Chapter twooooo~ I'm proud of myself for this, even if it is dialogue driven. And it felt very strange to write in the baby's words, so I threw it out, the Doctor is just going to respond as if she has said something. Enjoy it, and chapter three is already half done! Mwah~

"That's not true." River's voice had a deadly calm quality to it that was also present in her eyes.

"When have you seen me? Now, don't call your mother that, even if it's true it's not nice. And what do you mean kicked you out? Birth? Was that the first time? Oh good, I do like you." It seemed the Doctor had narrowed his focus and gotten over his shock.

Thouroughly confused, River hissed, "What is going on?"

"I speak baby. Oh, you mean what I said earlier? Yes, little one, timey-wimey! Excellent, I have no doubt you're mine. Not that I would anyway, your mother has a very hard time moving on, she'd probably wait an eternity for me." He addressed River again. "I went to Stormcage, you weren't there because I overshot it a bit or Sexy wanted me to be here now, and now I'm here. First time meeting her. And no, you're a baby, you can't call her Sexy! If you've asked me before that why bother no, answer's never going to change."

Still quite baffled, River seized her husband's jacket and pulled him into a fierce kiss. The baby started to wail, to which the Doctor replied (after detaching himself from River), "It is not gross!"

xXx

"I've got questions." River set the baby down at her feet and gave the Doctor a pointed look.

He picked the baby right back up. "Absolutely right, too cool for the floor. I've got answers, hopefully, but I've also got my own questions and I'd really like to go first. What's her given name?"

A dramatic eyeroll ensued. "Stormageddon. Our baby is named Stormageddon Marilyn Song. You insisted, saying it was a favor to a friend and I only just got my say with the middle name. And we call her Stormy. When are you?"

"Er... Manhattan. So empty TARDIS. Marilyn? Well, that does explain why she keeps calling herself Monroe. When did you end up pregnant?"

"Spoilers! God, I love saying that. Although this does explain the sudden increase in frequency of your... visits and the constant pestering about whether or not I was pregnant."

With a chuckle, the Doctor said, "Don't bother censoring yourself, she understands. She's absolutely disgusted, but she understands nonetheless."

It was clear that River tried to ignore that. "You speak baby?"

A grin broke across his face. "Yes! I talked to you when you were a baby, you were a funny one. Told me my bowtie looked stupid, but other than that I liked you. Met another that called everyone peasants. Tried it with Rose but she just looked at me like I was stupid. Of course, those ears really were something else, she could've been staring at them. Has she got a Timehead?"

"A what?"

"Timehead. Funny word Amy used to describe you when she was pregnant. Is she a Time Lord?"

"As far as I can tell. She's got two hearts and a very sharp mind, but she runs at about the same temperature as humans do. She's also got my mother's eyes."

"I just hope she doesn't end up having Rory's nose. She even agrees with me! She says she can't even look at that picture in the hallway without laughing."

"Should've known that's what it is... Are you sure you've got no knowledge of her? At all?"

"Positive. I don't remember you being pregnant, her being born, I've never met her. I've only had three visits to you."

"But before you went to Demon's Run, we kidnapped Stevie Wonder and then we snuck to that inn-"

"No, I haven't yet. Well, now I know what to do for one of your birthdays. But I've been on three dates with you that ended 'happily,' as humans say. Woodstock. The night before you received your doctorate. And the one time I let you fly the TARDIS wherever you wanted but you crashed her into a lake."

"To be fair, I'd only regenerated four days before that and flown her once. And I had to make sure not to kill you."

The Doctor suddenly giggled. "Stormy, watch your mouth."

"For me, this isn't the first time you've been here, and you never mentioned speaking baby."
"I'll have to remember not to talk to her while you're listening then. No, I didn't say I wouldn't talk to you at all, just not while she's in the room. Ooh, you've got to stop calling her that, I don't think she'd like it very much. Yeah well I've known her longer than you have. Her whole life! And I knew your grandparents. With my luck you'll turn out exactly like this one and Amy, won't you? See, that's the kind of cheeky response I expected. Well, I suppose you've got to have some way to cope with having a mad father!"

River's mind was racing. And given how her mind worked, it was racing at the speed of light. "Doctor, your firsts are my lasts."

He gave her a look that was in between pained and severe. "That happened once. And only because I can't stop it now. But think about the first time I kissed you. In Stormcage. When I was floundering about like an idiot. Did I come back? Yes. I made sure it wasn't your last. I could never do that to you, and I only will once because I have to. It's been a while since I loved anyone the way I love you, believe me. No one is like you. You are maddening, and gorgeous, and downright psychotic. You put that into the life of a self-loathing alien with a soft spot for humans and you can't expect him not to fall in love. You're the daughter of my best friends, child of my TARDIS, and yes, despite the fact that we never meet in order and you're always twice as frustrating as the previous encounter, I love you. This won't be the last time I see my daughter and my wife. Ponds have a habit of tearing time apart, and I did happen to marry into the family. Even if I did it to put time back together again. Oh, Stormy, that's a long story for another day."