"Dad, we've got a visitor." Stormy sounded incredibly bored. As usual. He supposed that's what he got for having his twenty-year-old daughter on the ship with him. She was inspecting her nails while draped over the bottom of the stairs.

"I'll get it!" Clara shouted, bounding over her best friend's legs to the door. When she yanked it open she made sure that whoever it was couldn't see in the ship. "Hello."

The Doctor's head snapped up from the console when he heard the "flirt" creep into his companion's voice. Not good. Disastrous for everyone involved. He stared at the back of her head intently, waiting for a response to come.

"Hello."

No! No! Bad, bad, bad! This was the worst possible time for him to show up! If he thought that Clara's flirting would get them in trouble, he definitely didn't want to think about what would happen if he let them man on the ship. "Don't let him in!" he practically screeched... Too late. The man had walked past Clara, surveying the TARDIS with a devious smile.

"You redecorated. Very... sleek. I like it. Ooh, I see the TARDIS isn't the only thing that's changed! I like the new face as well, you look almost..." He snorted. "Innocent."

"This is a really bad time... Uh... Please... Uh, uh, uh..." The Doctor sprinted to stand in front of Stormy, attempting to hide her from view.

"And who is this beautiful creature?"

Stormy stood and pushed her dad out of the way unceremoniously. "Stormy Song. And you are...?"

The man smirked hellishly, extending his hand and somehow making the action sexual. "Captain Jack Harkness, at your service."

xXx

"Please stop..." The Doctor mumbled against the kitchen table (which he had his head resting on) as he listened to Jack flirt with his companion and his daughter. "Seriously, just stop."

The three of them ignored his quiet pleas. Flirting. How gross! Stormy was twirling a ginger ringlet around her finger coyly, and it made him want to pull her mane of hair into a ponytail, just to keep her from doing it. This was so wrong! Utterly wrong... and... well, just wrong. There was no better word. This was his daughter. One of the last remaining memories he had of his wife. His twenty-year-old Time Lord daughter.

Finally he shot out of his seat and grabbed Jack by the arm and dragged him into the hallway, despite the other man's protests. "Jack," he began sternly, "that girl in there is twenty."

"Rose was nineteen," Jack retorted sassily.

The Doctor manically ran his hands through his hair. "That's not my point!"

"Then what is? I heard that this regeneration was running around with an archaeology professor. You know," he grinned, "a little redheaded birdie told me. Naughty, naughty, Doctor! I like it."

He stared at Jack until it finally occurred to him that Torchwood had most likely been in touch with Amy and Rory when they still lived in the contemporary time, given that the TARDIS had appeared on their street and in their backyard so often. He wasn't surprised. Bloody Torchwood. "Yes, I was... Twenty years ago." He gave Jack a pointed look.

"Do you have... dibs, or something?"

The Doctor was appalled. "No! No, no no!" He shuddered violently. Why was Jack being so thick? It couldn't have been so obscure! If Jack knew about River, he probably used Torchwood to look her up and also knew what she looked like. Stormy looked very remarkably like River, with her wild hair and prominent, strong jaw... And she also looked like him. Her eyes were a brilliant shade of green and very wide, expressive... And she was just as ginger as Amy had been, with Rory's stupid nose, just like they had hoped against. She somehow made it very cute, though. But it was just so obvious to him that she was his daughter. How did Jack not see it? "Jack," he muttered. "Look at her face... Then look at mine."

Jack did so, and within about a minute an incredulous stare had spread across his face as his gaze whipped back and forth between the two people. "No..." He attempted to regain his former snarky expression. "That's a funny joke, but you see... She's ginger."

"Her grandmother was ginger. For a short time when she was young River was ginger."

"You aren't ginger, and you never have been!"

This fetched a scowl. "Yes, I know that, thank you! I don't need to be reminded... I don't feel so bad about killing you now that I know you can't die."

"That cannot be your kid!"

"Well she is!"

"I don't think so!"

"She is!"

"Prove it!"

"Fine!" He took hold of Jack's arm and drug him back into the kitchen. Announcing an apology to Stormy, he placed Jack's hand above her sternum, still earning a protest.

1-2-3-4. 1-2-3-4. 1-2-3-4.

Jack drew his hand back in wonder. "Heartbeat of a Time Lord..."

"Do you believe me now?"

"Well I guess... Hard to argue with a heartbeat."

Clara jabbed the Doctor in the ribs, making him yelp. "Care to explain, mister?"

"Jack didn't believe that Stormy was my daughter. So I was proving it to him. So he would stop flirting with her."

"And just why aren't you defending me?"

He fixed Clara with an irritated glare. "Because you're not my daughter and should be able to make your own judgement calls. If they happen to be bad it's not my fault."

"I'm an adult!" Stormy cried. It struck him hard just how much she was acting like River. "I can make judgement calls!"

"This man-" the Doctor pointed at Jack- "will flirt with anything that breathes!"
"So not true," Jack muttered.

"Remember that incident on Satellite 5 right before you died?!"

A grin split over Jack's face. "Oh yeah. Nine was great to kiss."

"What?" Stormy shrieked. "You kissed him? Oh, god, so not interested anymore." She threw her hands up. "All yours Clara!"

A/N: uh, hi. [aggressively ignores theories of Clara being Jack's daughter] I've really got the strong urge to start a new collection of drabbles... "The Continuing Adventures of Stormageddon Song, Sort-Of Time Lady" or something like that. So I suppose you should let me know if you want me to.