gets back?"

Rukia Kuchiki may not be tall, incredibly skilled, or stunning. But she knew damn well how to ride a Stallion; with credit to nobility riding lessons and her amazing thighs. She bounced on the hard cock like a pro, with little help from the pale hands holding her hips. Shirosaki was grinning wildly underneath her, bringing his hips up to meet hers mid-thrust.

"Mine..." the moan came out of his mouth under his breath, his eyes feasting on her nude body and bouncing breasts.

Rukia looked down at him as she bobbed her body on the hard appendage, her eye peeking under the long locks plastered to her face. She rolled her hips over his, trying to remove that damn grin off his face and see him beg for more.

She was fucking him hard now, and he was slowly losing himself in pleasure. Her pussy was so slick that his cock slipped inside her like a piston. She tried to restrain the frantic cries in the back of her throat, barely covered by the sound of skin slapping against skin.

She assaulted his hips with hers viciously, trying to control her own impending orgasm to watch his undoing.

"Dammit..." he hissed and arched, as Rukia's pussy strangled his shaft that throbbed with need.

"Cum..." she ordered him, and rode him until he had emptied his balls inside of her and dropped back, spared.

Rukia, biting her lip, was still anxiously sitting on the softened cock with a burning need for release. She started to roll her hips in swift and hard circles, and the eyes of the man below her snapped open to reveal soft brown pools.

She smirked and bent down to kiss her husband's lips passionately. "Make me cum..."

He kissed her back deeply and chuckled, "He won't come out for a few hours..."

"How so?" she asked with a smirk, feeling his cock stir to full hardness.

"I plan on going non-stop," he declared darkly. "It was only warm-up till now."

"Ambitious..." she whispered against his lips.

"No more talk now," he turned them around. "I only want to hear your screams."

He kept true to his word. After the all-nighter marathon sex of Ichigo and Shirosaki, Rukia could honestly say what a threesome felt like; and it was so exhausting she would never want to do it any time soon.

It was almost noon when Rukia woke up to Ichigo's suggestive kisses.

"Good morning…" she purred, and gave a soft bite to his neck.

"Mmmm…" Ichigo smiled happily and cradled his wife in his arms. "We should go camping more often," he commented as he started to trail kisses on her jaw.

"Ichigo…" she protested when he started to rub her thighs. "We have to get up and… check up on Renji…"

Ichigo scowled against her skin. "He will be fine…"

"And we have to notify nii-sama…"

"Who gives a fuck about Byakuya?" he retorted.

"I do! He'll be mad when he finds out you fought Renji! Not to mention he could find out about you getting drunk! And I have to go visit Zaraki-taicho! We have to explain-"

"Rukia, I'm trying to make up for a month's worth of sex here!" protested Ichigo. "For as long as I have before your days of the month!"

Rukia's eyes widened in alert. "Ichigo…"

"Who cares about what they think, I can take down Byakuya, Renji and the entire Squad Eleven too!" he bragged.

"Is that so, Kurosaki?" the bass voice of Rukia's brother rang in the tent, and a few threatening sakura petals made their way in, through the small opening at the foot of the tent.

"Nii-sama!" Rukia immediately covered her body with the sheet, though she was certain he wouldn't be able to see them from outside.

"What the hell?" barked Ichigo, trying to slap away the menacing petals that danced around his head.

"COME ON OUT HERE KUROSAKI AND SAY THAT AGAIN!"

"Evil Jingle Bells?" blinked Ichigo. "What the-"

He pulled on his hakama only and quickly exited the tent, once he made sure Rukia was decent. By the burnt out logs stood his brother-in-law with a swarm of unappreciative petals behind him, and his ex-captain, flailing his zanpakuto with a killing intent. Yachiru was sitting by Zaraki's feet, munching on the marshmallows with no care in the world.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?"

"Ichigo!" Rukia came out of the tent, blushing and holding the sheet to cover her nudity.

"First, I learn from the Men's Association that they want to move their quarters to my mansion because you destroyed their bar after your asinine binge-drinking. Then, I learn that you sent my lieutenant to the Intensive Care Unit and not only that; but you actually went as far to suggest a grotesque carnal activity to your former captain?"

Color literally drained from Ichigo's head and Rukia quacked in shock, once she realized her brother knew. But why was he blaming Ichigo?

"Kenny just wants an excuse to beat up Carrot Top," murmured Yachiru after pulling at Rukia's leg. "Rangiku came to see me at the hospital and I figured out what happened; you are so funny, Kuchiki-san!" she grinned.

"Ichigo, nii-sama, please don't fight! I have good news, I-"

"FIRST OFF, I'LL DRINK HOWEVER MUCH I WANT, SECOND, WHO WOULD WANT TO MOVE TO YOUR MANSION, THIRD, RENJI HAD IT GOING FOR HIM AND LAST, THE ONLY CARNAL ACTIVITY I WOULD SUGGEST JINGLE BELLS WOULD BE MORTAL COMBAT!" yelled Ichigo, and Rukia slapped her face.

"Ichigo, you idiot, this is the worst time to die on me…" she murmured angrily.

"Scatter, Senbonzakura."

"BRING IT ON!" Ichigo reached for Zangetsu, but found his former captain happily dangling his zanpakuto in his hands.

Oh-Oh.

"Oh, not again…" Rukia turned as a semi-naked Ichigo ran down the street from a swarm of angry petals, followed by her brother and a maniacally laughing 'Evil Jingle Bells' with Yachiru on his back, yelling, "Go, Byakushi, go!"

Rukia once again stood alone in her back yard. "Idiot, you'd better be there when I have the baby…"

Wrote this in a haste, but I hope it didn't suck.

Bonus chappie deserves a bonus review, no? :p